Keeping Her Close

by Carol Ross

  Kyle’s head began a slow, resigned shake. “Does it matter?”

  “Yes! To me it does. The least you can do is be honest for two minutes here. Apparently, it’s mission accomplished. No need for secrecy now. When did they ask you?”

  “Josh called the first night we went to yoga class.”

  “I knew it. That’s when you started being nice to me. I should have known your Jekyll and Hyde transition was too smooth. Do you have any idea how stupid I feel? Telling me you liked me, comforting me and holding my hand on the boat, setting up that photo shoot at Rhys McGrath’s?” She paused to let out a disgusted groan. “Ugh. I was so smitten by the whole show. How humiliating. I kissed you in that bunker. And you let me! I confided in you. I told you things I’ve never told another human being. I fell in love with you. Meanwhile, you were just doing your job and reporting it all to Dahlia.”

  “I was doing a job, yes. But I also—”

  Harper waved a hand to stop him. “And you don’t believe me, do you? About Owen? Josh said that you guys are still hoping for an explanation—for ‘good news.’”

  “I have reason to believe that he may have been working undercover. Possibly trying to infiltrate a smuggling operation.”

  “He wasn’t, Kyle. If he had been, why wouldn’t he have told me? I would have been way more inclined to help him if I’d known that.”

  “He wouldn’t jeopardize an investigation. As soldiers, it’s drilled into us to disclose as little information as possible. He was trying to protect you.”

  Harper scoffed. “How is using my father’s jet protecting me? How is threatening to ruin my professional reputation protecting me?”

  Kyle looked uncertain. “I’m not...sure yet. I’ll have the answer soon. There has got to be a good explanation for all of this.”

  “A good explanation. You’re right,” she said bitterly. “You were about to explain. I’m ready for that explanation now.”

  Kyle stared at her as if frozen. His dark brown eyes were calm and stony just like the guy she’d first hired. She’d actually believed she’d broken through that shell and gotten to know the man inside when the truth was, he’d been playing her all along. Her initial impression had been spot-on; this emotionless robot was the real Kyle Frasier.

  With biting sarcasm, she asked, “Is this the fight, flight, freeze scenario where the teacher freezes in front of his star pupil? I’m guessing this is the one scenario you never planned for, isn’t it? That I’d find out you were using me, too, just like your best friend did. Too bad Owen wasn’t still alive so you boys could have a nice laugh about this.”

  He squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds, opened them and said, “Harper, you have to believe me. I never meant to hurt you. That was the last thing I wanted. It was not all lies. I didn’t—”

  “You didn’t think I’d find out, so that would make it all okay? That’s what you were thinking, right?”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  She noticed he didn’t deny this assertion. He’d never meant to tell her, because none of this was real. Not for him. She pressed two fingers above her eyebrow in an attempt to ward off the stabbing pressure there.

  “I don’t want your apologies. I want to hear this explanation of yours that is going to make this better. The one that will make this all go away. Because I cannot handle the idea that the man I love—I thought I loved—the man I literally trusted with my life, not to mention my heart, would do this to me.” She felt her control slipping as her heart splintered and shattered inside her chest. Her entire body was shaking now. Reaching out, she grabbed the back of the chair in front of her. Jaw clenched so tightly it throbbed. She forced herself to meet his eyes. “Does that explanation exist?”

  The silence stretched between them for so long it felt loud in her ears like the entire ocean had moved inside her head and was now pounding against the inside of her skull.

  “No,” he finally answered. “It doesn’t. In a couple of days, when my contract here is up, I’m going to go get the answers about Owen. And then we should talk about all of this.”

  “What does that mean, go get the answers? Where?”

  “I can’t... I don’t want to say. In case Owen...”

  “Oh, of course. Owen. I get it. By all means, let’s keep protecting the criminal. What are you waiting for? Go. Go get your answers, whatever that means.”

  “Harper, I made a commitment here and I would never break that. Not even for Owen.”

  “Well, lucky for you, then, you don’t have to break anything. Except my heart. But even that’s worth it for your precious Owen, right?”

  At that, he winced a little. Harper knew it was harsh, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. She’d done nothing to deserve this pain and everything to earn his love.

  “Harper, please don’t do this.”

  “I’m doing you a favor, Kyle. You’re fired. Go. Find the truth. Because it’s exactly what you need. Although, there’s no doubt in my mind that you’re going to discover that the man you worshipped is not the man he truly was. And then you can live with that. All alone.”

  Then, without another word, he walked out the door and out of her life.

  * * *

  KYLE WENT TO the cottage, stuffed his few belongings into his backpack, grabbed his keys and hit the road. He briefly considered going to his mom’s or Mia’s but didn’t want to have to lie about why he was there. There was no way he could hide his misery. He felt like he was moving through quicksand as it was; every movement took effort as he continued to give his body commands. In a way, it reminded him of navy SEAL training. Putting his body on autopilot, pushing through the pain, focusing on the next task.

