Then and now (Edge Of Retaliation, #3)

by Jewel, Bella

  “Very poetic,” I mumble.

  He chuckles, a sound that I’m coming to love more and more every time I hear it. “I like it when you laugh.”

  “Like it too, been a long time.”

  “Your family are going to hate me,” I blurt, but I can’t help it, I’m terrified of facing them, terrified of what they’re going to think.

  “They won’t hate you, they’ll understand, even if it takes a bit.”

  “What if they don’t understand?”

  “They will, I promise.”

  I don’t like promises, they’re made to be broken.

  Rolling out of Tanner’s arms, I start getting ready. Neither of us says a lot as we dress and get into the car, heading over to his family home for dinner. A dinner they don’t know I’m attending at this point—he figured it would be easier to just show up. Shock and explain. If he told them he was bringing me, he said they’d likely refuse, and he didn’t want to ruin any chances of getting this out in the open.

  My stomach twists the whole drive over, and at times, I actually feel like I might just stop breathing. Tanner reaches over, grabbing my hand and squeezing, but I can hardly feel it. I’m sure at one point he also whispers for me to breathe. I don’t answer. I feel like I’m going to pass out, and part of me wishes I would, just so I don’t have to feel this anymore.

  I’ve thought about this moment a thousand times over the last six years. I’ve thought about how it would feel, to have them all finally learn the truth, I’ve even imagined that we’d all get along and everything would be perfect. That’s the problem with imagining things, though. They are unrealistic expectations, and those lead to problems in the long run.

  They’re not real.

  I need to accept that.

  Still, I can’t believe I’m on my way to put Celia to rest finally. To get her truth out, to get her the justice she deserves, to let her finally rest the way she deserves. She never wanted her family to know what happened to her, it’s why she kept it to herself, but in doing that, she allowed herself to drown. That should have never happened.

  We arrive at the family home I only very recently broke into, and I stare at the beautiful big house. My stomach twists so violently, I clutch at it.

  “It’ll be okay,” Tanner says. “Hey, Callie, look at me.”

  I look at him, my eyes wide with fear. I don’t know if I’m ready for this. Now we’re here, I don’t know if I can face it. I don’t even know what the hell Tanner and I are, and yet here we are about to drop a bomb on his family, not just one, but two. We’re about to forever change their lives.

  “It’s goin’ to be okay, do you hear me?”

  I hold his eyes, then nod weakly. “Okay.”

  “Let’s go and finish this, once and for all.”

  I nod and we get out of the truck. He walks around to my side and takes my hand in his, squeezing, letting me know he’s got my back. I’m grateful for that, considering only weeks ago, he wanted revenge. He wanted me to suffer for what happened to Celia, and now he’s here, on my side, helping me out.

  It’s funny how quickly things can change.

  How quickly life can throw a curveball.

  We reach the front door and my breathing quickens. The moment they see me, they’re going to flip. I know they will. Part of me prays that maybe they’re sympathetic people and they’ll be understanding, but mostly, I think they’ll lose their minds. Why shouldn’t they, too? As far as they’re concerned, Tanner just brought home the girl who killed their daughter.

  Not exactly an exceptional first dinner.

  Tanner opens the front door, squeezing my hand again before releasing it and stepping inside. We move through the big house, and I fight with every shaky step not to vomit. My mind is spinning, my palms are sweaty, and I don’t know how I’m managing to put one foot in front of the other.

  “Tanner, is that you?”

  Her voice. Their mother.

  It comes from the kitchen, and as she rounds the corner, a huge smile on her face, I watch everything change. Her smile wavers as her eyes lock onto mine, and realization hits her pretty features. Her gasp fills the quiet room and her eyes lock onto Tanner’s full of so much betrayal I want to scream and cover my face so I don’t have to see that look ever again in my life.

  “Before you freak out,” Tanner says, “I have good reason to have her here.”

  “What possible reason could you have to bring her into my home?” she spits, her voice suddenly filled with acid.

  “Mrs Yates,” I begin, but she throws a hand up.

