by Aria Norton
It didn't matter that Luke was not her first choice. I do not have the privilege of having my first choice. Luke didn't know that. The man was merely happy that Helena had agreed to become his wife and couldn't stop gushing about it. You would think it would be the other way around where I would rave about winning the interest of an eligible suitor.
"Well, regardless of who you are marrying, it would be a shame to become a wallflower," Rose insisted. "Although I'm not sure you could become one."
These days people were always telling her what to do. I suppose I should look forward to more of the same once married.
"I want to look like the respectable daughter of an earl and fiancée to Luke,” Helena explained. “I do not need to stand out to achieve that."
“Then humour me,” Rose begged. “Wear the red dress and the accessories I choose. Judy is bringing up some hot water for your bath. I think I'll add some sheep's milk and rose petals to brighten your complexion.”
Helena didn't take offence to the reference of her dull complexion. She knew she wasn't looking her best these days, and couldn't be bothered by it. Helena hadn't felt like her old self in weeks and had morphed into a woman she hardly recognised. This change hadn't happened on purpose, but the melancholy that had settled over her since coming to London refused to be shaken off.
On the bright side, I have become every bit the docile and meek daughter my parents have always wanted me to be. I have not laughed too loudly, insisted on my own way, or given my parents cause for alarm. Had she laughed at all since coming here? Helena couldn't be sure.
"Do whatever you think is necessary," said Helena. "There is no point in arguing with you."
Rose grinned. "I'm pleased you see it my way. Now, the gown is red with white trimming, so I think you should wear your white shoes with the red rosettes, carry your white satin reticule, wear your rubies set in silver, and a simple hairdo to accentuate your lovely neck. I might add a string of pearls into your hair to catch the light, or perhaps the hair comb your mother purchased yesterday."
Helena listened to her friend make all the decisions, not giving her own opinion.
Judy eventually arrived carrying hot water buckets and began to empty them into the tub. Rose charged the young maid with warming some sheep's milk and bringing the jar of rose petals from the pantry. Cook sometimes used the petals in her biscuits, so Helena wasn't certain how the woman would feel about one of her ingredients disappearing into bathwater.
“Oh, and the rose water, Judy,” Rose added.
Judy nodded and rushed off to get the next load of water. Rose continued to chat as she put away the other dresses, and laid the chosen red one on the bed. The woman wasn't much of a chatterbox; Helena knew it was for her benefit. Rose had thankfully not pestered her with too many questions about Nathaniel, but Helena did see the worry in the woman's eyes whenever Rose looked at her.
Sometimes, Helena wondered if she had been too hasty accepting Luke's proposal, but she would soon convince herself it was the best thing to do. Nathaniel was engaged, and she was engaged. It was the perfect solution to an otherwise heartbreaking situation.
Candace and Sophie could not stop gushing about Helena's appearance, making her wish she had been firmer with Rose. Not only am I drawing attention, but I must also smell like a garden. Rose had also put rose oil into Helena's hair, and removed most of the greasiness with powder. Fortunately, Helena's face had been left bare, but Rose had cautioned her to pinch her cheeks every hour to maintain a faint blush. Helena was not about to do any such thing. If people thought her pallor a tad pale, then so be it. However, the milk bath did do wonders for my complexion.
“So,” Sophie began. “How is it that you landed a handsome and dashing suitor before the Season's first ball? You simply must tell us your secret!”
It was on the tip of Helena's tongue to say heartbreak, but she reined in her impulse. No one needed to know about Nathaniel.
“Luck, I guess,” Helena shrugged. “I certainly never asked for it.”
“Oh, you have all the luck,” Sophie complained. “I hope I find someone worthy as Luke at this ball. Should we call him Luke or my lord?”
Luke was the first son of Lord Staten, Viscount of Staten. Since Helena held a higher rank as an Earl's daughter, she had never addressed him as 'my lord', neither had she ever introduced him as anything but Luke Christiansen. Luke has never taken offence to being called by his first name, although I should ask him what he prefers.
The man had yet to arrive, but Helena was confident she would see him. She knew Luke wanted to stake his claim on her and ward off any other potential suitors. It wasn't a strange thing to have a woman end one betrothal in favour of another, especially when the banners had not yet been read.
“I do not think he minds,” said Helena. “Although I should ask him.”
“May we move to the refreshment table?” said Candace, a hand on her belly. “I've hardly had a thing to eat to fit into this dress. I think my seamstress purposefully made it snug to humiliate me.”
