by Terina Adams
The austerity of the room and the smell, a faded musky scent, made me think a man belonged here. It was as if the owner had just arrived or was planning on leaving really soon. The room felt functional rather than aesthetic, with dark colors to dull the mood.
Waking in unfamiliar surroundings should’ve made me panic, but all I felt was pain and a hollowness inside that made me want to go fetal and hide under the covers.
This was all too confusing, and I wanted to lie down again and close my eyes, but there was something important I had to remember. The memory remained out of reach. When I fished for it, my head hurt.
I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and forced myself to dig deep inside my throbbing head. Somewhere in there was my reason for being here, wherever here might be.
I was so groggy I failed to jump with the sudden but gentle tap on the door.
“Yes.” My voice croaked.
The door opened to Holden. “Hi, glad to see you’re awake.” He brought with him that fresh smell of a recent shower as he came and sat next to me on the bed.
“Why are you here?”
He grinned. “The question you should ask is why am I here?”
It was like I had to wade waist deep through a thick swamp to find any logical thought. “Is this your place?
He nodded.
“How did I get here?”
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
I closed my eyes. “It hurts too much trying to remember.”
“Don’t worry, that won’t last. I’ll make you a coffee.”
With my head sunk low in my hands, I felt him rise from the bed. “I’d prefer painkillers?”
He hesitated before replying. “It’s best you don’t take any for now.”
“Why?”
“Sorry. It’s going to be confusing for a while. Wait till you’re able to remember a little more, then we’ll talk.”
“Do you know what happened?” I stood but swayed violently. My vision tunneled, so I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the floor under my feet. Holden grabbed my arms, which gave me something else to focus on.
“Steady. Best not move so fast.”
He gently lowered me to the bed. “Stay put for a while. I’ll be back with a sugared drink.”
I caved forward, wrapping my arms around me as he walked out the door. Did I have an accident? Was that why I couldn’t remember anything? Every time I delved into my memories, I faced a wall and a thumping ache that radiated across my forehead.
Some faint, unknown intuition made me pull my sleeve up to look at my forearms. They looked the same but for some strange reason I expected to see something different. I wasn’t sure what, but this had to be a physical memory.
Holden returned carrying a large mug with tendrils of steam dancing across the surface of the coffee. He eased himself down beside me and handed me the mug. The smell was gloriously rich, caramelized, and nutty. Just the smell and the warm vapors flooding my nose and my head cleared a smidgeon.
“Thought you’d be better off with a large caffeine hit. It’s going to be sweet, but you’ll feel good afterwards, even if it tastes horrible.”
I sipped, then screwed up my face.
“Once you’ve drunken half, I’ll let you leave the bedroom. As it is, I’m scared I’ll be carrying you half the way.”
I held my breath and took another sip. “Why am I here?”
“You were unconscious. Jax knew I’d be able to help.” His arm shot out and grabbed my cup. “Steady now. I don’t want to change my bedding, and I want you to drink all of it.”
“You said Jax. I was with him? What happened?”
He checked the contents of my mug. “Drink.”
I did, as much as I could with it being so hot. He watched me sip away and nodded as if satisfied with the amount I managed.
“You were playing Dominus.”
“I was?” A chunk of memory slipped through. “Yes, I was. I remember…you know about Dominus?”
“Something happened.”
“What do you mean?”
“Jax told me this is the second time you’ve experienced a headache associated with the game.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Wait…hang on.” My head hurt when I tried to make sense of what was going on. “I don’t understand any of this. You haven’t answered my question. How do you know Dominus?”
Holden’s eyes dropped to the floor between his thighs. I wasn’t sure if he was going to answer, so I had more coffee since he seemed so intent on me drinking it. He glanced sideways, watched me gulp what I could. When I finished, he looked at the ceiling, took a big breath, then looked at me. The melodramatics weren’t keeping me calm.
“I’m a part of Dominus.”
“You play the game?”
“Play…” His smile stayed away from his eyes. “Yeah, you could say that.”
“Doesn’t explain why Jax brought me to you.”
Holden looked me directly in the eyes as he prepared to reply and icky feelings creeped up my spine.
“I’m one of you, Sable. I’m Persal.”
“You play on the same faction as me?”
He stayed quiet. I had to fill the void and hopefully break his deadlock stare.
“I thought you two didn’t get on, so I’m surprised he invited you to play.”
“I’m one of the designers.”
“You? But at the party, when you saw Jax, you looked angry. You moved us away so we wouldn’t run into him. Jax said you hated each other. Elva backed it up.”
He grimaced when I mentioned her name, but recovered quickly enough. “That’s all true. But I’m still an important part of Dominus and there’s nothing Jax can do about that.”
“And that’s why he brought me here?”
“Because of your headaches. An Aris can’t help you with the sort of headaches you’re getting.”
With the mention of Aris, more chunks of memory came through, snippets full of chaos and too confusing to join together, a tiled scythe, a vortex in the floor, a stairwell into darkness, and black beetles everywhere.
