by Ruth Harrow
Will pulls open my car door and drops into the passenger seat. He leans over and pulls me close. His lips go for my mouth, but I turn my head and he kisses my cool cheek instead.
Will pulls back and looks me up and down. 'Hannah – you're all damp. What happened to you?'
I manoeuvre the car forwards and away from Telford police station. I now set the car towards the motorway. It is finally time to drive home.
I face determinedly forwards as I speak. 'Quite a lot actually.'
Will stares at me before he speaks again. 'Are you all right? What happened? Why are your clothes all wet?'
'I'll tell you when we get home.'
'Home? That's miles away. You can't drive all that way like that. Even your hair is damp!'
'No,' I say, firmly.
'Hannah, come on.'
'No.'
I focus on my driving, ignoring the roaring beast of anger inside me that is annoyed Will won't take no for an answer as usual.
A groan of frustration escapes me when we get caught in traffic lights just minutes from the motorway.
To my surprise, Will suddenly bolts from his seat leaving the door wide open. He lifts the boot and rummages around for something, slamming it shut again. He has yanked the driver door open before I can say anything and reaches over to release my seat belt.
I grab hold of it determinedly and try to pull it back.
'Hannah!' Will glares at me warningly. 'You're acting crazy. Just let go and let me drive.'
'No. I told you I am doing it. This is my car, Will. I paid for it!'
'What are you talking about? Just swap seats, Hannah, please. Look, the lights have changed. We are holding up the traffic!'
Sure enough, a series of beeps sound from somewhere behind me and I have no choice but to step out of the vehicle and allow Will to hurry me around the car. He wraps me in the spare outdoors coat he always keeps in the car for emergencies and slams the door shut behind me.
My cheeks burn against damp strands of hair and I feel furious all of a sudden as he pulls away, leaving a trail of irate drivers behind us who again get caught by a red light.
I feel uncomfortable in this oversized coat. The evening is still warm and muggy. I am strongly reminded of the night we hit Paige. I had felt very little comfort from Will's coat then, even more so now.
We get onto the motorway and Will speeds up as we join the steady stream of traffic steadily marching its way north. 'Jesus, Hannah. What was that back there?'
I watch cars go by for several moments before I answer him. Cars filled with workers and families on their way back from days out surround us. They go about their daily business as though nothing is different at all about this day.
How wrong they are.
'I found out who was sending the messages,' I say, calmly. 'I know who messed up the order of service booklets now. It turned out April did have a stalker after all.'
His face registers shock. His determination to immediately deny everything seems to be numbed into disbelief too. 'Who was it?' he demands. 'How did you find out?'
'I met them at the old house. The one on Prospect Terrace.'
Will takes quick glances at me in between facing the road. 'You went in there? Alone?'
'Yes,' I say. Somehow I feel quite serene now. I feel certain that I now understand the peace that April must have felt. 'We had an interesting chat, this person and I. That's where I was all this afternoon.'
'Jesus, Hannah. Who was it? You just … stood around talking to them for hours? What on earth for?'
'They wanted answers about that day. The day Paige went missing. It turns out though, that I couldn't help them much. You see, I need some answers too.'
I stare across at Will. There is no way he can get out of this one. I am glad he is driving now. It gives me a chance to monitor his reaction. It gives him less thinking time.
'What … what do you mean?'
'I think you know what I mean. I've never really addressed the facts properly before. I don't think I've ever wanted to. I always wanted to think you were good and that hitting Paige was a terrible accident –'
'It was! What are you talking about?!'
'I don't believe you meant to hit her with your car, of course. Anyone could see you were terrified when it happened. I'm talking about afterwards.'
Will chances a glance across at me. 'Afterwards?'
'Yes, Will. Paige must have been injured. She wandered off into the woods on her own. The police searched for her. Her family searched for her. But she was never found. I've always thought it was odd. Inexplicable. But of course, there was a simple explanation, wasn't there? It is obvious now I think about it. Now that I'm not afraid to.'
Will's face has gone several shades whiter. 'What explanation?'
'You went back for her.'
A white BMW makes a bold manoeuvre up ahead and Will has to slow down quickly, only to see its rear up close. His hand is quick to reach for the horn, slamming it angrily.
He looks angrily across at me. 'Why would you say such a thing to your husband?'
'I told you. I need answers, Will. Why don't you tell me the truth for once?'
He scoffs and shakes his head, focussing now on the road. He avoids my gaze.
'The truth? You already know the truth,' he says shortly. 'There was a tragic accident. But the girl walked away from it. She was fine. That's the last I saw of her. Maybe you're right, Hannah. Maybe she did run away. There would be plenty of reason, I'm sure, why she would have wanted to leave.'
'Really? It's funny, but you weren't so keen on that idea when it was Reg that the suspicion was falling on.'
'Well ... I've had some time to think about it, haven't I?. And why do you suddenly think Reg didn't do it?'
