Inner Voices: The Awakening

by Barry Alder

He looked up at Louise, a quiet anger on his face.

  “I don’t want to go through anything like that again, and if he continues this way, I swear, I’ll kill him.”

  Louise kept her voice low, trying to not alarm Raphael more.

  “Jason’s not like that. You know it, Raph. I don’t know what’s eating him or why he’s so dead set against staying at the village, but I’ve got to believe that his reasons are sound.”

  “I’ll believe that when I see it. In the meantime, keep him away from me.”

  Louise was at a loss of what to do.

  “Please, Raph!” she pleaded. “Don’t do anything rash. We need all of us, you included, to make it through this. Please give him a chance.”

  “I’ll see.”

  He turned and headed back to the group, leaving Louise to wonder what Jason’s real reasons were.

  Chapter 7

  Lara was worried. It had been three days since Jason and his team left the village. In that time, there had been much talk and discussion about what had happened at the last meeting. The soldiers’ leaving had been totally unexpected by everyone and had raised concerns that perhaps they had not made the right decision after all. Even though Lara had finally backed the village’s decision not to follow Jason’s plan, she had truly not been supportive of the decision. For the first time in her adult life, she felt as though she had betrayed herself; had given up her path for someone else, and she did not like the feeling.

  She had spoken with her father and with Mi’kol about it, but they had not been able to offer any help. To her, it seemed they were as confused as she was. In fact, when she stopped long enough to look around, she saw that most of the villagers were in the same state.

  Finally she went to her father.

  “Father,” she said bursting in on Ka’tel in his hut.

  “What is it Daughter?” he replied absentmindedly, his concentration focused on a small piece of coral.

  “I don’t believe we made the right choice.”

  Ka’tel carefully put down the coral and turned to his daughter, her words slowly sinking in.

  “I believe you are right. My own heart has not been easy since they left. Do you have a solution?”

  “Perhaps. But we need to discuss this openly. The whole village needs to look at what happened and why.”

  “I agree. This will probably be a long discussion. Let everyone know we will meet early in the morning.”

  She felt better. Now at least, she had something to do. Something that might bring an end to the malaise she felt.

  * * *

  She sat cross-legged on her stool, eyes closed, facing the mountains as the morning sun rose above them, warming her and driving away the morning chill. She’d had a poor night and not slept well, so she had started her meditations early. Now the warmth of the sun reminded her that the meeting would take place soon and that, hopefully, she would be able to see Jason again.

  As she stood, she glanced toward the meeting area. She was surprised to see most of the village was already there. It seemed everyone was as eager to resolve this dilemma as she was. Foregoing her regular breakfast, she grabbed a fruit from the basket near her door and went to join the others.

  She was one of the last to arrive and, as she went to her seat, she felt the uneasiness that hung in the air. There is something strange here, she thought as she made her way between her friends and relatives. Mi’kol noted her arrival and, as the last villager came in, stood up to address the villagers.

  “Since the soldiers have left, there has been an unsettling energy around us. It is an energy I have not felt before, and I am sure you have all felt it. It is the energy of change waiting for action. A yet to be born force that is waiting for direction. A sign of a new beginning.”

  He paused as he scanned the group, noting nods of agreement.

  “Even though my guides are still silent, I believe we are at a turning point. There seems to be many options open to us, and I know we must make the decisions on our own.”

  To Lara, Mi’kol’s speech sounded eerily familiar. She recalled Mona making the same one before the village decided to waken the soldiers, and it slowly dawned on her that the turning point foreshadowed in that earlier meeting had not yet arrived.

  “Mi’kol!” she called out before he could continue. “May I say something?”

  “Most certainly,” he replied, “I’ve been expecting your insights.”

  That caught Lara by surprise. He’d been waiting for her “insights”?

  She stood slowly, taking time to gather her thoughts - thoughts that were not coming. She felt the eyes of the villagers on her as she stood silent. Taking a deep breath and trusting that her heart would provide the words she needed, she started.

