by Aria Norton
"I haven't given up on them," Nathaniel said quickly. "They are as alive today as they were before I met Helena. I know that 'tis hypocritical of me to think favourably towards one of them when I still harbour such resentment towards them, but I can't help the fact that I'm drawn towards her."
Christopher leaned back in his chair, his arms resting on the sides. The man appeared amused, but Nathaniel didn't see a stitch of judgement in his eyes.
"Well, well, well. It seems we have an interesting predicament on our hands. Do you think you have feelings for her?"
Nathaniel looked down, clasping his hands. "I can't answer that."
"Can't or won't?"
Nathaniel looked up. "Can't because I don't know. I can tell you what I feel about her, but I don't know what they all mean together."
"Very well. Tell me what you feel, and I'll tell you whether or not it sounds like romantic feelings."
"Well, Helena is smarter than any other woman I have ever met. Her intellect surpasses mine in some subjects. Did you know that she can read something once and retain that information forever? I tested her more than once and always came off being amazed. I don't know how she does it, but I can't help but admire her for it. She's rather rebellious, more so than I could ever be. I suppose her status allows her to get away with a lot, but you'd be surprised by how many rules the aristocrats have to follow."
Nathaniel had witnessed how Rose, Helena's handmaiden, would give her a little look or make a noise that would stop Helena from being too familiar with him. Helena had a free nature, and she enjoyed showing precisely how she felt, but there were limits. Don't laugh too loudly, keep your back straight, sip your tea correctly, walk at the right pace, wear your hair a certain way- these and more were rules that Helena was forced to live by. Painting seemed to be an outlet for her creativity, and it shone through in every picture. Nathaniel wanted to promote her skills to others, but Helena had begged him not to.
"I suppose it's those very rules that keep them where they are, and us here," Christopher commented.
Nathaniel frowned. "I didn't think of it that way, but I suppose you're right."
There was a great divide between the working classes and those of higher statuses. It wasn't just the difference in wealth because Nathaniel knew a great many aristocrats who were penniless. It was all about the mindset, the attitude, and the rules that set the perimeters of their kind. They are welcome to their darned rules and regulations.
"You undoubtedly think highly of her," said Christopher.
"It's difficult not to. I see the way she treats people with kindness and respect, and it humbles me. Her skill with musical instruments was probably what ensnared me the first time around, but since that, it has been her character. I don't think I remember one conversation being boring- she's too knowledgeable and exciting to have dreary conversations! I always feel stimulated and inspired whenever I'm around her, and I've even taken to writing more music. Did you know that she gifted me with a journal during our very first lesson? The book is almost full of new music."
Nathaniel could hear that he was gushing, but he couldn't seem to help himself. Talking about Helena made him happy, and that was terrifying.
"There's no doubt in my mind that you feel something for Helena, but time will tell if it's something fleeting or here to stay," said Christopher. "I've heard a lot about Helena since I've been back from Austria, but I haven't heard anything about Beatrix. I thought you wished to marry her one day. Do you still feel anything for her?"
Nathaniel groaned, tilting his head back. Beatrix. The woman had been far from his mind for months, and he felt guilty about that. Meeting Christopher's eyes once again, Nathaniel decided that telling the truth was the best way forward.
"It's true that Beatrix has not been on my mind lately, and I honestly do not think that I could marry her. My views on the entire situation have changed."
Christopher whistled. "You have a lot of explaining to do, old friend. I'm quite certain that Beatrix has set her eyes on you and will not appreciate this sudden change of plans. Are you confident that marrying Beatrix is not what you want? Because it was not so long ago that she was the woman you had seen a future with."
Yes, but Helena had come into his life since then. "I am sure. I cannot marry a woman whom I feel no connection to."
"And you feel a connection for Helena?"
"I do."
It was a connection that transcended the physical. Nathaniel would go as far as to say that he possibly had a soul tie to her. His mother had spoken of them before, explaining them as invisible strings that tie people together for life. The further you're apart from the person, the more it hurts because it pulls at your heart. The closer you are, the happier you are. Nathaniel could see the merit in this analogy.
Christopher took a deep breath, exhaling as he sat forward, smoothing his pants. "This seems serious, indeed. I was hoping that you would say something superficial and put my mind at rest, but you have done quite the opposite."
Nathaniel shrugged. "You wanted to know about my feelings for her."