  “Get her out of my home, Tanner. Right now.”

  “Mom,” he says, stepping forward, “you need to hear what I have to say. You need to know the truth.”

  “Truth?” she says, shaking her head, her eyes so sad it breaks me apart. “The truth is she’s a killer, and you brought her into my home. How dare you? How dare you do that to Celia.”

  “Mom,” he tries again.

  “You need to get her out of my house.”

  “Mom,” he takes another step.

  “Now, Tanner!” she screams.

  “I’ll leave,” I say, my voice shaky, my eyes burning with unshed tears. “I’m sorry to have caused you pain.”

  I turn to leave and Tanner’s voice booms through the house just as his dad rounds the corner and sees me, his eyes turning into angry orbs. “She didn’t kill Celia on purpose, Celia killed herself. You need to fuckin’ listen, because this girl went away for somethin' she didn’t fuckin’ do. I didn’t want to believe it either, but I have proof, god dammit!” he roars.

  His mom flinches, his dad’s eyes grow hard, and my feet stay planted on the ground, my body half turned to leave.

  “What are you talking about?” Mrs Yates whispers, her voice trembling.

  “I didn’t want to have to do this, to bring it all up again, but I made this girl's life a misery because I wanted revenge for Celia. You don’t know that, but I’ve taken her to hell and back, only to find out that she was fuckin’ tellin' the truth the whole time. Celia killed herself, Mom, she took her own life.”

  “No.” His mom shakes her head, her hands trembling. “No, you’re wrong. Celia was happy. She was happy.”

  “She was raped,” Tanner says, his voice calm and yet his body is so tight he looks like he could take down a bear with one hit. “She was attacked by eight men, because of Chase. You want someone to blame, you blame him. Why do you think he disappeared? It wasn’t because of pain; it was because of guilt. I have proof. I have Chase back to tell the damn real story. You need to sit down and let us go over this.”

  “No,” his mom sobs, shaking her head. “No, you’re lying.”

  “Son,” his dad says, his voice hard. “You need to be very careful. Whatever reason you have for bein’ around that girl, is your own. Don’t justify her actions because it’s clear that you have some sort of feelings for her.”

  The look his dad gives me nearly brings me to my knees, but, somehow, I manage to stay on my feet. I’m ashamed, and angry, and so horrified. I hate that I’m hurting this family even more. It doesn’t feel good to deliver the truth, it doesn’t feel freeing, it only makes me feel like I’m suffocating even more.

  “You’re seeing her?” his mother gasps. “You’re seeing the girl who killed Celia?”

  “Just listen,” Tanner growls angrily, running his hands through his hair. “She didn’t fuckin’ do it on purpose. She wasn’t drinking. She wasn’t driving recklessly. Celia fuckin’ stepped out in front of that car. Celia was drownin' and nobody noticed. You want to blame someone, then we should be blamin’ ourselves for not realizin' she was hurt.”

  Mrs. Yates gasps and shakes her head, horrified. “How could you say that?”

  “Sit down, we’re talking this through. Callie is staying, because she deserves to be heard out. She went away for a long fuckin’ time for something she had no control over. If it wasn’t her, it would have been someone else. Celia want
ed to die, and she would have found a way to make that happen. Now, are you two going to listen to me, or do you want me to fuckin’ walk out of here and not come back until you do?”

  “Tanner,” Mrs Yates whispers, her voice hurt, “how could you say something like that?”

  “Look, Momma,” he says walking over and placing his hands on her shoulders, “I know exactly how you’re feelin’ right now, I used to feel the same when I looked at that girl over there. The same feelings of anger and rage, I didn’t want to hear her story, hell, I didn’t want to know about it at all, but in the end, her story needs to be heard.”

  Mrs. Yates looks at me, really looks at me, and her eyes close for a second as she takes a deep breath in and then exhales loudly. “Fine, I’ll hear the story, but then you’re going to take her from my house. You’ve hurt me enough for the night.”

