He smirked. “Oh,” he set his back to the counter, “I get it. You’re afraid of being wrong. Looking like a fool.”
My head shot his way, “That makes no sense. What are you even saying?”
“You don’t want the commitment of being seen intimately with someone. You’re afraid that if the other person hurts you you’ll look dumb. Or worse, you’ll change your mind and look impulsive.” He took out silverware for us. “I’m not a teenage boy. I won’t stand you up at prom or get caught making out with a girl, leaving you on some stage to look like an idiot.”
I returned my attention to dinner. I don’t have anything to say to that. Yes, those are all my fears. I’ll fall for Chance and he’ll either cheat or leave me in this mess they call love, alone.
Suddenly his hands were on my shoulders, massaging the tension out, forcing me to relax them. “That’s not what I want,” he said before kissing the back of my head. “That’s not what this is.” His hands moved to smooth down my back, “trust me with ‘this’,” he brought his hand around to settle over my heart.
I want to. I covered his hand with my own and smiled to myself. His touch feels imagined. It’s that good.
A knock at the door drew our attention.
“What?” He called out.
“It’s me,” Zeus called through the door.
I kept going while he went to answer it. Zeus wasn’t alone. He had Lorenzo from the restaurant with him. Both guys came in and stood by the door. I turned everything off and stood a few feet from Chance.
“What’s wrong?” Chance assumed.
Zeus looked reluctant, “It’s Jax, man. He just dragged Jolee out of the club in the middle of her shift by the hair no less.”
I felt a flicker of fear for her but also a small amount of fed up.
Chance’s jaw went tight. “And?”
Lorenzo hesitated, “My mother knows the lady from your old block, Daisy. She says Jax is starting to sell on your street. Three kids turned up with his shit in the past week.” Lorenzo’s words darkened the room.
I know the faces of the kids in the projects now. I know most their names and some of their parents. I also know that Chance has prevented Jax’s pushing on the block for years.
“Why would he do that?” I asked.
Zeus answered for him, “Because Chance went on his territory to get Jolee out that last time. He knows he’ll do it again from what happened tonight. So he’s not respecting Chance’s boundaries.”
Lorenzo nodded to the door, “I have to get back to the restaurant but honestly,” he looked between Chance and I then spoke his mind, “He’s going too far.” He lingered a second then left and Zeus followed a few seconds later.
I shifted my attention from the door to the man that still seemed like an endless working of layers. “What are we doing?” I asked.
“Not ‘we’,” he went to get his coat in a slow and uncaring way.
I went over, “Really? You’re going to do this alone? Go to that hole in the wall place and drag her back? Risk more problems without-.”
“You aren’t part of this.” He shot at me.
“It’s my ex-girlfriend’s twin.”
He pulled on his coat and avoided my eyes, “The dirt from these streets has tire marks all over my soul. I’d like to keep one good thing in my life out of it.”
I’m a good thing in his life? Those words traveled from my ears to my heart and rooted.
“Then listen to me at least.” I thought fast, “Drop it. Drop all of it. Jax is this big, ugly leech that just keeps sucking from everything you’ve done to move on. Letting him sell and deal in your club?” I frowned, “Cut the ties. Get him out of your life. Fuck the turf. This man destroyed your mom, he landed you in prison and he feeds off your success like he owns it. Just,” I broke and went to hold the front of his jacket. I came close enough to set my forehead into his and forced him to look into my eyes, “Stay here and… I don’t know… be with me.”
He stopped feeling like he was about to pull away. He actually felt like he was giving into my words.
“I won’t stay,” he said, lifting his face enough to press his lips to the corner of mine, “but I’ll come back.”
He took himself from me and left. I wanted to follow him but then again, I couldn’t make myself condone defending Jolee anymore. She has to have a desire to save herself as well. She doesn’t. So what are we defending?
Less than an hour later as I sat reading one of Chance’s stored classics, I heard the door. “Chance?” Trixie yelled.
