Hating You

by Beck, J. L.

  Shaking my head, I dismiss his statement. I don’t have it in me to fight with him. Not right now. I’m not going back though. Not now, or ever.

  Silence fills the room, and my stomach starts to grumble loudly.

  “When was the last time you ate?”

  I shrug, “I don’t know, a couple of days.”

  “Jesus,” Parker shakes his head and then pulls his phone out. “I’m going to go downstairs and get something to eat from the restaurant. I’ll be right back. I need a minute to think anyway.” When he lets go of my hand, a coldness sweeps through me. I hate this rift that’s forming between us, but what am I supposed to do? How else should I feel?

  He leaves the room, the sound of the door clicking as it closes startles me, and I look up and realize that Brett is still here. Leaning against the small desk, I can feel him watching me. The heat of his gaze penetrates through my skin. The predatory way he’s looking at me makes me want to get up and run out of the room, but I grip onto my knees and remain seated.

  He’s just angry, upset over what happened.

  “You are just as beautiful as your sister was, just as stupid too,” he grins, and I feel like the world has been turned upside down. I feel off-balance, confused, and scared, really scared. It’s not even his words that scare me, it’s the look in his eyes that has a shiver running down my spine. His eyes are cold and empty, completely void of all emotions. And no emotions is worse than anything, worse than anger. It means deep down he’s unreachable. It means I should run, scream.

  He takes a step toward me, and I instinctively scoot back on the bed, trying to get away from him. Parker will be here any second… I tell myself.

  “Too bad your sister killed herself before I could have a little fun with her again, you know, for old times sake.”

  “B-but… Nate…” I stutter, confused, so very confused.

  “Yeah, Nate was there too, he was just smarter than me and put on a condom. All I had to do was put on a fucking condom…” He takes another step closer, and again, I move further away. Or at least, I try to. “Her pussy was just too good, and I paid the price…”

  With my pulse thundering in my ears, I shuffle closer to the edge of the bed. I prepare myself for my next move, taking my eyes off him for a fraction of a second. In that second, Brett lunges forward, his fingers digging into my ankle. A scream catches in my throat when, with a sharp tug, he pulls my body back toward him.

  “This time, I’ll make sure I don’t leave any evidence, not even a body.”

  I squeeze my eyes closed as he descends on me, his fingers sinking into my hips so harshly it feels like he’s crushing the bone. Pain radiates through me, and inside my head, I pray. Pray, that Parker returns before he gets the chance to end me. Then again…maybe Parker’s just as big of a monster as his brother. Perhaps he’s in on it.

  20

  Parker

  I don’t know what the fuck I expected to find here. Did I really think she would come back just for me? Did I think she would jump into my arms and be happy to see me?

  What about me?

  It took a lot to even say those words, and her answer was nothing but a kick in the nut sack. My chest still hurts from that kick. I have to remind myself that this is partially my own fault. I should have taken better care of her. I should have figured out why Willow was in Blackthorn, and I should have known what was going on with Ashton.

  I let my need for revenge cloud my mind, and I got sloppy. I should have been smarter than that, but instead, I got caught up in my hunger for vengeance.

  We’re even now. I almost laugh at the thought. Even. That’s what she thought this was… that what I felt for her was only revenge. I guess I would have to show her otherwise, then again, I thought I had shown her. I thought she could feel the change in me.

  Sitting in one of the booths at the restaurant, I wait for my order. Seeing her so broken, so damn shattered. It did me in. It made me feel like I hadn’t felt in two years. Yes, I set my brother free, but in doing so, killed someone else. I broke Willow.

  “Your food is ready,” the hostess calls me over to the bar interrupting my thoughts before they spiral out of control. I get up and take the bag she gives me.

  “Thanks,” I mutter before heading out of the door, through the lobby and into the elevator. The doors pings open on the fifth floor, and I step out. I knock on Willow’s door, an uneasy feeling settling in my stomach.

  Maybe I shouldn’t have come here. Maybe I should give her some more time.