  “That’s all I need,” Tanner says, then looks to me. “Callie?”

  Well.

  It’s my turn now.

  Here goes nothing.

  9

  JOANNE

  I raise my hand, then lower it, then raise it again. My heart pounds against my chest as I stand out in front of Tanner and Tatum’s house, not knowing if I should be here, if this is a bad idea, or if I’ve just completely lost my mind finally.

  I can’t stop thinking about him.

  I keep telling myself I’m here to warn him that Patrick is on his case and will probably start snooping around, but really, deep down, I know that’s not why I’m here. I’m here because in the short time I’ve been home, I can’t get him out of my mind. I can’t get our time in that basement out of my mind.

  He’s all I want, and my entire body is craving him like a hard drug that I can’t shake.

  Patrick and I are over.

  We spoke again this morning and we both agreed that it’s not going to work, though he still carried on about me taking everything and how he won’t let me. I did try to explain that if he just makes sure I’m okay, I’m not going to take anything of importance to him.

  He doesn’t seem to believe that.

  His words were, "As soon as you start talking to your little boyfriend, you’ll change your mind because he’ll convince you to take me for everything I’m worth."

  There are some people in this world that are so heavily ruled by money.

  Patrick is one of them.

  Back to why I’m here.

  I glance at the door, my head a little light from the few drinks I had before I came here. I know I shouldn’t be here, it’s too soon and I’m too fragile, but I need Tatum so badly my whole body aches at the very thought of his name. Just knowing he’s behind that door makes me want to fall to my knees.

  I raise my hand to knock again when the door opens.

  Only, I’m not presented with Tatum, I’m presented with an incredibly gorgeous woman who, in comparison, makes me look like I’ve just rolled in off the streets. She’s tall, with all the right curves in all the right places. Dark luscious hair flows down her back and finishes in little perfect curls that bounce when she moves her head. Her eyes are that of gorgeous emeralds, framed by dark, thick lashes.

  My chest tightens.

  I know Tanner isn’t here.

  Unless the other guys are here, then this woman is here with Tatum.

  I’m an idiot. An absolute idiot.

  I shouldn’t have come here. What was I expecting? That he’d be here waiting for me, too?

  Doubtful.

  “Oh, hi,” she says, her voice so damned beautiful it’s nearly nicer than she is. It’s like a fucking song.

  Why can’t I have a song voice?

  I probably sound like a man.

  “Hi,” I say back, because clearly right now it’s too late to run the hell away.

  I’ll look like an idiot then.

  My mind starts racing as I think about fifty different reasons why I’m here, why I’m standing at Tatum’s door looking like I’m some desperate teenager in love.

  “Are you here for someone?” she asks, tipping her head to the side and studying me.

  “Oh, ah, yeah I was looking for Tanner. Is he home?”

  Liar.

  Big fat liar.

  What was I to say?

  Certainly not the truth.

  “Oh, Tanner isn’t home at the moment. Tatum is, though. Did you want me to let him know you’re here?”

  Oh, god.

  So she is with Tatum.

  My heart sinks, a pitiful dip into my chest that hurts me far more than I’m willing to admit. Images of the two of them making love, his big body moving over hers, his full lips caressing her skin attack my mind and the deep emptiness in my stomach just sinks in harder.

  A tear rolls down my cheek.

  I didn’t feel it. I didn’t even know it was there. It sneaks up on me, betraying everything I’m trying so hard not feel right now.

  Another one follows in its path, rolling down my cheeks.

  My bottom lip trembles.

  A wave of emotion I can’t control washes over my body.

  There is no stopping it, I’m not even going to try.

  I know my attempts with be futile.

  “Gosh, are you okay?” she asks, her eyes widening. “Do you want me to get Tatum? Do you want to come in? I was just leaving, but I’m happy to stay if you need someone to talk to?”

  God dammit, she’s nice, too.

  That doesn’t help.

  Not at all.

  “I’m okay,” I lie, my voice thick and filled with pain and confusion.

  I don’t know who to turn to right now.

