A Seductive Lady For The Scarred Earl (Steamy Regency Romance)

by Olivia Bennet

  Jeffrey shook his head. He was holding his hat in his hands, looking at her as though he were the one waiting on a sentence that would define the rest of his life.

  “No. She told me you came looking for me, though.”

  “Where did you go?” she asked, forcing her hands to relax at her sides. She longed to run up to him and throw her arms over his shoulders. In just one week she felt as though she had forgotten how it felt to be held in the encircling warmth of his arms, and she desired with every fiber of her being to be reminded.

  “Away,” he said simply. “I had to get away.”

  Barbara nodded.

  Because of me. Because of how I hurt you.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. She’d said it before at the lake, and he had not seemed to hear it then. And yet, it was all she could think of to say to him. She was sorry, terribly sorry, for everything.

  “My mother wouldn’t see you because she thinks that I cannot marry you now. She believes that you have caused too much damage in my life to possibly become my wife.”

  Barbara chewed on her lip, fighting back tears. Yes, of course the Dowager Countess hated her. Why shouldn’t she hate the idiot chit who had disfigured her only son?

  “I understand,” she said, her voice dropping to a heartbroken whisper.

  “I did too,” he said, twisting his fingers around the brim of his hat. “When she said it, I understood her anger. I thought to myself, she’s right.”

  Barbara couldn’t look at him, she cast her watery eyes down to her feet, doing her best to control the shakiness of her breathing. It wouldn’t do any good to cry in front of him now. Not anymore, when he no longer had any desire to wipe away her tears.

  “I went away with the intention of never coming back. I thought I would go to London and finish off the time there without seeing or speaking to anyone, then get back on a ship and go back to the way I had lived before. But after a few days…Christ, Barbara, I missed you.” He surged forward halfway across the room toward her, but then seemed to stop himself short.

  “I ruined your life,” Barbara said.

  “No. My life has never been ruined. I have done good things. I’ve sailed the seas. I’ve commanded men who trust me and admire me. I haven’t been ruined by anything.”

  “But it’s my fault. The fire…” Her voice cracked.

  “You were a child.” He took another step closer to her, close enough now that he could reach out and touch her if he wanted to. “It was an accident. Nothing more. No one forced me to run into the burning building, I did it of my own will. I heard you, don’t you see? I heard your cries for help and I wanted to save you. And I did. The price I paid for your life is nothing, it means nothing to me. Not anymore. Not if you love me.”

  “Oh, Jeffrey” she cried and, unable to stop herself, she embraced him. To her profound relief, she felt his arms wrap around her, squeezing her to him. Now she remembered. The feeling of being held by him was greater than anything in the world. “I do love you,” she said. “I’ve loved you my whole life. I just didn’t know it. I loved you the moment I saw you. Every man I’ve ever met, I’ve compared to you. You’ve been the man in my dreams all along, the only man I’ve ever loved. How can you ever forgive me?”

  “There is nothing to forgive,” he said, clinging tightly to her and peppering her face with kisses. “Nothing. Nothing at all. What happened, happened. Maybe it was meant to be this way. If not for the fire, I wouldn’t be who I am today, I wouldn’t be the man you love. I would never have been the shadowy figure in your dreams and so I would not have fascinated you. I’d have been just another of your failed suitors. To not have you would be a much greater tragedy than any paltry burns.”

  Barbara wept against his shirt. It seemed impossible. She had given up all hope, and yet here he was. It had all changed so fast that her head was spinning.

  “My father was right,” she said, mostly to herself. How could he have known?

  “About what?” Jeffrey asked.

  “He said you would come back for me. I didn’t believe him, but he was right.”

  Jeffrey smiled. “Your father is a wise man, Barbara. You are lucky to have him.”

  There was something sad about the way he said it, and Barbara remembered the Dowager Countess. She wouldn’t take it for granted that she had a parent who truly supported her.

  “Oh Jeffrey, please kiss me,” she said. To be in his arms again, surrounded by his warmth, supported by the strength of his body, set her aflame. Soon she would be his entirely, in body and soul. She wanted to tell him how deeply she belonged to him, but there were no words to explain the feeling completely. The closest she could come was to kiss him.

  His grin widened and his hands came up to the sides of her head. When he kissed her, it felt as though everything was clicking into place. The puzzle pieces of her life were fitting together. She loved him, and he loved her, and now there were no secrets between them. All was illuminated, the darkest corners of her heart laid bare before him, and yet he loved her. All of her.

  Chapter 35

  Jeffrey wanted to get married immediately. Now that he had come back to her, he never wanted to be separated from her again. As he kissed her in that drawing room, her cheeks still damp with tears, he knew that he could not wait any longer than was necessary to bring her into his home permanently.

  “Barbara,” he said against her lips. She was so soft under his hands, so pliable.

