Twisted Heartstrings

by A Kelly Sweeney

  “Then maybe I should tell you I don't sleep around with girls when I’m on tour.” He chuckles. “After a show I usually just crash after having a couple of drinks with the guys. But there's something about you I’m drawn to. I felt it six years ago when you used to come see us at the bars, but I couldn't get close to you then.”

  “You're trying to get me to believe that you remember me from six years ago at the bars where you used to play?” I ask skeptically.

  “For two whole months I was trying to get up the nerve to approach you. And when I finally decided to talk to you after one of our shows, you were gone, and I never saw you again.”

  “Red Deer didn't offer much for post-secondary education. I came here for school and haven't been back, aside from holidays.” I look away. “What would Nikki think about me being in your room? She is your girlfriend, after all.”

  “Nikki and I broke up. She was cheating on me while I was away and got pregnant. I learned that she was only with me for what I could offer her. She wanted the fame that went with being connected to the band,” he says with a resigned sigh.

  “So, the rumours are partly true, then,” I say. “Just so you know, I'm not going to be a rebound girl. I'm not here to sleep with you. I only came in hopes to get to know the real you, not the persona that you show to the world. But there’s something that you need to know about me before you decide whether you let that happen.”

  “What could be so bad?”

  “First off, I'm a research assistant for a magazine who's doing a spread on Twisted Tragic, and if word gets out I know anyone from the band personally, I’ll get hounded to give details. It's bad enough my boss was downstairs and saw me come in with you and most likely leave with you. I don't want to hurt any of you by accidentally giving away any information that you would rather remain private. And second, if anything were to happen between us and someone digs into my past, it will do nothing but bring shame to you.”

  “Your past wouldn't have anything to do with us.”

  “It would if they knew I was a daughter of a drug addicted prostitute who doesn't know who her father is. Who was raised in the system after her mother overdosed. If they can get past the sealed records, they will be able to find out that I was bounced from one home to another for years.” My voice trembles as I spill my horrible past.

  He encloses me in his arms. “That wouldn't matter to us.”

  “You say that now, but what happens when it becomes a scandal? Especially when rumours are that my father is either a drug dealer or was a rock star my mom partied with.” I lean my head on his chest, breathing in his masculine scent.

  He pulls away from me, “I need to grab a shower. If you want to go mingle for a while you can and I'll find you after.”

  “Sure. When Keri is ready maybe we'll head out. You're probably tired and don't need someone hanging around keeping you awake,” I say, tilting the last of the beer in my bottle.

  “I didn't mean you have to leave,” Lucius quickly says. “I want to spend time with you, get to know you.”

  “I guess she can find me when she's ready. It's not like it would be hard to find out where I went.”

  Lucius leaves the bedroom to take a shower. While he's gone, I fish my phone out of my pocket and check my messages.

  Keri: Where are you?

  Me: Drinking in Lucius's room with him.

  Keri: You going to be ok? I'm in one of the rooms with a lot of people. The rest of the guys are here.

  Me: I'm fine. We’re just talking, that's all.

  Keri: Be careful!

  Me: I will.

  I sit down on the king size bed and laugh to myself because I should be more worried about her. Lucius already said he doesn't sleep with girls while on tour, but I’m sure the other guys do, and Keri is an attractive girl. She's not usually picky about who she goes to bed with, as long as she has a good time.

  I'm still staring at the message from Keri when Lucius returns. He's clad in only a pair of tight, black boxer briefs that leave nothing to the imagination. He's definitely well hung. I suck in a deep breath. It's then that I notice that most of his body is covered in tattoos, not just the ones we see when he's shirtless on stage. His body is toned, but not bulky. I catch a grin when my eyes reach his.

  “Sorry, I didn't mean to stare,” I say, looking away, blushing. “I didn't know you had that many tattoos.”

  “Most are covered. The guys know about all of them. Aside from them, only you and one other person has seen them,” he responds with a sexy smile and a wink.

