by L. A. Sable
“What does it matter to you, anyway?” I snap the question, anger a decent cover for the surge of guilt. “Are you jealous, or something?”
Liam doesn’t immediately respond, scowling down at me as his expression morphs into something that I’ve never seen before. “You know what, never mind. You need to get out of here before anybody figures out you’ve been here.”
I watch him gather up the papers, movements quick and disjointed as he snatches them off the table. “Wait a minute, you can’t just leave things like this.”
“You shouldn’t have come here in the first place,” Liam says, avoiding my gaze even as I stare up at him. “It’s time to go.”
“Are you jealous?” I ask softly, feeling like a lightbulb has gone off in my head. “Is that it?”
Expression like stone, he just shakes his head. “We are not having this conversation.”
“You’ve always been more interested in me than you had to be,” I point out. “Helping me even when it got you into trouble. Tell me why.”
“You are a sixteen-year-old girl—”
“Seventeen,” I point out, as if it matters. “Trish held me back a year in kindergarten, something about wanting to make sure I had enough time to develop emotionally before starting school.”
I realize I’m rambling and immediately clamp my mouth shut. Liam stares down at me like he’s never seen me before, but then just shakes his head and sighs.
“It’s time for you to go.”
But if I’ve learned anything since nearly dying it’s that doing what I’m told is the worst way to accomplish anything.
I stand up and cross the small distance between us, not stopping until I’m close enough that my head has to tilt back to meet his gaze. He stares down at me, fear, anger and anticipation revealed in the dark depths of his eyes. I’m even more emboldened when he doesn’t back away as I shift closer.
“There’s no one here but us,” I remind him, hoping he can’t sense the frantic beat of my heart. “You can say whatever you want and it never has to leave this apartment.”
Tension sings through him, his entire body taut with it. “You’re playing with fire.”
“My body was practically demolished, and I survived. I’m not afraid of being burned.”
It’s impossible to say which of us moves first, like we’re magnets with opposing poles that are inexorably drawn together despite all effort to fight it. And in the next moment, we’re kissing.
He tastes sharp and forbidden and I immediately sympathize with Eve and her plight. This is original sin wrapped in a package that’s too delicious to resist. Unlike every other guy that I’ve ever kissed, Liam takes immediate control. Once that fragile barrier between us has been breached, there’s no more hesitation left within him.
His lips capture mine and hold them captive. All I can do is ride the sensation like a wave that never crests. His tongue delves into my mouth like it belongs there, dominating and sure. My hands come up to grip his arms, my only anchor in the sudden storm.
I let out a low moan which is enough to startle him from the haze. He breaks the kiss and gently pushes me away, expression rueful. “It really is time for you to go. I’d rather not end up in a jail cell.”
I want to tell him I’m good at keeping secrets, especially one like this. An even bigger part of me wants to beg him to finish what he’s started. But I’m still together enough to realize that this is a complication that neither of us can handle right now, no matter how much we might want it. The best thing I can do is put some distance between us before we do something that we can’t take back.
“Stay away from the Bellamys,” Liam says to my back when I’m halfway to the door. “That means all of them, at least until we figure this out.”
There isn’t anything left to say, but I hesitate to leave. What just happened will never be spoken of again. Once I’m gone, it will be like that kiss never happened.
“You really need to find another place to live. I’m pretty sure there are hookers working the corner and it’s not even noon,” I say from the door, glancing back at him. “Please tell me this whole situation is temporary.”
“I’m working on something,” he acknowledges with a small smile. “I’ll be back on top before you know it.”
“Good to know because this is just sad.”
“Don’t forget your purse.” He grabs the bag, but glances down before handing it over and then freezes. “What is this?”
My heart sinks the smallest bit when he pulls a pill bottle out of the bag and holds it up. “Medication, just put it back.”
But Liam is already examining the label and releases a low whistle. “This stuff is heavy duty. How much of it do you take?”
“Not that much.” I snatch my purse away with one hand and reach for the bottle with the other but he holds it out of reach. “You can’t just stop taking that stuff,” I snap at him, annoyed but also fearful that he might refuse to give it back. “You have to stop slowly or you get really sick. Just give it back.”
“I really don’t think you should be using this stuff.”
My fingers itch with the urge to claw the bottle from his hands if that’s what I have to do. “I can see the problem if you think it’s okay to shove your tongue down my throat and then act like you’re my father.”
That stumps him for long enough that I’m able to snatch the bottle away.
“Just be careful,” Liam says finally. “You’re playing a dangerous game.”
I don’t look back as the door closes behind me, too afraid of what I might see on his face. It’s not like I’m stupid, I’ve heard all the warnings about dangerous medication and watched my fair share of scared straight type PSAs in health class. But for now, the only thing I can focus on is what keeps me putting one foot in front of the other. In a few months, the term will be over and some pressure will come off.
But for now, I can’t let anything distract me even as Liam’s warning rings through my mind.
My feet take the steps two at a time as I leave the apartment, evidence of my eagerness to be away from this place. All I want to do is get back to campus, fall into bed and sleep the rest of the weekend away. The exhaustion that I feel is the type that prefaces passing out on my feet.
