Faking Reality

by Sara Fujimura

  “Koty, whatcha doin’ next Monday?” Leo jogs up next to me. “Want to have a Matsuda Monday with the mom units so we can catch up on Kitsune Mask?”

  “Nothing, I think, and yeah, I would love to. I thought that was your and Lindsay’s Date Day?”

  “Well.” Leo rubs the back of his neck. “The detention news yesterday kinda started a domino effect, which included Lindsay’s parents checking her grades a little closer since her midterms weren’t up to the usual standard. It was the number of missing assignments last quarter despite the many ‘homework sessions’ we had on Matsuda Mondays that put the final nail in the coffin.”

  “Wait. Lindsay was attached to you like a barnacle during lunch, so it’s definitely not over.”

  “It’s not over, but it’s cut back, at least outside of school. Now I’m on dating lockdown until spring break—or until all my grades come back up to at least a B. Meanwhile, Lindsay might be on dating lockdown until graduation. At least I get to keep my phone. Lindsay has to turn hers in as soon as she gets home, with the exception of twenty minutes right after dinner, which, of course, I’m usually working. So. Not. Fair.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say truthfully. “If you are in social-life lockdown, are your parents going to let you come over to my house on Monday?”

  “Of course. You’re my dude. Not my girlfriend.”

  That truth bomb still hurts, but not nearly as much as it used to.

  “Then I will suggest to Mom that she invite your mom over on Monday to watch that new chick flick they were talking about at the New Year party. Once they get talking, that should buy us at least two episodes. We should get pizza too.”

  “Yeah, just like the old days.”

  I nod even though I’m not the Old Dakota anymore. I’m the rebuilt version. The one who can love her best friend without being in love with him.

  * * *

  “I’ll meet you in the workshop, honey.” Mom jogs up the hallway in her yoga attire and her phone in hand. “I know I promised to help you with the electrical part of the dollhouse project today.”

  “It’s fine. No rush. I want to get a snack first.” I reset the alarm on the front door.

  “We can work on the dollhouse project while Dad finishes our laundry. But then we need to pack and get to bed. Our flight leaves at six thirty tomorrow morning.”

  “What?” My backpack, and my heart, hit the floor with a thud. “I have a date this weekend. Remember? I cleared it with Stephanie.”

  “Yes, but that was before we got the call from the head of The Network this morning. HGTV is sending us to Prince Edward Island this weekend. We’ll shoot with The History Makers in Charlottetown all day Saturday, and then swing up to Cavendish on Sunday to do a quick shoot at Avonlea Village before taking the red-eye home. Stephanie already called in your absences for tomorrow and Monday. I sent you a text about all of this at lunchtime.” Mom looks down at her phone and grimaces. She pushes a button on her screen, which makes my phone ping. “Sorry. I got distracted and forgot to push send. Here are all the details.”

  “Mom, I don’t want to go to Canada.”

  “Duly noted. However, the History Channel begged HGTV to borrow us for a crossover special because none of their teams are willing or able to go to Canada on such short notice. So guess who’s going to suck it up and take one for the team?”

  “I hate my life.”

  Mom pulls me into a hug, which I don’t return. “C’mon, Koty. It will be fun. Ridiculously cold, so pack layers, but fun. You’ll finally get to fulfill your dream of going to Avonlea. Remember that Halloween when you were ten and you asked me to spray your hair red for the night? You were so annoyed with Leo because he refused to go trick-or-treating as Gilbert.”

  Season 14, Episode 6: “Koty of Avonlea.” Also, the only time Leo has been on TV with me. It’s also the only time a Ninja Turtle of similar namesake has been on TV with me.

  “Still hate my life.”

  “Tough cookies. Be a professional.” Mom swats my butt before she goes upstairs. Halfway up the stairs, she stops and turns around. “Also, I talked to Jen. She and Leo are coming over on Monday night. You’ll have to fill me in on our way to Prince Edward Island about why exactly Leo had to beg to come with her. Something about detention. You’re not a part of that, right?”

  My brain gives me an unsolicited image of Leo and Lindsay making out in the hallway.

  “No, definitely not.”

  “Good.”

