Going Polar: A Stand Alone Holiday Howls Polar Bear Shifter Romance

by Abbie Zanders

  “Yes, besides that.” His lips quirked, and then he grew serious again. “Our human halves are dominant when it comes to rational thought and logic. That’s why we’re able to coexist in a structured, civilized community. But our animal halves have greater control when it comes to more instinctual aspects, such as choosing the one we want to spend our lives with.”

  Lainey’s heart began thundering again. “You’re talking about finding a mate.”

  “Yes. It’s not something I can clearly explain. We just know when we meet the right one. It’s like this flash of clarity, this sense of absolute rightness.” He offered a small smile. “That’s what I feel around you, Lainey.”

  She sucked in a breath.

  “It’s not something I can control,” he said almost apologetically. “I mean, I can control what I do about it but not the feeling itself. It’s like when you get a craving for something, but it’s up to you to decide whether or not you’re going to satisfy that craving or deny it.”

  Craving perfectly described what she felt around him too.

  “What happens if you deny it? Does it go away after a while?”

  “No.”

  “I see,” she murmured, but she wasn’t sure she did.

  Was Finn actually telling her that she was his mate? And if so, when had he come to that conclusion? Before he slept with her or after?

  “When did you get this flash of clarity?”

  “My bear knew from day one. It took longer for the man to come to terms with it, but after spending time with you ... there’s no doubt, Lainey.” His lips turned downward.

  “You don’t seem happy about it.”

  “It’s complicated. I’m thrilled that I met you. I was beginning to think I’d never meet someone who makes me feel the way you do. You’re everything I could have ever hoped for in a mate. You’re smart, funny, kind, selfless, passionate ...” He shook his head. “But at the same time, you’re human. You don’t feel the same pull toward me as I feel toward you. You have a family and a job and a life elsewhere. In less than forty-eight hours, you’re leaving, and I have no idea how you feel about any of this. About me.”

  Lainey didn’t know either. Since he had been honest with her, she would do the same. “I’m trying to wrap my head around this, but I’m struggling.”

  “I wish I could have spared you all this,” he said quietly. “That I would’ve had the strength to stay away. That Hildie hadn’t had complications requiring your skills. That you could have returned to Vermont without this weighing on your shoulders.”

  That seemed at odds with what he’d just told her about mates. “You would have just let me walk away?”

  “Yes ... and no. I would have followed in a few weeks and done whatever I could to develop a relationship with you at a pace you were comfortable with.”

  “You would have done that? For me?”

  He nodded. “In a heartbeat. I love my family and my life here, but you are my future, Lainey. I have no doubts about that.”

  “And what if you do all that and I don’t come to the same conclusion?”

  “Then, I will respect your wishes,” Finn said, “but I’ve never known a bear to be wrong when it comes to recognizing its mate.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Lainey

  Lainey stood on the suite deck and looked out at the view, the clear blue sky, and the brilliant sunshine, and she cursed.

  Part of her had been hoping for a storm. High winds. Low visibility. Anything that would have delayed her departure. If fated mates were a thing and if that was what she and Finn were, then surely, fate or destiny or whatever force determined those things would give her some kind of sign that she should stick around, right?

  Maybe this is your sign, Lainey, and you just don’t want to accept it.

  Finn’s words had touched her in a place no one else had been able to reach—her vulnerable, romantic heart. Being with him had shown her what she was missing in her life. Someone to laugh with. To explore with. Someone who made her heart sing as well as her body.

  “You okay?” Henry asked, joining her.

  “Yes, of course,” she lied. “Just savoring the last few minutes of vacation.”

  “We should go. The van will be arriving to take us to the airport soon.”

  “I’ll be right in.”

  She hadn’t thought it would be so hard to leave. She was regretting her request that Finn not return to see her off, saying that she needed time and space to think about everything he’d told her. Only afterward had she realized just how big of a risk he’d taken in doing so. To entrust her with not only his secret, but also the secret of so many.

  His faith was humbling. His conviction that they were meant to be together was at once borderline fantastical and the most romantic thing she’d ever heard. But where was that tenacity and determination he’d spoken of now, when she was preparing to leave? If he was so certain they were destined to be together, why hadn’t he ignored her request and come out to say good-bye?

  She scanned the area one last time, searching for a blur of fluffy white but found none. It hurt more than she’d thought it would.

  When she could delay no longer, she stepped inside, grabbed her luggage, and went with Henry to the lobby.

  The lodge staff had gathered to say good-bye. Mayor Bill was there. He thanked them and presented each of them with their commemorative group photo and the keepsake ornaments that had been removed from the lodge’s Christmas tree. Her stuffed polar bear was already safely tucked in her carry-on bag.

  “Do you know if Finn is coming?” she asked quietly as Beau loaded her bags into the back of the van.

  “I haven’t seen him.”

  “Tell him I said good-bye, will you?”

  “I will. Take care, Lainey.”

  He closed the doors. Instead of climbing into the driver’s seat, he stepped back and slapped the side of the van.

