Some inventions, though patented, never see the light of day. Others are the early models for many conveniences we enjoy today. Did you know the treadmill was originally invented as a torture device? Well, if you’ve ever used one, I’m sure you guessed this was its purpose all along. Did you know roller skates originally resembled small bicycles for your feet? All inventions have their embarrassing braces-and-pimples stage.
An etching of an early x-ray machine, which was discovered by
accident in 1895 by Wilhelm Conrad Röntgen.
The ingenuity of humans is endless, and our minds continue to break the boundaries of logic today. A keyboard and mouse installed on your jeans for people too lazy to carry theirs around? Yes. Scissors specifically designed to cut and serve pizza? Yes. Our brilliance has not faded with the years. But, for a moment, let’s look at our past strokes of genius.
The Mousetrap Pistol
In 1882, the Texan inventor James Williams took out a patent on an invention he humbly titled “Animal Trap.” This trap’s purpose was gleefully stated, “to provide a means by which animals which burrow in the ground can be destroyed”—with a pistol. In the mechanics of the trap, Williams used a simple, but delicately arranged system that relied on the pressure of the mouse (much like today’s traps), to cause the shot. Once the mouse stepped on the board or “treadle,” a lever was forced into small pole that put pressure on the trigger. In a nutshell, it was a mousetrap that joined the mob.
You might be wondering where exactly he got this idea. Well, there was a similar invention that existed at that time, but was used as a burglar alarm, rigged to a front door or a window. Williams make it clear his trap could also be used for this purpose, though the mechanics of his alarm were very different (i.e. “I didn’t steal their idea”).
While his invention might be kind of an aggressive way to handle a mouse problem, Williams stated that it had an added benefit of providing, well, the alarm. It gave notice that the mouse was caught (destroyed, obliterated, same thing), and that the trap had to be reset. Thankfully, about a decade later, the mousetrap we know today was invented. Phew. I would hate to have bumped into a mouse trap like this by accident—I don’t think my foot would have recovered.
The First Patent
The very first US patent was granted to Philadelphia man Samuel Hopkins, in 1790, by (drum roll) President George Washington himself. The patent was for his unique “potash” recipe—an ingredient used in fertilizer. Not the most exciting invention, we can admit. Though it definitely fertilized the way to the millions of patents we have today. (Sorry.)
“Our inventions mirror our secret wishes.”
—Lawrence Durrell
The Unsinkable Safe
This bit is less about a crazy invention, and more about a crazy inventor—though aren’t they all that way? In 1915, two Italian friends, Menotti Nanni, and Giuseppe Bertolini, invented the unsinkable safe.
Being just a few years after the sinking of the Titanic, I’d wager that “unsinkable” wasn’t a good PR term. But, it’s possible these two inventors were inspired by this very tragedy, which doubtless caused many to lose their belongings to the bottom of the sea.
With this in mind, these two Italian inventors crafted a large, pill-shaped vault made of material “solid as concrete yet light as cork,” embedded within its casing to make it float, as well as an airtight door to prevent leakage. Menotti Nanni claimed it was “absolutely burglar and fire-proof and unsinkable besides.” With their purchase, customers were given a key, tailored specifically to them, to wear on their wrist. That way, if the ship sank, only they would be able to open their safe. Alternately (and morbidly), if the passenger drowned, the key on their wrist would serve as a means of identifying them.
To get to the crazy part, on one sunny day in New York City, 1915, Nanni decided to put the invention to the test. Just off the harbor at Battery Park, Nanni locked himself inside the safe and, with the help of friends, was dropped into the water to sink. And sink he did. But then, after one tension-filled minute, Nanni’s safe slowly and victoriously emerged to the surface.
Witnesses and collaborators gather in the boat that took Nanni
into the harbor off Battery Park, NY.
In this photo you can see Nanni and Bertolini’s safe slowly emerging.
A rowboat then paddled into the water to release him from his box of steel, and Nanni emerged, victorious. Amid the celebration and flag-waving that followed, this photo was captured. If you saw this photo without any context, it might look like he was in a mini-submarine. That’s how accommodating the safe was for a full-grown adult. The image freezes Nanni and company in time, waving the American and Italian flags, and basking in their success after such a risky mission.
Nanni in the water, just having emerged to the surface, proving the success and value of his invention.
If we could take a moment to simply imagine the daring nerve it must have taken for him to lock himself in a pitch-black safe weighing three tons of steel, and to be dropped into a harbor, twenty to thirty feet deep—without knowing if he’d make it back up… That’s one crazy inventor!
The Mean, Teeny Reading Machine
I’m an avid reader. I like big books, and I cannot lie. But, throughout my reading career I don’t think I’ve ever said to myself, I wish the font in this book was smaller. But, it seems someone has!
In the early 1920s, Rear Admiral Bradley Fiske invented the Fisk Reading Machine, which many anticipated would be the “next big thing” for books. This handheld metal machine could contain a whole book, printed in teeny letters, on just a few cards. The cards would be inserted into the machine, which readers would hold up their eyes, and look through a magnifying glass in order to read. While I am getting a headache just thinking about it, there were indeed some benefits to this interesting invention:
»It’s compact and easy to carry around.
