by Aria Norton
"I know, but I don't quite yet feel confident enough to have you watch me. Perhaps another time?"
To Helena's relief, her mother nodded. "Of course, dear. I understand. Why don't we have some tea instead? I feel that I have hardly had a moment with you in weeks."
Helena groaned inwardly. Nathaniel was due to arrive any minute now- she couldn't possibly have tea with her mother. Why did she have to pick today of all days?
"I'll be having my afternoon tea with Monsieur Baudelaire today. Why don't we have our tea later today?"
Two lines appeared between her mother's brows. "You would favour your tutor over me? Frankly, I've never known you to willingly have tea with any man beyond your father."
Helena could see the clock wheels turning in her mother's head. She'll begin to assume the very same thing Rose has tried to imply. It was all she could do not to let her cheeks blush.
"Mama, music can be rather tiring at times, so I thought that a quick light meal before the lesson would be beneficial. Rose is always with me," she quickly added.
It had only just occurred to Helena that having her mother find out that she was having meals with Nathaniel would shock her because she was a single woman and he an unmarried man. Nathaniel had never behaved untowardly with her, but propriety didn't care about one's good character.
"Oh, I see. In that case, I will leave you to it. Tea later will suit me just fine. Have a lovely lesson, dear, and perhaps I'll get to hear you play the violin soon."
Helena gave her mother a peck on the cheek, promising to provide her with a show soon. As soon as her mother left and was out of earshot, she turned to Rose.
"That was far too close for comfort. Suppose Mama decided to end my lessons for propriety's sake?"
It was one thing to be taught by a male tutor, but quite another to become so familiar with the man that one shared regular meals with him. It was all innocent, and her parents would understand that, but Helena had a standard to uphold for her parent's sake, and that did not involve spending time alone with a young gentleman.
"You best be careful from now on," Rose advised. "Or you might find yourself without a tutor. Your parents are understanding people, but you are a young woman and the daughter of an earl at that. They would not doubt your intentions, but they would question Nathaniel's lack of professionalism."
"Oh!" Helena cried in dismay. "That would be terrible, indeed! I do enjoy his company and would hate for my parents to end our lessons based on unfair judgement. I think it best that you always be present when I am with him, Rose."
"Yes, I think it wise at this point," the woman agreed. "Shall we go? I think Monsieur Baudelaire has just arrived."
For some inexplicable reason, Helena's belly somersaulted. She quickly put her hand on it, her face a mask of confusion.
"What is it?" Rose asked. "Are you feeling ill?"
"I... I don't think so. I felt an odd sensation in the pit of my belly, but I don't think it's anything to concern ourselves over."
"Are you certain?" said the woman looking worried. "Should I tell Monsieur Baudelaire that you're not feeling well and wish to cancel the lesson?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Rose. It's gone now. Perhaps it was one of those odd feelings a person gets quite suddenly. There must be an old wives' tale behind it."
"I'll ask Mimi later," Rose promised.
"Yes, do that. But for now, please show Nathaniel to the parlour? I'll meet him there."
Rose nodded, giving Helena a last worrying look before heading downstairs. Helena hadn't quite told the entire truth to her friend. While the flip flop of her belly had come and gone, her heart was beating a little faster than usual. She felt... excited, exhilarated, happy even. Did it have anything to do with Nathaniel?
Helena poured herself another cup of tea but decided against taking another pastry. One of her dresses had felt a tad snug the other day, and she put it down to the extra food she was eating around Nathaniel. Helena usually had one or two tiny sandwiches and a few fruits during her afternoon tea, but since Nathaniel started joining her, her meal had grown to include pastries, cold meats, and sometimes an actual meal. He doesn't seem to have put on an ounce of weight. Had he noticed that she had become a tad plumper? It shouldn't matter, but Helena found herself thinking about it all the same.
"We will have to postpone our lessons for some weeks, my lady," said Nathaniel.
That surprised her. "Whatever for?"
"I have been hired by several prominent people of the Ton to play at their balls," he announced with some pride. "I played for a few last year, but the number has grown this year."
This was actually fantastic news. "That's wonderful! That means that we'll still see each other in London. Perhaps I can get in a lesson or two while we're there. Of course, that is if you're not too busy or tired."
"What a coincidence. Will you be attending the balls with your parents?"
