Dead Inside

by Noelle Holten

  I also feared Patrick would turn his anger towards them. He loved his kids, but I have seen it happen. The loss of power over the partner and that anger needs to be redirected. The bullying starts, the child becomes the target – easy to manipulate, degrade, and better yet, too afraid to ask for help. There was no way I was going to let that happen.

  CHAPTER EIGHTY-FIVE

  Maggie looked over Patrick Quinn’s toxicology report. Lucy had virtually confessed to the murder, but the dots didn’t match up. The report noted that he had a large amount of duloxetine and alcohol in his system. According to his medical records, Patrick had a nerve disorder, but his prescribed dosage of duloxetine didn’t match what was found in his system. Had someone drugged his drink?

  The CPS believed it was an open-and-shut case. Lucy’s fingerprints were on the knife that caused the fatal wound; but she lived in the house. Lucy admitted to stabbing Patrick, even though she didn’t recall significant or key events. She had been a victim of domestic abuse for years at the hands of Patrick and so logic dictated, according to the CPS, that she’d finally snapped. Maggie wasn’t buying it, nor was Dr Moloney. The state of Lucy’s face when arrested, the dizzy spells, and inability to stand for long periods, at least four hours after it was estimated that Patrick was killed. Lucy couldn’t have plunged the knife into Patrick, let alone get downstairs, grab the knife, and then make her way back upstairs to the bathroom.

  Maggie was looking forward to meeting up with Dr Moloney to compare notes in the hope something obvious would come to light. She also planned to revisit the Talbot, Millard and O’Dowd cases: the only evidence that linked Lucy to these men was her work, but her phone records and computer were being interrogated and even the smallest thing could open a whole new Pandora’s box.

  As part of the ongoing investigation, Maggie was a regular visitor to the prison. Trying to jog Lucy’s memory of that fateful night. Dr Moloney believed Lucy was hiding something. Maggie couldn’t understand why though. Why would Lucy risk spending the next ten years, to life, in prison? Did she want to punish herself? It was pure luck that her solicitor had convinced Lucy to plead not guilty and opt for a trial, on the basis that there were mitigating circumstances. Lucy would have been suffering diminished capacity, due to the years of abuse she suffered and the serious assault she had endured.

  As a defence witness, Dr Moloney could put forth a convincing argument that it was all the years of abuse and the severe beating on the night in question that caused Lucy to snap. Maggie didn’t want that; it was a last resort.

  She gathered the case files to look over them one more time. Maggie was determined to find the missing link and prove Lucy’s innocence, while also trying to uncover the real killer. Maggie would never be able to live with herself if the wrong person was convicted. Only one question remained: If Lucy didn’t kill then … who did?

  CHAPTER EIGHTY-SIX

  The police station seemed to be busier than usual when Dr Moloney arrived. She headed straight to her office, greeted those who acknowledged her presence, but kept her head down. Working in the police environment was strange at times, and she still felt she was an outsider. Many of the police staff outside of the DAHU wouldn’t accept the work she did; she often heard them muttering about psychology. Or her favourite: ‘head quacks can’t solve crimes’. She laughed.

  DS Hooper was waiting in Kate’s office when she walked in.

  ‘Hello there!’ She waved. ‘To what do I owe this pleasure?… Oh, and not to sound rude, but can you get out of my chair, please? This may be a police station, but this is still my office last time I looked.’ Dr Moloney pointed at her nameplate on the door.

  Kate tapped her foot and glared at the DS until he got out of her chair. She placed her files on the desk, and asked Hooper if he wanted a coffee.

  ‘Only if you’re making one for yourself, I don’t want you to think I expect it.’

  Kate laughed. ‘Calm down. I was offering. How do you take it?’

  ‘Black with one sugar, please.’

  Kate left the room and when she returned, Hooper had moved closer to her desk to nose through her files.

  ‘I don’t think you’ll find anything of interest to you in there.’ She slammed the door and a crimson colour rushed up his neck.

  ‘I … uh … sorry. I can’t help myself.’ He smiled and moved his chair back. ‘I’m just curious about how your appointment with Lucy Quinn or Sherwood, whatever she’s calling herself now, went the other day.’

