by India Millar
“Is she young? Pretty? Did you see her?”
“Yes, she’s very young and very beautiful. And extremely intelligent. I was fortunate to meet with her a number of times.”
Instantly, I was jealous. Was she prettier than me? Did he like her better than me? Seemon appeared not to notice and continued to speak.
“I was deeply flattered that Queen Victoria seemed to take an interest in me. At first, I couldn’t understand it, but I soon realized that something was going on behind my back. I was introduced to some of her important men who questioned me closely. Did I speak any foreign languages, they asked. French, I said. I had learned that from my grandmother who came from Louisiana where French was spoken as much as English. Apart from that, just Latin, but I had found that very easy to learn. That seemed to surprise them.
“‘Latin is a difficult language.’ The man who was talking to me suddenly ceased speaking in English and switched to Latin. I did likewise out of politeness. Before we could talk for much longer, my uncle interrupted.
“‘My nephew is not doing himself justice,’ he said. ‘When he was in Washington, he was very friendly with a number of Italian and German diplomats. He taught himself to speak both languages.’
“‘But I don’t speak them very well,’ I pointed out. It did no good. The queen’s man was obviously pleased.
“‘Do you think you could learn to speak Japanese?’ he asked me. ‘And not just well, but as though you were born there.’
“I was beginning to be extremely interested. I had heard of Japan, of course. It was a mystery to all of us in the Western world, and intriguing as a result. But why would I ever need to speak the language?”
Seemon paused and smiled at me, his eyebrows raised as if he was asking me if I had followed everything he had told me so far. I was so excited, I could barely keep still. I wriggled my toes on the carpet and sneezed as the fibers it was made from went up my nose.
“Is that why you’re here? Because the young queen sent you to us?” I frowned, understanding even as I spoke that it was a stupid question. For sure, if this important queen had sent him to us, then Seemon would have been seated at the side of the shogun and never allowed to mingle freely with us common people. But he surprised me yet again.
“Sort of. Of course, I asked the politician why he wanted me to learn Japanese. He glanced at my uncle, who nodded, and then he explained.
“‘Both England and America are very interested in Japan. It’s essential to us that we find new places we can trade with. We are both growing nations. We must find somewhere to sell the goods we produce or we will no longer flourish. Besides, it’s generally considered that the Dutch have had Japan to themselves for far too long. They tantalize us with stories of the immense wealth of the country, but they refuse to let anybody else anywhere near. We’ve both had enough of that. We want to open Japan to the world. But in particular to our two countries.’
“I understood him at once,” Seemon went on. “While I had been in Washington, I had heard rumors about the political situation. But what was I supposed to do? What could one man possibly be expected to do on his own? I pointed this out, although by then I was on fire to try whatever was asked of me. Japan! The politician might well have been talking about sending me to the moon, the idea was so exotic. Yet the ideas he was raising were tantalizing.
“‘What do you want me to do?’ I asked bluntly.
“‘We want you to learn to read and write Japanese so that it becomes as familiar to you as your own language. We want you to immerse yourself in Japanese culture. If you agree, we will ship you to Japan. There are a couple of Dutch merchants who have been in Japan for many years. They want to go home, but don’t have enough money. In return for that money, they will let you live with them on the island of Dijima, which is just outside Edo. They will find somebody to teach you to read and write Japanese. They will immerse you in the culture of the country. When you are ready, they will introduce you safely into Edo itself. You will have letters of introduction to what they have assured us are amongst the most important men in Edo. You will have unlimited money. We want you to make yourself known to the men whose names we give you. Apart from them, you will mingle with Japanese society at all levels. Learn how to understand the people’s lives, what makes them work. You will find out how strong their army is, whether they have any sort of navy. What weapons they use, how they fight. You will learn their strengths and weaknesses. When you are sure there is nothing important to us that you have missed, the Dutch will get a message out to us and we will bring you back here. I don’t have to tell you that there are huge risks involved. If you are discovered by the Japanese, you may well be executed.’
“‘I understand that,’ I said with a nod. Already my thoughts were far away, here in a country I had never yet seen. I was deeply excited, but still had a flicker of caution. ‘But I think you’re forgetting one thing. The mission is doomed to failure from the start.’
“Even my uncle looked startled. I shrugged and pointed at my hair.
“‘I could never pass as Japanese. There may be red-haired Dutch, but surely I’ll be strange to Japanese eyes, looking like this?’
“‘Nobody is asking you to pass as Japanese. That would be foolish in the extreme.’ He wagged his finger at me, and I was reminded of a school teacher reproving an inattentive scholar. ‘You will be what you seem to be. A cultured young man who is used to moving in the correct society. A man who is so interested in Japan and all things Japanese that he has taken the time and trouble to learn the language. And above all, you will have letters of introduction from Queen Victoria herself. They will say that she has heard much of the great and glorious land of Japan. That she is deeply interested in your wonderful country and would take it as a personal favor if the Japanese nobles would show you the kindness of allowing you to live amongst them. We know from our Dutch friends that the Japanese government is aware that Victoria is on the throne, just as they are aware of the progress that is being made so very quickly in America. We hope that they will accept you as a gift from the gods, that they will think we are very naïve in sending you, and that you can be used to give them information about the world outside Japan. Information they need.’
