Then and now (Edge Of Retaliation, #3)

by Jewel, Bella

  I don’t lie.

  If someone asks me something, I’m always going to give them an honest answer.

  Always.

  Even if the answer is wrong.

  “Why?” he asks.

  I pause at my sawing for a second and think of the best way to answer that. I don’t want to insult Pat, because regardless of what a dick he can be, he’s also been pretty good to me in the past, I mean, he did take care of me for a long time and gave me everything I’ve got, however he’s also an incredibly hard man to live with. His power gets the better of him.

  “Because Pat isn’t the same kind of man as you,” I answer.

  “How so?”

  I keep working at the rope, shifting as my legs are starting to ache. “He’s not strong, Tatum. He’s powerful, he knows how to make money and he knows how to spend it. He’s clean and he’s tidy, but he’s not made for something like this. He’d freak out, he’d yell, he’d probably even beg, but he wouldn’t be smart enough to find a way out. This isn’t the kind of situation Patrick could handle.”

  Tatum goes quiet again.

  Then he asks, “Why did you marry him?”

  Ah, the dreaded question of why?

  Don’t we all want the answers to that? Hell, I want the damn answers to that, and yet I find myself unable to get them half the time.

  “Because I was young, and our families got along, and it was the perfect marriage. I thought it was what I wanted. A rich husband, a good life, comfortable and easy. It seemed like everything. I learned very quickly it wasn’t.”

  “Gotta live, too. Gotta feel the world beneath your toes. Gotta breathe in the air of every country. Gotta feel the burn in your belly when you’re with someone that makes your soul feel alive. That’s what living is. That’s what makes you put one foot in front of the other.”

  God, is he right about that.

  So damned right my chest clenches.

  That’s what he makes me feel, like I could take on the whole world. Like I could feel passion burning deep in my belly. Like I could be anything I wanted to be, without hesitation.

  Dammit.

  God dammit.

  I clench my eyes shut and take a shaky breath, before telling him, “I’m stuck.”

  “With him?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You’re never stuck, Jo. Not ever.”

  “He’ll make my life hell if I leave, he’ll take everything I’ve worked for.”

  “Not if you’re smart. Not if you stand tall and don’t let him. You don’t stay forever in an unhappy situation just because it’s hard. You’re stronger than that, I fuckin’ know you are.”

  Tears burn under my eyelids, because he’s right, I know he’s right. Just like I know Callie has been right all this time. I’m terrified of leaving, that’s the real truth. Terrified of all the drama that’ll come with it. Terrified of letting my family down. Terrified of entering this world alone when I’ve had everything.

  Terrified.

  The rope snaps. A loud breaking sound that makes me jerk backward. I did it. I cut through it. I make a gasping sound and say, “It snapped!”

  Tatum makes a relieved sound, no doubt as he stretches his legs apart. “You fuckin’ did it!” he praises and my heart swells.

  “Give me the nail for a bit, I’ll get it off the wall now that it’s easier to move around.”

  I hand it to him, and his fingers curl around mine for a moment, and we fall into silence, “Thank you, honey,” he murmurs.

  My heart dies.

  It just fucking dies.

  Because I want to hear those words every day for the rest of my life.

  Coming from his mouth.

  With his hands curled around mine.

  Damn you, Fate.

  Just for once, I wish you’d make things easy.

  Just once.

  4

  CALLIE

  “When are we going?” I ask, pacing the room, my body aching from overdoing it far more than I should have been.

  “When you have a fuckin’ sleep and we make sure we’ve got this down. If we don’t do it right, we’ll fuck everything up a second time. We don’t just go in guns blazing. Now sit down, woman.”

  I sit, only because I know he’ll refuse to tell me anything if I don’t, and I don’t want to be left out of any of this. I won’t sleep until I know Jo is safe, and she’s going to be okay. I’ll rest, but there is no way I’m stopping until she’s home again.

