by PJ Nakfoor
It was time to start walking downstream. I turned and said my final goodbye to Carl. I hated to leave him there, exposed, but didn’t have the stamina to move him to a sheltered area, and I had nothing to cover him with. I turned to look at my husband one last time.
Flies had started to gather near his body.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
1996
Vivi stayed close to home for the rest of the summer. She went to an occasional movie or out for ice cream with Astrid or Bethany, but she always felt on edge, like a panic attack was looming—a heavy cloud waiting to burst into a rainstorm.
Thankfully, she hadn’t seen Jesse since that horrible day at the park. She tried to shut out the images of his hand squeezing hers as he thrusted his engorged penis up and down through her fist. But each time she pushed the visual away, it returned in exaggerated detail and wouldn’t stop until his ugly, red face moaned in orgasm. It was as though she were punishing herself and couldn’t stop. She finally admitted to Nana that she wanted to start seeing her therapist again.
One summer afternoon, Vivi overheard Papa on the phone.
“Hello? May I ask who’s calling?” he said politely. Then, “Just a minute, let me find her.”
He covered the phone with his hand and called, “Vivi!”
She walked into the kitchen and whispered, “Who is it?”
“It’s that boy, Jesse. I assume you don’t want to talk to him?”
“No!” She was shocked that Jesse had the nerve to call.
“Vivi doesn’t want to take your call. Please don’t call again.” He slammed the phone down and said, “Next time I won’t be so polite.” Vivi knew that although Papa was a gentle old man, he could become ferocious as a hungry grizzly.
Later that week, Jesse called two more times, becoming more demanding with each.
The last time Papa answered the phone, Vivi heard him growl, “You’re not too old for a good wallop. Next time, I’m calling the police.”
That evening Nana, Papa, Vivi and Shane sat down in the small dining room to one of Nana’s special dinners—a meal she called “pork chop and potato bit.” It was a casserole dish filled with pork chops, potatoes, carrots, onions and topped with Cream of Mushroom soup. It was bubbling and fragrant as Nana pulled it out of the oven.
“Not really a summertime meal, but this was Shane’s birthday request,” she announced.
Jesse’s unwanted phone calls became a topic of conversation. Shane was incensed when he heard about the harassment.
“If he calls here again, I’m going to kick his ass,” Shane barked.
“Now, Shane,” said Nana, “we’ll handle this through the proper channels.”
When they had finished dinner, Nana brought out a chocolate Texas sheet cake aflame with candles, and the three family members sang “Happy Birthday.” Shane reddened. “Thanks, guys, but no more candles after age twenty.”
* * *
The following week, while Nana and Papa were grocery shopping, Vivi was cleaning her bedroom when the doorbell rang. She looked out the window and saw Jesse standing at the front door. She froze, fear and disgust permeating her body. Then Jesse started knocking and calling her name. Panic twisted her stomach. Shane was at work, so she was home alone. Jesse walked around the house to the back door and knocked more aggressively.
“Vivi, I just want to talk. Please!”
He came back around and pounded on the front door one more time.
“Fuck,” Vivi heard him say, and finally he left, peeling out from in front of the house in a car she had never seen—an old rusty Camaro with a loud muffler.
Vivi’s heart was still racing five minutes later. He really scared her—she couldn’t believe this was the same guy who was so nice when he met Nana and Papa. Should she tell them? Papa said he would call the police, but did she really want to go through all that? There would be an embarrassing scene and she would have to explain the whole thing to her friends. She would think about it—maybe talk it over with Shane first, but that had its own set of consequences.
* * *
Shane came home after work one evening later that week. Vivi was watching television and Nana and Papa were upstairs getting ready for bed.
“Hey, Viv,” he said, “can we talk a minute?”
“Sure. What’s up, bro?”
“I’m definitely going to transfer to the university, and I’ve decided to move into an apartment near campus this fall. I wanted you to know before I told Nana and Papa.”
Vivi felt her heart sink, and was silent for several seconds, wondering how to respond.
“I knew this day would come, Shane. It makes total sense—you’re way old enough. But it will change things around here. It’ll be weird without you.” Her eyes dampened.
“Yeah, but you’ll be fine. I promise we’ll hang out on a regular basis.”
Vivi looked at Shane’s handsome face. He was a man. His brown eyes were so kind, and his chin now displayed the shadow of a dark beard. His wavy hair was long and messy, and gave him a somewhat rebellious persona, which served him well.
Vivi hugged her brother and although she was disappointed, she said, “You deserve this. You’ve worked hard to save money by living at home. Love you, Shane.”
“Love you too.” He hugged her stiffly. Intimacy didn’t come easy to him, but Vivi knew that he was trying.
* * *
A week went by with no Jesse sightings or calls. Vivi hoped that he’d moved on to someone else. Why would he still pursue her when he knew how different they were? Maybe he wanted to apologize. If so, should she hear him out? This was all so confusing, and Vivi knew she often second guessed herself. At least it was summertime, and she wouldn’t have to see him until school started in the fall.
