The Double Cross

by Anna J.

  Sajdah

  Your Man Is My Man Too

  “Chase, slow down,” I moaned into his ear as he went deep. I had been getting the dick long before him and Selah became an item. Yeah, that’s shady as fuck of me, but oh well. I wasn’t ready for a commitment. I was truly focused on concentrating on my career. Chase understood that. He also understood that there was no way in the world Selah would agree to us sharing him, so I helped him out with an alternative. He could smash whenever I wanted him to, no strings attached. He was never to call me, though. That was the rule. I’d be the one doing the calling.

  Chase liked to be controlled. I found that out early on. Selah would never know that because she was easily controlled. That’s what made this entire thing so sweet. My terms, my rules. It didn’t look like it at the moment, but I actually looked out for her best interests. She would be waiting forever on Chase to make a move in her direction if it weren’t for me. As far as I was concerned, I should be getting the sister of the year award.

  Most nights, when I got in late, it was because I was riding his dick all crazy. I didn’t even get upset when he called me my sister’s name by accident. Hell, we looked just alike. It was easy to mix us up. He really couldn’t tell us apart, so whenever I showed up, I would greet him a certain way so that he knew it was me. The crazy thing was, he really did truly love my sister. He loved that girl, so much so that he even tried on a few occasions to break it off with me. As you can see, it was unsuccessful. The moment Selah became unavailable, he let me right back in. That shit was too easy.

  Why was I really getting in the way of whatever it was they were trying to build? I would never admit to being a hater, but that’s exactly how it looked from the outside. For the moment, I was willing to take that hit. It was about me for the first time ever, and no one else was stepping in on that.

  I wasn’t completely telling lies to my parents, just in case you were wondering. I did just score my second Comcast account. It definitely had me at the office late most nights. It was a very demanding job. However, every so often, I had an itch that I couldn’t scratch myself, and that’s where Chase came in. Toys could only take you so far. Eventually, you needed the real thing, something with a pulse. They hadn’t invented a toy that pulled your hair and spanked you from the back just yet, and a sistah had needs.

  Of course, he was nervous at first, but once I assured him that I would keep his secret, he was all in. Men rarely turned down pussy. Trust me on this. Chase was no exception to the rule.

  I was the reason why he knew so much about Selah. I made sure that her coffee and cinnamon bun were ordered every morning. I set up his condo for her engagement surprise and hired the chef to cook the meal. I picked out that gorgeous-ass ring that she was currently wearing, and I had access to his checking account (that I helped him set up) to make sure his bills were paid on time, and to buy whatever my heart desired as long as I cleared it with him first. Her gullible ass thought he was on top of his shit when, in reality, it was all me. He provided the money, don’t get me wrong, but I was the brain behind the romance. I set her up to live a lovely life, and she didn’t even realize it.

  Oh, do know that if she ever knew any of this, she would definitely kill his ass. I may be spared because we shared a bond, but that was a strong maybe that lately, I wasn’t really sure I could bank on. It was definitely due to my attitude, though. I was so busy setting up shit for her that I never even considered my own happiness. What would I do once they got married? Would I continue to fuck her husband when she wasn’t around? At what point was enough just that? What happened when she got pregnant? Where did Sajdah fit in the picture? I didn’t, and the reality of it all was starting to piss me off. Most importantly, why didn’t he just choose me? I was already playing the part. What was I lacking? Oh, wait. He did choose me, but I pushed him off. The shit bugged me to no end, but I knew what I signed up for, so I had to roll with it.

  Funny thing was, I had the opportunity to let her know I was crushing on him. She did ask, and I blew her off. I knew if I told her the truth, she would have never pursued him. This mess-up was my fault. It wasn’t like I didn’t have dudes checking for me. They were definitely feeling the kid, but I wasn’t interested in a work relationship or some stuck-up corporate man. I liked them thugged out, just like Selah did, but they were intimidated by the book smarts. It was hard being beauty and brains, and I was still trying to master it. I definitely wasn’t about to dumb down for anyone. Fuck that. This shit was frustrating, and I had clearly started taking it out on my dear sister.

