We Did That?

by Sophie Stirling

  Any Mousehunt fans out there will find this story especially interesting. Paul Thomas was a forty-seven-year-old man from Connecticut, and the co-owner of a company called George Thomas & Sons Textile. One afternoon in August 1987, while he was operating a pin-wheel dresser machine (which winds woolen yarn from a large spool onto a smaller one) he accidentally fell in.

  Before anyone even noticed what had happened, Paul had become wrapped in hundreds of yards of yarn. Hundreds of yards of yarn. When tallied, the poor man suffocated to death under eight hundred yards of string. He was pronounced dead at the scene.

  If there is anything to be said—besides how awkward and horrible a death that must have been—it’s that that was one hell of a machine. It was so lighting fast that witnesses couldn’t even see Paul underneath the layers and layers of string.

  If you haven’t seen the movie Mousehunt, go watch it. No one dies by getting wrapped up in a ball of string, but you’ll understand why I recommend it once you’ve seen it. I can’t speak for him, but I think Paul would really connect to this line from the movie.

  “You used to love string…”

  —Lars Smuntz, Mousehunt

  Lend a Hand, Lose a Head

  The Siamese princess, Sunandha Kumariratana, was King Rama V’s favorite wife. In Siam, noble men kept many wives and concubines, and her husband was reported to have a whopping eighty-two children. Among the eighty-two, Sunandha had just given birth to a daughter, and had another on the way. Which is why her tragic end is especially distressing and dunderheaded.

  In May 1880, Sunandha took her two-year-old daughter and her royal entourage on a trip to one of their mansions, the “Summer Palace,” in Bang Pa-In. In order to reach the Summer Palace, they had to cross Chao Phraya River, Siam’s biggest. Being royals, Sunandha and her daughter were towed in a separate boat all by themselves.

  As they crossed, their boat was swept up in a strong current, and the royal barge tipped over, dumping the princess and her daughter into the churning waters. They cried for help—but her guards and servants watched on, and did nothing, as they slowly drowned. Why didn’t they land them a hand? You see, in Siam, it was forbidden to touch a royal, upon pain of death. It was an ancient law, but strictly enforced. So they simply watched on.

  The death of his favorite wife, young daughter, and their unborn child was quite hard on poor King Rama, and he imprisoned the guard who failed to give the order to save them. Her funeral procession was one of the most expensive in that country’s history, and, as a tribute, he had a statue created of her. He placed it in the gardens at the Summer Palace that poor Princess Sunandha never quite reached, and you can still see it there today.

  Where Is Siam?

  Before its government transitioned to a constitutional monarchy in 1932, Siam was the name of what we call Thailand today. The name was changed back and forth a few more times, but it became official official in 1949. The change was due to political upheaval, and the desire of the country’s People’s Party to bring Siam into the modern world (i.e. western world). They changed their flag, national anthem, and even their dress. The name Siam comes from the Sanskrit word śyāma, meaning dark or brown, meant to represent the skin tone of the people. The name Thailand comes from a Sanskrit word thai, meaning “free,” but which is also an ethnic group in the country. Thus, it is named both the land of the free and the land of Thai people. Two birds with one stone!

  Problems with Execution

  There’s nothing simple about death, but most endings are usually pretty straightforward. The same goes with executions. Public executions were plain and simple, usually. A person came to die, and the executioner did the job. Body: disposed of. Crowd: entertained and/or chastened from the lesson learned. But, as we will see here, sometimes, it wasn’t so simple!

  She Did It Her Way

  Hannah Dagoe was described as a “strong, lusty” Irish woman. The strong part might have been attributed to her physique, but I’d say she had quite a strong character, and would leave a lasting impression on anyone.

  In 1763, she was condemned for theft (she literally jacked the entire contents of an old lady’s apartment who had befriended her). Once imprisoned, she became “the terror of her fellow-prisoners” and even “stabbed one of the men who had given evidence against her.” The guy lived, in case you were wondering.