  “Nikki,” I reply dryly.

  “Yeah, she was pissed after I got more of them done. She knew I had some and that I was planning to get more when we got together. I wasn't going to let anyone stop me from getting them.”

  “It's your body to do with what you want.” I notice that he looks pretty tired, so I opt to change the subject. “You should probably get some sleep now.” I stand to leave, and he grabs my wrist, halting me.

  “Don't go.” His tone has me pausing my escape.

  I smile. I don't really want to go. “Only for a bit. Until you get tired enough to want to sleep. Then I’ll go.”

  “Why don't you go take a shower? I'm sure you want to get cleaned up some. I'll set out something for you to wear. That way if we both pass out while talking, you’ll be comfortable. While you're in the shower I can get my brother to let your friend know where you are.”

  Rolling my eyes, but excited to spend more time with him, I nod. I head to the bathroom hoping that the main suite door is locked if he's going to be leaving me something to change into. The last thing I want is someone walking in on me.

  Chapter Five

  Toni

  When I step out of the shower and start to dry off, I find a t-shirt, basketball shorts, and boxers waiting for me. I guess the shorts are in case the boxers don't fit, but meh, whatever works. I didn't expect the boxers to fit when I pulled them on, but considering how tall Lucius is, his waist is narrow. Foregoing my bra, I pull the t-shirt on, and it’s huge on my small frame.

  As I enter the bedroom, I find Lucius typing on his phone. When he looks up, he stops typing. I can't help but bite my lip as I continue toward the bed. I sit down on the end, feeling awkward and not knowing why. Somehow this feels more intimate than being with any of my previous boyfriends, not that there were many.

  We both lay our phones on the bedside tables before turning to face one another.

  “So, I guess you’re the good brother and Alucard is the bad brother?” I ask.

  He must have found my question amusing because he laughs before answering, and his laugh makes me smile as it sends a shiver through my body.

  “Growing up as the youngest of three other brothers we were little terrors. Alexander, Damien, and Marius had nothing on us once we got big enough to fight them back. We drove our parents absolutely up the wall.”

  “I didn't know you had three older brothers. Your parents have a thing for goth names?”

  “You could say that. We were all teased about our names growing up. But we didn't care, we liked being different. You had to have been teased for your name too.”

  “Yeah, a few of my foster parents thought I was a boy until I showed up. A few sent me back because they wanted a boy, not a girl. Eventually, I got over it. Having Keri helped. She stood up for me, knew my life had been hard already, even before entering foster care. Do your brothers look like you and Alucard?” I ask, trying to change the subject from my past.

  “We look a lot alike, other than they’re shorter than us. We all have dark hair and blue eyes. We take after our father. Our mother looks out of place when she's with us,” he says with a fond smile.

  “Was it hard to tell you and Alucard apart when you were younger?”

  He lets out a sigh as he contemplates how to answer. “Our family could tell us apart from the beginning. As babies, our mom used to tell us that Alucard was the demanding one, whereas I was the content one.
As toddlers, Alucard had no fear and got into everything; I was the opposite. For years during school, our friends couldn’t tell us apart, but as we got older it was easier because of how different we tried to be from each other.”

  “What do you mean by how different you tried to be?”

  He chuckles. “When we tried to express our different personalities. We dressed differently than each other. We tried to have different haircuts. At one point, Alucard bleached his hair, and our mom was pissed because we were only ten at the time.”

  “I can't picture either of you with bleached hair. I don't think it would suit you.”

  “It didn't. It looked horrible as it grew out. Our mom ended up buzzing his hair because of it.”

  Without even realizing it, we’ve been slowly shifting ourselves until we’re closer. Lucius slips an arm under me and pulls me against his strong body. His hand trails up and down my spine, creating shivers throughout my body. My fingers trace the different tattoos on his chest as we talk. We only have a lamp beside the bed casting a muted light in the room, giving it a cozy, intimate feel. We talk a bit more about his childhood, but it isn't long before we drift off, comfortable in one another’s embrace.

