by Aria Norton
“You need an honest woman by your side, Nathaniel. One who will not betray you.”
“I have you as my good friend,” he replied. “That is good enough for me.”
That wasn't what Beatrix wanted to hear. He is going to make this more challenging for me, isn't he?
“Yes, but one day you might not have me.”
“Why? Are you leaving the school?”
Why were men so obtuse? “Perhaps. It all depends on whom I shall marry. However, I do not wish to leave you.”
Beatrix saw the precise moment realisation dawned in his eyes. Instead of saying something, Nathaniel stuffed his mouth with cake. Oh, men! I see I shall have to push harder than expected. I am the perfect woman for him- why can he not see this? He may have hinted at marriage for Helena's benefit, but this is the best solution for us.
"I believe that we are perfectly suited to each other, and we should get married. Now, I know that you are feeling poorly, but this is the best solution.”
“Solution?” Nathaniel asked weakly.
“Yes, of course! Getting married will show Helena she is not important to you as she believes she is.”
Oh, please, let him agree. Beatrix held her breath, watching several emotions cross Nathaniel's face. They went by too quickly for her to identify them, but the last one was so obvious that she knew what his answer was before he spoke. Beatrix's heart sunk.
"I will have to think about it, Beatrix. I cannot make such a significant and life-altering decision right now."
Inwardly sighing, Beatrix accepted defeat for today, but she wasn't giving up. Nathaniel would be hers at all costs.
Nathaniel should have never agreed to so many performances, but he hadn't expected a terrible outcome to his early arrival in London.
“I wanted to resolve what I believed was a misunderstanding, but I only succeeded in making a fool of myself.”
Shaking his head, Nathaniel packed his violin away. His performance today was average at best, and he noticed that some guests had been bored. Usually, people in the audience would be spellbound and riveted by his music, but today, they preferred to talk amongst themselves. It had been a blow to Nathaniel's pride. The only good thing had been Helena's absence.
Nathaniel was always worried he would see Helena and Luke in the audience. He tended to scan the guests before starting, usually with his heart in his mouth. Seeing her with another man was still too fresh for him, and he would rather not have them rub their relationship in his face.
A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts. “Yes?”
Mr Spalding, the man who hired him to play at this event, entered the room. Instead of a smile, Nathaniel saw disappointment.
“Monsieur Baudelaire, if I may have a word with you.”
“Of course, Mr Spalding.”
The man closed the door and took a casual look around the room. "I trust you have received refreshment?"
“Yes, thank you, sir.”
“Good, good,” the man nodded. “I do not know you well at all, Monsieur Baudelaire, but you came highly recommended from a few friends. Imagine my surprise when you did not live up to those expectations?”
Shame filled Nathaniel. He wanted to look away, but he maintained eye contact. Only a coward would refuse to face the music.
“I know, Mr Spalding, and I am terribly sorry. I have no excuse for my performance today. May I perhaps play at another event? At no cost to you, of course. I know that I will exceed your expectations the second time around.”
Would the man agree? Nathaniel didn't want to leave a bad taste in the man's mouth. Just one mention in the right ear of how appallingly he played could end his career. And all because I'm too caught up thinking about a woman who turned me into a fool.
Mr Spalding smiled. “That's exactly what I wanted to hear! Now, I know that you can do better than this, and I won't pry into the reasons behind your performance today. Sometimes, we all have our days where things simply go pear-shaped. My wife is hosting a tea next week Tuesday- will you be able to play?”
Even if Nathaniel had something to do that day, he would readily cancel it. “I will be there, sir.”
“Wonderful! Well, that's decided. Why don't you stay for a while?” asked Mr Spalding. “I'm sure some of my guests would love to speak to a talented musician such as yourself.”
The was the last thing Nathaniel wanted to do. “If you do not mind, sir, I do need to return to my house. I have some important affairs to attend to.”
Trying to figure out how Helena could have tricked him into believing she was different from the rest was definitely one of those important affairs.
“Perhaps another time, then. I'll tell my wife that you've agreed to play at her tea party – she'll be most pleased.”
As soon as Mr Spalding left, Nathaniel slumped into a chair. His time in London was not shaping up at all.