Three days later, Vivi was reading in the living room. It had been gloomy and rainy for two days—a good time to get caught up on cleaning, reading or projects. Nana and Papa were at an “Ask the Doctor” luncheon where a local physician was speaking on healthcare needs of the elderly. Shane was getting ready to leave for work.
The phone rang.
“Hello?” Vivi answered after several rings.
“Vivi? It’s Jesse. Please don’t hang up. Can we talk for a few minutes?” he asked, in a voice filled with desperation.
“Um-m…” she stammered, unsure if she should slam down the phone or listen to what he had to say. If she did, maybe he would go away permanently.
“Please,” he pleaded.
“Okay, just this once. What do you want?”
“I know you’re upset and I’m sorry. I can be such a dick. I didn’t mean to be pushy—I guess I was getting mixed messages. I really care about you.”
Vivi knew what he was doing. Gaslighting. Making her feel like she caused him to act the way he did. She had been nothing but honest with him from the start. Anger brewed and gurgled and finally overflowed from within her. She slammed down the phone.
Shane hurried down the stairs.
“Gotta get to work. Who was on the phone?” he asked.
“Um just a crank call—some kids being weird.” She didn’t want him to know that she had spoken with Jesse.
“Okay. See you later.”
Within five or ten minutes of Shane leaving, there was a knock on the door. Through the living room window, she saw Jesse standing there, dripping wet from the rain, and holding a paper-wrapped bouquet of flowers. She unlocked the deadbolt leaving the chain lock in place and opened the door about four inches.
“Jesse, I said…”
“Here. I’ll hand you these through the door, then I’ll leave and never bother you again.” Jesse’s face drooped with sadness. Despite her fear and anger, Vivi felt a twinge of sympathy for him. Everyone was allowed forgiveness, right? He passed the bouquet through the opening and she accepted it, not knowing what to say. At that moment, Jesse pushed the door open, breaking the chain lock and knocking Vivi down. The flowers skittered across the floor.
�
��Shane!” she yelled, hoping this would scare Jesse away.
“I know he’s not here. I just saw him speeding down the road. And your grandparents’ car isn’t here either.”
He kicked the front door shut, then pinned Vivi down with his body weight. He spoke into her ear in a menacing tone, and she felt his aggressive breathing against her neck.
“You tease.” Then he kissed her forcefully, bruising her lips. She felt the now familiar erection rise in his jeans as he pushed his pelvis into hers. “Are you ready for me now?” he hissed. He pushed her shirt up over her bra and tried to unbutton her jean cutoffs.
Just then, the front door opened as Shane said, “Damn, I forgot my—what the fuck?”
“Get him off me!” shouted Vivi.
In a fraction of a second, Shane began to kick Jesse in the head. “Get up, you motherfucker, I ought to kill you.”
Jesse jumped off Vivi and faced Shane as he rubbed the left side of his head. Vivi scooted backwards and away from both of them. She stood and straightened her clothes, tears streaking her face.
“Are you okay?” Shane turned his attention to Vivi for an instant.
Before she could answer, Jesse lunged at Shane and punched his nose. She heard a crunch and saw blood spatter across Shane’s face.
“I’m going to fucking end you, prick!” Shane shoved him to the floor and Jesse banged his shoulder on the coffee table as he went down. Books and magazines flew off in all directions. Shane jumped on top of him, and the two men rolled around, trying to pin each other to the floor. Jesse was taller, but Shane was scrappier.
“I’ll smash your nose right through your face next time, asshole,” Jesse uttered.
“Guys, stop!” Vivi yelled.
“Call the police, Vivi. Hurry!” Shane ordered and she ran to the phone.
The struggle continued until Shane was finally able to get Jesse face down. He straddled Jesse’s lower back and forced his forearms to the floor while Jesse cursed at him. The bleeding from his Shane’s nose became steadier, dripping onto Jesse’s shirt. Both men were sweating and panting heavily.
Vivi finished the 911 phone call and could see Shane’s left cheekbone was swelling along with his nose. She paced around the room, not sure what to do next.
“Do you want me to get you a bag of ice?” she asked.
“Never mind about that until this asshole is sitting in the back of a black and white cruiser.”
Jesse groaned but didn’t say more. His body seemed to slacken as if he’d given up the fight.
Vivi looked around the room which resembled a crime scene from one of her TV shows: books, magazines and flowers strewn about, furniture askew, and splotches of blood trailing across the floor and onto Jesse’s back.
Within a couple of minutes, they heard sirens.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
2020
I was petrified. The canoe carrying our water, food and phones was gone and the current had pushed it quickly out of sight. It was midday and I knew had to find help before dark. I was afraid of falling apart, becoming paralyzed with fear, and dying alone before anybody found me. There was no one to calm me down—no Carl, no Faith and no Dr. Buhari. Just me, without a Valium. Or at the least, a brown paper bag.
