Immaculate Deception

by Hannah Weston Price

  Reggie got the feeling that that was about as close to an approval she was going to get from the Parish Council Chairwoman. But it was a win nonetheless.

  “I was so afraid,” the Vicar had said during the service. “I’ve never been so scared, and I came from the city!” That earned a tittering laugh. “But then, there was just something else, a calmness as though someone reached into my chest and drew out all the fear, so I could see everything very clearly, clearer than I ever have. I knew I wasn’t alone, and also the very brave Detective Thornton was there. Which was nice too.”

  It was a full two hours after the service that the church finally emptied. Reggie had accepted so many handshakes and hugs, her whole body ached, and she doubted that she’d ever feel comfortable with the amount of praise heaped upon her.

  “Get used to it,” Sarah said, recognizing the uncomfortable smile on the Vicar’s face. “We’re friendly people most of the time, and we like telling each other when we do good.”

  “I know,” Reggie replied. “I’ll get used to it.”

  Sarah reached out and cupped Reggie’s shoulders, looking seriously into the Vicar’s eyes. “I know you’re not sure of your place, but you’re a good person and a great vicar. The lord sees through your doubts to the heart inside. You are exactly where you belong, Reverend Reggie Watson.”

  ***

  Later that day she returned to find the Vicar Mobile repaired, repainted, and fitted with new seats. On the dashboard was a note stating that the repairs had been paid in full by an anonymous donor.

  Though Reggie wasn’t sure, she had her suspicions about who had made the payment. She had been surprised to see Marcus Blackwell at the service, and though he hadn’t lingered long afterwards, he had taken the time to shake her hand.

  “I have always been a selfish man. I would very much like to remedy that.” His words had been softly spoken but the earnestness in his gaze made her hopeful and she had replied that he was very welcome in the church.

  Inside her cottage she was preparing to have a late lunch when a knock sounded at her door.

  “Not more praise,” she sighed, then thought again. “But maybe praise with dessert?”

  She opened the door and felt her smile widen as she found herself standing face to face with none other than Detective Thornton.

  “I hope I’m not bothering you, Vicar.”

  “No, not at all, in fact I was just going to make some coffee, would you like to join me?”

  “I can’t stay,” he said and did actually look disappointed at that fact. “I just wanted to…”

  He licked his lips and smiled. It was a devastating smile that made Reggie’s heartbeat race and her stomach flip. Harry was already a handsome man, but that smile was like the sun coming out on a brisk morning.

  “I noticed that you told everyone how brave I was, but left out your own selfless actions,” he said. “Do you really think it was fair to let me take all the glory?”

  “What I deserve is a damn good spanking,” Reggie said then felt herself flush when his grin got wider. But she soldiered on as if she hadn’t noticed. “If I wasn’t so slow witted, I never would have let her into my house. I had literally just handed her the knife when I put the pieces together. Talk about thick as two planks.”

  He let out a bark of laughter and held up his hands in apology. “I’m sorry, I am definitely laughing at you.”

  He kept laughing for almost a full minute, wiping his eyes and trying to control himself only to start chuckling and snortling again.

  “Well,” she said finally, “As you said, you’re a busy man so I’ll let you go.”

  She moved to close the door in his face, but he shot out a hand and stopped it. The movement brought him suddenly very close, so she had to lift her chin to meet his eyes, which were now staring at her lips.

  “Not yet,” he murmured, all mirth gone. “There’s something else.”

  “Yes?” She wasn’t sure if that was an enquiry or an acquiescence.

  “I would like to ask you to dinner,” he murmured. “But first, I would very much like to kiss you.”

  “Oh.” Was all she could manage as he dipped his mouth closer but at the last second, she pressed a hand to his chest and held him back.

  He was stronger, and could have simply ignored her resistance, but he didn’t. Instead he opened his eyes. “No?”

  “Not, no, exactly,” Reggie said then cleared her throat. “But I am a vicar and it’s up to me to be a pillar and a role-model of this community.”

  He didn’t reply, but instead waited.

  “If anything, these last few days have taught me that I must use my head more. And as much as I would very much like to be kissed by you – right now – in this doorway – I need to know your intensions.”

  “My intensions?” he said, his tone still light but a little more guarded.

  “I would be willing to have dinner and maybe some kissing if your intensions were to eventually move into a relationship. It if all you’re looking for is a brief affair…” She let her words drift off.

  “It wouldn’t be proper for a small-town vicar to have a frivolous affair?”