At least I can console myself with the thought nothing else can possibly go wrong today.
And then I run right into Jayden fucking Heart.
Chapter 13
“Jesus!” We run into each other with enough force that only his hands on my arms keep me from falling over. “You scared the shit out of me.”
“You’re the one who came flying down the sidewalk like a bat out of hell,” he points out wryly and rubs a sore spot on his chest where my head had collided with him. “What are you doing in this part of town?”
“My physical therapist has an office down the street.” The lie springs to the tip of my tongue without a second thought. I’ve lied so much recently that it comes more easily to me than the truth, which isn’t exactly a good sign. “What about you? You’re not supposed to leave campus.”
“It’s a pass weekend,” Jayden responds easily. “We caught a ride with one of the seniors.”
Full of dread, I look behind him to see Kai standing just beyond. Well, fuck. “Oh, hey. I didn’t see you.”
“You do seem a little preoccupied,” Kai points out, gaze taking me in. “Did your session not go well?”
“They work me pretty hard but it’s all part of the recovery.” I rub the back of my neck as if working out soreness from the exertion of physical therapy. “What brings you guys into town?”
“There’s supposed to be a great taco place around here somewhere,” he responds, tilting his head to the side as he squints at me against the sun. “You should join us then we can all ride back together.”
The terrible coincidence of it seems too comical to be real, but at this point I don’t have any choice but to roll with it. Turning them down would just raise suspicions that
are likely already high. “Sure.”
I can only hope that Liam is smart enough not to pick this moment to bring out his trash or get some air. There’s never even been so much as a hint of cigarette smoke on him so hopefully all the stress hasn’t moved him to pick up the habit. A sudden appearance from our disgraced teacher is the last thing I want to explain right now.
Jayden links his arm through mine and pulls me down the street while Kai naturally falls into step on the other side. “I knew it would be a good day when I woke up this morning.”
That makes one of us, I tell myself, even as I plaster a smile on my face. “They must have been serving something truly rank in the dining hall today if you guys came all this way for tacos.”
“Sometimes you just need a change of scenery,” Kai says as he shoves his hands down in his pockets, his stride long as he lopes along next to me. “Not all of us get to come and go as we please.”
“It’s not like you guys have ever asked me for a ride off-campus,” I point out, trying not to sound defensive.
“Hard to ask for anything when you’ve been avoiding us.”
“I have not been avoiding you.”
“Liar,” Jayden replies good-naturedly. “Things have been weird ever since the boat race.”
Ever since Asher and I saved each other’s lives, and he responded by spilling an outlandish story about being cursed in love. I’ve been trying to convince myself that he was screwing with my head ever since, but the information Liam uncovered just raises more questions.
And facing the other guys with all this on my mind is more than I can handle.
“Maybe I’m just not used to having anyone pay attention,” I respond, voice light despite my inner turmoil. I have to shift their attention onto something that aside from how strangely I’ve been acting recently. “You guys barely acknowledged that I existed last term.”
Jayden opens his mouth and then closes it again, obviously unprepared with one of his characteristic rapid fire retorts.
But to my surprise Kai strides ahead and then abruptly turns so he’s facing me on the sidewalk. He falls to his knees, heedless of the dirt and grime being ground into his expensive jeans. When he grabs at his chest with one hand and holds out the other to me in supplication, it’s obvious that he’s taken a page from whatever dramatic playbook that Jayden uses on a daily basis.
“Oh, great and beautiful Lily, will you ever forgive us from overlooking your charms for so long?”
I look up and down the deserted street, praying that no one we know wanders by to see this. “For the love of chopsticks, will you please get up?”
“Not until you forgive us.” Kai’s voice rises loud enough to echo off the nearby buildings. “I will spend the rest of my days begging at your feet unless you agree to pardon me for my transgressions.”
Face flaming, I yank at his arm. “Fine, yes. I forgive you. Now, stop yelling or I’m going back to campus.”
Kai leaps to his feet with a grin and brushes himself off. “I should be the one with the Emmy.”
“That was mediocre, at best,” Jayden says with a shake of his head. “You weren’t even in costume.”
Falling into step beside me again, Kai has the nerve to grin. “It worked, though.”
“Only because you embarrassed yourself.”
“And her. Everyone knows the way to a woman’s heart is to beg and plead until she finally caves.”
“I’m not sure that’s the saying,” I interrupt, before their back and forth can spiral completely out of control. “Just don’t do that again and we’ll be all good.”
The taco place turns out to be a permanent food truck with a bunch of metal tables and chairs gathered in a loose semi-circle around it. Even though the cool bite of winter hasn’t completely faded from the air, the sun is shining brightly enough that it’s not a bad day to eat outside.
“I hear the shrimp tacos are worth killing for,” Jayden says as he peruses the menu.
“Shrimp are really high in cholesterol,” I reply, mentally calculating calories as I study each item. “And cholesterol means thunder thighs.”