  “It has been over six weeks now since we met to decide whether or not to awaken the soldiers. Much has happened in that time, and yet not much has changed. We thought we were at a pivotal point when we made the decision to wake them, but I don’t believe we’ve reached that critical turning point yet. I feel we are holding back, in our hearts, not wanting to change our way of life even though we know in our heads that it has already changed and will continue to change. I believe this is the uncertainty we are all feeling.”

  Nods and murmurs of agreement came from the gathering. She saw looks of relief on the faces of others as though she had put into words the feelings that they couldn’t. Her heart felt lighter. She knew she was finally being true to it.

  “We have many traditions that have served us well in the past, traditions that have guided us through bad times. But I believe we have come to rely on those traditions too heavily. We follow the tradition without seeing the reason for it, or looking to see if that reason truly applies to the current situation.”

  All eyes were firmly fixed on her. People were barely breathing, waiting for her to continue. She should have felt paralyzed with fear, yet she didn’t. She felt light, as though she were floating. After a slight pause, she continued.

  “That doesn’t mean we should throw out all our traditions and values. We need to examine them closely, because of what has happened. I believe that one of our traditions is causing us problems now. Our avoidance of conflict is almost automatic now. We've kept ourselves separate from others as a means of maintaining this tradition. And the tradition has served us well - until now.

  “When we woke the soldiers, we understood that they represented the ultimate form of conflict - war- and yet we chose to do so. Now we’ve chosen to go back on our previous choice because, I believe, it is the easier path for us. An automatic path. But I believe our true path lies in neither avoiding conflict nor following the path of the soldiers, but in a middle ground. We need to choose a path that will lead us forward, not back.”

  The gathering was deadly silent. She had expected some protest, some form of disagreement, but no one said anything. They all seemed to be carefully considering everything she had said. After a long period of silence, a voice rose from the back. It was No’an. Lara turned to face him as he stood.

  “What would you have us do, Lara? Give up our way of life and become warriors? Killers?”

  “No!” she replied quickly. “Not killers. I know none of us could do that.”

  A snort came from behind her, toward Mi’kol. It was Pa’re.

  He stood and came beside her to address the gathering.

  “How convenient our memories are at times. We are all already killers here, to a greater or lesser extent. The mere act of living means that we kill, sometimes by choice, sometimes by accident, and sometimes unknowingly. Even though we do not kill anything hot-blooded, we still fish. Is that not killing by choice? We harvest fruits and consume them. Is that not killing the plant that they might have become? And what about our own bodies? Do they not kill any foreign bodies, bacteria and viruses, that might harm us?

  “No, the argument here is not ‘are we to become killers?’ but to what extent do we already kill. Lara is right. We have deluded
ourselves in this respect for a long, long time.”

  Lara saw that a number of the villagers were visibly shaken by what Pa’re had said; yet she knew he was right.

  “I believe Pa’re has identified our dilemma,” she said to the gathering. “And I believe he has given us the middle path we need.”

  There were many questioning looks aimed at her, including one from her father.

  “We woke the soldiers because we believed they could defend us, and yet we expected them to act as we do. They know our enemies better than we do and know how best to defeat them, if that is to be our path. We did not even listen to what they had planned, assuming, probably correctly, that it would involve killing some of our enemy. Jason was right in one respect. Many of us may die when the Empire reaches here and no matter which course of action we do decide on, our way of life will, has already, changed. We need their help.”

  “So you’re saying we should follow their advice and plans without question?” came a voice from the crowd.

  “No. Not without question,” replied Lara. “We need to understand what they want to do and why, and they need to understand that we value life, everyone’s life, highly. Perhaps they can defend us without killing, or at least, with a minimum of killing. I do not know, but I do know we have to work with them, and them with us, if we are to survive and keep any of our ideals alive.”