  Ethan enters the room, glancing at Tanner and me before announcing, “I’ve got the exact location, searched it on Google Earth. If it’s recent, which I’m praying it is, then we’ll be able to go in from a side road that seems to be still present. From there, it looks like we’ll be able to approach the place on foot. It’s well hidden, we’re talking hundreds of thousands of acres of bushland around it. Perfect for the type of crimes they’re running.”

  I glance at Tanner, who is studying Ethan. After a minute, he nods. “Sounds good to me. How long will it take us to get there?”

  “Three hours from here.”

  “We’ll leave in the afternoon, right before the sun sets. We want it to be as dark as possible, it’ll make it harder for them to see us approaching, and it’ll make it easier to hide when we get our hands on the others, if they’re ...”

  Tanner’s eyes swing to me, and I clench my teeth. “They’re still alive, Tanner. Don’t talk like that.”

  “Gotta prepare yourself for the fact that they might not be,” Ethan says, not protecting my feelings at all.

  I turn my attention to him. “Ethan,” I say, in a soft, scalding voice.

  “Look, Callie, you’ve been through a lot, you’ve seen a lot, which means you’re not stupid. You’re smart, and you know what we did was dangerous. It made the wrong people angry and, because of that, they might very well hurt Jo because of it.”

  My heart twists and I glance down at my hands, because I know he’s right. Deep down, I know it, I’ve just been avoiding having the conversation.

  “Prayin’ they have them as a way of gettin’ to me, considerin' I started this,” Tanner says, “but we can’t go in there until we have thought of everythin' we might face, that includes finding our friends gone ...”

  “Dead,” I mutter. “You can say it, Tanner. Dead. We could find them dead. Because of you and your stupidity. Because you went after them. I’m going for a shower.”

  I stand very slowly, with a wince, and walk into the large bathroom. I close the door and press my back to it, exhaling. I feel bad for saying that, for making this entirely his fault when I know it isn’t. After he found out what happened to Celia, of course he was going to seek out his revenge. Why the hell wouldn’t he? Those men are the reason she’s gone.

  I stay pressed against the wall until a knock sounds out and Tanner’s voice comes through the door, “Open up.”

  I do as he asks, stepping away from the door. He opens it and steps inside a minute later, closing it behind him. “Ethan has gone to get everything we need, I’m goin’ to meet him out soon. First, wanted to talk to you ...”

  “Look, I know I shouldn’t have said what I just did. It isn’t your fault this is happening. In the end, I guess everything comes back to them and what they did to Celia. I’m just ...”

  “You’re scared,” he says, taking a step closer, his eyes intense as they slowly travel the length of my body. “Know that feeling all too well.”

  I swallow as he takes another step, pressing his body into mine, his hand travelling up my side so slowly it makes my skin prickle. “I thought you were meant to be meeting Ethan,” I whisper, my voice hitching.

  “In a minute,” he murmurs, bringing his face down closer to mine, pressing his forehead against my clammy one. He closes his eyes and exhales, and I can smell his masculine breath tickle my face. It makes my entire body tremble. “First I just need to stand here and pretend none of this is fuckin’ happenin'.”

  “Are you scared too, Ta
nner?” I ask, my voice soft as his hand travels up beneath my shirt, running up my back.

  “Fuckin’ terrified, but of what is what scares me more. Part of me wishes they’d sort Chase out for me, so I don’t have to fuckin’ listen to him tell the story, the other part of me wants to get them all out alive, because I can’t deal with any more death, and the other part hopes they walk through that front door right now so I don’t have deal with that gang and all the hell they’re going to bring into our lives.”

  Wow.

  That was a lot.

  He opens his eyes, his forehead still against mine, and I hold his gaze. “I get what you’re saying,” I tell him. “I’ve felt all the same things.”

  “We get Chase out and return with him, everyone finds out what really happened to Celia, and it’s goin’ to rip open so many wounds. It’s goin’ to break hearts, it’s goin' to make it feel like it has happened all over again.”