  ‘I thought you were against us working with her? I’m not about to feed you information, you know.’ Although Kate knew that Hooper was keen on ensuring the right person was convicted for the crime, she was still wary of his motives. She also wasn’t obligated in a professional capacity to share any information unless it placed Lucy, a child, or a member of the public at risk of serious harm.

  ‘Look, you’re absolutely right. I’m not sure I understand why we’re working with her. For me, it’s a clear-cut case … and the prosecution agrees. She practically admitted to killing her husband, even though she claims she can’t recall the details. She confessed.’ He waved his arms in the air and leaned back in his chair. ‘Unless you’re trying to link Lucy to the other murders, I mean, that is understandable. Let’s say she didn’t have the courage to kill her own abuser, so she took it out on the other men. Maybe she saw Patrick in their mannerisms, killed them and then blacked out?’

  ‘I don’t think she did it.’

  Hooper looked shocked. ‘And how did you work that one out?’ He crossed his arms and sighed.

  ‘I don’t have all the answers yet. It’s just a gut feeling. The police are always going on about trusting their gut, and I believe mine. Lucy admits that she wanted to kill her husband on a near-daily basis. A normal reaction for women trapped in abusive relationships. However, she never once acted on or expressed any thoughts of killing her husband.’

  ‘Whoa. You just said she had feelings, aren’t they the same as having thoughts about it?’

  ‘Forgive me. What I mean is, there never was any intention to carry out those feelings. Had there been, Patrick Quinn would have been dead long ago. Lucy’s morals, her ability to lead two lives, and I actually believe her job as a probation officer, played a huge part in stopping her from acting.’

  Hooper shook his head. ‘Like you said, this woman was systematically abused for years. How do you know for sure that she didn’t just lose the plot?’

  ‘I don’t. Circumstantial evidence is stacked against Lucy. But I genuinely think we’re missing something.’ Kate got up and began to pace the room. ‘She can’t recall specific details about the actual murder – I would have thought some of them would have come back to her by now. Also, physically she couldn’t have gone downstairs, grabbed a knife, and plunged it with significant force into her husband’s chest. When she arrived at the police station, she fainted. She could barely move. I know she’s suffering from some sort of traumatic amnesia at the moment, but she keeps saying she saw someone. What if she did? What if someone else came into the house, saw Lucy unconscious on the floor and murdered Patrick?’ Kate stopped pacing.

  ‘Let’s say I buy your theory … why would she admit to it? And more importantly, who has a motive to kill Patrick … other than Lucy?’

  ‘Feelings of guilt?’ Kate swept her hair back and stared evenly at Hooper. ‘A belief that she must have done it because she’d wanted to? Protecting someone? Could be a number of reasons. Patrick Quinn wasn’t well liked in his area. Your door-to-door enquiries proved that. Neighbours said he was a “loud-mouthed prick”, drunk 24/7, and had on occasion heard the way he spoke to Lucy. I bet they were glad to see the back of him, yet none of them have been questioned further. Can we really sit back and let a potentially innocent woman go to prison for a crime she may have not even committed? All because it was easier than finding the real killer?’

  ‘All right, all right.’ Hooper sighed in defeat. ‘No need to go on anymo
re. Let’s go speak with DI Calleja and see what he thinks.’

  Kate grabbed her notes, and left the room with a smile on her face. She was beginning to feel like her work mattered and only hoped that her instincts proved correct.

  CHAPTER EIGHTY-SEVEN

  It had been over a week since Dr Moloney had interviewed Lucy. She wasn’t sure why the police wanted to help her, or whether she trusted them. Following the assault, she was still struggling with how she felt about the situation she found herself in. She looked at the journal that Dr Moloney had given to her. She was fighting to write down the details she did recall, in case it helped her remember. Dr Moloney seemed genuine in wanting to help, but Lucy would still plead guilty. Her solicitor convinced her to plead not guilty, and Lucy complied, but she wanted everything over with now. It was too much.