»It takes almost no space to store your books.
»Has low printing costs, so it could be sold to publishers only four cents (and to customers for cheap!)
»Makes knowledge available to anyone: due to lower prices, even lower-income individuals can experience the pleasure of reading.
»It is environmentally sustainable, since it takes only a fraction of the paper that regular books take to produce.
»Eyeglasses and spectacles not required!
Fiske demonstrates a card from the first two volumes of
Mark Twain’s Innocents Abroad.
Despite all its benefits and all the attention it received, however, it never reached mass production. But it sparked a revolution in micro-media formats, such as microphotography, which has continued until today. If you wish to see an original prototype of this teeny reading machine, you can currently see it at the Rosenbach Museum and Library in Philadelphia, PA. And speaking of libraries…if you want to experience most of the benefits of this invention, just visiting your local library will do the trick!
The Light at the End of the Toilet
Getting up in the middle of the night to pee is a dangerous task—fraught with furniture corners that appear out of nowhere, waiting to stub bare toes, hard walls that are closer than they appear in the day, and a completely wide-open porcelain toilet bowl, that may, or may not, have the lid up. You have two choices: turn on the blazing light and squint in ocular agony, or fumble in the dangerous dark.
In inventor Brooke Pattee’s more humble words, you are “faced with the unpleasant choice of using the bathroom with either too little light or with too much light.” Pattee probably got sick of having to choose, because in 1993, she patented her toilet landing light. A hopeful beacon to full bladders everywhere. A lighthouse in the midnighty darkness. Stopping now.
Her toilet light is made of a “flexible, moisture impermeable, transparent tube [and] positioned under an upper rim of the toilet bowl and extended around
the toilet bowl.” It was motion-activated, so that when approached, it lit up your chamber pot. Almost like a night light… There were other patents over the years, that sought to create something of this kind, but all failed, because she said they didn’t fill the “need for a toilet night light that is easy to install, easy to use, and easy to clean.” Pattee’s did.
Her invention didn’t quite make it big, however, but several other variations have been put on the market over the years, including a colorful one that makes your toilet bowl look like a really hip nightclub. I’ve already placed my order.
I Smell an Invention
Writers write things. Inventors invent things. But, every once in a while…inventors invent things that writers have written about. Or perhaps…predicted.
In fact, many of the most daring advancements were born from stories. Fictional tales created in order to shock, entertain, and, sometimes, warn the world. Think 1984, Brave New World, or Blade Runner. Advances like cloning, artificial intelligence, and laboratory births—many of these possibilities were originally conceived of in fiction, and later brought to life by inventors. Life imitating art. Or—more appropriately—life inspired by art.
I mention this, because there is an invention that I personally believe was inspired by a scene in one of my favorite novels. In the dystopian book, Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley, the two main characters go out on a date to catch a “feely.” That’s the nickname for a movie where you can feel, smell, and taste all the sensations of the main characters. The smell of a city street, the wind on your face, even sexual touch. This novel was published in 1932.
Less than thirty years later, in 1960, osmologist Hans Laube and director Mike Todd Jr. invented Smell-O-Vision. It was an invention for movie theaters that released odors at certain times during the film—letting people actually smell what was going on. The coolest thing was that the scents would be integral to the plot and nuances of the story. The inventors had high hopes that it would become a phenomenon.
Unfortunately, the first, and only, film to ever use Smell-O-Vision was Scent of Mystery in 1960. It is a murder mystery based on the 1947 novel, Ghost of a Chance, by Kelley Roos. Throughout the two-hour movie, thirty different scents were pumped into the theater, prompted by the music soundtrack. The odors gave the viewers (smellers?) hints about plot, or simply let them experience other details, like what an entire casket filled with spilled wine smelled like. When the casket spilled, a potent perfume of grapes would be released. Some plot hints included a waft of pipe smoke, which gave a clue as to who the villain was.
The original experiment didn’t work out as expected, mainly due to technical difficulties. Either the scents would get pumped at the wrong time, or they were hardly detectable, or way too strong. The film flopped quickly. But you have to admit, the Smell-O-Vision experience had some promise, even though it wasn’t as scentsational as planned…
Deep Sea Dogs
If you have ever wished you could take your canine best friend everywhere (including deep sea diving), you are not alone. Florida native Dwayne Folsom took his furry lady, Shadow, with him everywhere. But when it came to taking her underwater, he was quite stuck. When he would go diving, she would jump off their boat, and try to follow his trail of bubbles. Queue the awws. He hated not being able to take her underwater with him, so he looked for a solution.
In 1997, he applied for a patent he named “Canine Scuba Diving Apparatus.” He specifically modified a human scuba diving regulator to fit Shadow, and attached a spherical helmet to it, kind of like an astronaut’s headgear. The opening of the helmet was lined with a skirt of water-resistant material, which both sealed the helmet, and also acted as a cushion for her neck. Also, Folsom installed an intercom system so he would be able to communicate with her.