He leans back and makes a point of perusing my backside before waggling his eyebrows. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
I want to tell him that my body isn’t the result of eating whatever I want, but hold my tongue. Guys like to live in a world where female beauty is happenstance and not the result of very deliberate effort, so I let him have his illusions.
“Maybe you should be more worried,” Kai says, voice droll. “Doesn’t the camera add fifteen pounds?”
“With HD, it’s more like twenty pounds,” Jayden grouses back as he glares at the menu board. “And who says I’ll be going back in front of a camera?”
Neither of us can keep the surprise off our faces as we turn to Jayden. Kai lets out a low whistle. “You’re talking about the end of an era, man.”
“No one’s career lasts forever,” Jayden responds with a shrug, but the set of his shoulders is tense. “Every actor retires at some point.”
“But you’re not even eighteen,” I point out. I’m not sure how I feel about this revelation. Jayden as a person and his on-screen personas are obviously distinct in my mind, but it’s hard to imagine a world in which he’s something else entirely. I can’t exactly imagine him as an investment banker or a doctor. “Is this by choice?”
A pained expression crosses his face. “I made the choice to come back to school, despite my parents many protests. But it’s hard to transition from being a child actor, people only really want to see you that one way. I’d rather bow out gracefully than go down in flames.”
“But do you want to stop acting and do something else?” Kai asks, obviously noticing like I did that Jayden hadn’t exactly answered the question.
“I’ve already stopped acting,” Jayden snaps, his tone sharper than I’ve ever heard it. “The only scripts my agent sends these days are made-for-tv movies and guest roles in shitty sitcoms. I don’t know why we’re even talking about this.”
“Whoa, man. Calm down.” Kai holds up his hands in a placating gesture. “We’re just making conversation here.”
“Well, it’s a stupid fucking conversation.”
“Why I don’t order for us and you guys go sit down,” I say, looking from Kai’s shocked face to Jayden’s angry one. I’m so used to them being the chill ones that I have no idea how to react to this sudden turn of events.
Jayden stomps off toward the tables, but Kai hesitates before going after him. “Where did that came from?”
“Go find out while I get our food. You have a better shot at talking him down as his friend. I’m just the girl you both want to bone.”
He opens his mouth as a totally fake look of askance comes over his face. “I don’t bone, thank you very much. It’s called making love, thank you very much.”
“If you don’t go talk to Jayden, I’m putting ghost pepper sauce on your taco.”
“Isn’t putting sauce on tacos supposed to be my line.”
I playfully shove him away, my concern for Jayden not enough to keep a laugh from bubbling up. “Just go.”
Kai lets out an aggrieved sigh. “Oh, fine. You know I really thought his prima donna days were behind him. You’re lucky you didn’t know him when that stupid spy show was still on the air.”
Without waiting for a reply, Kai saunters off. I wonder how good he’ll be at soothing Jayden’s ruffled feathers.
It’s these moments that I’ve worked hardest to avoid, the ones in which I start to question what it is I’m trying to do here. Why is it so hard to pack up and return to my old life, especially now that Trish seems ready to entertain the possibility? The part of my mind still capable of feeling remorse, the part that I’ve done my best to ignore, reminds me it isn’t just about revenge anymore. I want to prove that I can thrive here as well as any of them, even if it kills me.
Or kills the part of me I’m still able to recognize
as real.
Once at the front of the line, I order three shrimp tacos with sides and wait for the gruff man at the register to ring me up. The sun is bright and despite the wind, sweat beads on the back of my neck even under the awning of the food truck. It’s a beautiful day, one of the nicest we’ve had since the start of classes, but I can’t stop the feeling that I’m standing on the edge of a precipice, about to fly or fall.
When I get the food, Jayden and Kai are already seated. Nobody’s bleeding so I hope that means they’ve resolved the argument without resorting to blows.
“Everything good?” I ask, setting down the plates.
Jayden tips his sunglasses up for a brief moment to squint up at me before letting them drop back down. He reclines in the chair like a prince on his throne, but I can see a little wrinkle of tension between his eyes. “Everything is always good. You know that.”
When he leans over to dig into the taco, I glance at Kai over his head with a question in my expression.
Kai shrugs and mouths something, but I can’t tell what he’s trying to say.
“Stop talking over my head like I’m a kid about to get a cancer diagnosis, for shit’s sake,” Jayden grouses through a mouthful of food. “Whatever you want to say, say it out loud.”
“She just wants to know if you’re still in the middle of a quarter-life crisis,” Kai responds easily, picking pieces of cabbage off his taco and setting them aside. “And I was trying to tell her you’ve stopped being a baby about it, but it’s probably temporary.”
“You can be a real asshole, you know that,” Jayden says, but not like he’s angry.
“Dude, I’ve already told you that you don’t have anything to worry about. Seasons change, things come and go, if you want to go back to acting then do it. But you made the decision to take a break and come back to school, you can’t expect that world to spend the next two years just waiting for you. Not to mention, you went on and on over the summer about how you never wanted to be in front of a camera again after filming that horror movie with the killer whales.”
Jayden picks up a bottle of water and glares down at it without taking a drink. “I don’t want to act anymore.”