by L. A. Sable
“Because of me,” he says on a sigh. “Because I’m cursed.”
I repeat the word just to make sure he didn’t suddenly start speaking a different language than English. “Cursed?”
“Every girl who has ever gotten close to me has had something terrible happen to her. It’s like the universe doesn’t want me to be happy.”
“You can’t honestly believe that.”
“It’s a fact, I’ve seen it happen too many times for it to be a coincidence. Once I care about a girl, she gets hurt.”
“Even if this curse or whatever is real, you hate me.”
“Oh, c’mon.” The look he casts me is droll. “Even you’re smarter than that.”
I’m not sure which revelation has me more thrown for a loop, that he believes in mystical curses or that he’s secretly carrying a torch for me.
“What happened at the lake made me realize that I might not always be around to protect you. You have to be careful.”
“Let me just test my understanding here,” I say, trying to ignore the shimmery heat that I feel under my skin as he stares at me. This has to be a trick, I tell myself, there’s no way that he’s been treating me like shit for the past year because he’s secretly in love with me. “You had nothing to do with me getting pushed in front of that bus, but you worry that if you’re anything but cruel to me, something terrible will happen.”
“It sounds idiotic when you say it like that, but I’m telling you the truth.” He sighs and turns away, the hunched set of his shoulders the only thing betraying the tension in his body. “And none of it matters, anyway. Once we walk away, we’ll go right back to the way things have been. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, I can’t stand the sight of you.”
I open my mouth to make some retort, but then he’s kissing me in a way that he never has before. The kiss is consuming and passionate as if he wants to drink me down like the last bit of water in the desert.
And I can’t stop myself from responding. For a moment, I forget that I have to stay in control and that this is probably just another manipulation. I know I can trust him as far as I can toss a grand piano, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting him.
The kiss ends almost as soon as it begins and he’s backing away before I’ve even fully processed what just happened.
“Watch yourself, Goldie.”
I have enough self-possession not to go running after Asher, but I watch him amble away as my mind whirls. It has to be a trick, I tell myself. He’s trying to get my guard down so I won’t see the next blow coming.
But the taste of him is still seared onto my lips. I can’t fight the realization that he sounded completely genuine. The idea of a curse is ludicrous, but he actually seemed to believe it.
Except it wasn’t some spiritual presence that pushed me in front of that bus, it was a flesh and blood person. And the two people with the greatest motive have already been eliminated as suspects.
Someone out there tried to kill me and I desperately need to figure out who it was before they try it again.
Chapter 10
Days pass without incident as I try my best to keep up the charade of my new persona without allowing the mask to crack. I’ve been avoiding the guys, mostly to avoid another run-in with Asher, but also because the feelings they inspire are more of a distraction than I need. I have to get control of myself before I lose the game completely.
Which is why I’m not exactly smiling when I answer a knock on my door on Friday morning before classes start to see Jayden standing outside of my room.
“Can I come in?” he asks, a crooked grin on his face.
“Yeah, sure.” I back up before I realize what a bad idea it is, glancing behind him to make sure the courtyard is empty. “What’s up.”
He turns in a circle to take in the room, gaze landing on the pill bottles arranged on top of the nightstand. His eyebrows go up before he turns back to look at me. “I hope those aren’t recreational.”
“They’re for my back,” I inform him, voice pert. “But I appreciate the concern. And what do you know about it, anyway?”
“I grew up in Hollywood remember.” He shrugs but a strange look briefly crosses his face, as if he’s remembering something unpleasant. “I got high for the first time at an afterparty when I was thirteen.”
“Thirteen? Where were your parents?”
“They were around, but attending those parties so you can network and keep your name out there is just what you have to do. If they weren’t stage parents, then I never would have gotten this far. Think about it, kid actors don’t end up homeschooled so they can always be available for auditions and moved across the country to one of the most corrupt places on earth all on their own. We left Iowa when I was five and my entire family gave up everything to focus entirely on my career. My parents would have done anything to make me a star.”
“That sounds like a lot of pressure.”
“It’s just the way things have always been. My mom was my manager and my dad worked crappy jobs to pay for headshots and acting classes. I owe all my success to them.”
“Still, it seems like they could have done a better job of protecting you.”
“They got me to the top.”
“Because it was your dream, or theirs?”
He answers my question with another. “Does that matter?”
It’s a reminder that some people will do anything for fame or fortune, and especially both, even sell out their own children. I don’t care what Jayden says, it’s impossible to miss the emptiness in his eyes when he talks about his parents.
“What did they say when you told them you wanted to come back to school?”
The look on his face makes it clear what they’re reaction was, but he casts me an affable smile. “They only needed a little of convincing.”
I’ve seen pictures of Jayden’s mother walking the red carpet with him when he was a kid. Apparently, she’d been a relatively famous actress and singer on Broadway before getting pregnant with him ended her career. She seemed pretty in an overly made-up way and a little too eager to be in front of the cameras. “You don’t have to pretend like you’re cool with everything all the time.”
