Shattered Heart: A Single Dad Romantic Suspense

by Lara Norman

  "Hey, I want to be here," Caleb tried to interject.

  But Devon was engulfed in a tidal wave of hate and revenge and loneliness until it burned in his heart. "It's bullshit, Caleb!" He stood, knocking the chair into the wall and towering over his seated brother. "You need to go back to work tomorrow. Or, fuck, spend a whole day with Lori. Something other than wasting what you have on me."

  "I don't consider it wasted!" Caleb stood as well, his voice matching the volume of Devon's. "I know it sucks. It's the worst thing that could have happened, and it shouldn't have happened to you. I wish I could take some of the burden off your shoulders. Don't you see?" He put his hand on Devon's shoulder, watched as tears brimmed over the eyes that matched their mother's. "That's why I'm here. I want to ease your suffering in any way I can. I'm sorry it isn't the same as having Hailey back."

  "I know you're trying." All his strength vanished as he collapsed back on his seat. "I'm not blaming you. I'm not trying to make it sound like you're not doing enough. You being here, Dad being with me, it's the only thing keeping me sane."

  "Dude, you're not sane anymore." He said it in a light-hearted manner, but neither of them laughed. Caleb went back to the fridge and pulled out the last of the beer. "Dad's going to be mad we drank these."

  Devon tried to smile. "He only lets himself have one a day. I think he'll manage without." He accepted the bottle and then just stared at it. "I want it to help, but it doesn't."

  Caleb sighed. "Then save that one for Dad and go lay down on the couch."

  Devon took his brother's advice. He stared at the television as the people on-screen recapped a football game. He wanted to fall into oblivion, knowing if she wasn't found, he wanted that oblivion to be permanent.

  He saw her face in his head. His Hailey. The one person who managed to convince him loving someone else more than yourself was rewarding. He had a doting family, but it was Hailey who saved him after Kathy's death. So who would save him now?

  As he drifted off, he saw her in a meadow. It was spring or summer, he couldn't tell which. The grass was to her knees, purple and white flowers swaying in a light breeze, and she wore a white dress. She laughed, and he grinned to see her so happy. She'd always been a happy girl, someone who brightened people's day. She talked all the time, she had compassion for others, and she was so sweet. On her bedside table, he kept a photo album full of pictures of him and Kathy. Any snapshots his parents had of them, any candid photos he'd taken on his phone, and the professional photos from their wedding. They were all there so Hailey would know she came from love.

  Devon met Kathy the year they graduated from high school. Her family had moved into town because Lydia hired Kathy's mother for her practice. Kathy felt awkward being in a new school so close to the end of the year. She was upset because she wouldn't graduate with her friends back in her hometown. It was easy to befriend Kathy; Hailey was much like her mother in that respect. Caleb, Lori, Vince, Anna, Kathy, and Devon were as close as six people could be by the time summer started.

  Kathy decided to stay in Merrimac and go to community college to be near her new friends, a decision her parents didn't support. They wanted to send her to college in another state, but she refused. Devon went to trade school and worked for a local lumber company until he could save enough to rent a house. He wanted to propose to Kathy, but he held off until he felt as if he could prove himself to her parents. He worked hard, helped Caleb study for his last year of school, and spent money getting Caleb trained instead of putting it toward the house he had his eye on.

  Neither of them wanted to rely on their parents' generosity if they could help it.

  Devon celebrated Caleb getting an internship when he graduated. He worked harder to save more money so they could open their own business. The house was pushed off for another year, and his parents promised he could stay with them as long as he needed. He had a plan; work full-time at the mill, fit in any orders from his business at night, and save whatever he could. He wanted to give Kathy the world, but she told him she would settle for a quiet life in Merrimac. It took blood, sweat, and Kathy working full time as the receptionist for Dr. Lydia McMillan, OB/GYN before they were able to rent a house. It was a compact one-bedroom, but they were happy. They got engaged without a ring, though Lydia and Don offered one of the antiques handed down through the family or to help with the cost of a new one. Kathy wasn't materialistic, but her mother was. Gloria Keystone wanted Kathy to go to college in the east and meet a wealthy man. She approved of the McMillans in general, but not in the way their eldest son acted as though he came from a low-class family. Gloria thought if she and her husband moved again, they could force Kathy to go with them. She didn't think for one second that her daughter could make it with Devon. She was wrong on both counts.

