Dead Inside

by Noelle Holten

  He groaned. ‘Fuck off and gimme ten minutes.’

  ‘I can’t. I need to get ready and go soon. I’m going out with Sarah today. Remember? She’ll be here soon.’

  ‘All right! For fuck’s sake. No need to bloody go on. I’m up. I’m up.’

  Lucy gathered a towel from the clean laundry and went for her shower. She hoped he’d be downstairs by the time she finished, because otherwise she’d have to put up with his leering comments and groping hands as she got dressed.

  After her shower, Lucy crept back into the bedroom and breathed a sigh of relief. Patrick was downstairs talking to Siobhan. Throwing on a sweater and a pair of jeans she quickly put on some foundation and towel-dried her hair. Placing her blusher, mascara, and lip gloss in her bag secretly, she decided to put the rest of her make-up on in Sarah’s car.

  As Lucy brought the wet towel downstairs to put it in the washing basket, Siobhan ran past her on the stairs. ‘Slow down, missy! Don’t forget to brush your teeth.’

  ‘I know. Can I bring my little purse?’

  Reaching into her pocket Lucy pulled out two £1 coins, and gave them to Siobhan. ‘Sure, sweetie. Here’s a little something to fill it up.’

  Siobhan thanked her and raced off to find her purse.

  I hope she doesn’t tell Patrick or he’ll take that money for himself.

  Looking at her watch, Lucy saw she had about half an hour before Sarah was due to arrive. She had been looking forward to today. There was a book event in the town centre and they’d decided to make a girly day of it with lunch, window shopping … the works. She still had time for a quick cuppa so headed to the kitchen.

  Patrick was standing by the sink, looking out into the garden. He ignored her as she walked in and flicked the kettle on.

  ‘Do you want a coffee?’

  Silence. He turned and looked her over, ‘Why are you so dressed up? Thought you were only going out with Sarah?’

  ‘I am. I’m just wearing jeans and a sweater, how is that dressed up?’

  ‘Well considering you only wear leggings and baggy jumpers around here … that is fucking dressed up. Answer me. Who are you really going to meet?’ He walked over and stood in front of her, pinning her against the kitchen counter.

  ‘I told you, I’m meeting Sarah; in fact she will be here soon, and you can see for yourself!’ Lucy leaned back slightly.

  ‘If you’re lying to me, I swear to God I will kill you. Do you understand?’

  The knock on the door caught them both off guard and Lucy tried to get past him to answer it, but he remained firmly in front of her.

  ‘I asked you a question, bitch.’ His teeth were clenched, and Lucy knew better than to ignore him.

  ‘I understand, OK. Can I please go and get the door? She’ll be wondering what’s taking so long and I don’t want to lie to her, OK? Please, Patrick.’

  He stepped out of the way, allowing her to get past. Lucy went into the hall and opened the door, hoping that her friend had not overheard anything.

  ‘Hey, girly! You ready for what the day has in store?’ Sarah had a big smile on her face.

  ‘Uh, yes. I’ll just grab my coat, bag, and say goodbye to Siobhan. Do you want to come in … or maybe it’s best you just wait in the car?’

  ‘Nah, I’ll come in, if you’re not going to be long.’

  Lucy was hoping she wouldn’t say that. The quicker she grabbed her things and said goodbye to Siobhan, the less time Patrick would have to grill Sarah or make her feel uncomfortable.

  Lucy walked back into the living room and glanced over at Sarah, who was sitting down on the edge of the chair. Sarah nearly jumped when she noticed Patrick in the doorway staring at her. Lucy hoped he wouldn’t be an arsehole, but saw him smile strangely at Sarah, cock his head, and ask, ‘So where are you two ladies off to?’

  ‘Didn’t Lucy say what we’re doing today?’ Sarah asked and looked at Lucy.

  Lucy shrugged.

  ‘She did, but I’m asking you.’

  Lucy’s hands balled into fists as she watched Sarah shifting uncomfortably on the chair.

  ‘Well, we’re going to do a bit of shopping – or window shopping as payday is miles away.’ Sarah smiled weakly. ‘Then lunch and then a book event at Waterstones. A few authors we’re fans of will be there signing their books.’