'I don't know. It's just a feeling I've got. Especially after my discussion earlier with the person. We both seem to have the same suspicion of who is guilty. Not just of Paige's death either, but the person that burned down the Wakefields' house too.'
Will's face seems to tauten, as does his grip on the steering wheel.
'Who exactly is it you have told all this to?' he manages through his stiffened jaw.
'I'm not going to say.'
'Why not?'
'I think they have the right to stay anonymous.'
'What rubbish are you talking?! Can you hear yourself?'
He mutters angrily under his breath and not for the first time during a disagreement, I'm sure I hear the words stupid bitch.
I smile to myself; that's another thing I won't miss.
66
The road ahead is uniform and bland for miles. It all blurs together as I talk to Will and tell him everything that was said inside the Wakefields' house. I refrain from telling him exactly who was in control of April's phone. Her device is now firmly in my possession; I'll pretend to myself it has been so the whole time.
Soon, I start to see signposts for York. Still another forty-five miles to go.
Will seems to be stuck on the fact that April returned to the village just days before she stepped onto that bridge.
'So your Dad didn't mention it to you? Not even when I wasn't there?'
'That's right.'
'Reg didn't say anything to you either?'
'No. He didn't mention it to you, did he?'
'No.'
'Because I would be the first to know, wouldn't I? You wouldn't want there to be secrets now, would you, Will?'
He shakes his head angrily. 'Don't start that again, Hannah. I've told you everything. Why won't you believe that what I'm saying is the truth?'
'Because it isn't. Little girls don't just vanish without a trace.'
The cabin is getting stiflingly warm now. I shrug off Will's coat and toss it onto the back seat. My hair and clothes are still moist.
'Why do you believe some nutter who kept you trapped inside an old house all afternoon, but not me?'
'That's a good question, isn't it, Will? It's why our marriage is the way i
t is. You've always lied to me from the very beginning – even before we were together. I know other things went on that night.'
'Like what?'
'April said it too, you know. She knew you went back for Paige that day. She must have really believed it to come and tell me so in person when we announced our engagement. April wouldn't make up something like that. It wasn't in her nature.'
Will shakes his head as he stares into the distance at the road.
'I've thought about it, Will. You could easily have gone back for Paige as soon as you dropped myself and April at our house. You went straight back there and took her. Then you got rid of the evidence – her body, and your car. When you called us the next day you had already disposed of both. You just needed to keep me and April quiet.'
Will continues to shake his head, staring at the car in front of us. It is several moments before he says anything. 'You want to know something about your sister, Hannah? There were lots of things in her nature I'll bet you know nothing about.'
'What are you talking about now?'
Again there is a long pause before he says anything.
'Like when we split up, for instance. Did you know that she was pregnant?'
'What? When?'
'It was after I left the village. She didn't even tell me about it until I saw her on New Year's Eve last year.' He glances at me. 'See? I told you there were things you didn't know.'
I shake my head, lost for words. Then I realise what Will has just said.
'You were with April on New Years Eve? I knew you were with another woman. I knew it!'
'It wasn't exactly another woman. It was only April. She wanted to talk to me about old times. She was being bombarded with messages on her phone. Said she had a stalker. They kept asking her for Paige Wakefield's necklace. She was distraught because she said didn't have it and they wouldn't leave her alone.'
'So what did you do?'
'April said you put the damn thing in my jacket pocket that night. She said you took it to your house with you for some reason. She returned my jacket to me, but there wasn't anything in the pockets, I would have noticed.'
'So you came home last year and searched for it?'
I remember how drunk Will was that night. I think of the colossal mess he made. He had been up in the loft too. An assortment of items strewn everywhere as though he had been looking for something. He had frightened Eva out of her wits. All because April had planted the suggestion in his mind. Had she done it to scare him? To remind him of his part in that night? I'll never know for sure.
'You seem to think April was a saint,' he goes on, glancing at me. 'But she wasn't, Hannah. Far from it. She was spiteful to you when you were kids. She left you out of things. She left you behind when the three of us were supposed to be out together more than once. I wouldn't take her word for anything. Especially when she always hated our relationship.'
'That would be hard for anyone. To see their ex with a member of their family ... '
I stare out at the endless grassy verge we zoom by. 'So, what happened to the baby?'
A bitter smirk spreads across his face. 'What do you think happened to it? She got rid of it the first chance she got, of course. She dumped me. She was sixteen and alone. She wasn't going to let her conscience get in the way of getting herself out of a sticky situation like that, was she?'
I feel tears sting my eyes and I blink them away. They blur my scrutiny of Will as I look back at him. I see nothing in his body language that gives him away for telling a lie, but something doesn't ring true about his story.
Aside from the fact that Will had always purported that it had been he who had ended his relationship with my sister, something else settles uncomfortably in the back of my mind. April showed no sign of being pregnant. Would I have noticed? I was so caught up in my grief and despair at the time. Our parents were caught up in the end of their marriage. They started divorce proceedings shortly after the end of that summer. What would Mum, Dad and myself have seen, if we had paid attention and not been so caught up in ourselves?
