Ella

by Sadie Conall

  “A man can’t travel far these days without coming upon one. But can’t say I don’t mind, when we can go buy supplies without travelling all the way back to St Louis, or up to Lower Canada. Although makes a man lazy.”

  “You trapping much?” Marrok asked.

  “Sure, of course. The rivers are full of beaver. Just no-one wants them anymore. The market for fancy hats has died away in Europe, so there’s no money in it for us, not like there was, but we still trade furs with the trading posts, just don’t get much for them. Enough to buy what we want, and that’s all that matters at our age.”

  “You hear the Indians are talking war?” Marrok asked.

  The two men nodded and looked at him.

  “They been talking war for a few years now, but they like to trade as well,” Richaud said.

  “But those folk got a lot to lose with these settlers coming through. Glad I don’t have to see it when it comes, for I reckon the best years are behind us. Someone said there’ll be trading posts from one end of the country to the other, but can’t see it myself,” he shook his head and looked back at Marrok.

  “But what do I know? I been up here in the wild for so long, can’t quite remember who owns this darn country anymore.”

  He spat in the fire, then took a long drink of water from an old, stained waterskin.

  “First, it was the Indians. Then it was the French and Spanish. Last time I looked, it was the Americans. So just wait a while and I reckon it’ll go back to the Indians.”

  Marrok laughed and moved to cut some meat off the spit.

  3

  He made it back to the wagon train as it was pulling into camp beside a lake four days later. Mountains now towered around them, the days long and hard as the animals and wagons negotiated narrow passes. Ella saw him ride in, a lone figure coming out of the forested hills in the north, a man dressed in buckskin yet wearing a wide brimmed hat.

  Marrok wasn’t aware that Ella watched him, for he was eager to get news to Artie about the Blackfeet. But as he left his horse to his men to be brushed down and watered, he wondered if the people on the wagon train should be warned. Although that might cause more problems.

  Ella left him to talk to Artie and took Abe and Wilber with her down to the lake to fill their water barrels. But as they climbed a slight rise, before making their way on down through the pine trees to the water’s edge, they stopped and stared in awe as the view opened up before them. For beyond the lake which stretched for a mile or more to the opposite shore, a mountain range appeared to rise to meet the heavens, their peaks covered in thick virgin snow with vast evergreen forests sweeping away as far as the eye could see.

  “Lord above,” said Wilber. “We got to get the wagons through more of those mountains.”

  Ella remembered what Marrok had said about the Rockies all those months ago when they were travelling to Independence from St Louis.

  “If we don’t get through before winter we won’t make it, because we’ll never find enough to feed the animals. And once the animals are gone, there’s no hope of getting through the deep drifts of snow that fall up there. Only a log cabin, or a teepee, and a fire will keep us warm, but certainly not a wagon. People would freeze to death in the bitter cold.”

  Abe put his hands on his hips and shook his head. “Not sure I want to go over any more mountains. And I’m not liking this cold at night. How much colder can it get, do you reckon?”

  “Can’t imagine,” Wilber said. “But if you’re thinking on marrying one of them gals and joining their family in Oregon, you better be prepared for the cold.”

  “Well, one thing I do know, it sure ain’t warm up here like it is in St Louis or Tennessee.”

  They turned as a group of men came towards them through the trees and Ella recognized his voice before she saw him. Marrok stopped and nodded when he saw her then paused, his men going on without him.

  “Look at that view, why don’t you,” Abe said, nodding towards the mountains. “Yet how’s a man meant to carry on and get wagons across that range? It’s hard enough now.”

  Marrok smiled. “If everyone takes it slowly, you’ll get over without any trouble.”

  “But you won’t be heading that way, will you?” Wilber asked, nodding towards the mountainous peaks.

  Marrok shook his head. “No, but I’ll have mountains of my own to cross as I head north.”