  Patrick didn’t say a word; instead he just turned around and went back to the kitchen.

  CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

  Patrick waited for Rory to arrive. He purposely didn’t tell Lucy where they were going, because she’d just nag and nag about not drinking when he took the kids out. Does she think she’s my fucking mother? Two pints is the legal limit for fuck’s sake. He suspected that Siobhan must have told her anyway because of the look she gave him before she left with her friend.

  Patrick wasn’t keen on Sarah. Lucy said she was married, but the way the pair of them had tarted themselves up for a ‘book event’ made it obvious they had other things on their mind. He clenched his jaw and tried to control his breathing. Didn’t want to be angry when he took the kids out. If he stayed in this mood, Lucy would be sorry when he next saw her. Fucking sorry.

  Rory walked into the house without Patrick even noticing.

  ‘Hey, Dad!’ Rory walked over and gave his father a hug.

  ‘Hey there, buddy! It’s great to see you. Siobhan is really excited about today.’

  ‘Are you all right? You seem tense,’ Rory asked.

  Just then, as if on cue, squeals of excitement were heard as Siobhan came racing down the stairs. ‘Rory! Rory! Is that you?’

  Patrick looked on as Rory laughed.

  ‘It sure is. How’s my favourite sister?’

  Siobhan giggled and gave her brother a hug.

  Patrick smiled and felt himself relaxing. Both his kids together and getting along. It was something he’d always hoped for. His heart burst with pride every time he saw his children together.

  ‘Right, you pair, are you ready for … the Wacky Warehouse?’ Patrick wasn’t surprised to see Rory roll his eyes, he was probably a little too old for the Wacky Warehouse, but Patrick saw understanding in Rory’s face when he watched how excited his sister was. He was proud of his son, and truth be told, Siobhan’s giggles could be infectious at times. Locking the door behind him, Patrick hurried the kids into the car and headed out.

  The pub was pretty full, but Patrick left the kids to play while he went and sorted out the drinks. He knew they would be safe enough in the play area with all the mums and dads keeping an eye out. Patrick pulled out the money Lucy had left him. Forty fucking quid. I’ll barely be able to get two pints plus the lunches, so I’m not sure what she was moaning about.

  He shouted over to Rory, ‘I’ll be outside on the patio, so when you’ve both had your fill, come over.’ He gathered the drinks, and sat outside.

  Patrick liked to people-watch. He hadn’t been sitting longer than five minutes when he spotted Shell Baker and smiled. Patrick took out his mobile and sent her a cheeky text to smooth things over – he wasn’t ready to let go of Shell just yet.

  Are you following me? Turn around x P

  He watched Shell look around before setting her eyes on him. He waved her over. ‘What are you doing here, babe?’

  ‘My cousin’s kid – it’s his birthday – and a bunch of the family and some friends are here for the party. It’s a fucking nightmare.’ Shell laughed loudly and started to point out some of the people she was with. ‘That fellow in the cap is my uncle, Jack, and sitting beside him is a family friend, Wendy. I do some cleaning around her place once a week to help her out. Those two women are my cousins – but I’m guessing you’re not interested in my family history.’ Shell laughed and Patrick noticed her looking at the table with the two soft drinks.

  ‘So, where are your kids then?’ She glanced towards the play area behind him.

  ‘Rory’s keeping an eye on Siobhan in there. They’ll be tired soon enough, though, and want some lunc
h.’

  ‘So, no Lucy then?’

  Patrick saw his opportunity.

  ‘Nah, she said she had more important things to do.’ He pretended to look gutted. ‘I mean, what could be more important than your family, right?’

  ‘Oh, babe! I’m so sorry. She really is a right one, isn’t she?’

  Patrick nodded in agreement. Sometimes he couldn’t believe how gullible women were. He was surprised by Shell. Thought she’d be harder to convince.

  ‘I really enjoy our chats … all this. Fancy doing it again soon?’ Patrick gave Shell his best smile.

  ‘Absolutely. I feel the same and I’m so glad you said it, because I was beginning to wonder where this was going.’

  He saw her looking around to make sure no one was watching. Then she brushed her hand over his.