  She paused to look around, and sensed a change in the energy in the area. Mi’kol stood and moved to the center of the speaking area. He too, had sensed the energy change and now smiled at Lara before addressing the gathering.

  “Lara has given us the middle path we sought. We need to contact the soldiers and see if they are willing to return and work with us.

  “But I believe our tradition of consensus is still valid here. Does anyone have any concerns or objections to this plan?”

  Lara knew there would be none. She had followed her heart and knew that what she had said was the truth, not just for her, but also for the whole village. A few moments of silence proved her correct. She looked to Mi’kol, who returned a smile.

  “Then we all agree,” he continued. “Lara, you should be the one to contact the soldiers. I believe this is part of your path.”

  Lara had been going to suggest that she be the one to go, so Mi’kol’s suggestion brought a rush of joy to her.

  “Yes. I will go and I know they will return with me.”

  Ka’tel moved beside his daughter and placed a hand on her shoulder.

  “I know they will too,” he said smiling, “but first you need to pack some supplies. We know only the direction they went and if they went into the mountains that way, you have a long, long walk ahead of you.”

  Lara returned her father’s smile, and then gave him a big hug before heading for her hut.

  Chapter 8

  Jason surveyed the clearing in the mid-morning sun. To the back was a wooded area that ended at a steep cliff face. To the right, facing the ocean, another cliff dropped off, this time ending at the beach many yards below. To the left was a dense growth of trees and brush that looked nearly impossible to get through. The only access to the clearing was from the steep path up the mountain. It will be easy to defend a camp here, he thought. At last he felt things were starting to go well. He’d had the feeling all morning that today was going to be a good day, a day where they could accomplish much. After three days of travel, they had reached the end of the mountain range and discovered that it provided an impassable barrier. This was as far as they could go to get away from the village, and he hoped it was far enough.

  He called the team to the center of the clearing.

  “This looks like the best spot for now. We can use it as a base camp and see if there is any way over the mountain.”

  “How long will we be staying here?” asked Richard.

  “As long as is necessary,” replied Jason. “Look, I know you want to know what we’re going to do now, but I’m not sure. I know we can’t stay here forever. But we can’t go back either. Once we get over the mountain, we can hopefully blend in with the locals and start our new lives.”

  That sucks, thought Peter. “Boss, or should I call you Jason now. You make it sound like we have to become ‘normal’.”

  “That’s right,” Jason replied, slowly looking at each member of his team. “Once we get to the other side, we're no longer soldiers. I don’t know what we'll do, but we need to keep a low profile.”

  He paused for a moment, expecting more questions.

  “Jason,” Louise said. “We’ve been a team for a couple of years now. We’ve trained as soldiers for a lot longer. Some of us have known nothing but being a soldier. How are we to just become ‘normal’?”

  There were nods of agreement from a few of the team members.

  “I don’t know. I don’t have those answers. All I know is that if we’re identified as soldiers, we’ll probably be arrested and maybe killed. I don’t think this Empire will take too kindly to us. I think once they find out about us, they'll see us as a threat.

  “And I don’t know if I can trust the villagers to keep us secret. I’m sure most will try, but all it will take is for one to slip up on a small thing and then the Empire will start asking some very pointed questions. It would only be a matter of time before everything came out.”

  Pete had to agree. He had become friends with a couple of the villagers and knew they knew next to nothing about lying. Yes, they could keep a secret, but he knew that in many cases, not saying something was the same as saying everything.

  Jason waited again for questions, scanning the faces of the team members he had known for so long. Most he could read clearly. They believed him and were as frightened as he was at the prospect of being exposed by the villagers. But some showed an even greater concern. Louise had hit the nail on the head with her comment about how long some of the team had been soldiers. At four years, he had the least amount of time in the military. Rick and Joe held the record for the longest, at almost twenty years each. Both had joined at sixteen and knew of no other life. They didn’t know how to be “normal” in the sense of living in a non-military community, especially a community that none of them knew anything about.