  A moment later, Brett opens the door, and the feeling in my gut expands. Something is off. My pulse pounds in my throat, and I grip the bag harder in my closed fist.

  “I have a surprise for you,” Brett grins, but there is something weird about that grin, something unnatural. His lips are pulled up in a grin, but his eyes are murderous. I know that look, that feeling… it’s…

  “What—” The word gets lodged in my throat when Brett steps aside, and I peer into the room. My eyes bulge out of my head, and I almost drop the bag of food when I see Willow. I think I’m going to be sick.

  She is sprawled out on the bed, gagged and tied up. Her face white as the sheet she is lying on. Big fat tears slip down the side of her face, and all I want to do is run to her and untie her, but something feels very dangerous about this whole situation. Something tells me that treading lightly is my best bet here.

  “What the fuck, Brett?” I seethe, barely holding my rage back.

  “I know, it’s not a good idea to do this here, but I couldn’t wait,” Brett tells me as if I knew that this was the plan all along.

  Walking inside, I close the door, the sound making Willow jump against the mattress. She looks at me with pleading eyes, struggling with all her strength against the restraints. How the fuck do I defuse this situation? Does she think I did this? Fuck, I’m angry and confused, but above anything else, I have to get him to let her go. No matter what. Even if I have to play along. I’ll protect her.

  “You need to explain this whole thing to me, Brett, what the hell is going on here? I thought you were innocent. Why are you tying her up?”

  “I figured Dad told you the truth by now.”

  “What truth?” I try to keep my eyes on him, but Willow’s whimpering makes it damn near impossible. Each sound, a knife slicing through my skin.

  “Nate and I were both there that night. Ashton told me it was over, that she didn’t want to see me anymore. Told me I was too controlling. That bitch had to ruin everything. We were perfect for each other, and she had to ruin it all.” He shakes his head, disappointment dripping from every word he speaks.

  I let the fact that he just admitted to raping Ashton sink in for one single second. If it weren’t for me, Willow wouldn’t be here right now. She wouldn’t be in danger; her sister might still be alive. He did it. I thought… I thought he was innocent. This whole time, I blamed someone else. I directed all my anger toward the wrong person.

  And my father… he knew too. He knew, and he still treated Willow the way he did? I’ll have to deal with him later, but right now, I need to concentrate on Brett.

  Looking up at him, it becomes harder not to lash out. He wore his mask so well. Hid his darkness like a second skin. Anger burns through me at the speed of lightning, rushing to the surface, zinging through every cell. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Willow’s petite form shaking. I have to end this… I have to…

  “And what are we exactly planning to do here?”

  Brett shrugs, “Just having some fun with her. Don’t worry, I brought condoms. Not making that mistake again,” he chuckles. He fucking chuckles. He has to be fucking crazy if he thinks I’m going to let him fuck her.

  “I don’t know if this is a good idea. Like you said, this is a hotel. What if someone hears?” Defuse the situation.

  “That’s why I gagged her. We’ll put a pillow over her face for good measure.” I can’t believe my brother’s words. I’ve looked up to him since I
can remember. I’m not a good person by any means, but this, the man he has become, is something else entirely. Where I walk a fine line between right and wrong, he’s completely gone, a lost cause. There is no right or wrong with him. There is just what he wants, and that’s it.

  “Still, we shouldn’t do this. Not here.”

  “Don’t tell me you’re enamored by her pussy?” He rolls his eyes, “Don’t want to share her with me? What happened to brothers share everything?”

  It takes everything in me to let my next sentence escapes my mouth, “Fine, I’ll share.” As I say the words, I force a grin, hoping that it’s enough to convince him.

  Willow starts to thrash, the bed creaking with every shift of her body. I wish she didn’t have to hear that, and I hope like hell that when this is over, she believes that I did this to protect her.

  Like an evil villain, he rubs his hands together in excitement. “Great, let’s begin.”

  My brother turns his back to me and heads to the bed, toward Willow… my Willow. Mine. That one single word resonates through me, ripping through the tissue and bone, branding into my heart. Mine. She is mine. I know what I have to do.