“‘Is that likely?’ I asked, wanting to be persuaded, desperately.
“‘Our Dutch contacts think so, as long as your Japanese is good enough, and you learn enough about the culture to respect it properly. And don’t forget, you will have a very deep purse. It wouldn’t do at all for them to think we’ve sent a pauper. We hope the nobles will be flattered enough to allow you to live amongst them. After all, you are only one man. What harm can a single, apparently innocent, man do?’
“‘Then I’ll do it,’ I said at once.
“We shook hands, and a week later I was on board a ship bound for Japan. I spent nearly a year with the Dutch on Dijima, learning as much as I possibly could about all things Japanese. Even though I normally found learning languages an easy thing, it took me a long time before I was confident in your beautiful language. Eventually, my merchant friends decided I was ready, and they got word to Lord Ito, who was intrigued enough to grant me an interview. My government had been right. The letters from Queen Victoria opened his door for me, and before I knew it, I was being introduced to everybody in society in Edo.”
“I see,” I said, although in all honesty I was still bewildered. What did all this have to do with Seemon and me? With Lord Dai? “Or at least I understand that you must take great care. But why is it so very terrible that we’re lovers?”
“Because I believe that out of all the nobles only Lord Dai is suspicious of me. He’s always polite to my face, but I’ve heard that he has been asking questions about me, sowing the seeds of doubt in the other nobles’ minds. If he found out that we were lovers, he would never forgive either of us. He wouldn’t rest until he had hard evidence against me. There would be no escape for me, and I’m afraid that you would probably go with me to th
e grave, dear one.”
“I would rather die with you than lose you and be bound to Lord Dai forever,” I said simply.
Seemon stared at me seriously. “You understand that I can’t stay here forever, no matter what happens?”
I nodded, even as my heart fractured at the thought of losing him. “May both our gods grant us as much time as possible,” I said softly and held out my arms for the comfort only he could give.
Seventeen
The wind sighing through
Pine branches to my ears is
The noise of dry bones
I thought that as long as I had Seemon as my lover, I could stand Lord Dai, if only to keep Seemon safe. But it wasn’t long before I understood that I was deluding myself. My danna’s attentions quickly became less kind, and far more demanding.
Perhaps if I had not known of the danger I had unwittingly lured Seemon into, I might have found the courage to refuse Lord Dai. But how could I when my beloved’s very life was in my hands? Instead, every time he came to me, I felt I had to try and find ways to please him. Anything to distract him from Seemon.
And worse, he grew in confidence with every visit. And so did his tree of flesh. At first, he had been content—more than content, clearly delighted—when I pleasured him with my mouth. But I knew there would come a time when it would no longer be enough. And to add to my woes, increasingly I worried about Seemon’s safety. Lord Dai mentioned him occasionally. Commented with a sneer that Auntie was making a fool of herself by fussing over the ugly foreign barbarian. Did Lord Dai seem a little too casual when he asked if I spoke to Seemon often? Did I know anything about him? I shrugged and said I was merely polite to him, even as my heart thumped with fear. I didn’t mention it to Seemon. I had no wish to add to his burden of worry.
The more Seemon made love to me, the more did my repulsion of my danna grow, until the mere thought of him touching me made my gorge rise. When I had been a small child in my village, my brothers had caught small birds to sell as table delicacies. The way of catching them was simple. They snared one bird, and then tied a thread around its leg. They bound it to a branch, where it sang its distress loud and clear. Other birds fluttered close to see what was causing it to sing so loudly and were easily caught in their turn. I had always felt sorry for the tethered bird, and now, I was just as much a captive.
There was no way out that I could see. All paths led to Lord Dai.
Even though I knew what a terribly dangerous game we were playing, Seemon was in my very soul and I could not let him go. I told myself time and time again that it would be better to put him away from me now, before it was truly impossible. Yet I could not. With each meeting, we became closer and closer. Our thoughts entwined, as well as our bodies.
I loved him. There was no escape from that, just as there was no escape from Lord Dai.
It was foolish of me, of course, to tempt fate. I should have known that the gods are easily angered when they are taken for granted, but I was smugly delighted to find it was surprisingly easy to carry out my longed-for assignations with Seemon. With my lover. Even to think of him in that way gave me a thrill of pleasure.
Because of my high status as Lord Dai’s favorite, I was sought after by only the very richest men in Edo. And Auntie was very fussy about who she would accept. Wealth was not enough on its own. My patrons had to be important men. Men who would further enhance the reputation of the Green Tea House. Consequently, I had fewer appointments than the other geisha in the tea house and more time to myself. Of course, the boys still watched over me. But they could not be in two places at once. Because the Hidden House welcomed patrons in the afternoon as well as the evening, often they were fully occupied there. And I was the soul of caution. Whenever I went to Seemon’s house, I took a different route, pausing often to pretend to glance into the shops as I passed by to make sure one or the other of the boys was not following behind me.