  He excused himself then and walked off, but as Ella and the brothers made their way down to the water, as Ella gathered her skirts about her, Marrok glanced back and thought that she belonged out here in the woods. She was born to live on the land.

  She turned suddenly as though aware he watched her and she grinned, before hurrying after Abe and Wilber. Marrok grunted, a deep primal sound of desire, then he turned to follow his men.

  *

  That evening Artie called a meeting. “You all keep close to the wagons now, until we reach Fort Hall. Don’t go riding out, or leaving without telling folk where you’re going, for we’re in Blackfoot country now and they don’t take kindly to us traipsing through their lands. So keep your eyes about you, for I don’t want no trouble.”

  After the meeting, Marrok and Artie were walking through camp when they stopped to accept a coffee from Willard.

  Ella was sitting with Martha, keeping the children occupied, as Constance lay down in the back of the wagon, feeling restless and uncomfortable, wishing her pregnancy over.

  “She’s past envying those women who’ve already given birth,” Martha said. “All she wants now is for it to be over and she has a healthy bub in her arms. I just hope she don’t give birth until we reach Fort Hall. It’s too hard on a woman with a newborn out here on the trail.”

  As Marrok and Artie accepted a coffee from Ella, Willard asked them about their plans. “What will you do after you leave us in Fort Hall?”

  “Breed horses and do some trading with the Hudson Bay Company,” said Artie. “I’d like to think my days as wagon master are almost over.”

  “Will you ranch up by the Willamette Valley? I’ve heard a lot of folks talking about it,” Martha asked.

  Marrok shook his head. “Further north of Willamette. Closer to the Canadian border.”

  “Well, I guess it’ll be cold up there in winter,” Willard said. “And that’s alright if you like the cold, but I'm looking for a warm place to settle and California seems to have it. I’ve heard oranges grow as big as my fist out there and they have fresh air blowing in off the ocean where you can taste the salt. I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to seeing it for myself.”

  They talked some more of what lay ahead for them, then Artie made his excuses to leave. When Marrok got up to go a little while later, Ella also made her excuses, so she could walk back with him. And as they walked through that darkening camp, Ella asked him how he came to find his land.

  “When Artie and I finished last year’s wagon train he invited me north to meet the Chinook, his wife’s people. We went out hunting one day and as we came out of the woods, there it was, a wide fertile valley spread out below us like some kind of paradise. A ring of mountains circle it, with a wide deep river running through its centre and forests sweeping across the mountain foothills. I’ve never seen so many herds of deer. And the wolves run in such big packs you can hear them howling to each other across mountain ranges at night,” he paused and smiled.

  “We stayed there the night and when we woke the next morning, Artie and I both knew we wanted to live there. We talked about it for days, until deciding we could breed horses and sell them on to settlers or the Hudson Bay Company. And although all that land belongs to the Chinook people, they agreed we could settle there so long as we trade with them. Which is why my wagons are full of supplies. Good quality blankets, the best guns and tools I could buy, as well as clothes and cooking utensils,” he paused and looked at her, seeing the excitement on her face as she listened, leaning towards him.

  And Marrok suddenly remembered that
kiss they had shared in St Louis. She had left him bruised after that kiss, and he knew he hadn’t yet healed from it. But suddenly, as if a curtain had lifted before him, Marrok saw her there in that valley, living with him, helping him build his new life. He knew she loved the mountains, for she had begun to wake early so she could watch the sun rise over those distant peaks, and at night she waited for the moon to appear over that shadowy jagged skyline.

  “Don’t stop now, Marrok. I want to hear more!” she scolded him, unaware of his thoughts.

  Yet Marrok felt torn in half, knowing she would love his valley, but he could never take her away from her family. If she went to Oregon with him, Ella would never again see Martha, nor Willard and Constance and the children.

  “Please?” she said, taking his hand and pulling him down by the fire. “I want to hear it all!”

