When We Were Us

by Elena Aitken

  “Christy, I need to feel you.” The clothes between them were too much. He needed to see her, to touch her.

  Reluctantly, Christy broke the kiss to stand in front of him. She untied the knot at the side of her dress and unwrapped it from her body in a sensuous striptease. As the fabric fell to the ground and revealed the black lacy bra and panties beneath, Mark’s heartbeat quickened, his need for her growing.

  He stood in front of her and let his hands softly travel the length of his wife’s body before once again pressing his lips to hers. He moved his mouth down her neck, licking and tasting her sweetness, and to the swell of her breasts before he stopped himself long enough to scoop her up in his arms and deposit her gently on the bed, where he could make love to his wife properly.

  They didn’t get much sleep, not that Christy cared. Even with only a few hours, she felt amazing and rejuvenated. There was still a lot they had to talk about, but they were back. They were them again. Christy and Mark. And it felt so good.

  In fact, it felt better than it ever had, if that was even possible.

  Maybe Mark had been right—maybe they’d needed the shake-up in their lives in order to have the opportunity to wake up and remember that even through all the stress of infertility treatments and all of the uncertainty that they’d gone through, that as long as they had each other, they could get through anything that life threw at them.

  Christy giggled at her new, fairy-tale attitude the next morning as she pressed a kiss to Mark’s cheek. He was still sleeping, and he needed it. She’d let him get a few more hours before they had to check out of the hotel and go home. She was too charged up to sleep, so she might as well meet the rest of the guys for breakfast. Besides, she wanted to talk to them about writing and performing some more original music.

  “Well,” Caleb said when she walked into the motel restaurant. “I didn’t think we’d be seeing you this morning.”

  “Where’s the mister?” Josh made a show of looking behind her before adding, “Is everything…”

  “It’s fine,” she said quickly, just so they wouldn’t think there was even more drama than there already had been. Thankfully, the guys had been mostly unaware of everything that had been going on with Mark. She didn’t want to bring chaos into a situation where she was still trying to find her place. “He’s sleeping.”

  “I bet he is.” Caleb winked and then immediately caught himself. “Sorry, Christy. I’m used to hanging out with the guys. I shouldn’t have—”

  “No,” she interrupted him. “It’s okay.” It was better than okay. She loved that Caleb felt comfortable enough with her to tease her. They were good guys and they’d been so welcoming of her and she really did feel as though she belonged. “Besides, you were right.” She winked back at Caleb and the guys laughed.

  “We were just about to order,” Jamie said. “Have a seat. You hungry?”

  “Totally.”

  Over coffee and pancakes, the group discussed the success of the show the night before, including the debut of the new songs and their brand-new group name. And it had been a success, too. The crowd had been awesome and everyone reported that they’d been stopped and congratulated on the new sound.

  “The manager wants to rebook us already,” Jamie reported. “For next month. It’s a long way to go for one gig, so I’m happy to organize another little tour. What do you think, Christy?”

  What did she think? She was in. Without a doubt or second thought.

  But…

  That was before. Before Mark had heard her sing. Before he’d come to find her, to talk to her. Before they’d…what? Fixed things?

  “Christy?”

  “It’s okay if it’s not a good time, Christy.” Jamie picked up on her hesitancy. “We’ll understand if you need to—”

  “No.” She held up her hand and then laughed at herself. “It’s not that it’s not a good time. It’s just…what if we waited? Just a little bit,” she said quickly, seeing the way the guys reacted. “Just long enough to get a few more songs. You heard the way the crowd reacted to our original stuff.” She sat up in her chair, getting excited just talking about it. “Wouldn’t it be great if we have more new stuff for them next time? I’m not saying that we shouldn’t go on tour again. I’m saying that we should, but we should be ready. Really ready before we go. Maybe we can even line up a few talent agents to come watch us?”

  Josh stared at her as though she were speaking a different language and Caleb laughed. It was Jamie who finally smiled and explained their reaction. “You’ve sure come a long way in a short time, haven’t you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Christy, it wasn’t that long ago that I could barely convince you to come up and try singing with us at the Log and Jam. Remember?”

  She nodded, but it seemed like a lifetime ago. She could hardly remember that woman who’d been nervous to stand up and hold the microphone in her hand. Who’d tentatively sung the notes of the first few bars. Things had changed a lot. She’d changed a lot.

  She wasn’t the same woman as she’d been then. Not really.

  “Well,” she said after a moment. “Things have changed.”

  “They certainly have.” Jamie smiled and sipped his coffee. “I do hope they haven’t changed too much though.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I hope life on the road hasn’t hardened you.”

  It was her turn to laugh. She shook her head. “Not yet. But I do want to thank you guys. This has been the most incredible experience and…” She let her thoughts trail off because she didn’t want to get emotional. Christy swallowed hard and chuckled. “And…I’m tired so I probably should stop talking before I make a complete fool of myself.”

  “I don’t think that’s possible.” Caleb blew her a kiss across the table and they all laughed again.

  While the group finished their breakfast, they agreed that they should wait a bit longer before going back on the road, get a few more new songs on the set list and line up some talent agents to watch them perform. They all agreed that Timber Heart was going to be something special.

