F*cking Frank

by Jen Luerssen

  “Are you playing my ass right now?” she asks.

  “Maybe,” I keep tapping out a beat on her and she smiles at me. “Any other reason you’re here this weekend?”

  “Other than your undeniable magnetism?” she teases. “You can tell I have something on my mind?”

  “I can,” I say.

  “Well, we need to be sitting up with a beer for this conversation,” she says sliding off of me, throwing my discarded cardigan on. It’s so long she looks like she’s wearing a robe. The buttons are low though so her tits peek out. It’s ridiculous and sexy and distracting. I pull on my shirt and boxers and we head into the kitchen.

  I hand her a Pacifico beer and sit on the couch and pull her onto my lap. We sit in silence for a minute, her head resting on my chest.

  “You know you can tell me anything, right?” I ask, feeling nervous.

  She sits up and slides off. I turn to face her and she sits criss-cross on the couch facing me. “I know, I’m just so uncertain about what I want to do it’s hard to talk about.”

  “Now you’re really worrying me,” I say, taking her hand.

  “My parents offered me Natale’s,” she says quickly.

  “Wow, like the whole business?”

  “Yep, it’s nuts and I’m beyond pleased that they think I’m capable. I know I could do it, make it better, but I’m not sure if I want the responsibility, or to make wine on that scale. The whole reason I went out on my own was to keep my winemaking small and more of a craft. It’s such an honor though and I don’t want to hurt their feelings.”

  “This is your life, you should never make such a huge decision based on other people’s feelings,” I say. “It’s a huge opportunity for you, you could keep the large scale going and develop the reserve wines more, though, couldn’t you?”

  “Yes, and with so many more resources and a fuck load of money. That’s why it’s so hard. It would be a challenge and yet I’ve worked so hard to build the Monkey with Sebastian, I’d hate to abandon him. At the same time, I’m like you, I get bored quickly and I’m the tiniest bit bored there. I’ve been researching other paths I could take lately, like maybe opening a restaurant or another Thirsty Monkey location.” She threads her fingers through mine and bites on her other thumb.

  “So, if I were to flip a coin right now, one side Natale’s and the other Thirsty Monkey, which side would you hope it landed on? Because that’s the choice.”

  “Ugh, I don’t know. You are somewhere in that choice too you know?”

  I smile and bring her hand to my mouth for a kiss. “Whatever you decide I’ll be here for you.”

  “I know, but if I choose Natale’s I’ll have to move farther away up to Calistoga, and I’ll have even less time for you than I do now.” She lets go of my hand and runs both of hers through her hair. “I love you and whether you like it or not, you are a part of this decision.”

  “Okay, so you choose to stay at the Monkey, then you are bored and unfulfilled and resent me for it?” I’m just throwing it out there but I’m pretty sure she would never resent me.

  “I’d never resent you Frank, whatever I decide will be my decision, but I do want your advice and input.” She is frustrated, I can tell by the way she is holding her hair up. Since her arm is up, my sweater is gaping open and I can see her birch tree and those delicious tits.

  I reach for her, sliding my hands in the cardigan to bring her to me. She comes willingly, straddling me, her arms around my neck. “My advice, take it or leave it, is to talk this out with people in the industry, Talk to Sebastian, I’m sure he’ll be supportive. Shit, I can’t believe I’m saying this but ask Archie.” She gives me a shocked look. “I mean, call him, don’t go see that jack wagon or anything.”

  She kisses me. “You are saying the right things, and I will take that advice. My mom laid all of this at my feet yesterday and I’ve done nothing but process. I think Sebass could tell I was distracted and that’s why he sent me off. You’re the first person I wanted to talk to about it all.”

  I smile. “You’re the only person I want to talk to about anything.”

  F*cking Decisions

  MIKEY AND I HAVE THE best two days. We woke up early and went out to surf, had a huge breakfast at my favorite place The Beachside and then had sex in the outdoor shower. A first for me. Mikey came with me and helped out in the store for the afternoon, where she and my mom bonded over butt plugs, a love of Wonder Woman, and some expensive Japanese matcha tea. You know, normal stuff.