  “Yes, yes,” she whispered, kissing his lips and then down his jaw to his neck.

  “Let’s be married soon.”

  He felt her nod. “Yes.”

  “Will you live in my townhouse or shall I move us into the estate?”

  “I don’t care,” she whispered breathily. “I really don’t care.”

  He harbored a worry in his chest about how his mother would react to their reunion. She would not bless the marriage, not at first. He would have to find a way to convince her that he was making the right decision. That he was happy.

  She had been right about the townhouse, though. It was too small for Barbara, who had grown up as the daughter of a Duke in a beautiful manor with sprawling gardens. He might enjoy the novelty of a townhouse for a while, but he couldn’t keep her comfortable there. Besides, when he had bought it, he had meant it as a fortress, a place for him to hide himself away from the world when he was forced to be back in the town that had turned its back on him. He’d outgrown that notion now. The dark rooms and heavy drapery no longer suited him.

  His mother had offered the estate. But then again that had been before the revelation of the fire. To get it from her now would be a trial. A trial that he meant to keep securely out of earshot of his bride. She felt guilty enough without hearing the censure of his mother, and if he could spare her his mother’s coldness, he would do it.

  She’ll come around. She has to. When she sees how happy I am, she will come around.

  He imagined Barbara, her gown swishing through the halls of the home he’d grown up in. Her bright smile and tinkling laugh would bring light and joy to the home he had associated for so long with coldness and a lack of love. She would transform it. No longer would he dread the end of his missions at sea. He would be like the other men aboard, growing restless and jolly as England came into view on the misty horizon. He, too, would have a real home to come back to, a woman waiting for him. And soon, perhaps, children to run out to greet him as he came up the lane.

  “We will start preparations at once. In the summer, I return to my command. You remember that, don’t you? I will have to leave you.” He had never dreaded leaving England before, but as he gazed down at Barbara’s wide, trusting eyes he wondered how he would manage to pry himself from her side.

  “I haven’t forgotten. I will keep busy and miss you and love you more every day you are away,” she said, kissing his cheek and running her slim fingers through his hair. Her touch on his scalp sent shivers down his spine and it was all he could to restrain hims
elf from ravishing her right there. And why not? She was his already, in spirit if not by law. What harm could come of it?

  He grasped her by the hips, pulling her lithe body against him harder so that she gasped quietly, then sighed as he claimed her mouth in a ravenous kiss. When he let his hand wander down to fondle her breast through the soft fabric of her dress she whimpered quietly, pressing herself into his hands.

  “I mean to leave you with a store of memories to keep you warm and wanting while I am away,” he murmured.

  His masculine pride was gratified when a trepidatious, yet genuine smile played upon her perfect lips at his suggestion. He watched, rapt, as she licked her lips surreptitiously.

  “Which is why we must be married soon,” she whispered, taking his hand from her breast and raising it to her lips where she kissed his palm and up to his wrist. “I’ll go and speak to my father; tell him you are returned and that we don’t want to delay any further.”

  Jeffrey nodded. “And I will speak to my mother.”

  Her smiling eyes clouded a bit at that, and her touch faltered slightly.

  “Don’t worry, my love,” he said. “I will explain everything to her, and she will understand.”

  She seemed to believe him, even if he himself had doubts. One way or another, he would convince his mother of the rightness of their marriage.

  “We must get out of this drawing room,” she laughed, taking a tiny step back from him. “This really isn’t what the room was intended for.”

  Jeffrey laughed. “Perhaps I will have to bring you to the spring in the woods instead?”

  Barbara blushed a fetching shade of pink. Memories flashed through his mind of the heat at the crux of her legs and the sounds she made as he had brought her to release, and he knew she was thinking of it too.

  “You are wicked,” she grinned. “You had best get out of here now, I have work to do.”

  Reluctantly he did as he was told, giving her one last kiss and then leaving her to the rest of her day. It was a comfort, in a way, that even when he was at sea, she had a full life. She would not be wasting away with boredom and, eventually, resentment. When he returned from sea with stories to tell her, she would have stories of her own to share.

  Why he had never considered marrying a spinster before was beyond him. She was ideal. Despite his fears of how his mother would receive the news, he went all the way to the house with a grin on his face that he could not displace.

  With the wedding back on, he was in a buoyant mood all the way home, that was, until he was greeted by his mother who was waiting for him in his drawing room.

  Christ Almighty, can I not have a single day of happiness without anything coming along to spoil it?

  “Good afternoon, Mother,” he said, striding into the room as he doffed his overcoat and hat, handing them to Alfred, who disappeared politely.

  “I heard you were back, so I came to see if it was true.”

  Jeffrey laughed. “I’ve only been back since this morning, have you got spies watching my house?”

  “Naturally, I’ve been worried about your sudden unexplained absence. Where did you go?”

