by L. A. Sable
The naivety in that question almost makes me want to laugh. There is no getting over any of this, not until every person responsible for making me suffer has been paid back with interest.
“I’m pretty sure I already know who’s responsible,” I say, intent gaze not leaving his face. “But I want confirmation before I go on a warpath.”
“Dangerous words,” he murmurs with a small smile. “Remind me to stay on your good side.”
“It’s hard to trust anyone here, for obvious reasons. I just need to know that I can trust you.” That small kernel of truth should be enough to entice him, compel him to prove that he’s willing to play on my side of the field. “Helping me out like this would go a long way.”
“In that case, I’ll see what I can do.”
His agreement is a foregone conclusion, but I still feel a pang of relief. Navigating the social structures of Black Lake is like swimming in shark-infested waters. Even the smallest wrong move could cost me everything.
But I have to get the Diamonds on my side if I want to stand any chance of becoming one of them. Once I have their support, taking Chloe down might actually be in the realm of possibility. I want to see her suffer in the same way that I did and the best way to do that is to make her watch while I tear everything away from her.
And when I find out who else was involved, they’ll suffer the exact same fate.
Forcing a grateful smile onto my face, I squeeze Jayden’s arm. “I really appreciate it, it’s nice to know who I can trust.”
His smile is deliberately crooked, the same one that I’ve seen him flash to the paparazzi a million times before. He manipulates and doesn’t even seem to realize that he’s doing it. “You can trust me.”
I’m sure. “I know. Thanks.”
I watch him turn on his heel and saunter down the hallway. It would be so easy to convince myself that all of this is real and trust that his interest in me is legitimate. But everyone at Black Lake has ulterior motives, buried under secrets just waiting to be uncovered. No one here ever says precisely what they mean. Love and sweetness don’t have any place here, forgetting that will just make me a victim all over again.
And I won’t be anyone’s victim again.
Chapter 7
Lukas is already waiting for me when I get to the dining hall for lunch, surprising me a bit. I hadn’t been completely convinced that he planned to follow through with this invitation, especially considering how spur of the moment it was. Part of me assumed that he’d calm down a bit and realize that using me to get back at Chloe is a terrible idea.
But when I enter the dining hall, late enough that the room is nearly full, he’s sitting at their usual table and obviously waiting for me. I can’t help but recall the last time that I walked into this same place and saw him sitting alone at the very same table, convinced he was waiting for me only to be humiliated.
Except this time, I’m not the naive girl just asking to be fooled. Not anymore.
I’m very aware of the fact that practically every eye in the room is on me as I deftly navigate through the crowded tables to reach Lukas. My head stays high as I stare over all their heads and pretend that I don’t notice the attention. Even the smallest stumble would be posted on the Inner Circle within five minutes. I can’t have a missed button on my blazer or a hair out of place. Everything about me has to broadcast perfection at every possible moment because every single breath that I inhale is being monitored and judged.
It’s hard to remember that I used to be invisible. But now that feels like another life, or a barely remembered dream. This judgemental spotlight is a part of my reality now. I don’t have any choice but to accept it. And if I have to play the game, then I’m setting myself up to win.
“Hey” I say, voice casual as I slide into the seat next to him. “I wasn’t sure if you’d change your mind.”
“Change my mind about what, lunch?” The look on his face is faintly mocking. “Or about breaking up with Chloe?”
“All the above.” I respond with a small smile. “Guys can be fickle.”
“I’ll try not to take that personally.” He picks up the menu and peruses it distractedly. “I’m not really hungry, but I’ll order something so you don’t feel left out.”
My gaze scans over the day’s menu, mentally calculating calories as I read the descriptions. I don’t want to be the girl who always orders a salad. Everybody judges that girl, almost as much as they judge the one who eats without worrying about the consequences. Despite all the hard work and pain, the body I’ve sculpted is supposed to appear effortless. Like I could scarf down a plate of nachos and a six-pack of beer without thinking twice about it. Girls are supposed to be perfect without looking like they’re trying and we all feed into the collective delusion. I woke up like this because there’s no time for sleep.
“We should split something,” I suggest, setting the menu aside. I wince a little when I realize that my water glass has left a stain. The menus are made of parchment paper with the choices written in black calligraphy that’s done by hand so this one will likely be thrown away. Nobody else here even cares that these menus have to be painstakingly created by the staff every week. “We could recreate that scene from Lady and the Tramp, really get under Chloe’s skin.”
“There isn’t any pasta on the menu, unfortunately.” He looks almost embarrassed for a moment and a light pink blush flares on his cheeks before his expression clears. “But maybe we’ll plan something like that for next time.”
“Is she even here?” I ask, pretending to look around with wide eyes. In reality, I’d clocked Chloe’s angry stare as soon as I walked into the dining hall. She was in the back of the room, surrounded by a gaggle of her followers and all of them glaring daggers at me. I could practically hear their whispered threats as I swept past despite the din of conversation: Is she sitting with Lukas? Who does that bitch think she is? I swear she’ll pay for this.