  She left this morning without coming to any conclusion about her future in wine. I wasn’t lying when I told her I’d support her no matter what, but I am half rooting for her to stay at the Monkey. I know that’s selfish, but she’s right, she’d be another 45 minutes north and a hundred times busier, it would be really hard to manage. I’ve thought of all the ways we could do it. I could move in with her, having to commute to the city for shows and sessions. Occasionally I work in Marin or the East Bay which would be a little bit closer, but still a haul. I’d do it, I think I’d do anything for her, and that’s a pathetic fact. Or I could stay where I am, only able to drive up to see her midweek, if I could manage it.

  I’m mulling all of this over, while I wait for Lia, Joe, and Andrew to show at our usual meeting spot, The Bitter Bean, before we head to practice next door. When I was working here, I struck up a conversation with a guy one day, talking music and how hard it is to find a decent and realistically affordable place to rehearse. Turns out he owned the building next door and had a weird room that he couldn’t rent as an apartment and since it was in the basement it would be perfect for an artist space. It really is just a room, but we looked at it, made an offer and he let us have it. We invested in soundproofing and it’s been our spot ever since.

  “Fucking Franklin Roosevelt, how are you?” Lia asks as she sits down next to me.

  “Irritated having to wait for you inconsiderate slobs,” I say because as usual, I’ve been here for 15 minutes, waiting for them.

  “Why don’t you just come 15 minutes late if it bothers you so much?” she asks, making a good point.

  “We agree to three o’clock, why would I come at 3:15? I don’t like to waste other people’s time.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Other than punctual, how are you? How’s Mikey?”

  Joe and Andrew sit down as she asks, Joe looks like his dumb ass self and Andrew has sunglasses on inside so I’m guessing he’s tired. “Yes! Let’s hear about our other Frank in Sonoma. How is your sister from another mister?” Joe asks.

  “She’s fine, her parents offered her their winery, like full ownership. She’s thinking about it,” I tell them because I need someone to say it will be okay if she takes it.

  “Oh shit, that sucks, Frank,” Andrew says, taking his glasses off. “She takes that and you’ll never see her again.”

  “Andrew, stop it,” Lia interrupts. “Of course, he’ll see her. They can make it work. If Jane can do long distance without disastrous ends, anyone can.”

  “That’s a bad example, Jane is out of her mind. I love her, but the girl is not normal,” Joe adds and looks at me. “Frank, it’s not ideal, but how could you not encourage her to do it if that what she wants.”

  “Why are you giving good advice? Where am I?” Lia looks around and pinches her arm.

  Joe grabs her in a headlock and tickles her side. “Admit that I’m good at advice and I’ll let you go.”

  She laughs. “I’ll admit no such thing but if you don’t let me go I’ll tell everyone about that thing you told me not to tell.”

  He releases her immediately.

  “Does everyone have something on you, Joe?” I ask.

  “Listen, I am an active young man who takes risks, sometimes they go south, that’s why you all have a story I don’t want to get out. At least I put myself out there.”

  “Not sure a story about you shitting your pants is putting it out there, but okay,” Andrew says his arms folded.


  “There are an awful lot of stories about you shitting yourself, why is that, Joe? Have you seen a doctor?” Lia asks.

  Joe gives us all the silent finger, gets up and goes to the counter. “I’m only saying this because he’s out of earshot, but Joe is right,” Lia says and follows with a full body shiver. “You have to be supportive and encouraging, but you are naturally. I can’t imagine you not giving Mikey exactly what she wants. You clearly love her and are a giant softie.”

  “Don’t spread that around, I think you overestimate me and my goodness.”

  “Fucking Frank has a reputation as an asshole and it’s not like it’s unfounded. He really is only decent to his family and friends,” Andrew says, and I nod in his direction. “But, I agree, you’re going to have to wait and see what she decides and then just make the best of it.”