  Time seems to slow down. He only takes one step, but a million things are running through my mind. A million scenarios play out in my head all within that one step. Do it.

  And then, I strike. Like a wild animal, I pounce on Brett’s back. My arms circle his neck, and I pull him down into my chest, trying to get a good enough grasp to cut off his air supply. Immediately he struggles against my hold. Struggles so much so, that I almost lose my grip, but all I have to do it glance over at the fragile creature lying on that bed, and a newfound vigor fills my veins. He might be bigger than me, but he doesn’t have a reason to fight.

  “You fucking asshole,” Brett manages to say, his voice strained and breathless. Using his body weight, he makes us sway, and with a kick against the bed, he propels us backward. Before I can think, my back is slamming into the corner of the TV cabinet, knocking the wind straight out of me. Gritting my teeth, I put everything into keeping my hold on him.

  “You’re the asshole, I fought for you, and you were guilty the whole time,” I grit into his ear and tighten my arm around his neck. He makes a choking sound, and I have to drown out the noise, concentrating on Willow instead. Dark hair. Haunting green eyes. My world. My life. I squeeze tighter, feeling Brett’s movements slow, the fight in him withering away with each second. My muscles burn, and my jaw clenches so hard I can hear my molars grinding together.

  Beads of sweat drip down my face, and a moment later, the room falls silent, and Brett’s body goes slack in my hold. As soon as he is out, I let go of him and check his pulse. I want to knock him out, not kill him, well, I kinda want to kill him, but I’m smart enough to know that doing that will leave me without Willow.

  When I confirm that he is still alive, I dash to the phone, pick it up and call the front desk.

  The moment someone picks up, I yell, “We need the police and an ambulance in room 519. Now!” I slam the receiver back on the station and turn to Willow.

  My fingers shake as I start to undo the tape he used to tie her up. He must have had it in his jacket, which means he planned this whole thing. I don’t know why, but that makes me feel even worse. I brought him here and left my Willow alone with him. I pull the piece on her mouth off, and as soon as it hits the floor, a loud sob fills the room.

  “I’m sorry, Willow, so sorry,” I keep saying as I carefully free her from the rest of the tape. When her hands are free, she slings her arms around me, pulling me closer and burying her face into my chest.

  “Oh, god, I thought… I thought…” She heaves in-between sobs.

  “Shhh,” I try to soothe her, “I know, you don’t have to explain it to me.”

  “I didn’t know,” she whimpers.

  “I didn’t know either. You have to believe me, Willow. I had no idea. I thought he was truly innocent.” I hiss, my voice plagued with emotion. “I’m so sorry. Everything I did to you. Everything my family did to you. I’m sorry, so fucking sorry.” I hold onto her a little tighter, wishing I could just take her and disappear into the darkness.

  21

  Willow

  Sitting in Parker’s car at the edge of the cemetery, we wait until everybody is gone. I feel cold, every inch of my flesh frozen. Will it be like this forever? Will I feel this way forever? I watch my father from afar, seeing through his mask right away. He is playing the role of the grieving father well, but not well enough to fool me.

  Beneath the coldness, pure burning rage consumes me. I hate my father, and I can say that without a single sliver of remorse. He might be my father, but he’s nothing close to being the daddy, he leads everyone to believe. This is the end, the freedom I always wanted is mine, but at the expense of one of my loved one’s lives. A tightening forms in my chest as I think about how alone I am. I have no one, nothing. It is just me now. It hasn’t been that long, and I already miss her. I miss her so much it feels like that empty space inside me will never be filled again.

  When every last person has finally left, Parker turns to me. “Are you ready?”

  I nod, even though I don’t feel ready. Holding onto the flowers in my hand a little tighter, I wait for Parker to move first. He gets out of the car, comes around, and opens my door. He has to help me out because my body matches the state of my mind right now; confused, broken, and weak. Looping my arm into his, I let him lead me to my sister’s grave. She was laid to rest beside my mother. Another reminder of how much I’ve already lost, though I am happy that they are together again, even if it’s just here.