* * *
In dripping wet clothes and shoes, I began to walk, watching my footing as I trampled over brambles and through slimy dirt. Fortunately, the temperature was still warm, but I knew that after sundown that could change dramatically. A community of hungry mosquitos decided to keep me company. Any bug spray I had applied this morning was most likely long gone. I slapped and scratched at my neck, arms and legs as ugly red welts developed. Although I hated the annoying fuckers, they at least distracted me from my fear and grief.
Every five or ten minutes, I called out, “Help! I need help!” but I wasn’t optimistic that it was coming anytime soon. I kept putting one foot in front of the other, telling myself I could do this. The first complication of my journey was evident when I found I could no longer follow the river’s edge. There was a dense thicket of birch trees and brush encroaching along the bank ahead of me. I had no choice but to turn inland without knowing how long or deep the dense growth was. I needed to be extra diligent at keeping my ears alert to the sound of the rippling stream in order to stay oriented.
Each step I took further from the water made me nervous. I didn’t think the thicket would have taken me such a distance from the river, and I began to wonder if it would have been better to walk around the front of it, wading in the water. But I had no idea how far that would be, and I certainly couldn’t swim endlessly if the stream was deep in places. As I made my way further inland, the mosquitos became bored and gave me some respite. Without the cover of trees, the hot sun beat down on my face and shoulders, and I could feel my skin turning pink. I walked on, determined to be intentional about my plan, but at one point I became disoriented and lost, and panic started to gnaw at me. I needed to stay ahead of the fear. What would Dr. Buhari suggest right now? The panic spiraled. As my heart rate escalated and I began to hyperventilate, I crumpled to the ground. I cried and screamed, shaking my fist in the air, demanding help from God.
“You’re supposed to take care of me, watch over me! I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me! Where are you?” I yelled until my already ragged voice became a whisper, and then I continued to yell silently. But once I expelled my anger, I felt lighter and more focused. I stood, performed my breathing exercises, and then plodded on.
* * *
I let my mind wander for a few minutes, thinking about Faith, which brought me some relief. What was she doing right now? I remembered her saying she planned to ride her bike to the library, which took me back to the summers during her elementary school years. When I was able, we used to walk the few blocks there. I remembered stepping into the air-conditioned foyer on hot, humid days, the hushed visitors, the organized rows of books, and the smell of historic papers and summertime. Faith would pull a dozen books off the shelves and we’d sit at a table and flip through the pages together. She would decide on three or four to check out. Those days were simple but momentous for me because Faith called them “our book hunting time.”
Then my wandering mind took a dangerous leap. If I didn’t get help before dark and without a flashlight, I would have to rely on the moonlight to guide me. Guide me to… where?
My thoughts began to spiral downward as I imagined worst-case scenarios. I could starve, die of dehydration, meet a menacing animal, pass out from panic and give up, become further lost and lose sight of the river, suffer heat exhaustion, have a heart attack just like Carl, and on and on. Vivian! Get your head out of this treacherous arena and keep moving forward.
I snapped back to attention, wondering if I was getting close to the inland end of the damn thicket. I needed to get back to the river. A dark cloud had come from nowhere, settled overhead and gave my skin a break. Anxiety surged and relaxed like an alternating electrical current. I would have done anything for the two Valium pills I’d stowed away. I was scared, hot, tired and sad. And just when I thought the situation couldn’t get worse, I heard rumbling thunder in the distance.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
1996
Through the living room picture window, Vivi saw a police car come to a screeching halt in the driveway.
“Marsh Lake Police!” two officers shouted, as they stormed through the front door. They quickly surveyed the situation.
“What’s going on here?” the stocky, bald one said.
“He’s hurting me! Let me ex…” yelled Jesse.
Shane interrupted, “This jerk broke into our house and attacked my sister.”
The bald officer asked Shane to get up, then handcuffed Jesse’s hands behind his back while he was still prone. “Ouch, careful with my hand!” Jesse snarled. Vivi brought Shane a dishtowel from the kitchen and he squeezed it over his nose. The officer helped Jesse to a standing position and frisked him quickly before radioing
a backup unit. The second officer, a middle aged African American man with a baritone voice, introduced himself as Sergeant Betts, told Jesse and Vivi he would need to take a report after Jesse was removed from the premises.
Once Jesse was upright, Vivi could see that he had scrapes on his face and some scalp swelling, as well as a bruised and puffy right hand. She quickly looked away, not wanting any eye contact with him. The second unit arrived, Jesse was read his rights, and it was decided to take him to the ER for medical care before processing him at the juvenile facility. He was ushered to the car, his head hanging low and a sneer on his face.
Vivi and Shane sat on the couch and Sergeant Betts sat in an easy chair across from them.
“Now tell me what happened tonight,” he said.
“He, he’s an old boyfriend and who’s been stalking me since we broke up.”
“I came home and found him trying to force himself on her,” offered Shane.
They told him the details of the event.
“We will make sure he leaves you alone, okay young lady?”
Vivi nodded.
Sergeant Betts finished his report and stayed with Shane and Vivi until their grandparents returned. When Shane saw their car pull into the driveway, Nana jumped out of the passenger side. Shane called out to her: “Nana! Everyone’s okay but we had an incident.”