  Lucy had disclosed everything to her solicitor. Though the physical scars had long since healed, she wondered if she would ever get over the mental ones. Her solicitor had spoken to her colleagues, friends, and family. Although she had a strong case, Lucy’s behaviour outside of work had masked a lot of what she had experienced at home. The jury may find it difficult to believe or even empathize. Sarah Hardy would be a key character witness. It was Sarah who had raised the alarm when Lucy was initially arrested. She knew about the abuse, although not to the level the police had advised, and had been there for Lucy, pestering the police to dig deeper. During one of her visits, Sarah made it clear that she believed Lucy was hiding something. Lucy didn’t know whether to hug her or shout at her. She looked at the journal again, picked up a pencil, and began writing.

  I find it hard to write down and share my feelings. I’ve always felt this way. It’s hard for me to explain what I mean, but I’ve always felt I should’ve known better. I did know better. But I thought I was strong enough to handle it. Given the situation I now find myself in, I guess I wasn’t. Do I feel remorse? I feel something, but I’m not sure it can be called remorse. I worry about Siobhan. I know she’s with her grandparents now, but I took away her father. She must hate me. I regret that. And Rory. He’s older, so understands more – he remembered what Patrick did to his mother. He witnessed what Patrick did to me.

  What’s worse is that I feel it’s my fault. Rory was so happy to meet his dad again, and I burst that bubble by making Patrick angry when his kids were around. I know it’s wrong to believe that, but it’s how I felt. How I feel – it’s how Patrick made me feel. It’s all your fault, Lucy. You made Patrick do this. Keep your mouth shut. Don’t answer back. Don’t fight back. Just don’t …

  I’ve sent Rory a visiting order, in the hope that he will want to visit. I need to explain why I did what I did. He’s still so young. I need to make him understand. Rory has his whole life ahead of him. I only hope that he stays in contact with his sister and explains everything – well, not everything, but most things – to Siobhan in the future. I stayed with Patrick because I really believed it meant the kids would have a safe environment. Wouldn’t have to grow up with a parent who was an alcoholic. Would understand that they needed to find someone who let them be themselves with no fear of repercussions. They need to believe that love is not meant to hurt. I only wished I could have shown them that.

  Dr Moloney read the journal entry twice and then looked up at Lucy. She had lost weight, her hair was now cut short and there were dark shadows under her eyes. Kate leaned back in her chair. Although it hadn’t been long since their last visit, she had to admit she’d been hoping for more. There were some things here that needed more exploration. Lucy’s next court appearance was in three months; they were running out of time. If they had enough information to cause the prosecution to question the charge, Lucy could well be released on bail. Even with conditions attached, bail would be better than seeing Lucy waste away on remand. She was a shadow of her former self. What is she hiding?

  ‘Was it difficult to write that entry, Lucy? You looked pained as I read it.’

  ‘I know it wasn’t what you wanted. I’m sorry.’ A tear rolled down Lucy’s cheek. She didn’t bother to wipe it away.

  Maybe she’d cried so many tears she didn’t even know they were falling?

  ‘Why would you say sorry? You did what I asked. More even. This is as much for you, Lucy, as it is for us.’ Dr Moloney reached out to put her hand over Lucy’s, but Lucy flinched away.

  ‘Sorry. I don’t like being touched. I’m not worth all this effort. I told you, Patrick is dead, and I’m glad. Serving a life sentence inside these walls is better than the life I had outside.’

  ‘Will you continue with the journal? It doesn’t have to be every day. This is brilliant, but I would like you to consider writing down your flashbacks. What you remember. What you dream, or even your nightmares. Anything and everything.’ She pushed the journal towards Lucy.

  ‘OK. But don’t expect much.’ The sadness in Lucy’s voice was heartbreaking. Kate really wanted to help her, but Lucy needed to help herself first.

  CHAPTER EIGHTY-EIGHT

  ‘Where are we at with the Talbot, Millard and O’Dowd investigations?’ Calleja queried.

  ‘Well you know that Dr Moloney has her own theories about this case. Maggie and Mark are still pulling together the evidence, while Kat and PC Reynolds are trying to tie all the loose ends together, guv.’ Hooper hoped he didn’t sound too unsure in his presentation of the investigation so far.