Holden frowned as he placed his hand on my knee and leaned toward me. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m remembering. I think I’m remembering. I just can’t make sense of it. Why am I like this?”
“You’re changing. But in a good way. You’re finding yourself.”
“What about myself am I finding?”
“Your factional nature.”
Blood. It dripped from the long gashes on my forearms, smeared my legs, and coated the cobbles between my thighs. There was blood on Jax. Mixed with saliva, it dribbled from his mouth, ran down his chin. Blood. I smelt it on his breath, saw it stain his teeth. It was on his hands and chest, all around us in the street. But not him, not Jax. It was his avatar. But I smelt it on his breath.
“Sweet Jesus, what is going on?”
Holden swiped the mug as I collapsed forward and cradled my head in my forearms. The warmth of his hand on my back didn’t help.
“I guess you remember.”
“But I was playing the game, that’s all. Why do I remember the smell of blood?”
“The game taps into the neural pulses in your brain. That’s why you wear the silver dots. Makes everything you experience real. You see blood, you smell it. You get hit, you feel it.”
“Jax said it was his true nature. The way he…fought.”
“There are only a few who can play the game. It takes time and careful selection finding them.”
“Well, I stink at it. I don’t know why he chose to take me in.”
“Jax took you in too early. You never would’ve survived as you are now.”
He pulled his hand from my back and, with a heavy scowl, looked at his hands now clasped together between his thighs. I could feel him slip away into himself and whatever troubled thought that pestered him.
“I don’t care. I’m over the game. It’s too violent for me. I can’t do somethin
g like that again.”
“No one can leave Dominus once they start.”
“That’s ridiculous. I’m not doing it.”
“I wish it were that easy. Your only way out of Dominus is to play to the end.”
“This is stupid. You can’t make me. I’ll tell Jax I’m not playing again.”
“Jax doesn’t want to see you anymore.”
I felt like I’d been slapped across the face. “He said that?”
“It’s for the best. He’s Aris so—”
“Jesus Christ, this stupid game. Stop talking like that. Look around you, this is Earth. You can be Caucasian, Asian, African, or speak bloody French, but you can’t be Aris or Persal in this world.”
“You’re getting headaches for a reason.”
“Yeah, I’m finding myself. Meditation would’ve been a lot better.”
“You’re developing your factional nature. Your true nature.”
I arched my head to the ceiling. “Yada-yada-ya. I think I’m going to go.”
Holden stood with me and took my hand. “Jax won’t play the game with you.”
“Good, I don’t want to play with him.”
“I’ll play it with you.”
“You haven’t been listening.”
“Neither have you.”
“Because nothing you say makes sense.”
Holden paused to glance at our hands joined before looking back at me.
“You don’t have a choice. You’re in now. Your dad wanted—”
I withdrew from his touch, staggered away from him because his words transformed into a weapon of torture. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“You said my dad.”
“He would’ve wanted you to have choices.”
“No, you were going to say something about my dad as if you knew him. Jesus, you work for him.”
Holden’s lips ruled into a straight line, lips pressed thin; he never meant to reveal that.
“You’re a drug dealer, a murderer?”
“I don’t work for him, not in the way you think.”
“You were at the school to meet me. You made sure to position yourself so you could invite me to that party and to your club.”
“Your dad asked me to keep an eye on you.”
“Now I know you’re lying. Dad wouldn’t ask any guy to harass me.”
“He was protecting you from people like Jax. But he can’t do that now, so he’s asked me to do it for him.”
“I don’t need your protection.” I spun to leave.
“Sable.”
I marched out of the room, ignoring his pleas. He caught me on the other side of the door, but I yanked free of his grasp.
“I won’t protect you if you don’t want me to, but I have to help you. Being Persal is not about the game. It’s about you. About what’s inside of you wanting to come out. You entered the game; now the process has begun. You have to learn how to control it.”
“What process? Control what?”
“Your destructive nature.”
“You’re insane. I’m outta here.”
“Sable, wait, please.”
“I don’t want to hear any more of this. You speak like this is real. They’re characters on a screen. It’s just a game. Can’t you see how crazy you sound?”
Holden looked at the floor like a chastised child, creating a chasm into which any further angry words would fall. How dare he truncate our argument like that.
“I have to go.”
“To where?”
“I need to talk to Jax.”
“Leave it, Sable. He brought you to me. He can’t help you.”
“He owes me answers.”
“I can give you those.”
“Not all of them have to do with the game.”
He quirked an eyebrow.
“Don’t worry about it.” I turned toward the door.
“You need to get home. You’ve been here a couple of hours. Add to that the time you spent in the game… Your mum will be worried.”
“God, has it been that long?”
“I’ll take you home.”
I wanted answers from Jax, but I couldn’t leave Mum to worry, and what about Ajay? He’d be worried too.