  So he sat crosslegged on the grass, longing to tell her of his plans, yet also unwilling to share it with anyone in case he lost it. But he couldn’t stop himself, as she waited for him to talk.

  “Our biggest problem will be getting the wagons over rough country, so we can either sell them in Fort Hall or dismantle them and take them overland by horse and travois.” He turned to look out into the dark night. “I’ve thought of that valley every day since I left it more than a year ago. And every day I can’t wait to get back.”

  They both turned as Ruby appeared out of the dark alongside Abe and Wilber. The three of them looked in a somber mood, but they had been helping Nell and Moss go through Elmer’s belongings. The brothers said goodnight and went to their beds, but Ruby joined Marrok and Ella by the fire.

  “Lord, that was hard. Poor Nell. She doesn’t know what she’ll do. She doesn’t want to be a burden on Moss but everything’s changed since Elmer died. She’s talking about getting some sort of job once they reached California, to help Moss out financially.”

  Marrok had heard about Elmer’s sudden death from Artie. “Give them both time. It’s been a shock for both of them. And I think Moss will take care of Nell. They’re very close,” he said, then stood up, excusing himself. “I must away before I fall asleep here by the fire. I’ll see you both in the morning.”

  Ella was disappointed he left and as she watched him walk away, she felt Ruby tense and agitated beside her.

  “What is it?’ Ella asked, turning back to look at the younger woman.

  “Ella honey, we need to talk,” Ruby said, her voice low and soft. “I should never have interfered in whatever this thing is between you and Marrok. I want to apologize for it, for I see the way you look at each other. No-one else exists in the world when you two are together. So you must follow your own path, Ella. You’re old enough to know what it is you want. Don’t listen to me or Martha or anyone else, for we have our own lives to live. And we both know what we want. Martha will continue on to California and live out the rest of her days with her son’s family. I’ll go on to sing in one of the big halls in San Francisco. But what about you Ella? What do you want?” She saw the bewilderment on Ella’s face, even as Ella glanced back towards Marrok’s camp.

  Ruby smiled, seeing the longing on her friend’s lovely face. “Honey, I think you know what you want. But you believe you must go west with Martha. And I’m sure Marrok thinks he can’t drag you north to live a life in the wilderness when you could live with your family. But Willard is your cousin. His family is not your family. And once we reach Fort Hall, Marrok will head north and the chance of either of you making a decision will be lost forever.”

  Ella said nothing, but suddenly remembered a conversation she’d overheard between Martha and Willard a few days ago which quickly became heated, for both were strong characters.

  And she’d wondered then if she could be happy living with them. Because that was what she was heading for. Did she really want to help Constance and Martha run a household with four children? Or did she want to use what little money she had left and start out on her own? Although she had no idea what she would do. Perhaps buy a bit of land for Billy and Bear to run on, grow some vegetables, find work doing something in the nearest town.

  “Once I reach California,” Ruby continued, interrupting her thoughts. “I’ll be heading off to follow my own dream, whether Clara decides to come with me or not. I hope she does. But you be careful you don’t leave your dream behind in Fort Hall.” She reached over to hug Ella, then left her there alone to go to her bed.

  4

  Clara was already asleep when Ella crawled into their shelter. She quickly undressed to her chemise and crawled under the blankets but lay awake, thinking on Ruby’s words, until she couldn’t help herself and reached out to pull aside the shelter’s flap so she could look out towards Marrok’s camp.

  He was sitting alone, his own men gone to bed like everyone else, except for the men on guard. He seemed deep in thought as he stared into the flames, chewing on a piece of willow, the same fiber he’d used to make her dreamcatcher, when he surprised Ella by glancing over towards her camp. She saw him shake his shoulders, as though eager to relieve the tension there, before he went to his wagon, reached for a blanket and strode off into the dark, towards the lake.