  “Are we done with Frank now? I have two items of news and I’m dying to tell you guys,” Lia interjects. She’s been bouncing on her seat since she got here.

  Joe sits back down and we all turn our attention to our singer. “First, I want to tell you how much I love you guys and how supportive you’ve been of me. I can’t imagine performing with a better band than you all.” She touches each of our hands and smiles.

  “Oh shit, you’re quitting,” Joe interrupts.

  Lia pats his hand. “No, not quitting. I got a call from the manager of Postmodern Jukebox this morning and they love us and want us to record a song for them, and also go on tour.”

  We all stare at her. This is big for us. For the most part, we sing covers and standards at jazz and blues clubs around the Bay Area. We have about ten original songs we cycle in and out but reimagined covers are our bread and butter. This is a huge deal, but also would cement us as a cover band.

  “We will have a vote, of course, but I’ll tell you my second piece of news and then you’ll understand my vote.” She takes a big breath. “I’m pregnant.”

  Joe jumps up, grabs Lia from her chair and swings her around. Andrew and I also stand and take our turns hugging and congratulating her.

  “That’s so great, LiLi, you’re going to be the best mom. We are so happy for you. Maybe not Frank as much, but Andrew and I are,” Joe says and I punch him in his arm. “Ouch, what?”

  “Of course, I’m happy for her jackass.”

  We sit back down and Lia looks at us with a luminous grin. “I know you are because you are all the best kind of men.”

  “So, no tour then, I’m guessing,” Andrew says.

  “Well, my vote is mostly no for the tour and yes for the recording. I asked and she reassured me that we could do just the recording and that the tour wasn’t required. We could do a west coast tour or just promote them at our own shows. There would be some wiggle room for what we’d like to do, but they want us badly enough that they’ll take just the single.”

  “Do we get to pick the song?” Joe asks.

  “Well, we have a say. My first obvious choice, Nothing Else Matters was already done by some super talented 15 year old. She told me we could make a short list and they will pick. We can each throw in a song or two at practice and see if we can come to a consensus.”

  I fold my hands in front of me. “Please, no fucking Justin Bieber.”

  We laugh and agree on a vote. Everyone votes yes on the recording and the west coast tour. Later at practice, we also got a list together without any bickering.

  * * *

  After practice, I go out on the water for about an hour to clear my head. Most people do their best thinking in the car or the shower. I do mine on my board. The soothing sounds of the beach help me focus and the cold water grounds me.

  My band is right, I have to just sit back and wait for Mikey to make a choice. It’s her choice and I already know she will consider me in the mix. I don’t need to put more pressure on her. I try to look far ahead and see what our future will look like. Could I have a kid with her? Would she want to get married?

  How does this new deal with the band affect any of it? It feels like the start of something and I’m excited while simultaneously filled with dread.

  F*cking Life

  A FEW DAYS AFTER OUR band news, I finally am able to get in touch with Mikey. She told me she was turning her phone off for a few days to really focus on work and getting the harvest through crush to fermentation. I heard her unspoken desire to also have some time to think about everything. So I waited for her to call or text me. It sucked, I’ll admit. There’s no one else I’d rather talk to or be with, I wasn’t lying when I told her that.

  I’m lying on my bed playing guitar when the phone rings. It’s Mikey so I put my guitar down and answer on the first ring.

  “Sweetheart,” I say when I connect us.

  “Frank,” she says in a sob.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, I’m just an emotional weirdo. I missed you and I love you. Hearing you say ‘sweetheart’ like you do just got to me, that’s all,” she says in a calmer tone.

  “Oh good, and I miss you too, love. How is work going?” I ask.

  “Ugh, it’s fine, Sebastian hired an intern so I’m helping her get adjusted and throwing her into the fire. It’s a good thing though, he’s going to need help if I leave.”

  “Haven’t decided yet?” I ask trying to keep my voice level.