Although I was relieved to have time to myself, I was puzzled why Auntie was so pleased by my lack of patrons. Saki seemed amused when I mentioned it to her.
“Have you any idea how much Auntie is charging the patrons for the pleasure of your company?” I shook my head and she smiled. “As much as she charges for all three of us combined, and more besides.”
I was shocked. Why? Why would anybody pay that much just to chat with me or watch me dance or listen to me sing? The other girls were just as talented as I was. In fact, I often thought that Saki herself had by far the most beautiful voice out of any of us.
“I don’t understand. Why?”
“Part of it is because of Lord Dai,” Saki explained patiently. “He is a great noble and a very important man. If he favors you, then the rest of Edo society must follow. And of course, the other nobles who were not successful in becoming your danna have to be seen to be gracious enough in defeat to still wish you to entertain them.” I winced inwardly, thinking how Lord Dai had cheated these men to get me. “But apart from all that, you are very beautiful. And very talented. And you have something else that the rest of us lack. You sit at the side of your patron and look as if he has done you the greatest favor in the world just by seeking your company. You have the knack of laughing in exactly the right place and making your patron feel as if he is the wittiest of men. Oh, I know. We can all do that, but you have something more. Something unique. Don’t ever take yourself too seriously, Terue-chan, or you will lose your charm.”
I laughed and changed the subject. Tamayu came in then and claimed Saki’s attention and I was glad. I slipped away and sat quietly in the garden, watching the closed door of the Hidden House longingly. It was well into the afternoon. No doubt my friends were entertaining patrons. I sighed as I thought that I would have liked nothing better at that moment than to have gone to them and taken tea and talked to them about nothing at all.
As I could not do that, I thought about Seemon instead. Mindful of the danger I might bring on him, and fearing the boys’ watchful eyes, we were simply courteous to each other whenever he came to the Green Tea House. Nor, after that first time, did we meet in the Hidden House. Seemon said it was too dangerous, that there was a chance that Auntie would find us, and I agreed wholeheartedly with him. Besides that, I felt that I would be betraying the trust of the geisha in the Hidden House if I met my lover there without them knowing. And I could not tell even them about him. Not that I thought they would betray my trust. I knew they would not. But I feared for them. If Seemon’s secret was ever discovered, it was better they knew nothing at all.
So when I knew it was safe—and only then—I sauntered casually out of the tea house and made my way to the Street of the Goldsmiths. Occasionally, Seemon was not there and I would go back to the tea house with a heavy heart.
Today, he was at home and I was happy. But it is a rare day in winter that does not have a cloud in the sky, and Seemon had news that made me miserable.
He had to go out of Edo. Lord Ito had invited him to his country residence to hunt. It was a great honor and he could not refuse. The journey alone would take nearly a week and he expected to stay away for some time.
“Take care you don’t find consolation in some other geisha’s arms.” I pretended to be sulky.
“And who is there who could take me from your side?” Seemon kissed me and put his arms around me, holding me tightly. I relaxed against him. Oddly, I detected that he was stiff, his muscles tense. There was something wrong, I sensed it. I raised my head and peered at his face.
“What is it?”
He was silent for so long I began to be afraid. I clutched his robe as if my foolish hands could be enough to make all well.
“Terue-chan. Do you remember me saying that my time here was limited? That one day I would have to go back to my own home? When I come back from my visit with Lord Ito, that time has come.”
I shook my head wildly, denying his words. “No. No, you can’t go. Why now? What’s happened that’s changed things? Aren’t you happy here?”
> “I must leave.” I saw tears shining in his lovely eyes and I kissed them away.
“No.” I spoke firmly, as if my denial could make it so.
“I don’t want to go, Terue. I promise you that. But I’ve already stayed much longer than I intended in the first place. I’ve had messages from my government, demanding to know how much longer I need to stay. They’re getting impatient with me. I’ve sent messages back, lying to them. Saying I need more time. But they’re demanding that I return. I have no option. They’re already threatening to cut off my funds. If that happens, all at once I’ll go from appearing as a rich man to being a pauper. The nobles will know at once that I’ve lived a lie. I’ll be a dead man.”
“You must go, then,” I said somberly. “Better to have you a world away and alive than here only in spirit.”
“My dear, dear Terue. Don’t you want to know why I stayed here so long? Because of you, my own love. I couldn’t leave you. If I have to go, and I think I must, will you come with me?”
Could I leave behind everything I knew, my whole world? For what? An uncertain but at worst exciting future with the man I loved? In spite of the seriousness of it all, I almost laughed out loud.
“Yes. Oh yes. I wouldn’t want to live without you anyway.”
He held me tightly in his arms for a long time. I was exhausted by the violent storm of my emotions and I was almost asleep when he spoke softly, his words muffled by my hair.
“It will be dangerous, for both of us. You understand that?”
“Of course I do. But life can’t be lived without risk. They say that a frog in a well can never know the great sea. I don’t wish to be that frog.”
“Very well. As soon as I come back, I’ll get in touch with my Dutch friends and ask them to arrange transport for both of us.”
“Promise? You won’t go without me?”
“I promise. I will not leave Japan unless you are with me.”