  “Nowhere, Mother. It doesn’t matter. I needed to clear my head and I did. And now I’m back. And here you are, so what is it you want to say to me?”

  She pressed her lips together and he noticed the fine wrinkles that were forming around her mouth. He never thought of her as an old woman. Her fine clothing and scrupulously upright carriage had always made her seem ageless, in a way. Noticing her age now gave him an odd twang in his heart. He wanted to love her, he did, but she made it so difficult.

  “I just came to be sure that you have come to your senses about that girl.”

  “That girl has a name.” He flopped down into a high-backed chair, reaching for a pipe. He rarely smoked when he was not at sea, but he was in a celebratory mood, despite anything his mother might say. The rich, heavy scent of imported tobacco soon filled the room.

  “So, you are going to marry her, then?” she asked coolly.

  “Certainly,” he said, taking a definitive puff off his pipe and smiling at her sardonically. “And there’s naught that anyone can do to change that. As a matter of fact…” He sat up straighter in the chair, leaning forward slightly as he pointed the end of the pipe toward her. “I’m glad you’re here, there’s something of import that I must speak to you about.”

  His mother had grown cold and stiff, but he carried on warmly as if he hadn’t noticed.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  “It’s about the estate. I was thinking about what you said before, about Barbara not wanting to start a family in this dreary little townhouse. Though, I must say, Mother that you really are very spoiled. This happens to be a highly sought-after location and the townhouse itself is most spacious to those who haven’t had their judgment clouded by sprawling gardens and ballrooms.”

  She huffed slightly. “If you think I will give up the estate for you and that…that woman.” She scoffed again.

  “You will give it up, Mother. As it is rightfully mine since father died. You can keep this place and decorate it as you see fit. It will suit you well. It’s plenty large enough for one woman and living right in the heart of town will give you all the more opportunity to stick your nose into other people’s business.”

  “Jeffrey!” She stood up angrily. “You are being incredibly rude. I raised you better than this. To speak to your own mother this way…”

  “You didn’t raise me,” he said, rolling his eyes. “The governess raised me, then the schoolteachers, then the military.”

  “I won’t have it, Jeffrey. I won’t see my son throwing his life away on a woman who abandoned him to die. I won’t allow it.”

  Jeffrey chuckled. “I’m not asking permission. I’m telling you, once and for all, how it will be. Barbara and I will marry. We will move into the estate. We will be happy together, and you will live here and in time get used to it. You will be civil toward my wife, and we will all live in harmony.” He spread his arms wide, leaning back into the chair as he threw one leg over the other.

  “There’s something you should know about that bride of yours,” his mother said, seeming to gather herself up.

  “I don’t want to hear it. I know her. I know everything about her that matters, and I love her. There’s no gossip you could dig up about her that can change my mind.”

  “You don’t know what she was like before you came back. People will think you a fool for marrying her. You’ll be a joke.”

  Jeffrey stood up and walked toward her, gently edging her out the door as if she were a sheep and he were a collie.

  “Come now, Mother. This truly is beneath you. You know well that idle gossip has never affected me. Now, I’m sure you have much to attend to at home. In fact, you may want to begin the process of packing your belongings, because Barbara and I plan to be married as soon as possible in order to maximize our time together as man and wife before I am sent away again.”

  Her face had gone pink and was darkening by the moment, but he wouldn’t listen to any more protestations. He herded her out the door, couching his farewells in polite language but making his intention perfectly clear.

  “You haven’t heard the last of this,” she said as she stood on the front steps.

  “I have no doubt about it,” he answered as he swung the door closed.

  He took a languorous drag off his pipe and reveled in the silence for a moment. For the first time, he truly felt impervious to his mother’s barbs. Nothing she said could hurt him anymore. No lack of love could rub salt into old wounds. Not now that he had Barbara. Her love to him was like a shield, and with her by his side he truly felt, for the first time, that he could face anyone with his head held high and his face uncovered.

  Chapter 36

  After Jeffrey’s return to town, there was a flurry of activity as the wedding was planned. Although he wanted the wedding to be done quickly, he did not want to skimp o
n the circumstance either. Invitations were sent out, flowers were ordered, a dress was designed, and food was planned, all in the space of two weeks.

  They were the happiest weeks of Jeffrey’s life thus far. He saw Barbara every morning. She continued to volunteer at the orphanage every day, even with so much else to do. Her devotion to the children surely would never fade, even when such a time came as she had her own children.

  The thought of his own children filled Jeffrey with such a sense of urgency and desire that it caught him off guard. He had always considered children in the sense of producing an heir. And producing an heir had always been his mother’s obsession, never his. The thought of having children with a woman he loved, who loved him back as ardently as he loved her, had never been within the realm of possibility, in his mind. But now that it seemed, not only possible, but an unavoidable eventuality, he found that he struggled to think about much else.