  ‘Hooper, what kind of feedback is that? Some theories? Getting the evidence together? Tying up loose ends? What the hell? We need answers and we needed them yesterday! I have the DCI harassing me every bloody day about this. If one more body shows up, the media are going to be hounding us daily – I don’t want that to happen.’

  ‘I know, gov. We have a briefing in an hour and I’ll make sure we have some solid leads.’

  Hooper left his DI’s office in a fluster. His chest tightened and he noticed the way it was affecting the team – the dark circles under their eyes, constant pacing of the room – he hated how this was affecting them. In all honesty, they didn’t seem any further ahead – there was still nothing definitive. Lucy Sherwood was their probation officer, but they really didn’t know who or what else tied these men together. And where did Patrick Quinn fit in, if at all? Dr Moloney still believed a vigilante was responsible, and she was adamant that the killer was female. Even with the drug, though, how could a woman inflict that much damage? According to Lucy Sherwood, none of the men were intravenous drug users, although Talbot did have a history of sporadic heroin and crack misuse.

  With the briefing about to start, Hooper poured himself a coffee and waited for his team to assemble. Kat arrived with PC Reynolds in tow – ‘Morning, guv,’ they said in unison and Hooper nodded in acknowledgement. Once everyone was seated, Hooper called order.

  ‘OK, everyone, DI Calleja is breathing down my neck, because our DCI is breathing down his … where are we at with these cases? We’re at risk of having to hand everything over. There’s even talk of this team being disbanded on the basis that we’re causing more harm than good. Come on! We need this resolved.’

  There were some murmurs in the room. Dr Moloney stood up.

  ‘May I, sir?’ she said as she pointed to the investigation board.

  ‘Be my guest.’ DS Hooper stood out of the way and she took centre stage.

  ‘I’m not going to go over everything we have so far, as I assume we all know the facts. I’m still convinced that we’re searching for a female perpetrator. These murders are personal. As I’ve always said – the victims were incapacitated – and I think this was so that she could commit the offences without any risk of being attacked. There’s clearly an underlying anger here, as shown by the wounds to the victim’s throats. Is this the killer’s way of silencing the offender? According to the pathology report, this is the last thing that’s done. We know that she – or he – beats the victims. A Taser was also used in the case of Mick O’Dowd. Maybe because the killer either didn’t have the opportu
nity to get close enough to inject him a second time or perhaps the effects didn’t last as long. It does not appear that Talbot was injected with the same drug as the other two, but instead, was initially attacked from behind and then an empty syringe stuck in the neck. Another statement perhaps? Mick O’Dowd was also set alight – his face, part of his neck, his hands, and his genitals.’ They all looked at the board.

  It was filled with names and lines linking individuals to the victims.

  Kate continued walking back and forth in front of the board. ‘Lucy had a connection with all of the men. A victim of domestic abuse herself, she certainly had motive. Shell Baker knew two of the men. Her close friend was now in hospital after being assaulted by Mick O’Dowd. Her cousin suffered years of abuse at the hands of Robert Millard, but there is no evidence to connect her to Talbot at the moment. The team had recently discounted Kevin, the barman, as he didn’t seem to have any grudges to bear. Patrick Quinn’s murder does not appear to be connected to the three murders at this stage – though the police are still unwilling to rule anything out.’

  ‘The team have questioned whether any of Mick’s children had returned to seek revenge, but there were no links to Robert Millard or Drew Talbot and no evidence to suggest they’d been in contact.’

  Maggie spoke up. ‘I agree with a lot of what you’re saying. Every one of the people mentioned has reason to want these men dead. We need that one connection. Where would someone get the drug? Surely that has to be what will solve this for us – at least with Millard and O’Dowd. Though what if Talbot is known to the killer, and he or she didn’t have access to the drug when the opportunity to kill him came around?’

  ‘I like your thinking, Maggie.’ Kate smiled. ‘Succinylcholine is hard to get a hold of. Hospitals and Vets may have it – so we’d need to see if any reports of drugs stolen have been made in the weeks leading up to the murders.’