  “Look,” Jason continued, “I know you’re afraid and unsure about what’s to come. Put that aside for the moment. Right now we have a camp to build. Hopefully, tonight will be the last time we sleep out in the open for a good long while.”

  The prospect of constructive work lightened the faces of most of the team. Jason noted that the others were still silently dwelling on their own problems, but there was nothing he could do about that right now. The camp came first and, with a bit of luck, the ones who were still worrying would put their worrying on the back burner until the camp was finished.

  “Okay, so where do we start?” Tim asked.

  Always the one to go straight to the heart of the matter, thought Jason.

  “The first thing is to set up some sleeping quarters and a place to cook. The fire pit can go right in the middle of the clearing. The sleeping quarters will go at the back of the clearing, next to the cliff face. We’ll build a storage shed later over by the drop off.”

  He waited for a moment to see if anyone had some other suggestions. He had always been open to suggestions from the others and they knew it. It was one of the traits that had made them such a successful team. No one said anything.

  “Okay, everyone pair up and spread out. We need building materials for three huts for today. Don’t go too far away and keep away from anywhere near the path here. I don’t want any traces to point to us.”

  There were nods from the group as each of them went through the supplies, gathering what they needed.

  Jason took another look around the site and spotted Raphael standing by the cliff looking out over the ocean. He had treated him badly back on the first day of the trek, but hadn’t known how to correct it. For some reason, his mind had been foggy whenever he had contemplated it during the la
st three days. Now, though, it was much clearer.

  He walked over.

  “Raph,” Jason began. “I want to apologize for how I treated you back on the beach. It was uncalled for.”

  Raphael continued looking out over the ocean. For a moment, he gave no indication that he had even heard Jason. When he did speak, his voice was flat and emotionless.

  “You’re right. It was uncalled for.”

  “We’ve known each other for a long time now, and have been through some pretty tight spots. It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s just that I really didn’t know what it was that was eating me.”

  Raphael finally turned to look at Jason. His face expressed the same emotionlessness that his voice had, but Jason saw there was still a deep-seated anger in his eyes. He knew Raphael was hurting and he felt it was all his fault.

  “And now you do?” Raphael finally continued.

  “I have a better handle on it, yes.”

  “So?”

  “I was afraid of failing, Raph. I have some idea of what we are up against, and I know there is no possible way we can win. The best we can do is to survive the first attack. After that it’s just a matter of numbers and they have the advantage in that. If the villagers had been willing to work with us, then at least I would have been proud to go down fighting. But they aren’t willing to even do that, and I’m not willing to expose any of you to that sort of needless danger.”

  “You’ve said all that before Jason, one way or another. What’s the real reason?”

  Jason thought for a moment. Raphael was right. This was just a rehash of what he’d already said, and he knew there was something deeper that had to come out. For the first time in a long, long time he wished for a god to pray to, someone who could bring those buried feelings to the surface. He took a deep breath, ready to apologize to Raphael yet again for his failures. But that was not what came out when he spoke.

  “It’s not that I was afraid, Raph. I’m still afraid, and I’m still angry. We lost our whole world back there when they woke us up. More than friends and comrades, we lost everything that defines us, that made us what we are. If it weren’t for the existence of this invading army, we’d have no place in this world. None of our skills are required, or needed, and most of them are definitely not wanted. How do you integrate into a society that, firstly, you know nothing about, and secondly, that you have no skills that they need? At least the village knew what they were getting, and we knew our skills were needed. But they treated us like throwaway tools, to be used and discarded when done. Sure, some of the villagers would have died in the attack, but overall, they would have survived. Maybe their way of life would have changed, but I doubt it. They are no threat to anyone really, and as soon as the Empire saw that, they’d be forgotten, even if we put up a fight. It was the being used that made me angry. Being used by the only people left who had the slightest understanding of what we are going through.”