  “Aren’t you driving us to the airport?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  He lowered his voice. “Today’s the airlift.”

  “Oh. Right.”

  She climbed into the van and sat down beside Henry, ignoring the glares and murmurs from Mae and Bradley. The older couple celebrating their anniversary offered friendly smiles, but they were more subdued than usual. Liam had his nose buried in a book and didn’t acknowledge them. She wondered vaguely how his interview at the research center had gone and if he’d be returning.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Henry asked again.

  She nodded. Perhaps if she said it often enough, she might actually start to believe it.

  Much like her, Henry was neither intrusive nor a big talker. Also like her, he had a lot on his mind, which made the long trip back to Vermont a quiet one.

  Nearly twelve hours after they’d left Aurora Falls, Lainey pulled into the long lane leading to her house with Henry in the passenger seat. He hadn’t wanted to go back to the house he’d shared with Vicki, and Lainey didn’t blame him. Besides, the family home was as much his as hers.

  On New Year’s Eve day, they drove down into the affluent suburb where he’d been living with Vicki and moved his stuff out before she returned from Vail. They made short work of gathering his personal belongings and managed to make it back before the snow began to fall.

  Despite the somberness of the task, Henry was in good spirits. Lainey wasn’t. She put on a smile for his benefit, but inside, she felt off, as if something was out of sync. Nothing was wrong, and yet nothing seemed quite right either.

  The two of them rung in the New Year the same way they had so many times before—by sharing a bottle of sparkling wine and takeout while watching live coverage of the ball dropping in Times Square.

  “Here’s to a new year and new possibilities,” Henry said, raising his glass in toast.

  She raised hers and clinked his gently. “To new possibilities.”

  Henry pointed the remote at the television and turned it
off. “Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

  She knew he was referring to the directorship position. An official offer had been waiting for her when she returned. She should have been stoked. It was exactly what she’d been hoping for. The position meant more money, more power, more responsibilities. And yet something was keeping her from accepting the job.

  Lainey shook her head. “Not yet. What about you?”

  “I’ve tendered my resignation with Hargrove and given my two weeks’ notice. I just can’t do it anymore. I tried, I really did, but it’s just not for me.”

  “Took you long enough,” she teased, glad he’d finally figured that out.

  “Yeah, it did. You were right. About Hargrove. About Vicki. I couldn’t see it though.”

  “The important thing is, you do now.”

  “Thanks for not saying I told you so.”

  “I’m holding it in reserve for the next time you decide to stick your head up your ass.”

  He laughed. “Fair enough.”

  “It won’t take long to find another job, one that suits you better. With your credentials, you could work anywhere. Do you have any place in mind?”

  “Actually, yes. I’ve already received an offer, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to take it.”

  “Nice! Where?”

  He grinned. “The Institute for Scientific Research and Discovery in Aurora Falls.”

  “Aurora Falls!”

  “Yes. It’s a small facility, but I was impressed with what I saw there. Their focus is primarily on conservation and preserving the hundreds of plant and animal species indigenous to the area, many of which don’t exist anywhere else in the world. It’s a unique opportunity.”

  Henry’s eyes lit up, the way they always did when he talked about his work. “It would be a substantial pay cut, of course, but the cost of living is much lower there. More importantly, I’d be back in the field, doing something worthwhile. Something with the potential to make a real difference.”

  “I’m happy for you, Henry.”

  “Me too. The guy who showed me around—Steve Pohler—said they’re doing some fascinating work with genetics and believes I can be a great asset.”

  Lainey choked on her sparkling wine. “I’m sorry. Did you say Steve Pohler?” As in polar bear?

  “Yes. Do you know him?”

  “No, it’s just the name ...”

  “He runs the facility. That’s another plus—the place is funded and run by a collaboration of scientists and the local community, not bureaucrats or private businessmen with ulterior motives. They’ve got a vested interest in keeping the area habitable. He lives there with his wife, Hildie. They just had a set of twins in fact.”

  Pohler. Hildie. Twins. It couldn’t be a coincidence. Aurora Falls wasn’t that big.

  “Did this guy say anything else?”

  “As a matter of fact, he did. He said the area’s in desperate need of a good veterinarian, too, particularly for the local polar bear population.”

  Lainey’s heart stuttered. “Did he now?”

  “I told him about you, of course, and how you’ve always had a thing for polar bears. He seemed to think it was funny actually. But I also told him not to get his hopes up because you were up for a prestigious director position here. But I can’t help wondering ...”

  “Can’t help wondering what?” Lainey coaxed.

  “That maybe a fresh start might be good for you too. Maybe I’m stepping out of my own lane here, but you don’t seem stoked about the directorship. I get that it’s a big promotion and all, but if there’s one thing this past year has taught me, it’s that money and prestige are no substitute for loving what you do. Taking care of animals is your passion. Are you willing to step back from that and work in a job that’s mostly administrative?”

  Without waiting for an answer, Henry began to gather up the remains of their meal. Lainey joined in, her mind whirling with possibilities. Hearing him put a voice to some of her own concerns added another level of validation.