Jayden’s smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “And who says I’m not cool with everything?”
“I do.”
He looks away then, gaze returning to the bottles on my nightstand. “You should be careful with that stuff, by the way. Those scripts are heavy duty.”
I’ve been relying on the pills more than I care to admit, but they’re the only thing that gets me through the grueling diving practices in the afternoons. Some days, the pain gets so bad that it’s impossible for me to think about anything else. I tell myself that once I’ve taken care of Chloe for good, then I can slow down and stop using the pills. The orthopedic specialist who prescribed them after my last surgery made it clear that I’m not getting any refills.
“I’ll be fine,” I murmur, feeling suddenly exhausted even though the day has barely started. “Did you get up early and trek all the way out here just to warn me about the dangers of prescription medication?”
“No, actually. Although I never miss an opportunity for a public service announcement.” Jayden leans back against the wall and crosses his arms over his chest. “I thought you’d want to know that I talked to Maisie.”
“Let me guess,” I say with a sigh. “She refused to tell you anything.”
“The opposite actually. Turns out some nasty accusations have being going around about who might have posted those photos of Chloe and now none of the other Diamond girls will speak to her. Maisie is pissed off enough about it that she was willing to tell me pretty much anything.”
I lean forward eagerly. “Did she tell you who handed over my journal to Chloe?”
Instead of answering, Jayden pushes off the wall and approaches me. He stops only when his chest is inches from my own and I’m forced to tilt my head back to meet his gaze. It takes everythi
ng in me not to take a step back as he invades my personal space.
He reaches up with one hand and touches my cheek, so softly that I barely feel it. “I was at the house too, at one point. How can you know for sure it wasn’t me?”
A thrum of energetic heat rolls over my skin as his fingers drift along my chin and down to my neck before pulling away. “Was it?”
“Of course not, but are you sure that you really want to know?” he asks, voice a husky murmur. “Things are good now. Maybe it’s better not to rock the boat.”
“Things aren’t good,” I snap, resisting the urge to shove him away from me. “And they won’t ever be while I’m constantly looking at everyone, wondering if they betrayed me to Chloe and don’t even have the goddamn decency to own up to it.”
“You’re sure?”
I take a steadying breath to keep myself from hitting him. “Just tell me.”
“Because I don’t want to see you get hurt again and if you find out the truth, it won’t lead anywhere good.” When I only give him a stony face in response, Jayden reaches into his pocket and types something into this phone. “I’m forwarding you the message from Maisie, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Before I can retrieve my own phone to check the message, Jayden grabs my wrist and doesn’t release it until I look at him again. “What?”
“Did I ever tell you I know how to read palms.”
Curiosity compels me to respond, even as it feels like my phone is burning a hole in my hand. “You mean, like telling fortunes?”
“No, seriously,” Jayden replies easily. A charming smile widens his lips, flashing teeth white enough to blind me. “It was during my method acting phase. I watched hundreds of YouTube videos on palm reading and actually worked as a psychic for a few weeks on the Santa Ana boardwalk.” He reaches for my hand with an expectant look. “Here, I’ll show you.”
Unless I want to refuse, I don’t have a choice but to set my phone down and give him my hand. “Just hurry up.”
“Patience is a virtue, you know.” Jayden pulls gently on my hand, bringing my body closer so I’m forced to take a stumbling step forward. His skin is warm against mine as he turns my palm upward and traces the slightly darker lines with the tip of his finger.
“That tickles,” I murmur.
“Your venus mound is bigger than average which means you have a great capacity for love.” He strokes the curve of flesh at the base of my thumb, making my fingers twitch. But if Jayden notices the slight movement, he doesn’t comment on it. “And here across the top is your heart line. It stretches almost completely across your palm so you will probably find love when you’re still young.” He squints a bit and tilts my hand so more light falls over it. “Well, that’s interesting.”
“What?”
“Most people’s heart lines are made up of multiple small ones, representing the different relationships they have over the course of a lifetime.”
“And?”
“And you have multiple lines but they’re all overlapping and almost the exact same length.”
I look down where his finger indicates but don’t see anything aside from a palm that looks identical to anyone else’s. “What is that supposed to mean, oh great Zoltar?”
“You laugh, but this is weird.” Jayden traces the line on my palm, expression pensive. “Instead of lines for relationships at different points in your life, this almost looks like multiple relationships that happen all together and last practically a lifetime.”
I glance up at his face to see if he’s joking, but his gaze is centered on my palm as his finger glides along my skin in random patterns. “That doesn’t make any sense, unless you’re suggesting that I’ll grow up to be a polygamist.”
“Yeah, maybe I’m not as good at this as I thought.”
“You think?” I try to pull my hand away but he grips it tight enough to arrest the movement. When I look up into his face, icy blue eyes stare down at me with a strange sort of intensity. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re trying to distract me?”