  Devon and Kathy worked for what they wanted. They saved until they could buy a house, they had a small wedding at the McMillan's home, and they didn't splurge on anything. They found the building they used for their carpentry business because it was dilapidated and Caleb and Devon had to fix it up to use it. Lori was brilliant with building them a website to draw in customers. The four of them bargained and bartered to get ad space, trucks big enough to haul finished furniture, and help to refurbish the office. Vince was hired on when they got too busy to do everything alone. Anna was still in school at that point, but Vince worked for the mill until the brothers had enough earnings to pay employees. By then, Anna made more money than Vince, but he enjoyed being part of it all.

  On the couch, Devon saw the years go by as though they were right in front of him. If he tried hard enough, he could reach out and touch Kathy's face. It would feel like the thrill of everything being new, the passion of first love, and the potential of their future. Kathy danced in a meadow, laughing as the sun streamed down on her. With an odd sort of precognition, Devon realized it was the meadow where he'd seen Hailey earlier in his dream. As Kathy danced in the tall grass, she beckoned. At first, Devon thought it was directed at him, but he saw Hailey running toward her mother from the treeline. When they met in the middle, Kathy scooped Hailey into her arms, and Devon cried for a scene that would never happen in real life. It was a wretched but exquisite sight to him. It had the ability to heal his heart and rip it to pieces in the same instant. Hailey and Kathy, together.

  "Don't worry, babe. I've got her."

  As Kathy spoke to him, he woke with a scream ripping its way up his throat.

  Disoriented and sweating, he sat up. The house was dark except for a faint light shining down the hall. With his heart beating at the base of his throat, Devon bent over and screamed again.

  Caleb ran into the room, kneeling in front of the couch and grabbing Devon by the shoulders. "What? What?"

  "She's dead. She's dead."

  Continuously, he repeated it in a monotone voice as Caleb tried to soothe him. "You can't know that."

  "She's dead."

  "God damn it, Devon, she isn't!"

  Devon's head snapped up. He beat his fist against his chest as Caleb looked on helplessly. "It's right here. She was with Kathy in my dream. As she is now, at five years old, she was with Kathy."

  Voice strangling on the last few words, he dropped his head again. Caleb sat next to him, doing his best to hold the last pieces of his brother together as they heard a phone ring from somewhere in the house.

  "Let me get that," Caleb muttered, reluctant to leave Devon at that moment. Since he received no response, he stood and followed the sound back to the kitchen. Devon's phone was lit up and ringing shrilly from the table.

  Heading back to the living room, he answered the phone. "No, let me get him."

  He found his brother in the same spot on the couch, head in his hands, sobs forcing their way out from somewhere deep in his soul.

  Caleb swallowed thickly. "It's Sergeant Hurley."

  He sat down once more, terrified of what the news would be. Devon put his hand out and accepted the phone without even looking up.

>   "Yeah."

  "Mr. McMillan? We found her."

  Chapter Seven

  Devon couldn't move fast enough as he raced down the hallway toward the nearest desk. Caleb was right behind him, his long legs the only thing making it possible to keep up with his brother’s frantic stride. They barely stopped long enough to ask for the room number before bolting for the elevator at the end of the corridor. Devon's chest heaved in its effort to pull enough air into his lungs. It felt as though a tremendous weight rested squarely on his sternum, his forced breaths coming in gasps. Before the passengers could get off, Devon was in the elevator and pushing the button. Caleb's apologies were only a dim noise in the back of his head. Repeatedly, he mashed the button to close the doors as though that would make anything move faster.