Since filing his original patent, there have been several modifications made to this device, but since then, Shadow was recorded to have at least thirty dives to her name, though, that number is likely much higher at the time of this writing. That is one ingenious inventor, and one adventurous dog!
The Aquarium Watch
Who knew checking the time on your watch could be such a bore? Add some excitement to this routine gesture with the Aquarium Watch, patented July 2002, by Harold Von Braunhut. This invention is exactly what it sounds like: a very small aquarium attached to a timepiece. The wearer can simultaneously tell time, while also enjoying teeny tiny aquatic life roaming around on your wrist.
The reason for Von Braunhut’s invention is pure enjoyment. Having a fish tank full of creatures at home is lovely and all, but you can’t exactly enjoy it while you are at school or otherwise away from home, right? So, instead of looking at your mundane, non-aquatic wristwatch, counting down the hours, impatiently wondering how much time is left before you can finally go home and enjoy your fish…why not carry your tank with you wherever you go? In Von Braunhut’s own words:
“There is a need, therefore, for a means to allow fish lovers and the like to enjoy their aquatic friends ‘round the clock,’ so to speak.”
How does one get such small creatures into a dome roughly smaller than a golf ball? A marine life kit is provided with the product, which contains another one of his inventions called Amazing Sea Monkeys, a variant species of teeny brine shrimp. These come in ant-sized eggs and hatch shortly after contact with water. The aquarium itself is detachable, and comes with a plug, in order to add the marine life, feed it, and regulate the environment—just as you would with a normal fish tank.
The Snake Collar
Of all the creatures to take for a walk around the block—a snake wouldn’t be my first pick. But, I think anyone with four names on his birth certificate is bound to have a certain level of imagination, and that is indeed the case for Donald Robert Martin Boys. In 2002, Boys invented an adjustable snake collar and tether, for the purpose of walking your pet snake. Or, slithering.
Boys found it unfortunate that most pet owners weren’t able to take their pet snakes outside for fear they would escape. So, it was likely that most pet snakes rarely got enough natural sunlight, which was good for their skin and overall health. His invention aimed to remedy this situation.
The collar itself wraps around where their “neck” sort of sits, and is fastened with Velcro. The main selling point is its adjustability. Snakes obviously don’t have any appendages, which would keep a normal collar in place. Also, their shape is always changing, what with food, growth, and their being snakes and all. Boys’ invention allowed the snake to move about freely, while remaining tethered.
The tether or leash is actually is more of a rod, to keep distance, and allow the owner more steering control. Boyd refers to it as a “snake stick.” At the end, it has a hook to attach to the collar. You can attach it before or after fastening the collar on your serpent. Then, you slither!
The Car Flood Bag
When hurricanes hit, and sometimes, even just with heavy rains, city streets can easily turn into lazy rivers. If you haven’t experienced this firsthand, you’ve likely seen it on the news. High waters flowing between buildings, people going around in boats as the tops of their cars float by.
Our cars are, unfortunately, one of many things in these situations that become total losses. Even if the water doesn’t do the trick, the mud that gets inside the engine can easily ruin your car for good.
Daniel S. Battle, from New Orleans, invented a way to save your car. In 1980, he patented his “flood protection container for vehicles”—basically, a big plastic bag to put your car inside. Simple, yet effective!
The bag opens, with clear lines that direct you where to drive your car into it, sort of like the lines on a parking space. Then, you exit your car, and pull the sides of the bag over it, closing it off with its drawstrings. These drawstrings allow a small amount of air to escape, which prevents the bag from filling with air—and floating happily away into the sunset.
The E
arly Car Visor
Automobiles weren’t quite a thing yet, when an early version of (what would eventually be) the car visor was invented. This early visor was originally invented for a horse-drawn carriage. Patented by L. V. Luce in 1889, this device could be covered in cloth or leather, and was secured by a clamp to the canopy of the “vehicle.” In the below illustration, you can see a woman driving a horse and buggy, with the help of the “sunshade” to keep the light out of her eyes. Just as with modern visors, it could also be easily folded up, and hidden out of sight when it wasn’t needed. If only it had a mirror for a gal to check her face, that woman would, for sure, be smiling.
The Kissing Shield
This invention is one of the weirdest I’ve come across so far: the kissing shield. Basically a condom, but for kissing. I’ll let your imagination run wild for a second.
The kiss shield was invented in 1998 for people who love to kiss (lots of random people, I guess), but want to avoid germs and potential diseases. It was also especially invented for “politician[s] who kisses babies.” Do they still do that?
Try not to get the creeps reading the description. It’s shaped sort of like a church fan, with a long handle, but the fan portion is in the shape of heart—and it’s made of “a thin, flexible membrane.” You use it by placing the bottom tip of the heart over your chin, the upper humps of the heart end up covering your cheeks. Once puckered up, “the user then positions the kissing shield between his lips and the lips or cheek of the individual he plans to kiss and kisses the intended recipient of his affection.” And the recipient of your affection will then try to not be offended by your kissing condom.
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