I got up and went to answer it. We stood and stared at one another for a moment. This was so strange.
Her face full of hard lines due to anger faded into softer displays of frustration, “I was going to ask you tonight, when you got home, if you and Chance were official.” She blushed, “I guess this answers my question.”
I moved back so she would come in, “It’s not, public knowledge yet. I’m taking this one day at a time.” I took in more of her, “What’s wrong?”
“Don’t you already know?”
I felt a ping in my chest, “Jolee asked me not to tell you.”
“She’s in deeper than I thought, isn’t she?”
I swallowed and nodded.
Tears welled in Trixie’s eyes, “Do you know what it’s like to love someone that doesn’t exist anymore?” She wiped under her eye and her lips went tight as they quivered. “I keep loving people that don’t exist; my sister from fifteen years ago, the one that stayed up at night to talk to me and share secrets with me. The sister that held my hand when I was afraid and hugged me when I’d get picked on.” She looked through me with more tears, “Or my boyfriend, that was straight and just wanted a future with me; kids, a dog, and a yard. The boyfriend I thought I’d marry and grow old with. Those two people don’t exist, do they?”
I pulled her into my arms and grabbed on. My guilt is like a spear. “I’m sorry,” I pressed my cheek to the top of her head, “I’m so sorry that I didn’t figure out what I wanted sooner. Before you got hurt.”
Her little hands balled in the back of my shirt, “I’m not mad. I’m happy for you.” She embraced me tighter, “But I’d really like to love someone, that exists.”
I thought of Liam, contrary to the fact that I don’t like him. I’m not making suggestions to her, though. “I don’t know what to say about Jolee but Chance is going to get her. After that, we have to decide what’s best. You do.”
She nodded. “I know.”
She left not long after and I went back to my book. Another hour went by without any word from Chance and I started to worry. I called but he didn’t answer. Jax is an evil that climbed its way from the darkness of Chance’s past and it’s like a tether around the man. But what do I know of his brand of darkness? I didn’t have experience with life in those ways.
I had too much time on my hands. Now I’m thinking about how lucky I am. I’ve lost nothing of importance in my life but I’m terrified to show affection. Chance lost everything and he’s brave. He would kiss me in time square with little regret and no shame. Even knowing he could be made the fool later. He lost a lover that made his heart beat and he still lives on the edge.
I want to be like that. I wish I was. What would it be like to have the freedom most couples have? I live in a world that’s, for the most part, accepting of my choices so there’s no excuse. So what if Chance hurts me one day? Isn’t that what all the songs I sing are about? Love, heartbreak, lust, passion. Those things are the definition of life.
There was a heavy thumping sound at the door again and I checked the time on the coffee maker. It’s eleven at night.
I went to the door and just opened it.
Chapter Twenty-Four
ADAM
There stood Chance. He was leaning his forearm into the doorframe so he could rest his forehead on it and held the other side of the frame with his free hand.
“I forgot my fucking key…” he muttered.
/> I couldn’t see his face and I frowned, “Didn’t you take your car?”
He shook his head and sniffed, “No. Took a cab.”
I held the door open wider. “What happened?”
“I thought you’d go home.”
I waited and finally, he pulled his head up.
Something deep in myself snapped like never before. His one eye was bruising and his lip was busted. I took a quick scan of his person to see the bloodied knuckles and tried to charge past him. I don’t know where I’m going or what I plan to do. Kill someone maybe? But Chance stopped me with a hand to my chest.
“It’s over,” he told me, “Stop, Adam, it’s finished.”
“Tell me what happened,” I growled.
“He’s not allowed here. Not anymore. Jolee is home with Trix and it’s done.”
“That’s not an answer,” I said through bared teeth.
He came all the way in and closed the door, “I don’t want to talk about it.” He leaned his back into the wall. “I don’t want to talk about him, or her, or any of it right now. I don’t. I just want…” he looked in my eyes and I understood.