  Staring down at the freshly moved dirt, I wonder what I should say. Words won’t change what happened, they won’t bring her back.

  “I’m sorry,” I bite my lip hard enough to make it bleed while attempting to hold back the sob from ripping from my throat. “I’m sorry for letting you down. I’m sorry for not fighting hard enough for you. You were all I had, and I let you down.”

  Parker’s hand rubs slow, gentle circles against my back, reminding me that he is still here, that he wants me. But that’s not enough. That’s not going to bring her back to me.

  “I miss you so much. It hasn’t been that long, but it feels like it’s been, and I know it’s only going to get worse.” The wind blows, and my body sways with the movement. “I’ll get you justice and make everyone who did you wrong pay.”

  And I will. I’ll make sure Nate and Brett get what’s coming to them. Justice will be served. On shaky legs, I walk forward and place the flowers on her grave. I hold back the tears and take a step back.

  “You may be gone big sister, but you will not be forgotten,” I whisper. Parker’s strong arm wraps around my middle, and he pulls me back into his chest. The warmth of his body seeps into mine, and I start to shiver.

  What happens next? I’m so lost now. I have nothing, nowhere to go, nothing to look forward to.

  “It’s getting cold,” Parker whispers softly into the shell of my ear.

  “What...what do I do now?” The tears start to fall, staining my cheeks.

  “Let’s talk about it,” he says, and I start to sob as I walk back toward the car, each cry a silent scream for help. I’m drowning in misery and sadness, and the water keeps rising. How will I survive? Parker opens the car door and helps me in. I wipe at my tired eyes, wanting the tears and pain to stop. Entering the car, he turns it on and blasts the heat. Then as if I weigh nothing more than a small child, he tugs me across the center console and into his lap.

  I don’t fight him, needing his warmth, his support. Placing my head against his chest, I focus on the familiar beat of his heart.

  Thump. Thump. Thump.

  Running his fingers through my hair, Parker speaks low, “I know it’s going to be hard for you, but I want you to come back to Blackthorn with me. I want you, really want you. Not in a revenge kind of way, or even obsession…though I am obsessed with you.” The
last part comes out in a whisper. His confession should make me smile, and it would if I could manage to smile right now.

  “I can’t. I can’t afford the tuition there, and the only way my father will pay for it is if I act as his pawn, and I refuse to have anything to do with him. I don’t want to be caged anymore. I want to be free.”

  “I…” the tremble in his voice causes me to pull back, and I stare up at him through teary eyes. He looks conflicted, pained. “I… I love you, Willow, and I’m trying so hard to give you a choice, even though I want to tell you that you’re going to stay with me. The thought of losing you. It kills me. It makes me manic. In my mind, you’re mine, always have been, since the moment I laid eyes on you.”

  He… he loves me? My gaze widens, and I feel his words. I feel them moving through me. But is his love enough?

  “I can’t go back, Parker,” I confess.

  “You can. I’ll pay for your tuition. You can live with me in my house. I’ll take care of you. If you let me. If you want me.”

  If I want him? Doesn’t he understand that the only reason I haven’t fallen completely off the wagon is because he’s holding me in place, keeping me grounded?

  “I’m going to give you a choice. If you don’t want this, then I’ll help you go somewhere else. If you don’t want me, I’ll pay for you to go to another school, find you somewhere to live. You won’t have to worry about money or your father. You won’t have to worry about me either.”

  He isn’t saying what I think he is, is he? He’s not giving me up?

  “You would really do that for me?” It almost sounds too good to be true. Like a trick, but what would he get from it?

  “Yes, I would do anything for you. If you chose to come home with me, things will be different, I promise. No more games, no more using each other. It’s just going to be us, you and me, trying to make it work. So, what do you say?”

  His offer is so tempting, and everything I’ve ever wanted to hear him say. But I’m still scared, still afraid.