  “Mom, I don’t want to do the electricity today. I want to talk to Alex instead.”

  “Probably a better plan. We’ll reschedule for next week. As long as you are packed with lights out by nine, I don’t care how you get things done.”

  “Nine?!”

  “Nine. Your call time, Miss McDonald, is four a.m.”

  I hate my life.

  Chapter

  20

  “I miss you too,” I say to Alex during our video chat on Monday. “Let’s have a redo this weekend. Come over to my house. We need to practice our dance. Among other things.”

  “Sure. Let me check one thing first. I’m supposed to be at my dad’s this weekend.”

  “We could practice at your dad’s house.”

  “Mmmmm, I’m not sure that’s such a great idea. Ricky is on Dad’s very last nerve right now. Then again, maybe if you came over, it would get Abuela off my back. By the way, she has binge-watched the last two seasons of your show so far.”

  My heart contracts. For the most part, I don’t care what strangers think of my show, as long as they aren’t ugly about it. But what if I don’t pass this audition? What if Alex’s grandma doesn’t think I’m good enough? For once, I care.

  “I would be lying if I didn’t say I was jealous of your plans tonight.” Alex takes off his baseball hat and runs his fingers through his sweat-flattened curls.

  “Of watching TV with Leo? We’ve been best friends since we were little kids. Just friends.” With the exception of the misfire in the walk-in refrigerator after the Homecoming Carnival.

  “I know. I’m ridiculous. I just don’t want to share you.”

  That bothers me. Yes, everybody likes to be wanted, but I’m used to everybody wanting a piece of me. And sometimes I don’t want to share any of me with anybody.

  “Sorry, that sounded stalkerish.” Alex gets into his car and throws his backpack to the side. “I had a bad day at practice. I have no idea what we are doing in physics class despite going for extra tutoring. And I miss you. Physical you. You bring a sense of calm in my family’s ongoing hurricane-level storm. I wish you were here.”

  I contemplate ditching Leo and asking Alex to pick me up, but I’m tired. After being “on” all weekend in Canada, my well is empty. I’m allowed to set boundaries, even with the people I care about the most. Of course, repeating what my therapist says and actually doing what she suggests are two different things.

  What do you want, Dakota, right now? I hear Dr. Berger’s soothing voice in my head.

  The doorbell rings, breaking me out of my thoughts. “Pizza!”

  “What?” Alex says.

  “I’ve got to go. The pizza is here. Can we chat later tonight?”

  Alex’s face saddens as my barriers come up.

  You’re going to disappoint people, Dakota. But sometimes you need to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help others.

  “Sure. Bye,” Alex says.

  I feel like such a jerk. I text Alex a gif of two otters hugging. He immediately texts back a gif of a toddler boy kissing a toddler girl.

  “Koty! The Matsudas are here,” Dad yells up the stairs.

  Out of habit, I check my look in the mirror. I probably should have washed my hair earlier today when I got up at the crack of noon. I pull it up into a messy bun. I also realize that I’m wearing the Dakota McDonald Halloween costume: Ripped jeans, black cami, and an unbuttoned plaid flannel button-down. All this costume needs are work boots, bedazzled safety glasses, an
d for me to say “Hot dam!” a few times. It’s too late to change. All my other clothes are either dirty or in a giant pile in the bottom of my closet anyway. Whatever. It’s only Leo.

  I bound down the stairs, my heart feeling lighter, but my barriers still halfway up. I don’t want to talk about Alex. I don’t want to talk about Lindsay. I just want pizza, some yōkai butt-kicking, and to hang out with my best friend.

  “One double pepperoni with green peppers and onions for the kids.” Dad hands over the top pizza box to Leo, who stands at the bottom of the stairs. “One artichoke, feta cheese, spinach, and mushroom pizza for the ladies.”

  “Why, Mom, why?” Leo shakes his head in disgust.

  “Oh hush,” Mrs. Matsuda says.

  “I’ve got everything set up in the theater for us, including a big box of tissues. You know, in case we need some therapeutic crying. I hear Hugh Jackman brings down the house in this one.”