  She thought back over his words, spoken in St Louis after their kiss and again beside that river of death, when he’d told her he wasn’t the marrying kind. Those words had hurt her, but at least she knew the truth and she would rather have his truth than lies. She wasn’t a girl who could live on false hope or waste her life on a man who wouldn’t commit, listening to his lies while the best years of her life drifted away. She had known girls like that in Chesterfield, who had left it almost too late before they chose another man and began a new life. But they were the lucky ones. For if Marrok lied to Ella, knowing how much she loved him, she would still wait for him until the end of time. Well, more fool her. So she was grateful for his truth, no matter that it caused her pain.

  But did she want to leave him at Fort Hall without ever knowing what it was like to be with him? To be with a man like that? For although she’d had a taste of it, in truth she wanted more.

  Clara turned over in her bed and snored softly. She seemed able to sleep through anything, for some mornings Ella had had to shake the older woman to wake her. Perhaps living in a saloon in St Louis had taught her to close off to everything.

  Ella knew Marrok was going down to the lake to bath, but the memory of him standing half naked in his wet buckskin pants sent a fire storm through her body. It was a desire unknown to her and its fierceness was so powerful, it was as though she were gripped with a madness she couldn’t control and Ella could think of nothing but being with him.

  And without thinking of the consequences, tired of doing what was expected of her, she pushed aside her blankets, took one off the bed, grabbed her dress and crept outside. She didn’t bother with her boots, nor did she bother putting the dress on because she didn’t want to chance waking Clara, or Ruby sleeping above her in the wagon.

  It was utterly still, everyone abed except for the men standing guard. She saw a man coming her way and she stepped back into the shadows. She hardly breathed as he passed her by. Then he was gone.

  She took off, keeping to the shadows of the wagons before racing towards the cover of the trees surrounding the lake.

  Ella knew she faced Marrok’s wrath, for he had asked her not to go out alone. Yet here she was stepping out into the night, wearing nothing but her chemise.

  She stopped under a stand of pine and listened. For a moment she was met with only silence, then she heard the distant sound of water splashing. She walked barefoot through the trees, thinking of nothing but the desire to be with him. And then she saw him, the whispy clouds blown away by a soft breeze, allowing the waxy moonlight to reveal the shadow of a man swimming about a quarter mile out from the bank.

  She watched him, knowing no other man in the wagon train would do such a thing at this hour of the night, but at least she was confident they were alone. She hurried on down to the water’s edge
, feeling the soft prick of pine needles beneath her bare feet.

  5

  Marrok heard someone coming through the trees towards the lake, the slightest sound of bracken being trod on and he moved fast, pushing himself through the water towards the bank where he’d left his weapons.

  He ran at a low crouch towards his clothes, reached for his knife before he sprinted behind a tree, watching as the shadow came to stand at the water’s edge, not ten feet from where he stood.

  And then he uttered a soft oath, for even in the faint glow of moonlight he would recognize her anywhere. He stepped out from behind the trees, buck naked, although he knew Ella saw him only in shadow, as he saw her.

  “Ella?” he called softly, bewildered by her coming here, yet as a man, he knew. Although he hardly dared believe it.

  She turned to him and despite the pale glow of the moon, she was well aware of his nakedness. She could hardly breathe with the want of him.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice nothing more than a whisper, yet fill of urgent male need.

  “You know why,” she said, her own voice low as she stepped towards him. “I don’t want to live with regrets, Marrok. Oh, I know full well you don’t want me, not like I want you, but I no longer care about that. I willing to take whatever I can from you, before you leave my life forever,” she stepped closer to him, aware of Marrok’s absolute stillness.

  “I want you to love me. I want you to be the first, rather than some young man Martha pushes me to marry in California. I want to always have the memory of you, of us, like this.”

  Marrok stood in silence, unable to argue with her anymore, for he was done struggling against her. And as Ella stepped closer, she put a hand on his chest and held it there, feeling the thud of the beat of his heart.

  But this wasn’t like St Louis, where she’d placed a hand on his chest to stop herself falling.