“Fine.” It was like I’d just lost some epic battle. I didn’t want to give in and be led home like a placid child. I wanted Jax to explain himself. How he survived the jump from the tower and why he wanted me in Dominus. And why…Jesus…why he revealed to me another side of himself, a shade of his personality other than the asshole I knew, a part of himself that was just like me, isolated by pain.
I reached for the front door handle as a tremor shook my hand. My body rippled with an unmet need, perhaps the effects of the coffee and sugar. Whatever it was, I felt wired for speed. I wanted to keep moving. There was no point in talking, or even arguing, as they would only slow me down.
I lifted my arms to see my hands shake.
Holden came close and covered my hands with his, calming the tremor. In his warm hands, mine felt clammy. I tried to pull them away but he firmed his grasp.
“Let me go.” I became frantic. “What are you doing? Let me go.”
“I can’t. Not now. You’re tripping again.”
My heart raced above normal. “Get away from me,” I screamed in his face.
Suddenly I felt so angry I wanted to hurt him badly.
As if sensing my need, Holden tightened his hold on me.
“This is a side effect, accelerated adrenaline. You end up with the shakes, hot flushes, racing heart. You want to keep moving, don’t you?”
I nodded. I didn’t like that he knew all of this, like he’d seen it all before. It gave credence to what he’d said.
“What’s happening to me?”
“Something your father never wanted to happen.”
“Did you put something in my coffee?”
He shook his head.
“How do I make it stop? I don’t want any of this.” I yanked my hands back.
“You can’t make it stop. But I can help make it easier.”
“No. You’ve done something to me.”
“It wasn’t me who did it. It was Jax when he took you into Dominus.”
My racing adrenaline magnified the panic, turning it into an unreasonable terror. Tears blurred my vision. “What have you done to me?”
Holden snagged my elbow and reeled me in. I fought him like a girl, flailing arms looking for an inch of flesh to slap, but he overcame me and pulled me close so my arms were trapped between us. This felt like a prison and I attempted to break free, but Holden bound me tight. The violence with which my rage assaulted me burned hot through to the core of my body. I felt like I would explode. White-hot flares flashed behind my eyes, blinding my vision. Like the maze on the roof of the tower, I felt barriers in my brain shift, opening up new spaces. A strong compulsion drove my focus into those unexplored spaces, searching for something it alone knew was there, something tantalizingly strong that wanted to consume me. I craved to let it.
Polar emotions cleaved through me, desire to have, fury to destroy. I screamed for my freedom, but Holden’s kiss shocked me silent and snapped my mind back to the room, to us, to him holding me, to his lips on mine, to the soft yet firm demand of his mouth. And I yielded because no guy had touched me like that before. The walls inside my mind shifted back into place. The yearning I’d felt not so long ago switched to a different sort of yearning. The opening of my body replaced the opening of my mind as exciting sensations took over, grounding me in this room with Holden.
I ached to fall deeper into this visceral spell but was yanked back from the edge when Holden entwined his arms around me and dragged me flush with him. I jerked back, then pushed him away. My body, tingling with something other than adrenaline, cried for the loss of our closeness.
I was panting and so was he. “What are you doing?”
“I’m sorry. But I couldn’t think of any other way to bring you back.
You were too close to doing something you shouldn’t, not while you’re feeling confused and angry.”
“How did you know?”
“You and I are alike so I can sense it. It’s like the buildup of electricity before a lightning strike.”
“What was it?”
I didn’t need to explain what I’d discovered locked behind the barriers in my head, because I was starting to believe his crazy story.
“Your true nature.”
“Don’t you mean factional nature?”
“They’re the same thing.”
“But it’s just a game. It’s not possible to have a fictitious power.”
“Only a certain few do. But you won’t survive virtual without it. That’s why we’re selective.”
If I hadn’t just felt a strong yearning to unleash that which I discovered in the depths of my mind, I would be laughing at him.
“Why did Jax allow me to play virtual if I lacked a factional power?”
By the look on his face, I could tell Holden didn’t want to answer me, so I let it go since Holden wasn’t in Jax’s head and not likely to understand his motives. This was another reason I had to face Jax.
“And what I saw in Dominus. Is that Jax?”
“Jax when he’s controlled by his factional nature.”
“Is there a difference?”
“There can be. It depends on the person wielding the power. You can let it consume you or you can be the master. The choice is yours.”
“I faced a warrior in green. He had me against the wall before my headache came. Just before I passed out, slits appeared in my forearms, which kept getting bigger, and all these beetles crawled out. Hundreds of them.”
“The warrior you fought was Negal. Do you know the factional nature of Negal?”
“Pestilence and fire.” I backed away from him. “Jesus, that’s what it means to have a factional nature.”
“Now you understand the importance of harnessing your ability. And why we don’t play those in virtual who have none.”
“This is a game. How can any of this be possible?”
“What you see in virtual is the game. What’s in your head is not. It’s very real.”
“How many people know about Dominus?”
“Six of us designed it. But we have a few hundred now capable of playing virtual.”