  Chapter Six

  Toni

  As I start to stir, I feel a heavy weight pinned across my stomach. My eyes drift down and I find an arm around me, along with legs tangled up with mine. I almost panic when I remember I fell asleep in bed with the Lucius Black after talking for who knew how long. I smiled to myself, excited about the fact that I spent the night with someone I had a huge crush on.

  Pulling me closer to him, I could tell Lucius was starting to stir, his erection evidence of that. I know it wasn't because of me. I know most men woke with one, so I didn't take offense to it. But I couldn’t help wishing that I was the cause of it.

  “I didn't fall asleep on you, did I?” asks a sleep-roughened, almost raspy sounding, deep voice. It’s sexy as hell and makes my insides heat up.

  “No, I think we fell asleep around the same time,” I reply. “I don't even know what time it was or what time it is now.”

  His arm leaves me as he reaches for his phone and I suddenly feel bereft. That feeling doesn’t sit well with me. As much as I like him and enjoyed the time we've spent together, I can’t allow myself to get caught up with him. It will only end with me being hurt. We would never have a normal relationship, if it ever developed that far. He would always be gone.

  “It's only nine, it's too early to be awake,” he says, as he pulls me father into his embrace.

  “I guess that's why I still feel tired,” I reply, yawning.

  “Go back to sleep,” he says groggily, nuzzling into my hair.

  I lay in his arms, eyes closed, willing myself to sleep. I can hear his soft breathing as he sleeps behind me. But sleep evades me, my mind wandering, keeping me from falling asleep again. Thankfully, I don't have plans for today or tomorrow, so I can actually catch up on sleep later. Thank God for weekends.

  I must have dozed off again at some point. My eyes open to find myself curled up against Lucius's side, our legs tangled together, and my arm over his torso. Shifting, I look up at him to find him watching me.

  “How long have you been awake?” I ask.

  “Not long,” he replies, leaning his head down to kiss me.

  Stunned for a moment, in shock that he’s kissing me, I finally return his kiss. My body aching for more of him, my breasts are swollen and heavy, nipples pebbled. Need is pooling between my legs, and I’m aching to be touched. I sigh, and Lucius takes advantage of my parted lips, slipping his tongue in. Allowing him to deepen the kiss, my body begs for more.

  Regret fills me when he pulls away. I want more.

  “Sorry, I've wanted to do that for a while now,” he apologizes with a sexy rasp.

  “You don't need to apologize for that,” I reply. “I've wondered what that would be like.”

  “You have?” I could hear amusement in his voice, like he was surprised by my admission.

  “Yeah. When we first caught you playing at the bar, I was attracted to you and Alucard. Probably because you’re identical. That summer, I convinced Keri to come out with me every time I knew you were playing, so I could see you. I was too shy to approach either of you, and Keri had no interest; she just wanted to have fun before we left for school.”

  “You're telling me if my brother had shown interest in you that you would have hooked up with him?” His expression shows his displeasure at the thought of that.

  “If he had, I would have learned quickly that it wasn't him who I wanted but you,” I say, blushing. “Yes, I was physically attracted to both of you, but he's not the same as you. People like to think you’re alike in every way, but you aren't. He's more wild than you, whereas you’re more down to earth. You both have different tastes.”

  “Most girls wouldn't care which one of us they hooked up with, they would just brag that they did. Or they only care about what they would get out of it.”

  “The ones who only care about what they get out of it are only for a good time. There are girls who aren’t like that, who would want you for who you are, not what you can offer them. Those are the girls who deserve to be with you, but I doubt they can handle the lifestyle that comes with being who you are.”

  “Would you be able to handle it?” he asks tentatively.