Or is Will simply making this up to distract me?
He watches me now in between glances at the road ahead. 'She wasn't as innocent as you think, Hannah. She didn't even allow me to do anything. I would have come back, stood by her. I would have done right by the baby if she had told me at the time. You know I would.'
I frown as I stare out at the dusty bumper of the car in front; multiple people have traced their fingers in the dust, creating dark tracks. I think of how Will reacted when I told him I was pregnant. It wasn't planned. It was such a shock to us both. Yet, Will hadn't been thrilled. He hadn't been keen on me even carrying on with my pregnancy. He, on more than one occasion, even suggested an alternative solution at first.
Will uses my silence to continue, 'And if April had visited Reg just a few weeks before his death then that makes her a suspect too. The police don't know about that.'
I look at him sharply. 'And that will be the way it stays.'
'Are you sure? The police have released me for now. But if they talk to us again I think we should mention April. What if she was the one they suspect and not us? If they believe she was responsible for Reg, then, well … It would help us, Hannah. Think of our family.'
I feel a sick hot swoop of hatred towards my husband. And I suddenly realise I have long since come to associate the feeling with him over the years whenever he has done something I've disliked.
'I won't do it,' I say firmly.
Dad would be heartbroken for one thing. Mum would surely not believe it. I wouldn't slander the name of a dead woman. I wouldn't even do that to my worst enemy. Why would Will think that I could do that to my own sister?
I believe now that April did what she did to protect us.
I am determined not to waste her sacrifice.
Will looks over at me pleadingly. 'Hannah. I don't think you are thinking it all through. If the police have someone else to focus on then everything will go away.'
'Everything is going to go away, Will. There is something else I haven't told you when I was trapped in the Wakefields' house. The person wouldn't let me leave.'
'Then how did you get away?'
'We came to an agreement.'
'Agreement? What are you talking about now? What agreement?'
'They said if you turn yourself in, they will leave me and Eva alone forever.'
Will is stunned into silence for a few moments then he swears.
'And you believe them?' He swears again. 'That's crazy. Why would you believe they would keep their word?'
I think again of the look on David's face. The despair in his eyes when he concluded that at the end of it all family is the most important thing in the world. The way he suddenly looked as distant as April must have been in her final days.
'I believe it,' I say quietly.
Will is silent for several minutes as we move ever further home. Only twenty miles to go now. I wanted to have this discussion over by the time we got back. The only thing Will needs to do then is pack his things. He already has one suitcase bundled in the boot.
I can still see the scene of the Wakefields' house in front of my eyes every time I shut my eyes. I see David poised with the match. He had paused and stared at me in a sort of trance.
The burning flame of the match descended lower. When it reached his pinched finger and thumb, he was sparked from his reverie.
In my initial panic, I foolishly didn't notice that all that had been inside the old petrol can was water. David had only wanted to scare me. It certainly worked. But those few moments when I thought I was about to die were very enlightening for me, almost as much as they were for David.
In those few seconds, I realised I have believed my husband guilty all this time. Ever since April confided in me her suspicion that Will had returned to the woods, I haven't been able to shake the idea myself. Nor can I shake the image of a young accomplice aiding Reg in torching the Wakefields' house.
&
nbsp; I can't live my life with someone like that.
I guess I always knew deep down; I just hadn't wanted to believe it. I had ploughed on, determined to make a happy life with Will, no matter what.
Now it is time to stop pretending.
Will stares at me. He looks pale and clammy now.
'So that's it? You're just going to turn me in? After everything we have been through? You would just turn around and drop me in it, just like that?'
I think of everything Will has done wrong over the years. The lies; the way he leaves me to carry important responsibilities on my shoulders alone, how it is has been he who has held me back from what I want more than anything – another child.
I think of how much turmoil I was in when I first heard the news of April. How I struggled to carry on with everyday life. How I forgot to take my daily pill.
I fold my arm protectively across my belly.
'I made a counter-agreement,' I say, looking back at his eyes, bright against his greying skin. 'I said that I wouldn't turn you in.'
I look at my husband as his shoulders visibly seem to slump, releasing tension.
I speak my next words clearly, so there is no mistake, 'I said you have to do it yourself.'
He laughs bitterly and shakes his head as though this is all a bad joke.
I've never been more serious in all my life.
April and I never should have stood by him. I've finally understood. We never needed to make the burden our own. If we hadn't, April would still be here.
'I don't believe this,' he mutters. He shakes his head angrily, as though talking himself into doing something.
'You think I'm just going to turn myself in? Do you believe I'm going to just jump and do everything you say while you go skipping off without me? This was all over already. This was all in the past. We should never have gone back there … It's fucked everything up. It was all sorted … Now everything has turned to shit ... Your sister has done this to us. Don't you see? She started it all!'