  ‘Look, I don’t want to put you in an awkward position. I know you feel uncomfortable and you’ve really been patient. But my marriage has been over for some time. Lucy won’t come near me, doesn’t talk to me and doesn’t even bother with family days.’ He paused to gaze into Shell’s eyes

  ‘That’s bloody awful. You know I fancy you. I ain’t no homewrecker though, so you’ll have to sort that soon.’ Shell looked away briefly.

  ‘I know. I’m trying my best, babe. Do you think I like this? You know I want to be with you. Haven’t I made that clear?’ He grinned and knew he had her hook, line, and sinker.

  ‘Cool. I will give you a shout soon.’ She squeezed his hand.

  They both turned towards her party when her name was called.

  ‘Shell! Are you coming for the photos?’

  She rolled her eyes.

  ‘Sorry, gotta go. I’m free next weekend, just so you know.’

  Patrick looked around and pulled Shell in close for a quick kiss. He watched as she flashed him a smile and walked back to her family and friends.

  Patrick laughed and took a sip of his pint. Too easy. Rory and Siobhan joined him shortly after and he asked them what they wanted for lunch. Mindful of the money in his pocket, he planted the seed that they should just get a snack – they would be having a large dinner back at the house – and Lucy wouldn’t be happy if they couldn’t eat it all. They ordered a plate of chips each and Patrick had another pint. He really did love spending time with his kids and wondered if Shell did too. If Lucy ever found out about Shell, he may just need somewhere else to stay. He was clever like that. Always one step ahead of everyone else. Always looking out for number one … himself.

  ‘Who was that lady, Dad?’ Rory asked casually.

  ‘Don’t know what you’re talking about, son. What lady?’

  Rory pointed in the direction of Shell. ‘That one over there. I saw you … talking to her.’

  Patrick rubbed his neck. ‘Oh, Shell? She’s a friend, why … what do you think you saw?’

  ‘Erm … Nothing. Like I said, I saw you talking to her and was just curious.’

  Patrick glared. Had Rory seen something he shouldn’t have?

  Once Patrick had finished his second pint, he got bored people watching. The kids were looking bored too, so they called it a day and headed for the car. On the drive home, Patrick couldn’t get Shell out of his head. He wasn’t lying when he said that he and Lucy weren’t close anymore; though they still had sex, Lucy didn’t seem to enjoy it and she never initiated it. Not his problem though. As his wife, she was obligated, in his opinion, and if she wouldn’t willingly give it, he’d take it. Fair is fair.

  When Shell returned to her party, she was bombarded with twenty questions.

  ‘Who was that?’

  ‘Are you seeing him?’

  ‘Whose kids were they?’

  Shell laughed at the nosiness of her family, but couldn’t blame them because she’d be exactly the same.

  Uncle Jack spoke up for her. ‘Whoa, leave the poor girl alone. Can’t she have a chat with a fella without people making all these assumptions?’ he winked at Shell. ‘You can tell me all about him later.’

  Shell had a soft spot for Uncle Jack. When she got older and started her cleaning business, her uncle offered her the first official cleaning job. As her company grew, Shell never let her employees clean his office. Her uncle trusted only her, and she promised him she’d always do the job herself.

  ‘I’ll tell you all about him one day, Jack. At the moment, we’re taking things slowly. It’s a bit … complicated. I promise to let you know if it goes any further. OK?’

  ‘Sounds good to me. Just be careful. Complicated is never good. You know that.’

  ‘I know. I’m smarter than I look.’ She nudged him playfully.

  At least I hope I am.

  CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

  Sarah and Lucy had a great time over lunch. They chatted about anything and everything and it felt good to Lucy to have someone she could just be herself with.

  ‘So, what was up with Patrick and all the questions earlier?’ Lucy had shared some of what was happening at home, but Sarah believed Lucy, like most victims, was still hiding the level of abuse and what she knew only scratched the surface. They were having such a good time though, Sarah didn’t want to ruin it.

  ‘Oh, you know what men are like. He was just being nosy. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it. Anyway … are you excited about the book event? I’ve been waiting ages for today.’

  Sarah pretended she didn’t notice the change of subject, fearing that if she pushed Lucy too hard, too soon, then Lucy would shut her out.