  It’s my turn to close my eyes. “I’m sorry, Tanner. I’m the one who wants justice more than anyone, and bringing Chase home gives me that, but I never really thought of what it’ll do to your family.”

  “Chase needs to face it,” he tells me, curling his arm around my waist and pulling me into him, a soft hug, so soft it won’t hurt me. “You shouldn’t be sorry about that. You spent a long time suffering for his actions.”

  I press my cheek to his chest and just breathe him in. For a moment, I just forget the world and think only about us, standing here, right now, even after everything we’ve both been through.

  I never thought I could look at Tanner and actually feel the way I feel after what he did, but here I am, feeling all the feelings for a man who has caused me so much pain, but in return, I’ve caused him so much, too. We’ve both lived in a world full of hurt caused by the other person.

  Yet here he is, with his arms around me, hanging onto me like he never wants to imagine a single moment without me in his life.

  “I have to go,” he murmurs against my hair. “Please, if you can, rest. Tomorrow, it’s goin’ to change everythin'. Feel it now. No matter how it ends, we’ll all be forever changed by the outcome. So sleep, darlin’. If you can do anythin' for me, sleep.”

  He pulls back and I tip my head, looking up at him. “Okay,” I say softly.

  “Good girl.”

  He leans down, pressing a kiss to my forehead, then he’s gone.

  I wonder if he’s right.

  Tomorrow, will we be forever changed?

  I guess we’re going to find out.

  “WHAT ARE YOU THINKING about?” Ethan asks, shocking me from my silence later that night.

  I’m sitting on the small balcony in our room, cup of tea in hand, staring out at the bright city lights. There is a cool breeze trickling through, making my skin shiver every now and then. I woke up after sleeping all afternoon to find Tanner sleeping soundly beside me. I didn’t want to leave, I wanted to curl into him and stay there forever, but I got up so he could get some well-deserved rest.

  It’s late now, and I’m surprised to see Ethan awake.

  He takes the other chair and sits down, putting his feet up on the balcony railing and leaning back in the chair, exhaling.

  “I’m thinking about what’s going to happen tomorrow afternoon,” I tell him. “Tanner said no matter what happens, we’re going to be forever changed come the following day, and I think he’s right. It doesn’t matter which way it goes, we’re all going to be different. We all have big demons to face.”

  “You’re right about that,” Ethan says. “We certainly do. Have you thought about what’s going to happen if we get them out safe and go home?”

  “Yeah, over and over again. That’s the best of the thoughts, and it’s still a terrifying one. It means facing everyone, including Celia’s family, it means finishing a chapter of my life I never thought I’d see the end of.”

  “How do you think her family will react to the news of you and Tanner?”

  I sigh. “I think about that the most. I don’t even know if there is a me and Tanner, but I do know that if I were Celia’s family, I wouldn’t like the idea of it.”

  Ethan nods, shifting in the chair. “They’re good people, but they’re broken people. Sometimes broken people don’t see things clearly.”

  He’s right about that. I know, because I’m one of them and so is Tanner. It’s hard to see things clearly when you’re clouded by pain and anguish. I don’t want to cause them any more pain but at the same time, I need to close this door or it’ll forever haunt me, and I’m tired of Celia’s name hanging over my head every step I take.

  With every good deed comes sacrifice.

  With all good feelings comes pain.

  That’s just life, right?

  “Either way this goes,” I finally answer Ethan, “it’ll cause someone pain. If they’re not okay when we find them tomorrow, we’ll all be broken, if they are okay and we get them out, we have to go home and face the music.”

  “Yeah, then there’s the men we’re about to mess with again.”

  Right. I don’t even want to think about that, because the very thought of it terrifies me. I mean, the fact is that unless they kill them, then they’re going to come after us eventually, even if we do go home. The idea of them killing makes me shudder. Do they have it in them? Even then, is it enough to walk away safely? I doubt it. You shed blood, you never have clean hands.

  I’ve learned that the hard way.

  “What are you going to do about them?” I ask.