  “I keep going back and forth, but honestly, neither option is really pulling me. My mom called today and told me to take my time. They are ready to retire but I know they’ll wait for me to decide. I feel bad though, they’ve worked so hard all of their lives, they deserve to retire and feel good about it.”

  “They’ll be supportive and happy with whatever choice you make, too, remember that.” She told me they have other candidates to take over operations if she wasn’t interested so not to feel pressured.

  “Ugh, they say that Frank, but I know they want this for me. There will be some level of guilt no matter what I choose,” she says and lets out a long breath. “I want a break from all that, tell me about you.”

  “Well, the band was offered a recording and tour deal with Postmodern Jukebox and we are all happy about that. Lia is pregnant so we are only doing a short coastal tour, my dad gets back tomorrow and I did session work today that was god awful. Their music, not my playing.”

  “Wow, that’s a load of information, fucking Frank. Let’s take it one thing at a time shall we?”

  “Sure, what do you want to tackle first? My dad returning from a Costa Rica trip with one of his special lady friends?” I ask, teasing her. “Maybe the shitty band I played with today that has a record deal but don’t have a skilled enough guitarist to play their sucky riffs?”

  “Um, sure, yes, when does your dad get in?” she asks and god, I love her.

  “Oh, he gets in about six and a half months before Lia and Javier have their first child.”

  “Hm, so the band sucked in your session, huh?”

  “Mikey,” I say laughing.

  “Frank, I can’t believe it! All of it! A baby for those two, that should be fun to watch. Plus the Postmodern Jukebox deal? So amazing but not unexpected. You guys are great musicians and are all smoking hot. That’s a winning combination. I’m honestly surprised you haven’t been signed already.”

  “Yeah, I think we viewed it as a hobby for so long, to have people take us seriously is a little surprising. I see signed bands all the time that are god awful so it’s nice to get some recognition.”

  “How do you feel about Lia’s news?” she asks and my heart drops a little that she thinks I would be affected by her news in any deep way other than just being happy for her.

  “She is thrilled so I am too. I’m happy to be ‘uncle Fank’ again. It’s the best job because I can give those kids back.”

  “Oh, that’s good, well I should be going,” she says like she might cry again. “Call me in the morning before you go to work. I miss hearing your voice.”

  “Do you have to go?” I ask pathetically.

&n
bsp; “Yeah, I’m so tired and I just wanted to talk to you before I passed out.”

  “Ok, I love you and I’ll call you in the morning,” I say.

  “Love you too,” she says in a yawn and then hangs up.

  * * *

  When I call her in the morning it goes straight to voicemail. I leave her a short message. “Hey, it’s me, here’s my voice like you wanted. My voice telling you I love you and I can’t wait to see you again. Just so you know, my mom has gone shopping again for us. I’ll let your imagination run wild with that. Have a great day and go easy on your intern and Sebass. Call me later if you can.” I end the call, finish my coffee and Kix and head out to work.

  Over the next few days, I text Mikey a few times and leave her a message every night. Right before I head out to a show we are playing at Bix, I try her and again get sent to voicemail. I leave a message and chalk it up to her being busy and try not to over think it.

  The crowd at Bix is packed. It’s a Friday and we usually draw a big crowd here. As we are setting up I scan the crowd. Javier and his dad are here and I wave to them. “How did Javi’s mom take the pregnancy news?” I ask because Lia and her mother in law have had a mixed relationship. Javi’s mom hates Lia and Lia puts up with it.

  She gives me a look. “How do you think? Oh, Javilito, my grandchild will be so beautiful, how could he not be with such a handsome father.” She says in a mocking tone. “She barely acknowledged my presence and made it all about her. The usual.”

  “Sorry, Li, I’m sure she’ll love that crap out of your kid.”

  “I know, although she did mention to Javier on her way out to make sure to get a paternity test.”

  “Oh man, that lady is not nice,” I say shaking my head. My mom is overprotective of me and I’m a total mama’s boy but Javi’s mom takes it to a whole new weird and horrible level.

  “Fucking Frank, you speak the truth,” she says and we finish setting up.