“Or you've gained a fair bit of weight,” Sophie retorted.
Candace gasped. “How can you say such a thing? If anything, I have actually lost a few pounds since coming to London.”
“Where?” Sophie asked.
“Helena, surely you have noticed that I have lost some weight?” Candace half-pleaded.
Helena hadn't noticed a thing. “You look lovely this evening, Candace. Why spoil the evening with talks of weight? I'm sure we have better things to discuss like that young man who seems so taken with you.”
Candace coloured, twirling a curl around her fingers. “I do not know what you could be talking about.”
“What?” Sophie exclaimed. “Someone is interested in Candace? I mean no offence, Candace, only that I thought I would be the first between us to attract attention. Who is it?”
Sophie may have just said 'who is it?' but what she really meant was who was the man crazy enough to love a fat woman before her?
Candace lifted her chin, her eyes flashing. “That is not for you to know since you take pleasure in ridiculing me at every turn.”
Sophie rolled her eyes. “Oh, Candace, must you take everything to heart?”
“Oh, I take everything to heart, do I?” the woman asked. “Well, then surely you will not take it personally when I say that you are a spectacle in this dress. In fact, you're a spectacle in all your dresses!” the woman added. “Perhaps if you put less time into your appearance and more into your attitude, you might find a suitor.”
Helena had never heard such an outburst from Candace before. The woman had not raised her voice one notch, but her words had been cutting. Sophie stood there gaping like a fish, and to Helena's surprise, the woman's eyes watered.
“Why must you always be so mean to me?” Sophie cried. “I try to be the best friend I can possibly be, but you continually put me down. And you, Helena, you just watch her do it? Am I not your friend as well?”
Helena didn't know whether to laugh or be horrified. “I can see emotions are riding high this evening. We all just need to calm down and think about what we're saying to each other before throwing accusations. Why don't we get a few refreshments before the host formally greets everyone?”
“I refuse to go anywhere with Candace,” Sophie stated, crossing her arms.
“I wouldn't want to go anywhere with such a self-centred woman who cannot be happy that her friend has found someone,” Candace returned.
Sophie's jaw dropped. “Is that what you think?”
“It's what I know,” Candace insisted. “You're never happy unless you're better than me in everything, Sophie, and I'm tired of it.”
"But Candace, that isn't the case at all," Sophie denied. "I know that I can be rather loose with my tongue at times, but it's never with malice. Of course, I am happy for you, but you know that I had wanted to find someone well before you were even interested in doing so. It's a natural blow to my pride when you and
Helena hardly need to try, and yet with all my attempts, I cannot find a man to love me for me." The woman shrugged her shoulders once, looking down. "I didn't know my dress choice was a cause for ridicule. Perhaps I should leave before anyone else chooses to laugh at me."
Helena had never seen her friend look so downtrodden. We are so used to her abrasive manner that we hardly see her sensitive side. Sophie turned away from them and made her way past the guests. She was actually leaving!
“Candace!” Helena scolded. “Do something. You and Sophie are always at it. It's time to grow up and sort out this mess.”
"Oh, all right," Candace sighed. "But a little hurt doesn't harm anyone. Perhaps it'll bring her down a notch or two."
“Candace!”
“Yes, yes, I'm going!” the woman assured, lethargically.
Candace picked up her dress and ran after Sophie, or at least, she tried to. She wasn't built for speed but comfort. Helena thought to get something to drink when she heard the most hauntingly beautiful music. She paused, tilting her head.
“It sounds so familiar.”
Helena could hear the passion in each stroke and felt pulled towards the sound. An urgent need to see who was playing had her pushing past guests until she found herself standing at the front and watching the man Helena thought she would never clap eyes on again.
Nathaniel's eyes were closed, but his body flowed as one with the music, pulling in his audience. Helena couldn't look away. Must I still be tortured by his presence? Why is he here? The memory of Nathaniel telling her that he would play at various balls and events throughout the Season gave her the answer, but it did nothing to relieve the pressure in her heart.
As if Nathaniel knew she was near him, his eyes opened and immediately found her. He didn't miss a single stroke on his violin, but the music did become more hurried and almost brutally lovely. Helena couldn't look away as Nathaniel's eyes burned into hers, his orbs almost accusatory. Was he angry at her? But why? He was the one who betrayed me! Finally, unable to handle the strain, Helena closed her eyes and turned away, hurrying past surprised people.
She found Candace and Sophie arm-in-arm and laughing together. I suppose they have sorted out their little spat. Helena stopped before them slightly out of breath.