"You're right, I did. You've got a problem on your hands, old friend."
Snorting, Nathaniel lifted an eyebrow. "Don't you think I know this already? That's precisely why I've been avoiding Helena all this time. I need to get a hold of my own feelings and control them. Perhaps these feelings will eventually pass. Helena could be a novelty, and once the excitement has died down, I'll see her for who and what she is. Perhaps I'll reconsider marrying Beatrix."
"And if you wish to pursue her?"
Stunned, Nathaniel simply stared at his friend for several seconds before drinking the rest of his brandy in one gulp. He returned the glass to the table, his hands trembling slightly. I have never thought about pursuing her! But now that Christopher had mentioned it, his mind was whirring with the possibilities.
"What if you decide to pursue her?" the man asked again.
"I don't know," Nathaniel answered truthfully. "This is the first time I have considered such a thing."
"Then you need to think carefully about it," Christopher warned. "You'll have trouble ahead if you wish to pursue a relationship with her."
"Don't you think I know that?"
"I'm not so sure about that."
Nathaniel looked at his friend sharply. "What is that supposed to mean? I'm not an idiot, you know. I understand that she is far above my station. Besides, I have not said anything about pursuing her. You are the one who brought it up."
"Because it needed bringing up. I'm afraid for you, Nathaniel."
Nathaniel waved his hand at the comment. "Don't be mushy about it. Nothing will happen to me, I assure you. I truly don't know what to think about this entire thing. My common sense tells me to forget the entire thing and focus on my present life, but a voice within me wishes to address your question. What if I were to pursue her? Of course, I would come up against the Earl and the rest of her kind, but that is to be expected."
A memory surfaced, one he had actually forgotten about. Maman told me that I would fall in love at the opera, and I had taken it as merely an old wives tale. I'm not so sure now. Could his mother have been right? Was this love he felt for Helena? I wish she were here for me to ask. She knows more about this stuff than anyone else I know. Claudette was only due back in the middle of summer, but by then it would be too late to ask her anything.
"I think we need another brandy," Christopher declared. "This romantic business is too stressful."
"Hear, hear," Nathaniel chuckled. "I never knew how a woman could be a man's weakness until I met Helena. I suppose I see now what you must have felt when you pursued Mrs Maria Van Dyke."
Christopher laughed. "At least you don't need to follow Helena anywhere. She's in one place."
Nathaniel grinned. "I suppose there's that. How about that brandy?"
Christopher took Nathaniel's glass and left the room, promising to come back with the whole bottle. While the man was gone, Nathaniel
came to the conclusion that he didn't want to stay away from Helena any more. He was going to resume her lessons right away, and the consequences be damned.
Chapter 15
Nathaniel had snubbed her for the last time. Beatrix watched him walk away from her without even a backward glance.
"Thinks I'm a nag, does he? How long have I been trying to get his attention? To spend a little time with him?"
It had been months! This wasn't fair at all, and she needed to do something about it. It wasn't like Nathaniel to ignore her without cause. Oh, he wasn't necessarily rude, but he might as well have been for all the indifference he had shown her.
"Perhaps Stephen knows something about what is going on in Nathaniel's head. I used to be able to read him well, but now he has become a closed book."
Nathaniel was pulling away from her, and she had to put a stop to it before she lost him altogether.
"It's not that I haven't tried to get to the bottom of his strange behaviour, but I can't seem to get a word in edgewise when I do see him. He's always off to do something."
Her hands planted on her hips, Beatrix walked off in the opposite direction in search of Stephen. She knew that he was usually free around this time of the day, and always seemed to have a listening ear. Well, at least where she was concerned. Perhaps it was because he knew how good she was for Nathaniel.
"I'm perfect for him! We both love music, we're both attractive, and we have similar goals."
No, she wasn't sure about that. Nathaniel only ever spoke about music, a topic Beatrix found mundane at times. Don't get her wrong, she enjoyed music, but it wasn't the beginning and end-all of her life. Beatrix wouldn't mind if she had to give up playing the harp for the sake of her family.
"A woman's husband and children come first. Naturally, I will end my position here when I marry Nathaniel. If I marry him," she said with a sigh.
Hopefully, Stephen would have some insight and help her figure out what was happening in Nathaniel's handsome head.
"If not him, then I'll have to hunt down that Christopher and get the information out of him. He and Nathaniel are thick as thieves."