  “Lay down. Let me ride,” I demanded as he pushed my legs back until my knees touched my ears. I had to definitely stay up on my birth control with this dude because even from the beginning, we never used protection. He was cool with getting tested for HIV, and once the results came back non-reactive, I busted that shit right open for him—after being certain that he was only fucking my sister and me. I didn’t have time to be worrying about some random bitch, too. Between the two of us, he got more than enough pussy for any man. We made sure of it, unbeknownst to Selah, of course.

  I had a scare about a year ago that changed the dynamics of our relationship. I had been fucking up on my birth control, not really taking it the way I was supposed to, partly because Chase and I weren’t hooking up a lot. Around that time, Selah was going hard with finishing classes so that she could graduate early, so she wasn’t checking for him at all, and I had landed my first Comcast account, so I was focused. They were spending some time, but not like he wanted. That let me in to cum all over his dick as often as I wanted to. Chase was not about to pull out and waste his nut. He told me that from the rip.

  “So, make sure you got that birth control thing figured out. I’m not ready to be a dad.”

  He made that shit very clear, and I agreed. Well, all that boot-knocking got my ass knocked right the fuck up. I thought I had the damn flu. I felt like my life was ending. One day while at work, I just couldn’t take it anymore and finally dragged my ass to urgent care, who ended up sending me right to my doctor’s office. The dizzy spells were overwhelming, and I could barely concentrate. I didn’t think much of the doctor asking for urine. Even when you weren’t having sex, they asked you to piss in a cup to check for sexually transmitted diseases. I first thought this nigga gave me some shit, and I was prepared to go clean the fuck off on him. When the doctor said they had to do an ultrasound, I thought maybe I had developed some shit I couldn’t get rid of.

  “Looks like you’re going to be a mommy,” my doctor said with a smile on her face.

  I promise if I wasn’t already lying down, I would have passed out. Pregnant? What the fuck! I didn’t even bother telling Chase. I immediately contacted Planned Parenthood, and by the end of the week, that shit was a wrap. Wasn’t any use in complicating shit. This was sex. Anything that happened after that was on me.

  I lay in bed the few nights leading up to the abortion, trying to figure out if I was really going to do it. What choice did I really have? It wasn’t like Chase wanted in on it, and I’d be damned if I was going to be somebody’s single baby momma. Even if I wanted it, how would I explain that shit? And just my fucked-up luck, the child would come out the spitting image of Chase’s dog ass. It was just too much risk involved, so when Friday rolled around, I got my ass up like I was going to work and made my way to Planned Parenthood by myself. They wanted me to have someone with me, but I didn’t have anyone, and that shit really opened my ass to where my life was at the time. I couldn’t tell my family, and I didn’t have any friends to lean on. The one person I did have I couldn’t say shit to because it was her man’s baby. As depressing as it was, I took that shit like a champ and handled my business. This was no one else’s problem but mine. My parents would definitely try to talk me into keeping it, and I didn’t need that kind of negativity in my life right now.

  I didn’t call him for about a month. Complete disappearing act. He sent flowers to the job, amongst other thin
gs, because I practically fell off the face of the earth. He thought he had done something, but the last box I got from him surprised me. At that point, I was getting tired of him sending me stuff and had mentally made plans to call him that afternoon. When I got back from lunch that day, I had yet another bouquet of roses, this time with a note attached to it. Upon opening, a piece of paper from Planned Parenthood that listed my pregnancy termination fell out. Chase’s note read that basically, if I didn’t come to him, he would come to me.

  Shocked wasn’t even a strong enough word to describe what was going on in my head. Which one of his hoes got this info for him? How would he even know to dig up this kind of shit on me? I never mentioned even being with child to him. The more I thought about it, the madder I got. Who in the hell did he think he was? I did what I wanted, and I thought I had made that clear. I was definitely going to see his ass. That, he didn’t have to worry about. This type of shit was unacceptable.