  He drove east until he hit Interstate 5, then north to Portland where he checked in to a hotel. Once there, he searched for the closest airport to Newport Beach and booked a flight to California. Then he lay down on the bed with a pillow over his head and tried to make peace with what he’d done. It was a battle he knew he’d wage for the rest of his life. At least he could finally make things right where Owen was concerned.

  * * *

  THE CHIMING OF her phone woke Harper. Again. It wasn’t the first time she’d heard it from its spot on top of the dresser across the room. Staring at the clock, she calculated that she’d slept for a paltry four hours. Vaguely, she recalled getting up for long enough to use the restroom, down some pills for her headache and drink a glass of water. Then she’d crawled back under the comforter and into welcome oblivion. Understandable, considering that after Kyle left, she’d sat frozen on the sofa for hours until darkness had fallen around her. And still she’d sat there, cold and hurt and lonely. At some point in the night, she’d managed to move into her bedroom where exhaustion had finally, blessedly given her a brief respite.

  She knew she could only put off the inevitable for so long. The inevitable, in this case, being life. Feeling sorry for herself wasn’t going to help. Well, maybe it would help a little in the short-term. Putting one foot in front of the other was paramount at this point. A loud growl from her stomach suggested a muffin would also be beneficial. She’d barely eaten yesterday. She wasn’t counting the crackers and water she’d ingested to choke down the headache medication. At least an appetite meant she was still alive.

  Dragging herself out of bed, she brushed her teeth and headed into the kitchen to make coffee. She snagged her phone off the dresser on the way. A tap of the message inbox showed her that the latest text was from Laney: Hey! Any chance you could help in the cat room this morning? Two of our regular volunteers are out with a stomach bug.

  Harper had offered to fill in whenever they might need her. There was no way she could say no. Harper responded with an immediate affirmation. Laney texted the four-digit access code to the cat room’s outside entrance.

  A quick glance at the clock told her she had just enough time to take a s
hower and grab a box of pastries on her way.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  HARPER ARRIVED AT Lucky Cats and punched in the code to unlock the cat room door. She stepped inside and unloaded her backpack and the box of pastries she’d purchased. A familiar black-and-white cat ran to her with a toy in her mouth, which she dropped at Harper’s feet. Threading in and out of Harper’s ankles, she let out a loud meow.

  “Annie?” Scooping the cat up, she glanced around but didn’t see anyone else in the cat room. The cat’s purr was like a balm to the ache inside of her.

  Laney walked through the door of the clinic. “Hey! Good morning, Harper. Are those doughnuts? Please tell me there’s a maple bar in there.”

  “Hi, Laney. Yep, extra maple bars because I know they are your favorite and Levi’s. I’ve seen you fight over them. Why is Annie back? I thought she’d been adopted.”

  Laney nodded sadly. “She was. They returned her.”

  “Returned her? What do you mean?”

  “It happens sometimes. This couple adopted her, but then they split up. The woman moved out. The guy travels for work and was leaving Annie alone for days at a time and having the neighbor check in on her.”

  “Days! All alone? Why didn’t the woman take her?”

  Laney shrugged. “We don’t know. If a person isn’t willing to expend the effort to take care of a cat, then we don’t want them to have one anyway. I’m glad he brought her back instead of continuing to leave her alone like that. He felt bad about it. Can you imagine how lonely that would be? We’ll try again.”

  Harper sank down onto one of the benches that lined the room. The tears were on her cheeks before she realized they’d formed. The sob was out before she could stop it.

  Laney rushed to her side. “Harper? Are you okay?”

  “I’m... I...” Annie rested her head on Harper’s shoulder. “That isn’t right, Laney. To leave a cat all alone like that. Being lonely is torture, and I mean that literally. It’s been a very effective form of torture in many societies throughout history. That’s why they put prisoners in solitary confinement.”

  Laney went a little wide-eyed. Harper couldn’t blame her. She was crying and talking nonsense.

  “Let me get Mia.” Laney was up and gone before Harper could stop her.

  Mia showed up less than a minute later. “Harper?”

  Harper looked up at her. “Mia, can I have an adoption application, please? I’m taking this cat. I mean, I want to adopt her, if I’m acceptable. I don’t know a lot about cats, but I’m learning. And you guys are here if I need you, right?”

  “Yes, of course, you can. You and Annie would be a great fit. We’re here for anything you need. You have lots of people here who care about you. And Annie. Let’s go into my office and talk about it. You can bring her.”

  Harper followed Mia into the clinic and down a hallway.

  “Have a seat,” Mia said once they were inside her office.

  “Thank you.” Harper settled on the sofa where Annie seemed content to stay in her arms. “You guys are so...amazing. You and your entire family. Do you know that? I’ve never... I don’t have much family. It’s just my dad and me. I don’t have that many people in my life actually... I mean, I have friends, of course. Not super close ones though, and none that live nearby. You know what? Honestly, I’ve never really needed other people that much. Until...” Until Kyle.

  That’s when she realized that, thanks to him, she now had a new nemesis. Loneliness. Since childhood, being alone had been a routine part of her life. So much so that she hadn’t recognized it for what it was.