Beatrix stopped outside Stephen's classroom, knocking three times. She waited for the man's soothing voice to give her entrance, but he opened the door instead.
"Beatrix!" he said, smiling, his eyes bright. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"
"May I speak to you for a moment? I won't be a minute."
"Of course. I always have time for you. Why don't you come in?"
"Thank you," she said graciously, walking into the room.
Whenever Beatrix came into Stephen's classroom, she was struck by how different it was from Nathaniel's classroom. This one was less organised and a good deal untidier, but there was a certain charm about it that she couldn't deny.
"So, what can I help you with?" Stephen asked, keeping the door open for propriety's sake.
"It's about Nathaniel," she began, noticing that Stephen's face fell ever so slightly. "Something has happened to him."
"How do you mean?"
"Well, he's never around, for starters, and I'm hardly able to speak to him any more. Do you have any clue as to what is ailing him? He has not been himself for some time now."
Stephen looked away, rubbing his clean-shaven chin. Why do I get the feeling that he knows something?
"Stephen, you must know something about what is happening in his life to have changed him."
The man shrugged. "Perhaps he's just busy. You do know that he has that job with the Earl's daughter."
"Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?"
Nathaniel had already told her that Lady Barclay was spoilt and self-entitled. Beatrix found it horribly unfair that he had to deal with such a woman. However, if the extra job was bringing in more money, then surely it couldn't be too terrible? After all, Nathaniel had bought a new phaeton and horses, and he had been talking about buying a bigger house at the end of the year. The Earl must be paying him a good salary. I could have a lovely wedding at this rate.
"Well, I don't have much to say on the subject, but I did notice a change in him when he started teaching Lady Barclay. I, uh, have another class in under five minutes. Do you mind?"
He was dismissing her already? But I haven't found enough information just yet! Beatrix got the feeling that Stephen was hiding something from her, but if he might clam up if she pressed too much.
"I understand. Thank you, Stephen. I'll leave you to it."
When Beatrix got to the door, Stephen called out to her. She paused, turning to the side.
"Yes?"
"I just wish to say that you deserve a whole lot better."
What was the point of paying her a compliment when what she wanted was information about her darling Nathaniel? Still, it was a nice thing to say.
"How sweet of you to say, Stephen. Have a lovely day."
Beatrix closed the door behind her, her lips pursed. "Well, he wasn't much help at all. I wonder why he felt the need to mention Lady Barclay? Nathaniel loathes aristocrats and probably hates being around the woman."
Beatrix was yet to clap eyes on Lady Barclay, and for the first time, wondered what the woman looked like. Was she pretty? It didn't matter because Nathaniel likely wouldn't be able to see it due to his distaste for her kind.
"I warrant I am the only woman he has ever seriously thought about. Nathaniel hardly ever looks up from his music to see much else."
But at the rate he was going, Beatrix would never be married by the end of the year. She hoped Christopher would have better insight into his friend's odd behaviour. If not him, then who else?
Christopher was not an easy man to find, but Beatrix was a resourceful woman. She eventually found the man purchasing silk neck-ties and chatting to a few women. Beatrix rolled her eyes. He can't seem to help himself, can he? She had heard whispers that the man had followed a widow to another country and had his heart broken when she rejected him in favour of another man.
"That should be enough to make any man stay away from women for a while, and yet here he is flirting with them. I don't understand what Nathaniel sees in him. He is hardly friendship material."
She waited until he was alone before walking up to him. "Good day, Christopher."
"Oh, Beatrix,” he said a bit startled. “Fancy seeing you here. How are you?"
"I could be better. Tell me, have you seen Nathaniel lately?"
The man's eyes shuttered almost immediately, making her suspicious. Why did he do that?
"Oh, Nathaniel?"
"Yes, Nathaniel. Have you seen him lately?"
Christopher rubbed his chin as though he were stalling for time. Surely 'tis not difficult to remember if one has seen a best friend or not!
"Well?" she pressed.
"I did see him some days ago, but I understand that he is rather busy," the man finally said. "He has been tutoring Lady Barclay, yes?"
Lady Barclay again? Was that all these men had to say? That wasn't much information at all unless Lady Barclay was the information she needed?
"If you would excuse me, Beatrix. I must be going. Have a good day."
Christopher didn't wait for her to return his goodbye but left the neck-ties he had chosen and walked out of the shop.
"Well, I never!"