He didn’t need to say anymore. I took sure strides his way and crushed his lips into mine. His body pushed from the wall to press into me but I forced him back so I could rub into his warmth.
He hissed like something hurt but I didn’t stop because if he wanted me to, he’d tell me. With a sudden flame, he held the back of my neck and opened wider to pillage my mouth. His teeth dragged over my bottom lip igniting that side of me.
“I just want you,” he whispered before I closed my hand around his throat and covered his mouth with more kisses. There was no hesitation in me when I felt his erection through his jeans.
I guided his hand down to where I was pressing against the inseam of my own pants. “Feel me,” I said pressing harder on his neck. His hand cupped the tent in my jeans and his breathing quickened. “I know the pain you’re in,” I said licking over his lips. The metallic taste of blood from his wound filled my mouth. “I feel it too.”
Grinding into one another’s hands I almost whimpered. He’s throbbing into my palm. In an instant, he shoved me off him and in the short time I was out of his embrace, he stripped his coat before returning to me. I felt his desperation as he undid the belt at my waist before yanking it through the loops.
“I want it all tonight,” he made clear before pulling the long sleeved shirt up and off my body, leaving me bare-chested for him. “I want everything you gave Trix,” he kissed me as he unbuttoned the top of my pants. “I want what you held back from her,” he kissed me harder and I sucked in a breath when he unzipped me. “Everything,” he said. “I want everything.”
I stepped back out of his touch and grabbed the bottle of red wine we were intending to have tonight. “Then come on,” I moved my eyes to where his bed was across the room. The door was cracked open. He watched me with steady eyes as he took off his sweater followed by his undershirt before making his way to the bedroom.
I moved at my own pace because I didn’t realize how much I needed this. A man. Chance. Him. I need it. Nothing else can satisfy me like he can. I know it. It’s like an instinct.
His bed is what I expected. White comforter, white sheets, and its unmade. “What is it with you and white?” I asked before taking a drink from the bottle.
He sat down on the edge, “When you have a dirty past like mine, white is comforting.”
I went to where he was and knocked his knees apart with one of mine before I bent to kiss him. It turned hotter than before and I herded him backward until he was lying under me. I positioned myself on my knees between his legs still holding the bottle, “Well, your past is definitely dirty.” I eyed him, “I see it,” I thought of what he told me at the Bed and Breakfast. “I wanna fuck it anyway.”
He moved to sit up but I pressed him back down. I grasped the bottle tighter and tipped it over his abdomen. The red liquid ran into every crease of muscle. Setting down the bottle, I came down to hover near his chest. “Dirty doesn’t bother me,” I said before lowering my head and lapping up the wine from his stomach. His breathing became irregular as I swirled my tongue around his navel before dipping inward to find more alcohol.
He pulled his hands through my hair as I licked my way up his sides. The wine stained the sheets with red and the color made me rage on. I came up along his chest again and flicked my tongue over his nipple. He bucked his hips into me and brought my neck down to encourage my attention.
I scrapped my beard against the tip over and over until it hardened before dancing the heat of my tongue across it. I traced the skull tattooed at his chest and used my chin for the crossbones only to bite at his other nipple before working my way back down his body.
His hands gripped my hair and started directing me to his crouch. I opened his pants and pulled them down. He wasn’t wearing boxers and the thought of that turned me on beyond reason. His cock sprung free and filled my hand. He’s thick like I expected and uncircumcised.
It’s been forever since I went down on a man but all I want in this moment is him in my mouth. I drew my wet tongue down his shaft and back up along the head. With his dick lubricated, I fisted him and pumped his length. I would move at a feverish pace then slow down to torture him and his moans lightened my heart.
Even as I toy with him, I feel all the things I’m doing as if they are being done to me. I circled his head with my tongue and then pumped him harder.
At his gasp, I sucked him in between my lips and tightened my grip around his foreskin. His hips bucked twice trying to go deeper but I pinned them to the mattress with my other hand.
He swore.