And my surreptitious glance has taken in more detail than I’m sure Chloe would want. I notice that her dark hair is pulled into a messy bun on top of her head with flyaways, instead of the painstakingly smooth waves that are her usual signature. Her makeup is creased as if she forgot to apply her primer and didn’t notice the streaks left from the application brush. Little things, but it’s the first time that I’ve ever noticed a crack in the perfect facade. I wonder how many more fractures I’ll have to create before she shatters into a million pieces.
“Earth to Lily,” Lukas murmurs, his smile good-natured and only slightly mocking. “You look a million miles away. Don’t tell me I’m boring you already.”
I realize that I’ve been staring off into space as visions of revenge dance through my head. I have to be careful how I play this because my entire plan hinges on having as many Diamonds as possible on my side. “Sorry, I guess I’m just a little nervous.”
“Of me?” Lukas raises his eyebrows, the surprise on his face genuine. “I’m harmless.”
“Yeah, I believe that. I haven’t forgotten what happened the last time I tried to have lunch with you.”
He shrugs but has the grace to look slightly abashed. “A lot can change in six months and I barely knew you then. I didn’t think I owed you anything.”
“And you owe me something now?”
He shrugs, but seems slightly uncomfortable with the new line of conversation. His silver gaze bores into mine for a long moment as if he’s trying to put together a puzzle that’s missing some of its pieces. “Honestly, I’m not really sure. This morning, I was so angry at Chloe for cheating on me that any idea sounded like a good one, just to take my mind off it. But now…”
Lukas trails off, but his gaze stays on me, his attention fixed. Heat rises on my skin and I have to force myself not to look away. “Now what?”
“I think I was over it by second period,” he responds with a rueful smile. “I know how it sounds, but right now I’m just relieved to be done with her. Chloe and I have been in a weird place for a
long time.”
“So, it’s not about revenge anymore?”
“Nah.” He picks up his water glass and raises it in a mocking gesture. “Here’s to freedom.”
“Why are we doing this then?” I immediately realize how sharp my tone is and try to soften it. His sanguine attitude is the polar opposite of what I was expecting. “I mean, why are you having lunch with me if you don’t care about making her jealous?”
“I didn’t want to leave you hanging.” His warm smile sends a shiver down my spine. “And maybe some other reasons.”
A waiter comes to take our order which gives me a minute to gather my racing thoughts. Lukas Greenfield-Walton is flirting with me, in his own enigmatic way, and I don’t have any idea what to make of this new development.
The old me would have squealed with joy at the thought of being pursued by any guy as hot as the Diamonds, much less three of them. But now, I’m mistrustful and filled with a cold rage that threatens to consume me on a daily basis. There’s no space left in my darkened heart for love or caring. When I stare up into Lukas’s gorgeous eyes that glint like diamonds in the light, all I can think of is how to manipulate him.
And my plan had been made with the assumption that I’d have to work hard to get to this point and I don’t trust it. Even though there’s no evidence of it, I can’t fight the feeling that I’m being set up.
But maybe that’s what happens when you give into the darkness, you assume that everyone’s motives are as sinister as yours are.
I let Lukas choose a dish for me because I couldn't care less what I spend the next thirty minutes pushing around a plate and pretending to eat. Three meals a day is a ridiculous thing for anyone not working on a farm or training for a marathon. Breakfast is only the most important meal of the day if you’re following it up with twelve hours of hard labor. The gurgle of an empty stomach is a welcome sensation, because it means that I’m in control of myself.
“You said that you and Chloe have been weird for a while,” I say, as soon as the waiter has moved on to the next table. “What did you mean?”
For a moment, he hesitates but then blows out a gust of air with a heavy sigh. “It’s a long and boring story.”
“We’ve got plenty of time,” I point out. “And I want to hear it. Maybe talking things through will help you keep perspective.”
“Maybe.” His gaze moves over my shoulder to where Chloe and her friends are sitting and a grimace crosses his face. “Did you know that my dad didn’t start making money until I was a kid? Kai and I went to public school until fifth grade.”
I know every bit of publicly available information, and some that’s not, about almost every person at this school, but I force my expression into one of shock. “Really? I had no idea.”
“Yeah, it was a rough transition at first. Rich kids can be real assholes and everyone loved to point out that we were 'new money’ and didn’t have any class.”
“That must have been rough.”
“Kai figured out quickly that you can buy people’s affection with lavish gifts and trips on our yacht. A lot of these high society types have the breeding and pedigree, but not the money that they used to have. Flashing cash will always get their attention. But I never really felt right about that sort of thing. It all seemed so fake and gross. I didn’t want to pretend to be friends with people who made fun of my accent or table manners behind my back. I was miserable. It didn’t help that after the divorce, our parents shipped us off to boarding school. Dad wanted to focus on his business and Mom wanted to live like a socialite without teenagers around to slow her down.”
A stab of unwanted sympathy flashes through me but I force it back down. His sob story doesn’t change the fact that Lukas stood idly by while his girlfriend steamrolled everyone in her path. Poor little rich boy, my ass.
“What does any of that have to do with Chloe?”