  “That would be my cue to take my lonely meat-lovers pizza and head to the man cave. Ladies.” Dad does a dramatic, flourished bow. “Please enjoy Hugh Jackman.”

  “Oh, we will,” Mrs. Matsuda says. “Especially on the giant screen.”

  “Gross, Mom,” Leo says.

  “Ignore my son.” Mrs. Matsuda links her arm through Mom’s, and they walk off toward our home theater room.

  “Go set up upstairs, and I’ll be there in a second,” I say to Leo.

  Leo’s foot pauses on the bottom step. He looks over at me.

  “What?” I say.

  “Nothing.” Leo takes the stairs two at a time.

  * * *

  I push my bedroom door open wider with my socked foot.

  “So, we’re gonna be all fancy tonight?” Leo teases as I put the tray down on my desk. “Mom isn’t here. Therefore, table manners are optional.”

  “Fine.” I leave the plates and glasses on the tray and hand Leo his bottle of root beer. “Do NOT spill on my new bed.”

  I put my root beer bottle on my bedside table and belly flop onto my queen-size bed. A few of the dozen pillows I have bounce to the floor. Leo moves the smallest one off the top of the pizza box before sliding down onto the floor to sit next to it. He leans his back against the foot of my bed.

  “You’re going to get a crick in your neck down there.” I scuttle to the foot of my bed and sit up cross-legged.

  “Nah, it’s fine,” Leo says as Jay Yoshikawa’s face fills the TV screen on my dresser. Leo sighs.

  “Suit yourself,” I say, though Leo used to sit on my bed all the time.

  I know we are at a new place in our friendship, but part of me wishes we could go back in time. Back to when we could sit on my bed and play Uno and snort-laugh at silly memes, and everything was normal and not weird or questioned. I shake my head. Boundaries and barriers.

  “Stop hogging the pizza,” I say.

  By the end of the first episode, the pizza is gone, and Leo is rubbing his cramped neck.

  “Seriously, you can sit up here.” I drain the last of my root beer. “When I redesigned my room recently, I wasn’t thinking about you.”

  “Um, ow.” Leo closes the pizza box. He puts it on my desk along with his phone.

  “You know what I mean. I thought our Matsuda Mondays were officially over. No need for two beanbags in here anymore.”

  “Are you saying you miss Matsuda Mondays?” Leo gives me a flirty pout through my mirror. “That you miss me?”

  I let his words hang in the air until he turns around.

  “Yeah,” I say quietly. “I do.”

  Leo launches himself at my bed. I have to hold on to keep from being knocked off the end. First by Leo’s bounce and then by the series of pillows being aimed at my head.

  “Hey!” I grab a pillow and whack him back.

  “Hey, hey, hey!” Leo holds his arms up around his face after he runs out of pillows.

  “You deserve it, butthead.”

  “Butthead? Are we six?” Leo drops his arms.

  While he’s distracted, I whack him upside the head with my pillow. He continues to laugh until the dimple in his still slightly chubby cheek comes out. This is my best friend. This is my Leo.

  Instead of whacking him a second time, I drop the pillow into my lap. “Keeping it real. I do miss you. A lot. I miss us. Like a younger version of us, back when we were two friends playing Uno until one in the morning while consuming an entire Costco-sized bag of Sour Patch Kids. Except I never want to see Sour Patch Kids again. I was so sick.”

  Leo chuckles ruefully. He’s the one who barfed all over the back seat of the Matsudas’ minivan on the way home that night.

  “Keeping it real. I miss you too.” Leo picks at the threads in the knee of his jeans.

  “Yeah, but you have Lindsay now.”

  “So? You have Alex.”

  “That’s different.”

  “How?”

  “Because Alex goes to a different school. Therefore, you don’t have to stand there and watch as somebody else slowly steals your best friend away.” And, I probably should have put a filter on that.

  We sit in silence. Leo continues to pick at the threads until the whole knee of his jeans rips wide open.

  “I know what that feels like too, Koty, okay? But I get what you’re saying. It must hurt worse to have a front row seat to it every day.”

  I can’t lie to Leo. “Yeah, it does. And I’m sorry. I don’t want to be that jealous best friend. I want you to be happy. Honestly, I do.”