I sat up again between his legs and with one hand around his cock; I freed mine and stroked myself. I synced my movements so I could feel exactly what he felt. He saw me and groaned.
“What are you doing to me, Adam?” he asked.
Before I could answer he sat straight up and kissed me. Holding my face, he parted my lips and tasted the inside. He came up and forced me on my back, crushing my chest under his. The jeans loose at his waist came all the way down and I held tight to his ass. He thrust himself three times, as if he were inside of me already.
He bit my shoulder until I cried out; like he knew I needed it. He did. He followed up with a bite to my neck that I felt leave a mark. Fine. He can mark me all he wants, I’m his anyway.
I felt my way over his chest and up his arms to the tight biceps leading to broad shoulders. I wrapped my arms over him to feel the coming together and parting of his shoulder blades.
Chance turned a kiss into a bite on my ear that hurt in a fantastic way. His teeth nipped up the shell of my ear making his beard rub so that by the time he began to whisper what he wanted from this night I was on the edge of control.
Pushing my jeans and boxers off, we rolled again so I was atop him. I looked into the ocean blue eyes that held me spellbound and wondered if it would ever have ended any other way.
Even past the bruise that still hurt me to see on his face, I saw the vulnerability behind the danger. The need he had to be wanted was pure in this particular moment.
“What?” his question took me from the thoughts.
“What?”
“What are you looking at me like that for?” his hands grazed up my sides, caressing me into deep comfort.
I lowered my head to breathe him in, “You’re a lot to take in. I’ve never seen a man that looks like you. You’re a piece of art.” I kissed under his chin, “You’re fucking stunning.”
His smile broke the glass of my heart so it could beat like it was supposed to. It pained me at first because I wasn’t holding back from him but the heat that flooded it brought me alive.
Lifting up his shoulders from the bed, he kissed me with everything he had and then pressed his hands flat into my chest so I would sit up. I followed his silent commands and he crunched his core to sit further forward. His hand grasped my length as
he kissed my head before sucking me between his lips. I had to close my eyes and let my head fall back. Chance is skilled with this. His tongue rolls around my shaft in tight, wet desire and all I can do is comb my fingers through the blonde of his hair.
The closely shaven sides feel like velvet and the longer locks are like silk. I pressed his head to encourage him deeper and he took me beyond where I expected. I moaned my emotions into the room and worked at keeping myself in check.
When he withdrew I fell over him and kissed my way up his neck. I aligned my dick with his opening and a shiver ran down my spine. I want to take him. I want to claim Chance in every way I can. I lifted my head to run the tip of my tongue across the fullness of his lips. I asked with my eyes, pressing the tip of my cock to his inner thighs.
He reached out to his nightstand and withdrew a condom from the drawer. I tore the wrapper with my teeth and rolled it on all while keeping his ocean blues. He felt down between us and stroked me as he grabbed hold of his own dick. His eyes smoldered with agreement and I laid my forehead to the curve of his neck as I pressed myself deep inside him. The sharp intake of breath we both took, gave the pleasure a ripple of wonderment. Pushing into Chance was like slipping into home.
He makes me weak and strong all at once.
I pressed deeper and he made a guttural sound around the word, “Yes.”
Without a blink of doubt, I raised my head to look in his eyes. I wanted to see what I was doing to him. I wanted to know he felt all the overwhelming waves of the bond we were forging. He has no trouble holding my eyes while I thrust myself closer.
I don’t think I’ve ever had this sort of exchange before. Looking in someone’s eyes is powerful. Maybe too much. I dropped my eyes down to where we were connected and watched him fist himself in rhythm with my movements.
I felt myself coming close when Chance held my shoulder. The touch made me look at him. He smoothed his palm up my cheek, “Look at me,” he insisted. I tried but my eyes dropped. He held my throat and gently tipped my neck back, “Adam,” he hissed with pleasure, “Look at me.”
The Significant Other (The Relationship Quo Series Book 4) Page 26