If only that were the only thing she would be doing in London. "My parents intend to find a match for me, so I'll be a part of the London Season. I suppose you could say that I'll be 'coming out' this Season."
Nathaniel's face went from smiling to sombre in seconds. The change was so startling that Helena missed the rim of her cup and spilt a little tea on her dress. Fortunately, it was navy and would hide the stain, but a wet spot did pool on her lap.
"Oh! How clumsy of me."
Rose quickly left her chair, taking a tea towel from the table. "Did the tea scald you, my lady?"
"No, but it is rather uncomfortable. I think I might have to change. Would you excuse me, Monsieur Baudelaire? I'll only be a moment."
"There's no need to rush, my lady," he said. "I find that I must leave immediately. You see, I have an engagement that completely slipped my mind until now."
Nathaniel stood up, placing his teacup on the table. He was leaving so soon? But the two hours were not up yet!
"What of our lesson?" Helena questioned.
"My sincere apologies, Lady Barclay, but I must leave," Nathaniel insisted. "I will see you next week."
Not only was he cutting their lesson shorter, but he was not coming tomorrow. We've only had two lessons this week, and he always stays for at least two hours or more. What on earth has gotten into him? Nathaniel seemed disturbed, annoyed even.
"Well, if you must leave," she offered, hoping he would change his mind.
"Thank you for understanding, my lady. Good day to you both."
Helena watched Nathaniel leave, her mind a mass of confusion. There had only been one other time that he had left her in a hurry, and that had been several months ago when he had played that moving music for her. I still don't know what made him rush out of the music room that day.
"You seem disappointed," Rose commented.
"I am. I expected a lesson today."
"Is that all?" the woman pressed. "Or is it because you wished to spend more time with him for other reasons?"
"Like what?"
"I hoped you would just admit it, but if I have to say it..." Rose began, giving a little shrug. "I think that you have developed romantic feelings for Monsieur Baudelaire."
Helena's heart stopped. Romantic feelings? Surely Rose was wrong. She has to be wrong because that is absurd!
"Are you barking mad? The thought!"
And yet something about what Rose had said resonated within her. Could Rose be right? I can't possibly have a tender for him, can I? I would surely know it.
"Perhaps you do not realise it yet, but I do think that he feels the same way about you."
Helena's heart lifted at the thought, but it came crashing down when she realised the repercussions of that. Mama and Papa would not be pleased, and they might take action against him. She would likely never see him again! Unless she felt the same way and convinced them to let him stay? No, no, do not go down that road, Helena Anastasia Barclay.
"Oh, hush, Rose! Someone might overhear you and then where will we be? Stop saying such silly things."
Chapter 14
Nathaniel stood at the window, his hands clasped behind his back as he watched the late spring rain pour over his friend's garden. His faint reflection in the glass belied the turmoil he was in. It had gotten to the point where he had had to leave his home and seek company. Nathaniel would have gone to see his mother, but she was currently gallivanting with her husband in Cornwall. Rupert had sprung a surprise holiday on her, forcing his usually week-taking-to-pack, list-making mother to be ready in half a day.
"I wonder how that went. Maman is terrible with time."
At least she was happy. Rupert may not be his mother's great love or passion, but love like that often fizzled out in time, or it became selfish. Nathaniel knew that his mother loved her husband, but it was a love that had grown over the years. The comfortable sort where they could sit by the fireplace in silence, discuss a book, share a meal from the same plate, or take a walk along a stream. Rupert adored Claudette, and she held him in affectionate high regard.
Nathaniel's mind drifted to another woman in his life, one who didn't allow his mind to rest. Helena had become both a weakness and friend to him, two things that he hadn't had the foresight to see.
"I haven't seen her in a week, and I feel terrible about it. It's not just about professionalism, but what she thinks about me."
Nathaniel had never had to cancel a class for any reason, and yet he had cancelled several with Helena.
"I'm a coward at best."
He had sent short notes to her about his unavailability, instead of going to see her and explain that he had to take a few days to himself. Of course, Nathaniel would never tell Helena that she was the reason why he had to take a break from their lessons.
"A man still has his pride."
Helena had sent several letters to him as well, wishing him well and asking after his health. Nathaniel had not been able to bring himself to respond to them, but he read them every day. Her personality shone through in her letters, giving him a counterfeit of her exuberant nature.