  “I want you to be happy too. Can I tell you something?” After a beat, Leo continues, “I love Lindsay. But I always feel like I’m on guard with her. Like, I’m two steps away from completely losing her because her parents hate me. Okay, they don’t hate me. They hate that I am distracting their daughter and damaging her GPA. I’m worried that Lindsay will finally get tired of always being second place to my family’s restaurant and go find somebody else less complicated and with more free time.”

  Leo looks up at me. His watery eyes stab me deep in the heart.

  “I can’t do anything about the Lindsay situation, but know that Alex isn’t stealing your best friend away. I know we’re both changing, but I will always make room for you.”

  “Thanks. And I’ll try to be a better friend too. Even after I’m out of dating jail. Also, know that whatever happens with Alex, I’ve always got your back.”

  The cement block on my chest finally lifts. Especially when Leo scoots back until he is leaning up against the left side of my bed’s headboard, like old times.

  “Can you throw me a pillow or two from your ridiculous collection?” he says, a smile returning to his face.

  I slide off my bed, scoop up all the pillows, and throw them back on the bed.

  “Cue up the next episode. I’ll be back in a sec,” I say.

  “Hey, Koty, keeping it real. You’re cute, but not when you’ve got a huge chunk of green pepper stuck in your teeth.”

  I pick up the pillow closest to me and aim it at Leo’s head. And then I check my teeth in the mirror on my way downstairs to the kitchen.

  * * *

  “Ahhhhhh.” Leo stretches out on my bed and tucks his hands behind his head. “This is nirvana. No waiting tables. No cleaning. My future girlfriend on a giant TV and my BFF bearing candy. Can this night get any better?”

  I drop the half-empty bag of mini Twix bars between Leo and me on the bed and climb up beside him. Just like old times.

  “Nope. Also, you may have to drive your mom home tonight. I heard our moms cackling when I passed the theater room.”

  “Good. Mom deserves some fun with her BFF too. And hopefully, now we’ll be able to watch all three episodes before Mom realizes what time it is.”

  I start the next episode and put my iPad back on my bedside table. The opening strains of the Kitsune Mask theme song fill my room. Leo and I do our usual dance until half of the pillows are back on the floor again. Leo digs into the bag of candy and hands one to me before taking one for h
imself.

  As the night rolls on, my barriers come completely down. I needed this too. Though part of me wishes Alex was here, I know it would be something completely different. Like, I don’t think we would be taking bets on which of her signature fighting moves Jay is going to use on the yōkai of the week to defeat it. Or commenting on the awkward relationship Jay has with Pizza Guy Eli, who she is majorly crushing on.

  “Oh, for the love of … just kiss her, Eli!” Leo yells at the TV. “Baka dayo!”

  “It’s called romantic tension,” I say through a mouthful of Twix. “Ten bucks says they get their first kiss—first real kiss—at the end of this season. The writers are going to milk the romantic tension between the two of them for as long as possible before the payoff. Then, you can swoon.”

  “Pfft.” Leo crams another Twix in his mouth. “Let’s watch the last episode with the lights out.”

  If that sentence had come from Alex, it would have a totally different meaning. Like a romantic tension kind of meaning. Meanwhile, Leo’s objective is to scare the crap out of us because the next episode happens in a haunted house. We haven’t gone to an actual haunted house since we were thirteen, when I conga-lined behind Leo with my eyes firmly closed, which kind of defeats the purpose of going to a haunted house in the first place.

  “If that doll Jay found at the end of the last episode suddenly comes to life, I’m out.” I have never been a doll girl. Even my beloved dollhouse was home to a herd of ponies, not a family of humans.

  “It’s fine. You can hold my hand if it gets too scary.” Leo rolls off the bed. “After I pee.”

  “Gross, and no.”

  “I’ll wash my hands first.”

  “Do we have to watch it with the lights out?” I say when Leo gets back from the bathroom.

  He flips off the lights. “Yes.”

  Blinded by the lack of overhead lights, Leo’s palm grinds into my thigh as he climbs over me to his side of the bed.

  “Ow, watch it,” I say.