  As they left the restaurant, Christy pulled Jamie aside. “Hey, I just wanted to thank you.”

  Jamie’s smile was easy. “For what?”

  “For all this.” She waved her hands around the motel’s cement parking lot. “Okay.” She laughed. “Maybe not all this. But you know what I mean. Honestly...” She turned serious. “I really mean it. Thank you.”

  “You don’t have to thank me, Christy.”

  “I do.” She grabbed his hand and his eyes met hers. Things could have been different with him and in that instant, she realized, maybe for the first time, just how different they could have been. But that wasn’t what she wanted. She might have thought she wanted it for a brief moment in time, but she knew better now, and thank goodness Jamie had been a gentleman. A friend. “I know things could have gotten awkward with us after…well…you know.”

  He smiled. “I do know. And things will never be awkward, Christy. You’re great. You know that, right?” She looked away for a moment, but he gave her hand a shake and she looked back into his kind eyes. “You really are, Christy. You’re beautiful and talented and you have such a huge heart. If things were different…” He laughed. “But they’re not and Mark is a very lucky man.”

  “No,” she corrected him. “I’m a very lucky woman to have such an amazing husband.”

  “I don’t doubt that for a moment.”

  They looked at each other for a moment before Christy spoke again. “I’m going to ride home with Mark.”

  “You better.”

  He opened his arms for a hug and Christy let him squeeze her tight. “I’m really glad that whatever was going on with you two seems to be on the mend.”

  She nodded against his shoulder.

  “Love like that doesn’t come along every day.”

  Tears sprang to her eyes again and she pulled back to wipe her face.


  “It looks like Sleeping Beauty might be ready to go.” Jamie gestured behind her and she turned to see Mark standing in the door of their room, watching.

  She waved and turned back to Jamie to say good-bye but he stopped her before she could say anything.

  “Give us a call when you’re ready to rehearse again, okay?”

  Christy nodded.

  “But take your time. Really. There’s no rush.”

  She nodded again and blew him a kiss before running across the parking lot. To her husband.

  Chapter Seventeen

  It had been two weeks since Mark had gone to Crescent City to rediscover his wife, but it may have been the best two weeks of their relationship. On the drive home, Mark did something he’d never done before and called Sarah, cancelling all his patients for the rest of the week, rescheduling any emergencies to his colleagues who more than owed him a few favors, and instead of driving straight home, they decided to take the long way.

  Mark drove them up the coast, spending a night in Portland and then a night in Seattle, where they ate fish and chips on the wharf and spent the day wandering around Pike Place Market. It had been years since the two of them had spent time together that way, just relaxing and laughing with no pressures of any kind.

  They held hands like teenagers and talked in a way they hadn’t for years. And when they were finally done being tourists, they went home and spent another few days locked up in their house, wrapped up in each other’s arms. They took turns between making love, watching movies, and doing even more talking.

  They’d been so immersed in the details of fertility treatments, Mark realized, that somewhere along the lines they had lost sight of the other dreams they had together. Sure, they’d wanted a family but there was more to it than that. They’d wanted to build a life together and there was more than one way to do that.

  On the last night of their self-imposed reconnection stay-cation, Mark wanted to do something special, so instead of ordering in food or finding something in the freezer to defrost the way they had been doing, he slipped out to the store to pick up a few things. The plan was to get in, buy what he needed, and get out before anyone saw him. They’d done a good job of shutting out the world, and although it couldn’t last forever, he wanted just a few more hours before he had to share her again.

  He kept his head down as he loaded the groceries onto the conveyer at the front of the store and went over the recipe in his head, doing one last mental check to be sure he had everything to make Christy her favorite stuffed chicken with béarnaise sauce. Lemon…check…asparagus…check…butter…

  “Doctor Thomas?”

  His head shot up at the sound of his patient’s voice. “Becky?” He blinked hard. How was this young girl standing behind the till ringing in his groceries? She’d only just given birth. “What are you…are you feeling okay? How’s little Mya?”

  Myriad emotions played across the young girl’s face. “I’m fine,” she said after a moment. “And the baby…she’s fine too.”

  Becky didn’t look fine. She looked pale, exhausted, and impossibly thin for someone who was only a few weeks postpartum. “You’re back to work already?” He glanced around as he realized that he didn’t know Becky worked at the grocery store.

  “I just started here,” she said. “The timing isn’t perfect but I was lucky to get the job.” She rang up the package of chicken and wrapped it neatly in plastic before putting it in the bag. “I still waitress at Riverside, too. But that’s nights and weekends mostly.”

  Mark blinked. “You’re working two jobs? What about the baby?”

  She smiled sadly. “I have friends watching her while I’m at work. It’s not…well, it’s working for now. But I need the money. Rent is expensive, and my dad decided that living with a newborn wasn’t really…well, anyway, it’s fine.”

  It didn’t sound fine. Not even a little bit. Mark’s heart ached for his patient.

  “I was actually hoping I could make an appointment to see you,” Becky said as she scanned the package of eggs. “Your receptionist said you were on vacation and I didn’t want to bother you.”