Nathaniel couldn't understand how he had allowed Beatrix to talk him into paying her a visit again. He had thought to avoid her for some days, but the woman was persistent. He was well aware of her intentions, but his answer remained the same. I am not ready to marry anyone right now, but she refuses to accept that. It seems ridiculous to be involved with another woman so soon after Helena betrayed me.
Nathaniel had hoped Beatrix would take pity on him and leave the question of marriage for another time- preferably never- and give him time to come to terms with everything that had happened thus far, but the woman was adamant she would become his wife before the Season was over.
“Do think carefully about this, Nathaniel,” she urged. “I have known you for quite some time now, and we share similar interests, do we not?”
That wasn't enough to recommend any woman to him. I shared a great many interests with Helena, but that meant nothing to her. Besides, I do not think I share any hobbies or other interests with Beatrix beyond a respect for music. Perhaps not being alike was the key to a good relationship.
“People place too much stock with being alike,” he said. “I think I prefer a woman to be the opposite of me.”
Helena had been that too in manner and temperament. Oh, why was he constantly thinking about her? There had to be some way to get her out of his mind.
“I've always thought we're quite different, you and I,” Beatrix insisted, changing her tune. “Yes, we may both be in the music profession, but how similar are we? You're most right when you say that 'tis better to be opposites.”
She's going to say anything to win me over. “We are excellent friends, Beatrix. Why would you want to change that?”
“Because you are the only man worth marrying,” Beatrix stated. “We work so well together, and-”
“Precisely,” Nathaniel interjected, tiring of the subject. “We work well together right now, but who is to say what would happen once we marry? We might drive each other up the wall.”
That silenced the woman for a bit. Nathaniel used that time to put a few more fruit pieces on his plate, and topped up his own tea.
“Tea?” he asked Beatrix.
“No, thank you.”
Nathaniel shrugged. “The more for me. You aunt has delicious tea. Where is she? She has not returned since she left the room an hour ago.”
Two bright spots appeared on Beatrix's cheeks. “Aunt Tilly always has something to do; pay her no mind. She will return soon enough.”
Nathaniel nodded, tucking into his food. Beatrix sipped tea that had probably gone cold from all her talking. Nathaniel could admit the woman had some fine points about her, such as her honesty and perseverance. She was also sensible, and not given into high emotions like so many other women. I doubt she would ever hurt me as Helena has, but marriage? That's a rather large step.
“Nathaniel?” said Beatrix after some time.
“Yes?”
“Do I disgust you? Am I a terrible woman?”
Nathaniel pulled his head back. “I beg your pardon?”
“I must be detestable to you.”
What was wrong with women? “That's not true at all, Beatrix. Why would you say such a thing?”
“You refuse to marry me. I can only imagine that I am some ogre you do not wish to have in your life.”
The woman looked ready to cry. Had he really hurt her feelings? “Oh, for heaven's sake, Beatrix! I beg of you, do not cry.”
One tear fell down the woman's cheek. “I am sorry, but I cannot help it. There is only so much rejection a woman can take. I would think that you would understand my feelings because you have gone through the very same thing.”
Nathaniel put his cup and plate down, running his fingers through his hair. Women would surely be the death of him one day!
“Fine! Fine! We can get married,” he heard himself saying.
Beatrix immediately perked up. “Indeed?”
No! “Yes, whatever you want.”
“Oh, Nathaniel!” the woman cried. “How happy you have made me!”
"Then, why are you crying?"
“These are tears of joy, you silly man! Oh, I'm going to be married! I simply must tell Aunt Tilly.”
The woman dashed for the door, turning around. “I will spread this about London for all to hear. Helena will hear of it and know that you have moved on.”
Beatrix evidently thought this a wonderful thing, and it should have been, but Nathaniel felt nothing but sadness. Once everything was announced, it would bring a finality that Nathaniel wasn't sure he was ready for.
Chapter 21
Helena stared at the large bouquet of blooms Luke had sent her, tempted to take a flower and play the old 'he loves me, he loves me not' game.
“What would be the use? Nathaniel evidently does not love me, nor had he any affection for me. I was merely money for his pocket.”
It was hurtful to verbally admit it, but it was nevertheless true. Nathaniel had simply played the part of her tutor, and Helena imagined he was paid handsomely for it.
“My father is a generous man. He would have ensured Nathaniel would have no cause to complain about his wages.”