  When the elevator started moving, he bent at the waist and braced his hands on his knees, doing his best not to pass out. Caleb's hand rested on his back, bringing him a modicum of calmness. He just had to get there. He had to see for himself, and then he could fall apart. Really and truly shatter to pieces, not the way he'd been forced to hold himself together over the past two days which felt more like ten years. Straightening, he wrapped his arms around his stomach, trying to hold his guts inside his body. There might as well have been a black hole there, threatening to suck everything within its reach into its emptiness.

  "I'm going to be sick," he murmured as sweat beaded on his forehead.

  "Just hold it in until the elevator stops, will ya?" Caleb said it softly, knowing Devon had no choice but hoping to offer some levity to help calm him.

  The ding indicated they’d arrived on their floor, and Devon was off like a runner at the mark. Caleb tried to be more sedate rather than plow into people, but he was just as anxious to get there. Devon's pulse beat in his ears as he moved, scanning the plaques hung on every corner of the halls. The surrounding colors blurred as he focused on the door he physically felt was the right one. It beckoned to him as he sprinted, his shoes making an annoying squeak on the polished white floor. He checked the numbers beside each door just in case, but he knew. He felt it.

  He felt her.

  Stopping just on the other side of the last barrier to his daughter, he suddenly realized he was scared to death of what he would see. Pacing away, he watched Caleb step up to him with a frown on his face.

  "What is it?"

  "I can't handle this. I'm not strong enough."

  "What? Of course you are. You have no choice, Devon. You have to go in there and see for yourself. I'll fucking hold your hand if you need me to." Tears sprung to Caleb's eyes at the thought of not only what they would find in that room, but how his brother was going to react. He wasn't even sure if he was strong enough, let alone what Devon would go through as her father.

  "I'm going to throw up. I can't do it. I can't." Almost violently, he shook his head from side to side.

  "Mr. McMillan?"

  They both turned at the sound of the soft, feminine voice. Standing in the doorway of the room that held Hailey was the woman from the search party the day before, though Devon had already forgotten her name.

  "Yes?" he rasped.

  "I've been sitting with Hailey so she wouldn't be alone. Come on in." Her dark eyes were kind and understanding as she held out her hand. Though it was the beacon of light he needed in his darkest moment, he remained frozen in place.

  "Oh God. Is she—is she—" He couldn't continue his sentence.

  "It'll be fine." She held her hand out a little farther.

  Devon stared at the offering of comfort, of guidance and assurance. He tentatively slid his hand into hers, finding it cool and smooth. Too much chaos swarmed his head for the calm to rush from her hand to the rest of his body.

  "Do you want me to stay with you?" she asked. "Your family was notified, but none of them are here yet."

  Devon swallowed around a constricted throat as she moved one step forward. He went with her, but found he couldn't answer her question. Another step, and he felt Caleb's hand on his shoulder as they reached the door. His entire body tensed in expectation, his stomach clenched so tightly he was shocked he had managed to keep down the sandwich from hours before.

  "Here we are." The woman pushed the door open, and Devon’s eyes slipped closed. Seeing Hailey in whatever state she was found was too much to bear all at once.

  She moved, he moved. He focused on the surrounding sensations; the air was icy, causing him to shiver. He’d left the house without a jacket, only putting on his shoes in the car after Caleb thought to grab them. There was the solidity of his brother's body behind him, warm and reassuring. There was the woman's hand squeezing his. Was her name Carla? She felt soft, but strong. She wasn't afraid, but she was removed from the situation in a way he wasn't. He was smack dab in the middle of it, wasn't he? Still, she offered a solace while the storm in his heart buffeted around him. He swallowed again, hearing a whooshing noise he couldn't place. It was faint; not the air conditioning, but something else. The woman—Chloe, that was her name—moved once more, the final step to bring him to his daughter.

  When Caleb patted him on the shoulder, his eyelids might as well have been glued shut. "Devon, open your eyes."

  He sucked in a strangled breath and did as he was told.