  I don’t have a good husband, my friend is dealing with her own war, and the man I want to talk to has a woman over so is clearly on a whole different level to me.

  That means I’m alone.

  I have no one.

  For the first time in my life, I have nothing.

  “Jo?”

  A familiar voice has my head lifting, I didn’t even realize I’d started looking at the ground, or that my tears were dripping onto the floor. Tatum is standing at the door, shirtless. Of course he’s shirtless, he just made love to the most beautiful woman in the world.

  Here I was thinking I had a chance.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come,” I say, my voice croaky and thick.

  I turn and walk down the front path, my tears flowing harder until my shoulders start shaking with sobs.

  I can’t stop it.

  I’m not even sure I want to.

  “Jo!”

  Tatum’s voice echoes through the night.

  I keep walking.

  A moment later, a big hand curls around my shoulder, stopping me, and he spins me around to face him. I don’t look at him, I keep my head low. I don’t want to argue or seem pathetic. I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing here to start with. I just know that I’m scared, and I’m broken, and I need someone.

  Something.

  “Look at me,” Tatum orders, placing his hand on my chin and forcing my head backward. In a gentle way, of course.

  I look up at him, through my blurred vision, and a big sob tears through my body, making me feel even more pathetic than I look.

  “Hey,” he says in a voice so damned warm and kind it only makes it that much worse. “Hey, what’s going on?”

  “I’m sorry,” I manage. “I shouldn’t have come.”

  “Jo.”

  “I’ll go. I didn’t mean to interrupt your evening.”

  “Jo.”

  “I didn’t know you were seeing someone. I don’t even know why I came here.”

  “Jo.”

  “If you’ll forget I was ever here.”

  “Dammit, Jo, fuckin’ listen to me.”

  I stop talking and with the most gentle approach I’ve ever had in my life, he reaches over, swipes my hair away from my wet cheeks, and wipes my tears off with his thumb. Making me feel a warmth that I’ve never felt from a man before. Making me feel a lov
e I didn’t honestly think existed.

  “You didn’t walk in on anything. I’m not seeing anyone. She’s a friend, and that’s the fuckin’ honest truth. Never fucked her in my life, known her since we were kids. She was comin’ to see how we went with the trip. You can come here anytime you want, do you hear me? Any fuckin’ time you want. You don’t have to ask. You don’t have to call. Nothin’ and I mean fuckin’ nothin', is more important than you.”

  I hiccup.

  Then sob.

  “Come on, let’s go inside.”

  He turns me, his arm guiding me back up the front path. The girl, who is probably so freakin’ nice, gives me a sympathetic smile. Here I was judging her, when she isn’t here to be judged. She’s a friend. My mind attacked me at a moment it found me the weakest.

  “I’ll leave you both to it. I’ll call you later, Tatum. I hope you feel better,” she says, smiling at me and then squeezing his shoulder before disappearing down the front path.

  We step inside the house and Tatum closes the door before turning to me and saying, “Go wash your face, I’ll get us a drink, and you can tell me why you’re here, lookin’ like this, yeah?”

  I nod. “Yeah.”

  I walk down the hall and into his bathroom, turning on the tap and washing my face, trying to avoid looking too hard at myself because I know I’m a mess. My eyes are red, my cheeks are blotchy, and my lips are swollen. Let’s not get started on the snot I have to subtly blow out.

  I look horrible, and yet he still invited me in and offered to listen, like I wasn’t just ugly crying on his damned doorstep.

  I walk back out once I’ve cleaned up a little, and he’s sitting on the sofa holding two beers. Smart man.

  I walk over and go to sit across from him, but he shakes his head, his face stern, and pats the seat beside him. Hesitantly, I go and sit there, taking the beer when he offers it to me. He’s so close here, his gorgeous face only inches from mine, his big body on full display, the warmth of his skin penetrating mine. I want to just throw myself into his arms, breathe him in, feel his lips against mine.

  I want him possibly more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.

  “What happened tonight, darlin’?” he asks me, taking a sip of his beer.