  “I don't know,” I answer honestly. “Even though all we've done is talk and sleep, I've enjoyed spending this time with you. I could see myself falling in love with you, but I don't know how I would handle you being on tour all the time or working in the studio. We'd rarely get to see one another. How would that be fair to either of us if we tried to be together? Besides, we live in two different places.”

  “You could always come on tour with us. The other guys have brought their girlfriends along before. It gets crowded sometimes on the bus, but we could make it work.”

  “I work, I couldn't go on tour with you.”

  “What about when you take vacation time? I can fly you to wherever we are. We could make it work.”

  “I've only been there a year, so all I get is two weeks of vacation. That's not a lot of time to get together. Even if you’re home, I'd only be able to come visit on the weekends unless I'm out of town. Sometimes they send me out on assignment to do research and I could be gone for weeks at a time.” Sadness laces my voice at the thought.

  Hope lights his eyes as he says, “We can use your job to our advantage. They want to do a personal spread on the band, right? How much more personal can you get than if you’re with me? All you have to do is convince them to let you come with us. I’m sure the guys will agree to it.”

  “What exactly are you suggesting?”

  “That we explore what it is between us,” he answers. “If the guys and your boss agree to it, we could have that chance.”

  “You're actually serious about this?” I can hear the shock in my tone. This gorgeous, talented man wants to spend more time with me? Wants me to go on tour with them?

  His eyes flash with anger, almost as if he is mad that I am resisting his offer. Or was it hurt because he thought I didn't want him that way?

  “Lucius, I have trouble being in relationships with people. I didn't grow up the way normal kids do. I push people away or I become too clingy or jealous. I don't know how to be in a relationship with someone. The three relationships I've had didn't end well because of that. I don't want to hurt you.” I felt the need to explain to him why I'm shocked that he'd even suggest it.

  “And what, you're just too scared to even try?” he asks, anger thick in his tone.

  I can feel it in the tightness of his body. I should have feared it. But I know he won't hurt me, at least not physically. Not like the foster parents I'd been shoved between had.

  I sit up, pulling away from him. “I guess you just don't understand it. Why should you? You grew up in a family that obviously loved you. You learned how to deal with relationships a
nd friendships. You knew the score, knew if you needed it, that you would have someone be there for you. You have no idea what I went through and why I don't know how to be in a relationship, let alone a friendship. Keri is my only friend.”

  “Then tell me, so I can understand,” his tone was trying to be understanding, but I can still hear the frustration in his voice. I take a deep breath, close my eyes against the memories, and then tell him.

  “My mother never wanted me. She pawned me off every chance she got so she could go sell herself to make money and spend it on drugs. She'd leave me with different people for days on end to go binge. The only reason she didn't get an abortion was because she saw me as a guaranteed monthly paycheck. When I was home with her, she was too stoned to even bother with me. I had to fend for myself to eat, and that's when she actually bothered to buy food.” I take another deep breath to fight off the pain I feel when talking about her.

  “When I started school all the kids used to tease me. My clothes were worn and dirty because she rarely did laundry. I had to learn real quick how to bathe myself because she never would. When she had John's coming to the apartment, I was always locked up in the closet. That was my life until I was ten, when my mother's pimp found her overdosed and I was taken away from her. The next four years found me bouncing from one foster home to the next where I was abused in one form or another. It wasn't until I started high school that I met the Kindals, who were the only family who were nice to me and let me stay with them until I graduated. They treated me like I was one of their own children. Even their own two kids treated me like I was part of the family. But I didn't know how to interact with them anymore than I know how to interact with most people. I kept them at arm's length, wondering when the rug would be pulled out from under me.”

  I was sitting on the edge of the bed facing away from Lucius. I try to fight back the tears staining my cheeks, angered by their betrayal. I had grown up fighting to not show anyone the emotions that came from my past. Keri being the only exception, she knows everything. I was amazed that I had been able to keep my voice steady while telling Lucius my story. A sob escapes, betraying my silent pity party.