Heart Shaped Spotlight

by Haley Travis

  “Why didn’t he tell me that it was definite?” I asked, more to myself than to him.

  Dave released a heavy sigh, glancing to the back door to be sure Nate was still out of earshot. “Trisha, I’m only saying this because I think you’re a nice girl, and I want you two to be together. He’s terrified. He doesn’t want to scare you away. He doesn’t want to hurt you, pressure you, or make you uncomfortable. He’s tied up in knots.”

  “Over me?” I squeaked. I couldn’t quite believe him.

  “He’s been searching for you, dreaming of you, and now that he has you, everything else seems less important.”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause any trouble,” I whispered.

  Dave reached over and patted my arm, his kind smile lighting up his eyes. He seemed like a concerned big brother.

  “Nobody thinks that you’re trouble,” he said gently. “This is a difficult situation. Nate has this big sparkling bubble around his mental picture of you. He’s not going to be disappointed when he realizes that you’re a real person. But he’s going to have to stop tiptoeing around you, isn’t he?”

  I nodded. “Yeah.”

  “He’s going to have to figure out that you’re more mature, and likely less jumpy than you were long ago.” Dave smiled. “He probably wanted to be with you for a few days and get comfortable before he told you.”

  “Maybe. Yeah.”

  Nate returned, and slid into the booth beside me, kissing my cheek. “What did I miss?”

  “Trisha and I were talking about you losing all of your stage presence and sex appeal if you don’t start drinking some water along with your coffee now and then,” Dave said sharply, trying to appear stern. “Remember what that vocal coach said a couple of years back?”

  Nate rolled his eyes. “Hydrated vocal cords are happy vocal cords,” he sing-songed.

  I giggled between the two of them, realizing once again that the music industry is simply demented in the most amusing ways.

  We had a fabulous lunch, with Nate mostly talking about how wonderful I was, Dave telling me about how well Nate was doing, and me trying not to giggle at all of their bizarre inside jokes. Dave shook my hand again outside the restaurant, promising to keep in touch if the two of us had to start a caffeine intervention for Nate.

  I still had an hour before I had to get to the airport, so Nate and I walked for a little while, just chatting and observing the world until we ended up in a nearby park.

  "Why are the trees so magical here?" I asked.

  "Because this is a magical city," he smiled, settling on a bench and pulling me against him.

  "But you're probably going to end up in Toronto, right?" I asked cautiously.

  He shot me a look, but instead of seeming irritated, he just flashed that dazzling smile. "You already know, don't you?"

  "Yes. I'm just wondering why you didn't tell me the second it was official."

  "I'm not sure," he said. "I didn't want anything to seem too serious this weekend, I guess. I just wanted to be with you."

  I leaned over to breathe into his ear, "I think we found a whole new way of being together."

  He turned and kissed me hard, the instant intoxicating heat thumping through my veins. "Not here,” I finally gasped, forcing myself to pull away. Whenever we ended up publicly outed, I didn’t want it to be from saucy photos of us kissing. Nate needed to remember that his private life wasn’t private anymore.

  "Sorry," he smiled.

  "And don't distract me with your crazy kisses when I'm asking you to keep me posted about things.”. I was trying to appear stern, but couldn't stop smiling. "You can't control every situation, and you're going to have to get used to me dealing with things on my own."

  "I know," he said, reaching for my hand and threading our fingers together. "I can't help it that I want to protect you. To keep every stress and unhappiness away from you."

  "Life doesn't work like that. And I can handle a lot more than you think."

  "I know you can," he said. "Like coming all the way here to be the princess of all techs."

  His phone beeped, and he checked it quickly, drawing the screen up to his face with a serious frown.

  "What is it?" I asked.

  He seemed to freeze for a second, then shook his head. "Not important. It can wait." He paused again, looking almost angry. Then he turned it off and stuck his bottom lip out. "I don't like the clock. It says that I have to put you in a cab. Or do you want me to come with you to the airport?"

  "No, I've already wasted too much of your time. I know that you've got all kinds of things to take care of,” I smiled.

  "Baby, you will never be a waste of my time. Not ever."

  "Okay, thanks," I said. "But I'm fine. I'm used to traveling all over the place at the drop of a hat, remember?"

  He frowned, shaking his head. "Unfortunately, yes," he grumbled. He rolled my suitcase to the sidewalk where we flagged down a cab.

  Sneaking a look around, I didn't see anyone with their phones out, so I threw my arms around him for a deep, soft kiss that made my insides melt.

  "I'm going to miss you so much," he murmured.

  “I'll see you soon." I said. "You just get that album written and recorded, then we'll figure everything else out."

  He squeezed me tightly, whispering into my ear, “I love you, baby. Text me the second you're home safe."