  “No. It’s no bother, of course.” He knew without even checking with Sarah that when he went into the office the next day, his schedule would be jam-packed after taking time off. “Why don’t you come in first thing tomorrow? I’ll be in early. Eight o’clock? Would that work around your schedule?”

  She nodded, and looked away, obviously trying not to cry. “Thank you, Doctor Thomas.”

  “Of course.”

  “That’ll be $20.45.”

  He handed her two twenties. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.” He offered her a big smile, picked up his bags and walked away, pretending he didn’t hear her when she called after him that he’d forgotten his change.

  Christy had ignored her phone for almost an entire week. It was an amazingly freeing feeling to be so disconnected from the world. Especially while she and Mark were reconnecting. She didn’t think it was possible to have so much fun just hanging out in the house, having sex, cuddling, watching movies and…having more sex. It had been so long since they’d had a no-pressure, just-for-fun sex life, and Christy had forgotten just how awesome that was.

  The mini vacation had been nice, but it was almost over. In the morning, Mark would get up and go to the office, and she would have to figure out her next move. She’d been doing a lot of thinking and talking it over with Mark, and she was excited to talk to the rest of the band about some of the ideas she’d been tossing around for them and how they could proceed.

  She’d enjoyed their time off, but she was ready to get moving on things and rejoin life again. Which meant she should probably return Cam’s calls. Her friend had left a number of voice mails for her, prefacing each one with things like, “Everything is okay.” Or “It’s not an emergency, but…”

  She knew she was breaking the rule they’d decided on to pick up her phone, but one little call to Cam to set up a coffee date couldn’t possibly hurt too badly.

  Her friend picked up on the second ring. “Where’ve you been? Never mind, I know where you’ve been. In the bedroom with your husband, no doubt.”

  Christy laughed. She could almost see Cam wiggling her eyebrows on the other end of the line. “That’s exactly what I’ve been doing, and I don’t regret one minute of it.”

  “And nor should you.” Cam laughed for a moment, before she asked, “Are you guys okay then? I mean, you’ve talked about everything?”

  Christy nodded. “We’ve talked a lot. But we still have more to do. There’s still a lot of things we need to figure out.”

  “But you’re going to be okay?”

  Christy smiled when she heard the front door open as her husband returned from the store. “We’re going to be fine,” she said because she knew it in her heart. They still needed to talk about a few major things, including the fact that Christy had decided that she’d like to put all conversations about starting a family on hold. Obviously a child of their own was out of the question, but years ago, they had discussed the idea of adoption. Although Christy wasn’t against it then, and she certainly wasn’t now, it wasn’t the right time to talk about any of it.

  “Will you have time for a coffee in the morning?” Cam asked. “There are a few things I want to talk to you about and I want to hear all about your tour. Do you think you have time for me? I know Mark’s going back to work, so I assume your holiday is over.”

  Christy laughed. “Sadly, it is over and of course I have time for you. How’s nine?” She waved at Mark and tried to take a bag from his arms as he joined her in the kitchen, loaded down with groceries.

  He side-stepped her and started putting groceries away.

  “Nine’s great. And Christy?”

  Distracted by her husband, who’d started dancing as he put the groceries away, Christy almost didn’t notice the way her friend’s voice changed. Almost. “What’s up? Is everything okay, Cam?” She turned away from Mark
to focus on the last of the conversation.

  “Everything is fine. I just wanted to let you know that I’m really glad you’re doing better and that you and Mark are working through everything. You know I love you, right?”

  “Of course. I love you, too, silly.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Was that Cam?” Mark moved across the kitchen and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

  “Yes. I’m sorry I broke our no-contact rule, but I figured I should probably return her call before she started to think there was something wrong. And you did go out to the store, so…”

  “It’s fine.” Mark laughed and kissed her again. “I guess we can’t hide from the world forever, can we?”

  “No.” She cuddled up into his arms and put her head on his chest. “But it sure has been nice.”

  He murmured into her hair and bent to kiss her neck.

  The touch of his lips on her skin sent shivers through her to her core. “I could get used to these cuddles.”

  “I hope you do,” he said. “There’ll be lots more cuddles, that’s a promise. I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.”

  She pulled away enough to look into his eyes. “I’ve been right here.”

  “I know, but you know what I mean. Everything has just been…well, we got kind of lost for a while, didn’t we?”

  She nodded. They’d already talked for hours about how hard the last few years had been and she didn’t feel they needed to go over it again. But there was one thing she did need to say. Christy took Mark’s hand and led him through to the living room, where they sat on the couch side by side. “I think we should talk about the elephant in the room, Mark.”

  He tried to joke by making a show of looking around for the elephant, but Christy wasn’t smiling and soon he grew serious too. “What’s going on, sweetie?”

  She took a deep breath and grabbed his hands in hers. “We need to talk about the baby.” He sat up, startled, and his mouth fell open. She held up a hand to stop him before he could let his imagination run away with him. “The baby that we’re not going to have,” she said in clarification. “We haven’t really talked about that and isn’t that kind of a big deal?”