Perhaps it was time she got into the habit of calling him Monsieur Baudelaire once again. Helena no longer had the right to address him so informally. First names were for friends and lovers, both of which she was not.
“'Tis rather wrong of me to be thinking about one man while looking at the flowers from another.”
Did that make her a woman of questionable morals? Helena didn't know. She didn't have the rules of this game called love and had chosen to take an early exit. Marriage would seal her from her youthful follies and give precedence to wifely duties. Luke had already explained in great detail all the family homes they would visit once married, the parties they would give, and what her duties would be as his wife. It all seemed a tad too much for Helena's young mind.
“I have gone from free to taken in a matter of days. Is that normal?”
Her parents had appeared surprised by her decision to be married, a puzzlement to Helena. Were they not the ones who told her to settle down? Now that she had done that very thing, they were hesitant.
“Parents are rather strange creatures, aren't they? Mine have confused me considerably.”
Helena couldn't understand why they had made Luke wait for an answer. She had been confident her mother would jump for joy, and her father would give Luke a cigar in celebration, although the Earl didn't really smoke.
Helena rubbed her chest. A sharp stabbing feeling had not left her since Nathaniel hinted he would marry Beatrix. Whenever she thought about his words, the intense feeling would increase, sometimes leaving Helena gasping for breath.
“I cannot believe my heart betrayed me that day. Why did I show Nathaniel I was pleased to see him? If not for Luke by my side, I might have given away my feelings.”
Nathaniel had been the one to end her lessons without a word to her, but when Helena saw him for the first time in weeks, her heart had leapt. Perhaps it still believed there was a reason for Nathaniel's abrupt decision to end their lessons, and he would eventually tell her and ask for her forgiveness.
“I hoped that he would see I'm not at all happy with my betrothal to Luke.”
Helena had wished to hear Nathaniel confess his love to her and save her from an unwanted marriage. What he actually did was the complete opposite.
“Nathaniel is lost to me forever, and I to him. We belong to other people.”
Not that Nathaniel was remotely bothered that Helena was to marry someone else. Why would he be?
“He has Beatrix to think about and give all his attention and affection to. I'm sure they will be happy.”
And her? Would she be happy? Helena would undoubtedly try. Luke was a good man, and sincerely cared for her. He would make a good husband, although she would rather he not be her husband.
Pushing away from her chair, Helena walked over to her armoire. The London Season's official opening ball would begin in a few hours, and she had yet to decide upon a dress. The Totnes Ball would be filled to the brim with the crème de la crème of society, and Helena had to represent her parents and fiancé well.
"A man just has to put on simple evening attire, whereas a woman has to think about the right colour dress, shoes, jewellery, hairstyle, and reticule."
It wasn't fair. Helena would also don an evening suit and be done with it if it were allowed. Perhaps someday a woman would be able to walk around in men's attire and not cause scandal.
“Ha! When will that day ever come? Women will be kept in dresses for centuries to come.”
Helena was still pulling out dresses when Rose came into the room. The woman grimaced when she saw the mess Helena was making.
“Why did you not call for me first?” rose asked.
“You were busy.”
Helena's mother had asked Rose to massage her temples. Earlier today, the older woman had received a few guests for tea, and they had tired her. Helena was glad she had not been a part of the tea party, and had spent most of her time painting in her room. Although I don't know if that had been such a worthy idea. Every one of her paintings started out with a specific idea in her head, but by the time she was halfway through with it, they all looked the same.
Helena glanced at the canvas she was currently busy with. She had covered it with a white cloth, hiding the figure her heart had painted. Nathaniel repeatedly came through in her paintings in one way or another. Sometimes, it was apparent, and she had to destroy the canvas, and other times it was more abstract.
“You should wear your red gown today,” Rose suggested. “You haven't worn it yet, and it looks stunning on you. All eyes will be on you.”
That wasn't what Helena wanted. “I'd rather be obscure this evening. After all, I have no need to capture the attention of any man.”
Helena was betrothed, after all. It was somewhat amusing that she had come to be a part of the London Season, only to be taken off the 'most eligible list' before the Season had officially begun.
“That is no reason not to look your best. I still cannot understand why you accepted Luke's proposal so soon. Could you not have waited a bit?”
“Waited for what, exactly? Luke is one of the favourite bachelors for this Season, and he has chosen me. According to the unsaid rules of the Season, I have done very well for myself.”