  "I love you too."

  Waving as I drove away, I checked my phone to see that I had enough time to make my flight without rushing. Then I noticed a few texts from Carrie. I waited until I was out of the car and inside the airport so I could sit down and read them.

  Just like that, I was pretty sure what Nate's bad news has been as well. But he hadn’t told me.

  Chapter Twenty ~ Nate

  * Blinders and Blindsided *

  I couldn't believe it happened that fast. After assuring Trisha that the media wouldn't find out about us, or that I had found her at all, there it was.

  I was a brutal liar.

  Maybe I was naïve, but I didn't think anyone would actually go to the trouble of stalking us. I was wrong. Lora sent me several texts, with links to a gossip website.

  There was an elaborate story of how we were reunited at my interview in Toronto, and that Trisha had flown to Vancouver for a secret rendezvous with me. Several photos were posted that looked like they were stolen from various personal social media pages. There was the photo of Trisha and I with the band at lunch that must have been taken by those young girls. But they were definitely not paparazzi. Then there was a grainy photo of us kissing down by the ocean.

  I had assured Trisha that nobody would notice us. Now I was a horrific fucking liar.

  Trudging back to the hotel, I forced myself to get some work done, polishing lyrics and answering various emails. There were a bunch of things that had to be coordinated for my move to Toronto, but since I didn't have very much, it should be pretty smooth.

  Hours later, my phone rang, and I was surprised that it was a video call.

  “Hey, baby, how was your flight?” I asked brightly. It looked like she was sitting on a couch in what must have been her apartment. Trisha was not smiling. It was hard to tell through the video, but her eyes looked red.

  "The flight was technically fine, and I am technically home safe," she said. "But it would have gone a little smoother if you had told me there were pictures of us online already. That was the text you got as I was leaving, wasn't it?"

  Oh shit. I knew that my face likely fell. "Yes, but–"

  "Why didn't you tell me right then? Did you think you could just wish very hard and make it go away?"

  "I didn't want you to be upset for your whole flight," I said. "I figured it could wait five hours."

  "You expect me to believe that you were going to tell me right now? I think it's more likely that you were going to put your Nate blinders on and expect the problem to go away."

  "I was going to call Dave and ask what we could do
about it."

  "You just think you can control everything," she snapped. Damn, I’d never seen her this angry. "I already tracked down who made the site. It was Kim, the receptionist from my office. I’ll ask my boss to have her take it down."

  "Not just that, you should have her fired," I said. "I'll do anything I can to help."

  Trisha shook her head. "I knew from the beginning that people would find out about us. That's not the part that upsets me. I was hoping it would be at least a few months down the line, but whatever. The thing that nauseates me is that you tried to control the situation by not telling me what was going on."

  "I just–"

  "You always think you can flash your magic smile and get your way,” she choked. The video was unsteady, and my heart sank as I realized her hands were probably shaking. "It's Sara's party all over again. Remember that? You were trying to control what was going on around us, and not telling me what was going on so that I could make my own decision. That's why I wanted to leave before your other friends got there. That's why I almost left you for good that night."

  My own phone shook. "Are you serious? You wanted to break up with me back then?"

  The light hit her eyes, tears spilling down her face. "My dad controlled every moment of my life. I found a boyfriend, thought he was wonderful, then he started trying to make things easier for me by not telling me anything he thought was upsetting. Sure, you were trying to hide things out of kindness, but it still made me feel manipulated. So, yes, they were a couple of times I nearly ended it. But I didn't quite have the nerve."

  I could barely breathe. It felt like my chest was imploding. "I'd never want to control you, Trisha," I said quietly. "You know that."

  "Just a few hours ago you had information that involved me, but you didn't tell me. I would have preferred to hear it from you than from my friend Carrie as I was about to get on the plane."

  "Oh my God, baby, I'm so sorry.”

  “I’m so fucking furious with myself,” she muttered through clenched teeth. “I’m far more angry with me than with you. You’ll never change. But I should have. I should have known better, and I should have made a better decision at the start.”

  “Is there anything I can do?” I said as gently as possible.

  “You want to make it all better, don’t you? You want to flash that huge rockstar smile that had everyone at your feet in high school, and on that TV show, and everywhere you go in life. It’s harder for other people, Nate. We don’t live in your fantasy land. I tried to visit, but I can’t do it. I want a private life.”

  My throat began to close. “Are you breaking up with me?” I rasped.

  Trisha nodded slightly, openly sobbing now. “This is not our relationship, Nate,” she choked. “This is your relationship. You’ve been in it for years, and I’m just showing up to fulfill your fantasy.”