  She’d gotten so good at being alone, at figuring out ways to pass the time, that it became a part of who she was. It was what had attracted her to photography in the first place.

  Not only had photography given her a solo activity to engage in, but the end product—the photo itself—had helped her to capture a moment, an emotion, a memory that she could visit anytime she wanted. It was a means to ease the loneliness without giving in to it. She could see now that she’d counted on that lifeline. But now it was gone, too. Or at least she knew it would never again be enough.

  Because Kyle had shown her how it felt to truly share her life with another person. Even the idea of work, of taking photos, felt different because of him, because of the memories they’d made. Reminding herself that it hadn’t been real only helped a little. It had felt real. For the first time in her life, she’d been genuinely not lonely. Bottom line: she was both weirdly thankful for and mad at Kyle for coming along and showing her what the opposite of loneliness felt like. Looking at Mia, she realized his family had helped with that, too.

  This revelation caused a fresh bout of tears because was it weird to have a relationship with Kyle’s family and not with him? Did that make her even more pathetic?

  Mia sat next to her and slipped an arm over her shoulders. “This has to do with my dumb brother, doesn’t it?” She pulled a tissue from her paw-printed doctor smock and handed it to Harper. “I told him he was a fool if he let you go. Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Sort of. But I’m not sure it’s right to talk to you about your brother. I’m not even sure if I should be here, hanging out with you guys. I don’t want to make things awkward for you. Or for him.”

  Mia gave her a gentle smile. “I can promise you that nothing you can say about Kyle will make me love him any less if that’s what you’re worried about. And we love you, too, Harper. With or without Kyle. You and I are friends. Now tell me what happened, if you want to?”

  “I do. It’s kind of a long story. We... He didn’t start out as my houseguest or whatever he told you.”

  “He was your bodyguard.”

  “Wait, you knew? How much do you know?”

  “Yes, but I didn’t know all along. He told me the day of the photo shoot and asked me not to say anything. No one else knows. He didn’t tell me much. You know how secretive he is.”

  “Ha! Yeah, I certainly do.”

  Mia gave her an encouraging smile even though Harper knew she probably sounded like she was coming unhinged.

  Gathering herself, she wiped at her nose, and asked, “So, you know who I am?”

  “Yes, Harper, I do know who you are. But I already knew you by then. As a person. As my friend. But if you mean, do I know who your dad is, then yes. But that doesn’t make any difference to me, and it won’t matter to the rest of this family either.”

  Harper smiled at the Kyle-like compliment.

  “Although, I’m warning you that when Laney finds out, she will undoubtedly have questions.”

  “Laney’s questions I can handle. Her curiosity reminds me of me. It’s not malicious. She’ll make a great detective someday.”

  Mia smiled. “Yes, she will. She’s taking shooting lessons right now from a friend of Craig’s to prepare. And while it makes me cringe inside, I can see she’s serious about this career choice. She idolizes Kyle, and he’s such a great role model for her. I’m working on getting my fears under control. Go on when you’re ready.”

  Harper said, “The fact that you know a little background makes this easier to tell. In addition to helping me with personal security, Kyle was already working for Dahlia, and I didn’t know it.”

  Mia frowned. “What do you mean already working for Dahlia?”

  “He was being paid by Dahlia to spy on me while he was teaching me the security stuff.”

  “Spy on you?”

  Harper tried to keep it short while explaining the best she could, including her suspicions about Owen. Mia asked questions. Harper answered them.

  Mia said, “So, did he finally confess all of this to you?”

  “I found out by accident.” Harper went on to tell her about Josh’s visit.

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah. I have trust issues that go way back. I�
��ve had bad experiences with people trying to take advantage of me for my dad’s wealth or connections. Including Owen. I thought Kyle was different. He knew who I was, and he acted like none of that mattered. He told me he loved me, and I believed him.” Harper’s cheeks went hot with embarrassment, and she felt the need to explain. “He was so different than any man I’ve ever known. He didn’t treat me like I was special. I mean, special because of my dad’s money or fame. He was like you guys—I was just Harper, and he had no problem teasing me and pointing out my mistakes. I loved that he liked me. And then I found out it was all a lie.”

  “Hmm. Harper, listen to me, this is all fantastically terrible. But I know my brother. He would never use another person in that way. I’m not saying that he wasn’t trying to find out what happened with Owen. Undoubtedly, that was, is, a priority. But if he told you he loves you, he means it. And that person, that amazing guy you got to know is real.”

  Harper didn’t respond. She didn’t believe it. She couldn’t. He’d admitted that he’d been using her to get the information he wanted to clear Owen, that he’d gotten too close to her for that reason.

  “Have you considered this from Kyle’s perspective? Falling in love with the woman he was being paid to protect, who also happened to be his best friend’s fiancée? While he was being paid to spy on her? I can promise you any one of those issues would go against my brother’s unfailing sense of honor. I’d be willing to bet he struggled and fought to not fall in love with you. Now that I think about it, I could see him doing that very thing the day we talked on the beach when I accused him of being in love with you.”