“Whatever is the matter with you?” Sophie asked. “Have you been running? In that gown?”
Helena pulled out a lace handkerchief, dabbing her upper lip. “It's just hot in here, don't you think? Why don't we go outside for a bit?”
Helena was going to go with or without her friends. She needed to get far away as possible from Nathaniel and his music.
“I don't mind a spot of fresh air,” Candace commented. “I do find ballrooms to be rather stuffy at times.”
“Good. Let's go,” said Helena, leading the way.
She stayed clear of the front and kept to the walls until they reached the balcony. Her friends gave her odd looks, but none of them said anything. Oh, where is Luke? If only he were here! He would act as her shield just as he had that day in the park.
However, Helena couldn't stay outside forever, and after some time, agreed to go back inside. She kept a close eye on Nathaniel's whereabouts, not willing to bump into him. Satisfied that he was nowhere to be seen, Helena relaxed. A guest stumbled past her, making her take a step back into a column. Or, at least she thought it was a column, but it felt warm. She moved away and turned to look at it, only to find herself gazing into a pair of bright blue eyes.
“Are you not hurt?” Nathaniel asked. “I saw how that man rushed past you.”
“I'm, I'm fine,” Helena stammered. “Thank you.”
“Good,” he nodded. “You look well.”
“Thank you. You do as well.”
“Thank you.”
Is this what their conversations had been reduced to? Helena recalled talking about the most profound topics, but that was all before, wasn't it? I really should go, but I don't want to just yet.
“Hot night, isn't it?” Nathaniel commented.
“Yes, it certainly is.”
“Where is your fiancé tonight?” The question had a bite to it.
“Luke is likely on his way. Where is Beatrix?”
“She wasn't invited,” Nathaniel replied. “I'm here for work, that's all.”
“I see.”
Helena wanted to ask him about his betrothal to Beatrix. She wanted to know if she had ever meant anything to him, but of course, no such question escaped her lips. Helena was desperate, but she wasn't a fool. I cannot continue to stand here and pretend that nothing has gone wrong. Nathaniel might be fine with it, but it was tearing her apart inside.
“If you will excuse me, Monsieur Baudelaire?”
Nathaniel bowed, but Helena didn't bother with a curtsy. What was a curtsy in the face of pain?
Chapter 22
Now that Helena had left for the ball, Rose had some time to sit and do some thinking. This entire drama between her best friend and Nathaniel was ridiculous, really.
“How on earth did they go from needing to see each other several times a week, to getting betrothed to other people?”
Rose had personally witnessed the love bloom between them, even if they had not recognised it as such.
“They are both stubborn people. At first, I didn't think Helena would be able to win Nathaniel over, but I underestimated her.”
Her friend had turned on her natural charm and kept at it until Nathaniel softened towards her. Rose was always surprised by what Helena could achieve when she put her mind to something. It didn't matter that Rose had known her for years, Helena was still full of surprises.
“She keeps me on my toes. I do not think I have ever had a dull day around her.”
When they were younger, Helena would insist they go trudging through the woods to find inspiration for her drawings. Back then, Helena had drawn and sketched more than painted. Sometimes, Rose would be asked to hold a frog or help Helena catch a snake.
“I always drew the line at snakes. Who would be crazy enough to get one of those?”
Snakes were not like dogs or cats, they weren't to be trusted. That went for spiders as well.
“Lambs, goats, and other furry animals should have sufficed, but not for Helena. I'm amazed we still have all our limbs despite all the scrapes we used to get into.”
Rose had a scar on her left thigh after a tumble down a hill of jutting rocks that put her on bed rest for an entire week. Helena had carried Rose on her back the whole way back to the house, although she had also suffered a nasty gash to her right temple and could hardly see for the blood dripping down her face. Helena also had a scar, but it was faint and ran into her hair. One had to be looking for it to find it.
“Everyone thinks Helena is spoilt, and I suppose she is in some ways, but there is no nastiness about her. She simply gets her way because she is an excellent debater.”
Nathaniel had certainly disliked Helena initially, that much had been certain to Rose, but he couldn't help but be interested in her. Helena had that quality about her.
“How many suitors have fancied themselves in love with her? I must have lost count!”
At first, Rose believed Helena's interest in the violinist was due to his stubborn resolve not to like her. However, when Nathaniel started to warm to Helena, the woman's interest never waned but grew stronger. It was like watching a romance story unfold before Rose's very eyes.