  The room was dimly lit. He shivered again in the arctic chill and tried to focus on what was in front of him. He felt sweat on his palms and was grateful Chloe hadn't let go despite that. He didn't think he could handle it if he had to be there alone, and she was the only one to see Hailey since they'd found her.

  "She was in a well," she murmured, and Devon flinched at the loudness of the sound. "It was shallow and dried up. The estimate is that it's ten feet deep, maybe a little more. The search dogs found her."

  "On the mill lands?" Caleb asked.

  "Yes. On the outer perimeter of their land. I was there with my mother and a few of the other men, including Sergeant Hurley. Rex, the Search and Rescue dog that found her, has been in service for many years. He's a pro."

  "What—" Devon had to stop and swallow again. Finally, he looked more closely at his little girl, spotting the swelling and bruising, and had to turn away. He had to cover his mouth with his fist as bile rose sharply in the back of his throat.

  "Take your time," Chloe soothed, running her hand lightly over his back.

  "I really am going to puke," he choked out as he stumbled to the nearest trash can and threw up.

  Caleb was there to hold his shoulders, to offer him a tissue the woman handed over. Devon took it and wiped his mouth, his eyes closed and his breathing labored.

  "I need air. I can't breathe."

  "Okay," Chloe said. "I can take you to the employee smoking area on this floor. It's not the freshest air, but it's closer than going out the front doors."

  Devon could only nod. He took two steps to the door before he halted. "Caleb, please stay with her. I don't want her to be alone like that."

  The three of them stood motionless for half a minute, all of them with tears on their faces. Caleb nodded and Chloe led Devon out and down the hall, still providing support with her hand on his back. She seemed to know her way around, but he didn't have it in him to question her. She tried to wipe her eyes surreptitiously, but he saw her anyway. His breath hitched. Maybe later he would be grateful for all the help he'd received, but for the moment he only felt sorrow.

  When she opened a door marked Employees Only with a badge she pulled out of her pocket, his brows went up. He knew she was a dispatcher, and yet she had employee access here in this place. Cold air washed over his heated body as she pushed the door open so he could step outside onto the small concrete balcony and gulp in clean air. They were alone, and he was grateful for that. He smelled the faint tinge of stale cigarettes, heard the traffic from the street below. People were going on about their lives while he was destroyed.

  After a few moments of peace, Chloe spoke. "We can provide you with counseling services, Mr. McMillan."

>   "It's just Devon. My dad is Mr. McMillan." Leaning on the cold stone railing, the scratch of concrete against his palms grounded him. "I don't know where to go from here. I don't know what's next."

  "The investigation is not closed simply because she was found." Chloe hummed very quietly for a second. "I'm not known for being socially adept, Devon. I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing. I tend to speak in cold hard facts, as John likes to remind me."

  "It's fine," he said as he stared out over the part of town he could see. There were a few lights past the street the building was located on. They were facing a small neighborhood encroached upon by the forest.

  "Um, there will be tests done, of course, on her—"

  "Hailey."

  "Yes, on Hailey, and on the well and the surrounding area. How she got there, why she was there—"

  "Who did it," he interrupted her once more.

  "Will be the top priority of the police department," she said in a hardened voice. "My mother won't stop until they figure out what happened, Devon, I can promise you that."

  He took several deep lungfuls of air before turning to face her. "I need to go back and see her again."

  "Yes, of course."

  They followed the same route back to the room Hailey was in, pausing so he could take another deep breath before pushing the door open. He found Caleb sitting in the chair next to her, holding her hand. The never-ending tears fell down his cheeks as he stared at his younger but much larger brother bent over his tiny, broken daughter's hand.

  Though he tried to choke back a sob, he wasn't able to keep it locked in. He wanted to pick her up, to hold her in his arms and feel her warm body curl into his. He wanted her cheek pressed under his neck while she asked for another story. He wanted to wash the hair that was matted and covered in God knew what until it was soft again and smelled of her watermelon shampoo. He wanted her to get up, to walk across the room and jump in his arms. He wanted her to dance again, to sing a silly song.