“She was the only person who seemed into me without caring about my dad’s net worth.” Lukas seems to remind himself of the history as he tells the story, as if the current incarnation of her is so different from the memory that he’d forgotten it. “Chloe is the only reason that I know which fork to eat with at a fancy dinner. Her family is high society going back to the Mayflower and they sort of took us under their wing. She was the one who finally got everyone to stop calling us social climbers.”
I don’t tell him that Chloe probably saw him as the perfect bit of clay to mold into whatever she wanted. His gratitude was all she needed to ensure that he’d follow her like a lost puppy for the rest of his life. “You’re close to her family, too?”
“Definitely. We’ve gone to their house for Christmas and our fathers have done business together. Her mom has already planned our wedding. That’s part of why we’ve stayed together for so long, otherwise a lot of people would be disappointed.” He glances behind him and lowers his voice, leaning in closer so that the scent of expensive cologne wafts over me. “If I’m being honest, the cheating is just an excuse to do what I’ve been wanting to do for a long time. If I’d just broken up with her because I wanted to, then I’d never hear the end of it from my father. He always talks about how joining our families would cement our place in society. It’s not just about the money, but the power.”
“And what about what you want?”
Lukas gives me a rueful smile. “I’m sure if my dad cared then he would have asked at some point in the last ten years.”
I return his smile as the wheels in my head turn.. “I’m surprised you’re telling me all this.”
“Me too, but you’re easy to talk to.” His gaze takes me in, lingering on my lips before returning to meet my eyes with his own. “You’re not judging me, but you’re not giving me a free pass either. You’ve got this way of being exactly what people need you to be at any given moment. I didn’t really notice that about you last term.”
“I don’t think we said more than two words to each other last term,” I demur, trying to think of the best response to that admission. It’s not like I can tell him that he doesn’t know me at all because the real me is so buried beneath artifice and angst that I wouldn’t even recognize her. “I always wondered why you put up with Chloe’s mean girl act. You really didn’t seem like the type to cosign all that bullshit.”
“I promise I’m not making excuses for myself, but once you’ve made something a habit, it’s hard to break. But I’m sorry that I let things go so far.” He gently touches the back of my hand before pulling away, the move hesitant. “I still remember what you asked me during that game of Truth or Dare.”
The memory is distant, part of a time that I consider better off forgotten but I force myself to recall it. “I asked you what you liked about Chloe.”
“You asked me what I loved about her.” His smile turns into a grimace as he shakes his head. “And it really put me on the spot because, in that moment, I couldn’t think of anything to say.”
“Yeah, I noticed.”
“So did she,” he responded with a rueful smile. “Chloe practically ripped me a new asshole on the way back to the dorms for not saying something more poetic. I almost broke up with her right then and there.”
It’s finally time to hit him with the killing blow. I take a steadying breath before asking the burning question. “Do you still love her, even a little?”
He doesn’t take even a moment to consider. “If you’d asked me that yesterday, I would have felt like I had to lie and say yes, but she betrayed me and made a fool of me in front of the entire school. I don’t feel anything for her anymore, except maybe pity.”
“Still, it sucks that you lost what you thought was going to be a forever relationship. You thought you had something and then realized that you never did. Love is a bitch.”
Lukas touches my hand again, but this time his fingers linger and trace idle patterns on my skin that leave a burning trail “I don’t know, I think I have reasons to be optimistic.”
If any of this were real, I’
d let it spill that I was the one who snapped the pictures of Chloe kissing that random guy. Maybe Lukas’s interest in me is genuine and not just a result of me manipulating him in the same way that Chloe did. But I can’t risk it, not yet. “I never pegged you as the glass half-full type.”
“I’m full of surprises.” Our food arrives and a plate of antipasto is placed in front of him. He spears an olive with his fork and raises it to my lips, surprising me with the gesture. “Chloe has consumed enough of my time, let’s talk about something else.”
Sharp flavor burst on my tongue as my lips close around the morsel and he pulls the fork away. I would have never thought of olives as a particularly sexy food, but here we are. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Tell me about you. I feel like I barely know anything. One minute, you were this shy girl that Asher wanted to destroy and the next, you’re coming though here like a wrecking ball.”
I deflect as a play for time while I think of a response. “Please tell me you’re not a fan of Miley Cyrus.”
He smirks. “I’ll confess to my terrible taste in music if you tell me something about you that nobody knows.”
“I’ve always wanted one of those toy chihuahuas that you can carry around in your purse. They are the ugliest dogs in the world and I love them so much.” I realize belatedly that it’s the truth and not something I’d actually intended to reveal. It’s a relatively benign bit of information, but I have to watch myself before I reveal any more inconvenient truths. “Wow, that’s even more embarrassing now that I’m saying it out loud.”
But he accepts that humiliating disclosure with a wide smile. “I guess we’re both basic bitches.”
That surprises a laugh out of me. “I cannot believe you just said that.”
“Hey, if that’s your darkest secret then you’ve got some more living to do.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively. “We’ll have to find something to do that would be really embarrassing if anybody found out about it. What are your plans for this weekend?”