  ‘I can’t wait. So many brilliant authors. I’ve saved up enough to make sure I can get all the books I want signed. How about you?’ Sarah noticed Lucy blush with embarrassment.

  ‘I’ve put aside a little money, but with Patrick not working and having to live off my wage … well, it can get a bit tight by the end of the month.’ Lucy wouldn’t look Sarah in the eye.

  Sarah tapped Lucy’s leg gently. ‘Well never mind, if there is a signed book that you want, and you can’t get it, I’ll buy it for you. Think of it as an early birthday present.’

  ‘Oh, Sarah, I couldn’t ask you to do that.’

  ‘Why not? Look, you know how stubborn I can be. I won’t take no for an answer!’ Sarah saw the worry that clouded Lucy’s face. She guessed it had to do with explaining to her husband how she could afford the books, rather than the fact that Sarah was being nice to her.

  ‘I really couldn’t. Patrick will just start asking questions. That’s so nice of you, but I’d rather avoid any confrontation if I can. I have money for one or two books; I’ll just sneak them in and pretend I always had them.’

  Sarah shrugged her shoulders, ‘OK. But the offer is there if you want it.’ Sarah could tell by the reddening of Lucy’s face that she was too embarrassed and humiliated to explain the real reasons. Clearly Patrick had a strong hold over Lucy and that level of control was concerning.

  The rest of the day was spent enjoying the book event, getting signed copies of some of their favourite authors’ books. They were like kids in a sweet shop. Authors really were their rock stars, but Sarah was sad that Lucy wouldn’t let her take any photos for her on her phone. She guessed that Patrick would probably flip, if he saw Lucy in photos with other men with their arms around her, no matter how innocent. As it came close to going home, Sarah noticed a change in her friend’s demeanour. She was wringing her hands and frown lines adorned her forehead.

  Sarah dropped her off and declined the offer of coffee. ‘I need to get back to Justin. I promised him we’d catch a film later on.’

  ‘OK. Thanks so much for today. I had a brilliant time.’ Lucy waved as Sarah reversed in the cul-de-sac and drove away.

  CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

  DI Calleja received the pathologist’s report about Robert Millard and poured over it for what seemed like hours. He was stumped. Millard had been beaten extensively, suffering blunt force trauma injuries. Although not identical, there were enough similarities to link this to the Talbot case. The pathologist couldn�
��t specify the weapon used, except to say that they didn’t believe it wasn’t a hammer or a knife. It could have been something hard, like a baton, or a bat, possibly even fists. Robert had also been kicked a few times, causing broken ribs, and a tiny part of Calleja couldn’t help but think the man had got what he deserved.

  According to the report, the slash wound across the throat was done with a thin blade – like a Stanley knife or something similar – and ultimately this is what led to his death. The pathologist noted, however, that on the right side of the neck, the original cut branched off, as if there had been two cuts. What couldn’t be explained was the lack of any defensive wounds. Unlike Talbot, there was no evidence to suggest that he’d been knocked unconscious, no head wounds or trauma to the brain. Further down the report, was a reference to a small puncture wound on the right side of the neck – possibly made by a syringe. Toxicology could find no drugs in his system, but this was inconclusive. The time lapse between the murder and the body being found could explain the lack of any substances in his system. Joseph made a note to ask the team whether Millard had a history of Class A substance misuse. He didn’t want to waste precious time only to find that the needle mark came from injecting heroin.

  The report ended with the conclusion that the cause of death was the wound to his neck, across his windpipe, leading Millard to ‘drown in his own blood’. He had died anywhere between six to twelve days before the body was discovered. It was vital that the team find out the last reported sighting of Robert Millard, if they were going to move forward on this case. For some, this would be their first murder case and the experience they lacked would be more than evident. However, he was confident that his team were all skilled enough to grasp this case with both hands and get a quick result.

  Calleja advised the team there would be a briefing to discuss the Talbot/Millard murders. Kat and Maggie were out doing door-to-door enquiries, while Mark and Pete liaised with probation and collated a list of the victim’s associates.

  A knock on the door jolted him from his thoughts. Looking up from the case file, he greeted Dr Moloney. ‘Have a seat. What’s up?’