  “Look,” he said once everything was put away, “I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t do anything. Just think about it, okay?” He bumped her shoulder. “Learn something from your big brother.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You’re a minute older than me.”

  “Still older. That makes me your big brother. Good night, Lainey.”

  “Good night, Henry.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Finn

  Finn tucked the last of his things into the suitcase and closed the zipper. He looked around his house, making sure everything was closed up and turned off. He didn’t know when he’d be back; it could be anywhere from a few months to a few years, depending on how things went.

  For now, he decided to keep the place, so he’d have somewhere to stay when he came back to visit someday, hopefully with Lainey by his side. For the foreseeable future, however, his place was wherever she was.

  He stopped by his parents’ house for one last family dinner before he left town. They were well aware of the situation; he’d been open and honest about his belief that Lainey was the one for him.

  The atmosphere was more subdued than usual, but being mated themselves, they understood and supported his decision. When Beau pulled into the driveway, it was time to go.

  “She’ll come around,” Hildie told him as she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. “I feel it.”

  “I hope so.”

  Finn shook Steve’s hand and kissed his niece and nephew, and then he turned to his parents.

  “Good luck, son,” his father said, pulling him into a manly embrace.

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  “Call us when you get there,” his mother said, “and keep us posted.”

  “I will.”

  Humbled by his family’s faith and support, Finn stepped outside, tossed his suitcase in the back of the vehicle, and then climbed into the front.

  They’d barely driven out of town limits when Beau side-eyed him and asked, “Are you sure this is what you want?”

  What he wanted was Lainey, in his life and by his side. Everything else would work itself out.

  “I’m sure.”

  “Ballsy move, flying out there and just unexpectedly showing up on her doorstep.”

  Finn grunted. His visit wouldn’t be entirely unexpected. He’d straight-up told Lainey he’d follow after giving her a few weeks to sort through things. Well, those few weeks were up.

  “Do you even know she’s there?”

  “Why wouldn’t she be?”

  “I don’t know. Have you heard from her at all?”

  “No.”

  He’d hoped that after she had some time to come to grips with things, she would reach out. That hadn’t happened. He wasn’t going to let that deter him though. Patience and fortitude were part of his DNA. He was willing to wait for as long as it took even if that meant biding his time on the sidelines until she decided to give him—to give them—a chance.

  “Thanks for the ride.”

  “No worries. I was headed out that way anyway. That new guy Steve hired is arriving this afternoon, and I said I’d pick him up.”

  “Right.”

  Finn thought of the the skinny, bespectacled guy who had been part of Lainey’s holiday group. Steve had recently mentioned that he’d finally filled the lead research position at the center, but Finn hadn’t been paying much attention. He had his own issues to deal with.

  They made good time and arrived at the airport well before his flight. Beau dropped him off at the entrance and then went to park.

  Finn was headed to the check-in desk when a familiar scent stopped him dead in his tracks. He scanned the large, open space but saw nothing of interest. Thinking that his mind was playing tricks on him, he lifted his chin and sniffed until he picked up the scent again. There! It was faint but unmistakable.

  Forgetting everything else, he focused on the scent and followed it to the baggage claim area. There, reac
hing out for a bag on the belt, was a man who looked a lot like Lainey’s brother. And beyond him ...

  Lainey.

  She was even more breathtaking than he remembered. Her hair was haphazardly piled on top of her head, errant strands escaping and framing her beautiful face. Black-rimmed glasses—those were new—sat perched on her cute little nose.

  Heart pounding, Finn resisted the powerful urge to storm across the space and take her in his arms. He forced himself to take a deep breath and calm his bear. Lainey had returned to Aurora Falls. Why, he didn’t know, but at that moment, he didn’t care.

  While his feet didn’t move, his eyes never left her. She seemed nervous. Distracted. Biting her bottom lip and shifting her weight, arms crossing and uncrossing while she waited for her bag.

  The moment her luggage appeared, she grabbed it from the belt, and then she and Henry started walking toward him. Henry was the first to spot him. He nudged Lainey and said something. Her head lifted and searched, locking on to Finn when she found him. She smiled, and light erupted in his chest.

  She closed the distance between them at a near jog, stopping right in front of him. “Hi.”

  Forget polite greetings. He pulled her into a hug, relishing the feel of her in his arms and how perfectly she fit against him. Without conscious thought, he leaned down and captured her lips in a soul-searing kiss.

  Only when Henry cleared his throat did he remember where they were. Finn reluctantly released her, wanting to roar in triumph when he saw on her face the same look of near rapture he felt as well.

  “Hi,” he replied, his voice growlier than usual with his bear so close to the surface. “What are you doing here?”

  “Henry accepted a position at the research center. I’m tagging along.” Her brows furrowed in confusion. “Wait, you didn’t know that?”

  Finn shook his head.

  “Then why are you here?”

  “Me? Oh, I was heading to Vermont.”

  She looked down at the suitcase he hadn’t yet checked. When she looked back up at him, her eyes were soft and shimmering. “You were, huh?”

  He nodded. “I told you I’d come.”