  Ethan shrugs. “Hopefully we can get them out without anyone even noticin'. We’re prayin’ we can find a way in and late at night they’ll be sleepin', but if not ... I don’t know, Callie. I don’t know, but we’ve got guns, and Tanner has made it clear that if it comes to it, we shoot.”

  “If you shoot them, you could be risking everything. You’re a guard, Ethan, at a prison. You’d be risking your job.”

  He stares at me. “Not really. People like the ones we’re taking on, they rarely deal with the law. Someone finds them dead, nobody is going to question who did it. They’ll figure it was a drug deal gone wrong. We’ll walk away clean.”

  “But your minds won’t be clean. Can you—”

  “Kill someone?” he finishes for me.

  I nod, holding his eyes.

  He stares at me for a moment, then looks out at the lights. “I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that.”

  “If it does ...”

  “Don’t know, Callie. If it comes to my life or theirs, then yeah, I guess I’d do what I had to do.”

  I swallow, and my chest tightens. Ethan is a good guy, the best kind. He’s the sort of man who always tries to do right, even if he has an easier choice by doing wrong. Something like this, it’ll hang with him forever. That’s just the way he is.

  “You don’t have to come, I’m sure we can do it without you.”

  He doesn’t look at me when he says, “I know you can. I’m coming anyway.”

  “You’re a good person, Ethan.”

  “Aren’t we all, Callie?” he murmurs. “Aren’t we all?”

  I narrow my eyes and say softly, “You’re not a killer.”

  “Neither are you.”

  My chest clenches, and I look down at my hands. I know what he’s getting at, but I don’t like it all the same. I don’t want Ethan to live with the guilt I’ve lived with, I don’t want it to ruin his life. Tanner ... He’s strong, he’s made for this kind of thing. Ethan isn’t. He’s strong, and he’s brave, but he’s got the kindest heart of anyone I know.

  “Why did you come on this trip?” I ask. “I mean, you could have just stayed behind, we would have made up eventually. Why would you risk everything?”

  He glances at me again, and his eyes soften when he says, “Because I believe in you, Callie. I always have. I’ve watched you from the very beginning fight the biggest battle of your life and come out the other side. I’ve been there. We’re friends. You matter to me. I wasn’t go
ing to let you end it alone, even if you didn’t want me around.”

  My heart feels like it’s going to explode, and I reach out and take his hand, curling my fingers around his long ones and say, “Thank you, I know I’ve said it before, but I’m saying it again. I couldn’t have done any of this without you. I couldn’t have survived without you. I hope you know just how much you mean to me.”

  “I know,” he tells me, squeezing my hand. “Or you wouldn’t have forgiven me.”

  He’s right.

  I wouldn’t have.

  But he’s my friend, not only that, but he’s kind of like my hero.

  Swooping in and saving me when I had nobody else.

  Of course I forgave him.

  He’s the reason I didn’t drown.

  5

  JOANNE

  The basement latch clicks, and my head jerks up. My heart races, and my eyes flick in Tatum’s direction, even though I can’t see him. I hear him shift, and I know he’s awake. As soon as these lights come on, they’re going to know he’s not tied anymore. I don’t know what he plans on doing. I’ve gone over so many scenarios in my head, and none of them work in our favor.

  But I trust him.

  He’s smart.

  I hear more shuffling, and I’m certain he stands and walks closer to the door. It opens with a creak and then the light flicks on. It’s so bright it takes me quite a number of rapid blinks to see anything, but, when I do, everything moves quickly. Tatum is by the door, and the same two men enter the room as they did before. The only one holding a gun is the main leader, and he’s so taken off guard by what Tatum does that he doesn’t have time to use it.

  Swift as lightning, Tatum is there, throwing his hands up and over the man's head. It’s so quick and so well done that I’m still blinking by the time he’s got him against his chest, his cuffed hands over his head and around his throat, pulling him so tightly against him the man's face is already going red.

  The other man reaches for the gun and Tatum roars, “You grab that, I snap his neck before your finger touches the trigger.”