  On the way to her execution, Hannah “showed little concern at her miserable state, and paid no attention to the exhortations of the Romish priest who attended her.” As soon as her cart pulled up to the gallows, she managed to quickly unbind her hands, and threw herself at the unprepared executioner in a wild sucker punch—delivering “a blow so violent that she nearly felled him.”

  Hannah beating down the poor hangman.

  She started shouting at him, daring him to hang her. Then, to revenge herself upon him, she started ripping off her clothes, and threw the shreds into the crowd. (This wasn’t for striptease purposes, but because it was an executioner’s right to claim the clothes of his victims as payment—she wasn’t going to let him have nun.)

  After quite the kerfuffle, he finally managed to get the rope around her neck. As soon as he did this, she pulled out a handkerchief, wrapped it around her head, and, in her half-naked state, “threw herself out of the cart, before the signal was given, with such violence that she broke her [own] neck and died instantly.” She lived just as she died: her way.

  Pole on the Block

  Margaret Pole was the daughter of a Duke of England, his brothers were two Plantagenet kings. She was no doubt descended from a long and noble line—but life wasn’t destined to be all gowns, gossip, and gout for poor Margaret. When the War of Roses erupted, and power changed hands from her family to the Tudors, the rest of her bloodline was hunted down, just in case they ever dared to reinstate themselves as rulers. As a woman, Margaret was spared, but life was by no means easy for her. The end of her life, even less so.

  She was constantly suspected of treason, and in 1539, Henry VIII made her conviction final. She was, at the ripe old age of sixty-five, practically a centenarian in those times. Who even has the energy for treason at that age? I’m feeling lazy just thinking about it. Seems like too much work.

  Margaret was held in the infamous Tower of London for two and a half long years…just awaiting death. When her execution finally came, it thankfully, was a “private” one, though with numerous witnesses. And it turned out one of the most horrific and poorly executed executions in history.

  The axe man, it soon became apparent, was completely inexperienced. It might have even been his first execution. He missed with the first swing, gashing her shoulder. He then missed several more times. It took eleven swings to finish the job. He was described as a “blundering youth,” who “hacked her head and shoulders to pieces.” A cruel, bloody end for Margaret Pole.

  All for nothing really. She maintained her innocence until the end. In 1886, she became a Catholic martyr. On the wall of her cell, a poem is carved that is believed to be by her hand:

  For traitors on the block should die;

  I am no traitor, no, not I!

  My faithfulness stands fast and so,

  towards the block I shall not go!

  Nor make one step, as you shall see;

  Christ in Thy Mercy, save Thou me!

  I Get Chopped, You Get Chopped

  There were certain steps to ensure a swift guillotine execution that any professional executioner would know. Once the victim’s head was on the block, their neck would be placed in an iron brace, and the executioner’s assistant would pull on their hair to hold the head in place, ready for the blade’s fall. But, Monsieur Lacoste, a Frenchman, soon to become the guillotine’s next client, was as bald as an egg. So, there was nothing the assistant could do, except hold onto something else. He grasped Lacoste’s very small ears.

  Just as the blade
descended, Lacoste managed to break free of the assistant’s hold on his ears, and sank his teeth into the assistant’s hand. But that wasn’t enough to avoid the guillotine—poor Lacoste’s head was chopped. But, after the initial rush of blood flow slowed, the poor executioner’s assistant looked down into the basket to see his own severed thumb, stuck between the still-grimacing teeth of M. Lacoste.

  We Believed That?

  Superstitions

  “There is nothing either good or bad,

  but thinking makes it so.”

  —Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act II Scene II

  Superstitious Minds

  There is physically not enough paper in the world to contain all the superstitions our human race has thought up through the centuries. Probably not even in this past century. And, even if I did try to note them all down, there would be so many different variations—most conflicting and from vague sources—that you would quickly throw this book across the room. You see, folklore varies by culture, century, and even by area. A certain belief in one region will have a completely different twist in another, as you’ll soon discover. You simply can’t pin them all down. I won’t try!