  Reggie shook her head, dejected. “No, it would be a very bad idea indeed.”

  He took a step back and cleared his throat. “Then, I guess I should go.”

  The flood of disappointment was so forceful, Reggie almost took back her words but instead managed a stiff nod.

  “I guess I’ll see you around,” she managed to say, and she pasted on a bright smile. “Don’t forget, I’m always here if you need to talk and tell your Aunt that I’ll be picking her and her friends up for their show on Friday night.” She was babbling, she knew she was, so she shut her mouth with a clack of teeth.

  “I will,” he said softly, but that smile touched his lips again and his eyes twinkled just a little. “Try not to stumble over any more murders till then, hmm?”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  He chuckled, sent her a friendly salute, and backed away a few paces before smiling again, that devastating smile. Then, turned and walked down the lane and out of sight.

  “Damn,” Reggie muttered, watching his broad back and strong legs disappear. “Surely one kiss wouldn’t have hurt.”

  “Meow,” Maggie scolded as she stepped out of the bushes and wound in and out of Reggie’s legs.

  “You’re right,” Reggie conceded and closed the door.

  Epilogue

  Friday night arrived, and Reggie smiled at her reflection in her full-length mirror. Vanity might be a sin, but she did look quite fetching in her sparkly black pantsuit and white collar.

  There were still some questions left unanswered. For instance, if Summer hadn’t sent that letter, who had? Who was Elsa’s real father? What would it have been like if she’d let Harry kiss her?

  Checking the time, she let out a squeak. “Oh, Maggie, why didn’t you tell me it was getting so late.” She blew the church cat a kiss before running down the stairs and out the door. “Be good! No parties, no drinking, no boy cats.”

  “Meow,” Maggie replied, and Reggie suspected it meant, No promises.

  It only took ten minutes to bustle all five elderly ladies into the van and then they were out on the road and heading for the city.

  “You look lovely, Vicar,” Miss Duncan said, eyeing the younger woman. “I wish my Harry had been over to see you in your posh clothes. It’s high time that man got married.”

  Reggie cleared her throat and tried to change the subject.

  But Miss Duncan continued, “And you’re not getting any younger either, my dear.”

  “I’m not so old that I can’t still be a little choosy,” Reggie replied with what she hoped was a light laugh.

  Miss Duncan gave her a smile that was all too knowing, and Reggie felt her ears turn red.

  “So,” Reggie said, a little too brightly. “Shall we have a singalong?”

  All the ladies started into the chorus of Rocket
Man and Reggie swore to get revenge on that crafty detective somehow.

  A very long drive later, they pulled into the underground parking lot and made their way up to the Entertainment Center.

  “Now, Vicar,” Miss Duncan said, looking uncharacteristically contrite. “You know you are very welcome to join us, but we should warn you that this show might not be to your taste.”

  “It is a little risqué,” Mrs. Lumley added. “We don’t want you to be shocked.”

  “I’m sure it will be fine,” Reggie replied, and the ladies gave each other odd looks as though not sure how to proceed. But finally, Miss Duncan said it was time to go in and they made their way to their seats.

  “Front row, center!” Reggie said. “How did you even get tickets so good.”

  “When you get as old as us, dear,” Miss Phips said, “You make some powerful and interesting friends.”

  “Clearly.”

  The lights dimmed then went dark. Around Reggie there were feint whispers and more than a few giggles.

  Suddenly the stage lit up. Thick, pounding rock music filled the room, and five huge, barely dressed men stepped out onto the stage.

  Reggie screamed as the five men posed then began to dance and gyrate on the stage.

  “Vicar!” Miss Duncan yelled over the music. “Are you alright?”

  “I am exactly where I’m meant to be!” Reggie laughed and kissed the woman on the cheek before turning to cheer with the hundreds of other ladies.

  “We’re keeping her,” Mrs. Phips called over to Miss Duncan and the ladies laughed delightedly together.

  “You’ll have to drag me out of here first,” Reggie yelled, dancing in time with the hunky men on the stage. “But I expect you all in church on Sunday.”

  _____

  Thank you so much for taking the time to read my silly nosy vicar mystery. As a fan of British sitcoms and cozy mysteries, the idea for Reggie, the vicar with a heart of gold and sense of humor of a sailor, was simply impossible not to write. I hope you enjoyed it.

  If you would like to read more Nosy Vicar stories, please let me know in the reviews.

  ~ God Bless ~