"I hate to admit it, but I miss hearing her voice, or her hundreds of questions."
He smiled, recalling how annoyed he was at first when Helena kept trying to pry into his life. Once Nathaniel realised that she was genuinely interested in his life, he had found it easier to speak about his past. There were still some areas he kept to himself like his real father and his illegitimate state, but he readily spoke about growing up in France, having an opera singer for a mother, and a family of musicians.
"And then my jealousy got in the way. I cannot believe that I'm actually jealous. It makes no sense at all."
When Nathaniel had discussed the London Season and the balls he would play at, he had never expected Helena to reveal that she too was attending the Season as an eligible woman. Instantaneous hot jealousy had poured into him then, prompting him to take his leave before he made a fool of himself.
"The thought of Helena finding a husband made me see red. I don't know what came over me. One minute I was smiling, and the next I was ready to throttle the man that so much as looks her way."
It was Helena's right to attend the London Season and find an eligible bachelor. She was an earl's daughter, a wealthy heiress with much to offer.
"The man to win her hand, and indeed her heart will be lucky indeed."
His sentence left a pit of dread in his belly. Nathaniel didn't like the thought of her marrying someone else, but it was only natural that she do so. It was unnatural for him to feel jealous for a woman he could never have.
"That is not to say that I want to marry her. It's just a manner of speech."'
"What is a manner of speech?" asked Christopher walking into the room with two glasses of brandy.
Christopher looked behind him. "I'm merely thinking aloud."
"I find that you do a lot of that now," Christopher commented. "Has this got anything to do with the lovely Lady Barclay?"
Handing him a glass, Christopher gestured at Nathaniel to take a seat. Taking one last look at the steadily falling rain, he took the nearest seat to the fireplace. It was a chilly day for spring, but the weather could be unpredictable. Just like these feelings. Should he keep these thoughts and worries to himself, or should he tell his friend about them?
"Promise me that you will not judge me once I tell you the truth."
"I'm your friend, not your enemy. I know that you've had some trouble with Helena in the past, but I thought you had resolved the problem."
Nathaniel snorted. "Resolved? It just grew worse."
"Your agitation and absent-minded behaviour this past week has been noticed by nearly everyone around you. Others informed me that you have changed, and it all seems to tie in with the moment you took Helena on as a student. I wish I was here when you first started tutoring her. I've missed out on so much, and all for nought."
Christopher had finally come clean about his dalliance with Maria Van Dyke. Her late husband had had some business deals with Christopher's father, and so Christopher had been helping to set the late Mr Van Dyke's affairs at rest. It was during this time that he started to see more of the widow, and before he knew it, he had fallen head over heels in love with her. Maria had not dissuaded him, and neither had she encouraged him.
According to Christopher's accounts of their one-sided relationship, the woman had found him amusing and handsome. Somehow, that had been enough for Christopher to follow her to Austria only to find out that she had set her eyes on another prominent businessman with royal ties. Christopher had returned to England with his tail between his legs and had promised to stay away from women for the time being. Nathaniel didn't know how long that resolve would last.
"At least you've learnt your lesson, and won't be running after women older and far more cunning and worldly than you are."
Christopher grimaced. "Let's leave my blunder aside and focus on your own. Why are you avoiding her? I've noticed that you haven't had a lesson with her for some time."
"It has only been a week," Nathaniel said defensively.
"Considering that you've been spending more than half the week at Barclay Manor, I'd say that a week is a long time. So, what happened?"
Nathaniel rubbed his face, sighing. Where should he start? I suppose at the moment that things unravelled at the seams.
"She'll also be attending the London Season. Helena told me so herself."
"I have a feeling your problem has something to do with this Season. How so?"
Scratching his head, Nathaniel looked away. "I grew jealous when she told me that she would be part of the London Season. She's one of the women set to find a match and get married. The idea of her being with any other man made me jealous. You can now tell me what a fool I am."
Christopher didn't immediately answer, forcing Nathaniel to look at him. The man was staring into the fireplace, a thoughtful look on his face.
"Well?" Nathaniel asked. "Aren't you going to say something? Tell me that I'm foolish?"
The man looked at him, shrugging. "You already know what you are, or at least what or who you think you are. I suppose what I would like to know is when you gave up your prejudices against the aristocrats?"