  The mysterious and fascinating superstitions here have one main criteria: that they are not commonly known. Now, don’t get me wrong, at some point everyone hears a whisper of a certain superstition, shrugs their shoulders, and continues living their life. But most don’t investigate further, only nerds like me. So, even if you are vaguely aware of a superstition explored in this chapter—maybe, possibly, definitely, certainly, hopefully, you’ll learn something new about it. At worst, you’ll fill your brain with some cool new information. At best, you’ll become extremely superstitious, jumpy, and never go about life the same way again.

  Shoeperstition

  To the average person, shoes serve a simple purpose: to be worn on feet as protection against the modern elements that litter the floor of our world (chewing gum, dirt, broken glass, Legos, and other things we prefer not to think about). There’s nothing mystical about shoes. Nothing to suggest an omen. Nothing going on here. Except…there is. And has been for years.

  According to centuries of lore, shoes have had a special, er, foothold, in society and culture. The most popular superstition relating to shoes is that they are instruments of luck. Particularly, throwing them at people as they leave in order to bring them good fortune. Now, before you throw your shoe at your friend when they leave your house…

  The geographical origin of this superstition is not completely clear, though there are roots in Scotland, the Isle of Man, various regions of Scandinavia, and other parts of Europe. The histories are chock-full of stories and literature about this belief. Here are a few examples—note that these are all from the UK, though there are many more from other areas as well.

  The famed British poet, Alfred Tennyson, writes in his collection, English Idyls and Other Poems:

  For this thou shalt from all things seek,

  Marrow of mirth and laughter,

  And wheresoe’er thou move, good luck,

  Shall throw her old shoe after.

  Comedic poet, actor, and playwright Ben Johnson wrote, simply:

  Hurl after me a shoe,

  I’ll be merry whatever I’ll do.

  Also, the English writer, John Heywood, best known for his poems and proverbs, wrote in his “Luck Song and Dance of the Olde Shooe”:

  And home again hitherward quick as a bee,

  Now for good luck, cast an old shoe at me.

  In all these examples, throwing a shoe bestows good luck upon the assaulted. But, there are other sources where throwing shoes at newlywed couples, specifically, was a common practice.

  In English writer William Hone’s The Table-Book (1827), a correspondent named Morley from Leeds wrote about this custom happening in Yorkshire, which he did not recall having seen before, nor know the origins of.

  “It is called ‘trashing,’” he writes, “which signifies pelting people with old shoes on their return from church on the wedding-day.” He also notes it was usually practiced among the “lower orders” with turf-sod (grass and soil) or mud being substituted if shoes were in short supply—and generally thrown in a lighthearted, joking way. Morley then continues by delving into the word itself. Why was it called “trashing”? According to his musings:

  “Although it is true that an old shoe is to this day called ‘a trash,’ yet it did not, certainly, give the name to the nuisance. To ‘trash’ originally signified, to clog, incumber, or impede the progress of anyone. […] But why old shoes in particular were selected as the missiles most proper for impending the progress of new married persons, it is now perhaps impossible to discover.”

  Why indeed, if his thinking is correct, would well-wishers want to impede a new couples’ progress? We may never know the exact origins. It is important to note, though, that this ritual was not always limited to just weddings. The same custom was applied to someone going on a long journey, or a ship leaving port, in order to give them luck, and a safe return.

  Punch cartoon, 1854, depicting Queen Victoria “Throwing the Old Shoe”

  after her soldiers as they departed for the Crimean War.

  There may be another explanation concerning marriage, however. This ritual could be descended from an ancient rite dealing with the transfer of property, since women were regarded as such in many of the countries where this practice is believed to have originated. There is even a biblical reference to the practice in the Old Testament, in Ruth 4: 7 (NKJV):

  Now this was the custom in former times in Israel concerning redeeming and exchanging, to confirm anything: one man took off his sandal and gave it to the other, and this was a confirmation in Israel.