  Chase really didn’t know who he was fucking with. Him popping up at my house or some shit in Selah’s presence would not only blow up both of our spots, but it would definitely get a bullet put in his ass. At first I was pissed and started to let him find out the hard way, but I didn’t want to have to go into why I had overstepped boundaries with him to Selah, so I sent him a text, letting him know I got his message and I would stop by to see him after work. He didn’t reply. That shit made me nervous. What if he killed me or some shit when I got there? I had been keeping him a secret from everyone, so they wouldn’t even know to look for me there. This was all just too much, and I wasn’t ready to deal with it then, but I knew the best thing for me to do was just go and get it over with. I was sure this wasn’t something a good dick suck could fix; he was just in his bag right now. I felt more confident as the day went on because I knew who I was dealing with. Little did I know, Chase wasn’t to be fucked with either.

  “So, you killed my baby.”

  It was more of a statement than a question. I was standing at the door of his condo, only able to make it to just past the entrance. He was steaming mad, but his exterior was cool as a cucumber. You weren’t allowed to show emotion in the game he was in, so he clearly learned to have that kind of control from that environment. His face was a dead giveaway for me. His jaw was clenched so tight I was surprised his teeth hadn’t broken, and his eyes were bloodshot.

  I played myself this time, and there wasn’t much I could do to make it up. I tried to flip that shit back on him, but he wasn’t having it.

  “Chase, I did what was best for us. How would we have explained it to Selah? You made it very clear that you were not ready to be a father.”

  “You tell me that you’re pregnant, and you give me that choice. You don’t just take shit upon yourself and dip off like what I have to say doesn’t count.”

  Mute. He was right, and I had no argument for him. I could have at least sent him a text. It wasn’t like he was going to convince me to keep it. I took the money out of his account to pay for it because I was still under my parents’ insurance, and I didn’t want it to pop up on their statement. I was just walking around lying to every damn body.

  I tried to reason with him. As sweet as she was, low key my fucking sister was a damn lunatic. It was no way she could go through this shit again. Kev did this exact same thing to her with another girl she used to run with in her little clique. Devastated isn’t even a strong enough word to describe how her world crumbled. It took her months to bounce back from that. There was no way I would be responsible for causing her that kind of pain for the second time in her life. Not for anyone in this lifetime or the next.

  “We could have figured it out, Sajdah. You didn’t even tell me. I had to find out from some broad in the street that clearly had my best interests at heart. Hell, I would’ve given you the money and held your hand through the process. You didn’t even give me a choice. You know how the hood talks. I’m surprised your sister doesn’t already know.”

  Pause. Who the hell did he have keeping tabs on me? Maybe I underestimated Mr. Warren. I had no idea that he had connections all over. Apparently, he didn’t trust me as much as I thought he did. Hell, he probably didn’t trust anyone fully, but still, I was offended.

  “You’re right. I should have said something to you,” I agreed in an effort to soften the blow and get him back in line. “It’s just that—”

  “No excuses. That’s some snake-ass shit you did,” he spat out, barely able to control the anger bubbling up inside of him. “I don’t trust snakes. You can let yourself out.”

  “But, Chase . . . I can explain!”

  “Sajdah, if I were you, I would leave. It’s beneficial for both of us that you do. Right now, I’m just trying to make sure your sister doesn’t find out.”

  He turned his back to me and walked away. I started to take a running start and drop-kick his ass, but I honestly didn’t know what Chase was capable of. No one knew I was there, so if he killed and buried my ass, I’d just be another hashtag on the missing person’s report. My feelings were hurt, surprisingly. I thought for sure I had secured the bag with him, but my grip wasn’t as tight as I thought.

  I figured I’d just give him some time to cool off, so I left. When I got home, I decided to send him a text. Honestly, I really didn’t think he would be this upset about it. I saved his life! There was no way we were going to be able to sneak a baby past my family, and they would definitely grill me for the facts. He didn’t see it that way, though, and I learned enough in my psych class to know that you had to allow people their time to be in their emotion. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be open to hearing you.

  I did decide to text him to let him know I was sorry. After shooting the text over, I got a message back stating the number was invalid. I checked his contact info to make sure I hadn’t changed anything and tried it again. A second or so later, I got the message again. I called next to see and received a message saying the call could not be contacted. This dude blocked me! Was he serious right now?