  I’ve never heard her cry so hard, and even though she was breaking my heart, it killed me not to be there to comfort her

  “We had our fun,” she said, trying to fake a smile. “You’ve seen the real me, and that I’ll never measure up and be what you really need. Now you can let me go.”

  Seeing the pain written plainly across her face, my heart broke for her. “Trisha, please… I’ll be there in a week, I think. Can we talk then?”

  “No. It’s over. I’m going to try to have that site taken down before it gets worse and taints your reputation. Then I’m going to try to get back to normal.”

  “I’m still going to talk to Dave about the legal issues of that site,” I said.

  “Don’t bother. It doesn’t matter. You can splash your broken heart around online to sell more albums.”

  “You know I’m not like that,” I whispered.

  “We barely know each other,” she sniffled. “That’s the problem. We keep acting like there’s much more than there really is. I want it to be true, but it just isn’t. Take care of yourself, Nate.”

  She ended the call, leaving me alone with my coffee and notebooks in a bland hotel room. This was the way I’d spent so many nights, but I’d always gotten through it with the hope of finding Trisha someday.

  Now I’d found her, not listened to her, and fucked everything up.

  Chapter Twenty One ~ Trisha

  * Rain *

  How does one go back to regular life after ending things with a wonderful man?

  Walking alone in the rain.

  The streetcar was too cheerful, so I left my apartment early so that I could walk in the drizzle. Being chilly felt right. The rain disguised my tears. Although I should have felt like Nate and I were over and done forever, I couldn’t stop tossing and turning every detail around in my head like salad.

  I was relieved that Kim wasn’t at her desk when I rushed in, shaking out my dripping coat. I hadn’t quite decided what to do about her yet.

  I rarely looked at non-work related websites while I was at the office, but I felt I needed to see what else was online about me. After Kim’s seriously embellished article were a few more articles that seemed to be asking dramatic questions more than actually listing any facts. Or even lies.

  Did Trisha contact Nate because she’s carrying another man’s love-child? Is Trisha the ultimate groupie? Why did Trisha wait until after the show ended to contact her long lost love?

  I actually laughed at a few parts. As much as it was disgustingly personal, and downright offensive, it was also completely ridiculous. It was hard to believe that some people chose to read absolute bullshit when there was a ton of entertainment news available that wasn’t so trashy.

  Skimming around a couple of related sites, there were endless photos of Nate with other women. In many of them he had his arm slung casually around their shoulders, but there was no air of closeness about them. He just wanted to take a good picture for them. He seemed completely oblivious that he could have turned and kissed any of them, giving them the thrill of a lifetime.

  The smile he was giving them was far different than the way he smiled at me. My eyes fell closed as I recalled the way he looked at me like I was his favorite thing in the universe. I wanted to be that girl so badly. I wanted to be the one he always turned to, the one who always listened, and tried to work through life with him.

  It was just so hard, and awkward, and completely unnerving.

  When I went to the break room to fix myself a strangely bitter cup of coffee, I took a moment to stare at the rain out the window. It was really pouring now. I wondered if it was sunny on the other side of the country, where Nate was likely working on songs about the girl who broke his heart.

  Holly and Patrick, one of our audio techs, came in to congratulate me for the Vancouver job. I was a bit shocked.

  "Now we have our own little network,” Holly gushed. “I've already been talking with their hosts about ideas for shows we can bounce back and forth from city to city."

  "They've been meaning to do this for over a year, and I'm glad they finally put you on the case," Patrick said. "Great job, Trisha."

  They left the break room as I stirred a little milk into my mug. It was nice to be appreciated, and it was also rather nice that people seemed more comfortable speaking with me. I knew that I had put up a bit of a shield in the beginning, when I met so many people at once that I could barely keep track. Everything about my job was just becoming easier and smoother.

  At least one major part of my life was becoming more comfortable. I went back to my desk to organize some notes and look at what had to be done this week. There was so much that it was frustrating. I closed my eyes and took a slow breath while deciding which list to tackle first.

  “Hey, Trisha? Are you okay?”

  My eyes snapped open to see Gary standing in my doorway. He was absolutely grinning, a very rare sight. “Warren actually called to thank me for lending you out. Everyone’s buzzing about our two stations sharing the live streams, and collaborating on shows.”

  I couldn’t disguise my heavy sigh. “I was great until I ca
me back to this mess.”

  His face fell. “What mess?”

  “Kim started a new gossip website, and stole people’s social media photos of Nate Roberts and I.”

  His jaw fell open.

  “Look, I know she’s your family,” I continued, “But that’s horrible behavior. Absolutely unforgivable. It’s bad enough that she reposted photos that weren’t hers, with information she didn’t have rights to and might not even be true. But to do that to a coworker? Honestly, if she stays here, I’m going to have to look for another position.”