  Expanding on this theory, in Anglo-Saxon marriages, it was common practice was for a bride’s father to deliver her shoe to her soon-to-be husband, who would then touch her on the head with it to symbolize his authority over her. Though some accounts state is was less of a “touch” and more of a blow to the head. (Cringe.)

  A professor of folklore at the University of Hertfordshire in England, Dr. Ceri Houlbrook, was shopping for wedding season when she noticed a packet of shoe-shaped confetti in the aisle. The confetti sparked her interest, and led her on a search for its potential basis in folklore. What she discovered were its ties to luck, authority, but also, its connection to magic. Possessing someone’s shoe was believed to give you great power over them. “In 1644,” Houlbrook writes, “there was a Scottish witchcraft trial in which the purported sorcerer Patrick Malcolm was accused of trying to acquire a woman’s left shoe in order to control her and force her to follow him.” There is no doubt, the shoe contains heavy symbolism. Luckily, nowadays, people simply tie shoes to the back of the “Just Married” car.

  While we’re still on the topic of throwing stuff, there’s one other thing thrown at weddings, but it’s much less brutal, and more well-known: rice. Many are familiar with this grain being tossed at newlyweds as they depart for their honeymoon. It is likely meant to symbolize prosperity, since it has the feeling of rain, which is always seen as celebratory, and a sign of fertility. But, what is thrown differs in other cultures. Ancient Romans once tossed wheat, later, this became rice; Italian weddings sometimes end with candy or sweet nuts being thrown, and in Morocco, raisins. Of all the theories, this “prosperity” factor is most likely what that ties the shoe-throwing ritual together.

  Omens of the Future

  Many once believed that mistakenly putting your left shoe on your right foot was an omen of bad luck coming your way. Some still do! Also, according to the 1846 book, Current Superstitions, the order in which you put your shoes on matters too:

  To clothe the left foot before the right foot is a sign of misfortune.

  The state of your shoe could even predict your future. Shoes are very personal items, taking on the essence of the wearer through t
ime. So, old shoes would contain your essence even more, and thus were more likely to show you your future. Here is an ancient rhyme about this superstition:

  Wear out the toe, live to see woe

  Wear out the side, live to be a bride

  Wear out the ball, live to see all

  Wear out the heel, you’ll save a good deal!

  There are many variations on this verse, of course, changing by area, and even year to year. For example, a variation of the second line, “Wear out the side, you’ll be a rich bride.”

  Just one more thing about shoes and weddings that sort of fits nicely (if that’s the right word) into this doom and gloom section.

  When a couple are married and are driving off, if old shoes are thrown after them for good luck, and one of the shoes lodges on the coach or carriage, it is a sign that one of the party will die before the year is out. (Waltham, Massachusetts)

  Idioms or Shoe-dioms

  The Shoe Is on the Other Foot

  I’m sure you’ve heard the idiom “the shoe (or boot) is on the other foot.” There’s also the “wrong” foot. This is usually said when situations have been reversed or circumstances have changed. The phrase stems from the 1800s, but still has life in modern times—I even heard it while travelling recently in South Carolina. Winston Churchill also used this phrase in his 1908 book, My African Journey, which chronicles his eye-opening tour of East Africa: “Here…the boot is on the other leg, and Civilization is ashamed of her arrangements in the presence of a savage.” This region of Africa was just beginning to show the encroaching influence of the West, and the “normal” cultural influences he was used to were starting to look completely foreign, and even invasive, to his eyes. This demonstrates the jarring feeling that comes with a reversal of fortune or perspective.

  Me Meté la Pata

  In many Hispanic cultures, frequently heard in my hometown, Miami, another common saying is “me meté la pata” or “me dí la pata.” This roughly translates to “I put my foot in it” which means—for lack of a better expression—I messed up—in a pretty embarrassing way. You might use this if you spoiled a surprise party or, if you live in Miami, at every awkward moment (i.e. every five minutes). Of course, this idiom isn’t necessarily related to “shoes,” but is worth mentioning, because…well…I guess I don’t have a valid reason. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned it. Oops. ¡Me meté la pata!