  I jumped up out the bed and got dressed real quick. On the way down, my mom and dad were cuddled up watching Jeopardy on TV. I told them I had to make a run and that I left something at the office. When I got to Chase’s condo and tried the code, it said it was invalid. I tried it again and got the same message. I didn’t see his car outside, and I knew if I tried it again, it would set the alarm off, and the cops would show up. This man shut me all the way down. I was hurt.

  All this time, I thought I might have meant more to him, but I guess not. Turning back to my car, I totally missed him peeking out at me from the living room window. Chase definitely hadn’t seen the last of me. He was not just about to shut me out and think everything was cool. I would have to show him better than I’d been telling him. He fucked over the wrong one this time. This revenge was going to be sweet.

  Chase

  They Always Think It’s A Game

  I didn’t know what kind of karma I was dealing with, but something had to give. Too much shit was coming at me at once that I really didn’t want to deal with. I already had the shit with Sajdah and this aborted-ass baby, and now I just added her homegirl Vice to the mix. I wondered if she really knew what kind of snake-ass bitches she had in her camp. I damn sure wouldn’t be the one to tell her. There was no way I would even step to anyone on my team’s girl. That shit was a big-ass don’t-do-it-or-die-if-you-do situation. I was not about to let some pussy get in the way of this bag.

  Vice was a different breed than the rest of them. A hood booga at best, but pretty to look at. She came back for repeat dick downs just like Sajdah did, but she wanted me to line her pockets to keep quiet. She kept telling me that she had a plan and that all of this shit would fall on Sajdah’s head. I didn’t give a fuck who that shit fell on, as long as it wasn’t on me and I got to keep my girl. I was not a complete monster, and I didn’t want Sajdah to fall out with her people, but at this point, I just wanted to be done with all of their asses. We were all dead-ass wrong,
and the only person that had a right to feel any type of way was Selah. She was the clueless one, and that’s how that shit always was.

  I felt like shit and decided moving forward that it would only be her. Either that or let her go completely and just be rid of everyone. The other two made it difficult to just say no. Sajdah was demanding but could ride better than a cowgirl, and Vice’s throat was so deep she could damn near fit my entire dick and my balls in her mouth. Selah was a freak, too, but I had the other two fucking on me like crazy and causing mad competition. Selah had no clue about either of them. Sajdah only knew about Selah, and Vice had the drop on both of them. She was the real MVP. All of this had me exhausted.

  I saw that Selah had started to move some of her things in. I was shocked that she hadn’t shown up with a damn moving truck because I knew she owned more than that little bit of shit she had stuffed in a tote bag and storage bin, but I decided to let her be great and move at her own pace. She was playing it safe, and I couldn’t blame her for that. The way this shit was looking right now, I wouldn’t trust my ass either—but I was willing to put in any work that was required to make sure she was straight. Fuck all them other hoes.

  The crazy shit was, every time I tried to put some distance between me and them, one of their asses showed up. Maybe once she really got herself settled in, they would just leave us be. It was no way they were that bold to still try and slide through if she was living there. Obviously, me telling them it wasn’t working didn’t mean a damn thing to anybody. I wasn’t exactly ready for marriage, but I borrowed a page from Sajdah’s scheming ass and went on ahead and copped that rock from BB&B. I wasn’t about to give her some cheap-ass Center City ring. She deserved more than that, even if it was partially a lie.

  I was enjoying her being there, I’m not going to lie, but it was a definite adjustment having someone constantly in my space. I made sure I went through the crib to get all the bullshit out that any chick had left there. They were a very crafty bunch, so I made sure to check every obvious and not-so-obvious spot. Chicks would hide a damn hair clip on a lampshade in a dark corner, and that shit would just bust out and appear after ten months. I wasn’t in the mood for the bullshit. I even considered changing my number, but it would be too much to make sure everybody got the new one. It was easier to just block they simple asses. That way, just in case I ever needed their services again, I could always unblock and get right back at them. Yeah, they would be mad at first, but they always came back around.