“That’s just insulting.” His grin is cheeky. “If I was trying to distract you, then I’d be offering you a sensual massage, or something like that. This is just me making conversation.”
“Then maybe you should let me go.”
He lets my hand slip out of his with a sardonic look on his face. “It’s not too late to pretend you never got that message. No one ever has to know.”
For a flashing moment, I wonder if it really was him who did it and this whole palm-reading thing is his way of delaying the inevitable. I abandon the thought almost as soon as it forms. Jayden might be a perpetual shit-stirrer but he keeps his business out in the open where everyone can see it. That’s what actors do, hide themselves in plain sight.
“Why help me if you’re so against me learning the truth?” I ask, fully exasperated. “Why does it matter to you?”
“I did it because you asked me to,” he answers easily, as if it should be obvious. “And I don’t want you to look because it’s not information you need to move on with your life, which is something I really want you to do. I’d hate to see you do something that you might regret.”
I want to tell him he has no idea what I might regret, but I swallow the words back, reminding myself that I have to maintain the facade. “I just really want to know, that’s all. You don’t have to worry about me doing anything crazy.”
“You’ve changed a lot since last term,” Jayden says, almost as if he’s talking to himself. “It’s probably this place. There’s something about Black Lake that does things to people, makes them hard in ways they wouldn’t be otherwise. Don’t let that happen to you, okay.”
I know I’m not that good of an actress. But as I stare up into Jayden’s face, the realization comes that he’s seeing in me only what he wants to see. They all are. Everyone is so invested in maintaining the status quo that it’s impossible for them to conceive of someone who was such a victim rising from the ashes of disgrace like a vengeful phoenix. I’m not the sweet, innocent girl that no one respected and I never will be again. If no one else can see it, that’s on them.
“You don’t have to worry about me,” I tell Jayden with as much sincerity as I can manage. “I just want to know who I should avoid from here on out.”
“Fair enough.” He picks up my phone from the bedside table and holds it out to me. “I’ve got to get to class early so I can find someone to copy the homework off of, but I’ll see you later.”
I reach for the phone but he doesn’t immediately release it. Instead, he brings my hand to his lips and gently presses a kiss to the back. The touch of his lips jolts through me like a bolt of electricity.
“What are you doing?” I ask, trying to keep the breathy note out of my voice.
He grins as he lets go of my hand. “Practicing for my role as a knight in shining armor.”
“That was so lame,” I say, shaking my head even as a small smile spreads across my face.
“Like I said, I’m practicing.” With another lopsided grin, he abruptly turns on his heel and strides for the door. “Remember what I said.”
The moment that he’s gone, I unlock my phone and launch the Inner Circle app. There’s only a single notification waiting for me and the small number one inside of the circle seems like a sign, compelling me toward it.
When I read the short message, a calm settles over me. Instead of oppressive, the silence of my room feels heavy with anticipation as intent crystalizes inside of me. I realize that I’ve always known the truth, even as I put in so much work to finally have it confirmed. I’d been so stupid when I first arrived, assuming that minding my own business would keep me safe. But these are shark-infested waters, nothing but a predator can hope to survive.
This is Black Lake Prep. No one here can be trusted.
And I know exactly what I have to do next.
Charlie looks up in obvious surprise when I sit down next to her at lunch. Not that I blame he
r, I’ve mostly been spending the lunch break in the pool practicing for the upcoming meet aside from the handful of times I’ve sat with Lukas or the other guys. The thought has crossed my mind that being seen with her won’t do anything for my social standing, but I’ve also been avoiding her for other reasons.
“Wow, hey,” she says as I take a seat across from her and sling my bag onto the adjacent chair. “Long time no see. I almost thought you were avoiding me.”
“I’ve been busy.” I cast her an overly bright smile as I pick up the menu. For a moment, I feel almost invincible like I’ve just ingested some hallucinogen. Nothing about this seems quite real and I can almost convince myself that I’m watching actors playing us on a screen, as opposed to actually living this moment. “What have you been up to?”
“Not much.” She pushes her plate away and gestures to the open textbook beside her. “Just studying for the Biology test this afternoon.”
The dining hall is nearly empty as Charlie is usually one of the last people to eat. I get the feeling that she wants to spend as little time as possible so obviously by herself. She isn’t a Proli, but it’s a close thing and being seen eating alone won’t do much for her social standing. One embarrassing incident would be the end of her.
To where she might do anything to keep that from happening.
When a waiter approaches to take my order, I wave him away and set the menu back down. I didn’t come here to eat.
“Last term was weird, right?”
Charlie looks at me in confusion, probably because the question is a strange way to start a conversation. “I guess, but I don’t really know what you mean.”
“Well, sitting here just makes me think about how much has changed, you know. We were both brand new when we got here last fall and everything about this place was so strange. It felt like us against the world, even though we’d only just met.”