Then and now (Edge Of Retaliation, #3)

by Jewel, Bella

  “I’m happy for you. Are you still working at the prison?”

  He nods. “Always will, I think.”

  “Yeah, it works for you.”

  I place a flower down on the cupcake and stare at it, wondering if I should just come out and tell Ethan I’m sorry. I know it’ll probably start an argument, and today is the first time he’s spoken to me without ice in his voice. I’m not sure I want to risk ruining that.

  Still, he deserves to hear I’m sorry, even if it’s going to cause chaos.

  “I know you’re angry at me, and rightly so, but I want to say something, and I’d appreciate if you let me.”

  He pauses for a moment, but he doesn’t tell me I can’t speak, so I take the chance to.

  “I’m sorry. I know that means little to you, and I don’t expect you to understand because, honestly, I don’t think I’d understand. But I am sorry. I left at a time when things were chaos in my head. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I know now that I wasn’t. I was thinking only of myself and I didn’t consider what it would do to all of you. I was just ... in a bad place. I know that’s hard to understand, but I never meant to hurt you, Ethan. For whatever it’s worth, your friendship meant the world to me and it still does.”

  For a moment, he continues icing the cupcakes as if he hasn’t heard me, and then he finally stops and looks over at me, really holding my eyes, and I see understanding there, understanding that I never thought I’d see again. “I get it, believe me I do. I did things to you I shouldn’t have done, and you forgave me. Because of that, I’ll forgive you, because you do mean something to me. But am I hurt? Pissed? Still sore about it? Yeah. I’m going to need time to get through that. Can you give me that?”

  I nod, trying to fight back the relieved tears in my eyes, because I’ve missed him, so damned much. “Yeah,” I whisper. “Yeah, of course.”

  “Thanks,” he says. “Now hurry up, you’re falling behind. We need to get these done before Tanner gets back.”

  I can’t help the smile on my face.

  Maybe things will work out after all.

  Just maybe.

  TANNER STARES AT ALL the cupcakes, his face lacking expression. For a second, a split second, I wonder if I made a huge damned mistake. Then I realize, even if he doesn’t like it, too bad. I’m doing this for Celia, I’m not doing it for him. Well, that’s partially a lie, I am doing it for him, but mostly I’m doing it for Celia.

  She deserves to be honored.

  “You did all of this?” Tanner asks, his eyes scanning the cupcakes.

  “Well, Ethan and I did. I thought we could go down to the local shelter and give joy to some of those families, just like Celia would have done. I couldn’t think of a better way to honor her.”

  Tanner looks like he’s about to lose his shit, but not in a bad way, in a good way. Madeline stares between us, confused, and looks to the cupcakes, saying, “Is this something special or ...?”

  Tanner looks to her. “It’s Celia’s birthday.”

  “I know, but why the cupcakes.”

  He looks back to me. “It’s tradition.”

  “Oh,” she murmurs. “Are you going to eat all of those?”

  God. She’s not making herself look very smart right about now.

  “No, we’re taking them to a homeless shelter. You want to come?”

  She shakes her head. “Oh, no thanks. I’ll stay here. Have fun, though.”

  I scrunch up my nose, horrified, but I say nothing. I look to Tanner and say, “Are you ready?”

  He nods, and walks over, surprising me when he puts a hand on my shoulder, squeezing just slightly. “Thank you, Callie.”

  God.

  That’s the best thing that could have ever come out of this situation.

  My heart races and I nod. “You’re very welcome.”

  We gather up the cupcakes and Tanner and I find the closest shelter and drive over there, just him and me. The drive is silent, and I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say, but when we arrive, my heart swells as I realize what we’re about to do is going to make someone’s day.

  We pick up all the cupcakes and carry them inside. We’re greeted by an older lady, who is well presented and clean. She smiles and stares at all the cupcakes. “What do we have here?” she asks, narrowing her eyes.

  “It’s a tradition of ours,” I smile. “We made them for a special person's birthday, and we’d like to share them out.”

  The lady stares at us, and then smiles and says, “Of course, how lovely. Come in.”

  I’m beaming by the time we walk into the kitchen area, where there are cooks lined up, with big pots of soup. Mrs. Roberts, as she refers to herself, sets us up at the end, so once the homeless have gotten their main meal, they can come and grab a cupcake.

  It feels so incredibly rewarding, especially to the families with children that see the cupcakes and their little eyes light up. That’s everything, it really is. I’ve never experienced such joy in my life, and I vow then and there that I’m going to do this every single year. Not just for Celia, but for myself and the rewarding feeling that comes with it.

  Even Tanner is grinning, a smile I never thought I’d see again.

  It makes everything worthwhile.

  When we’re out of cupcakes, Mrs. Roberts thanks us profusely and we promise to come again soon. We leave and place the containers in the car before climbing in. I exhale an exhausted sigh, and look over to Tanner. “That was incredible. I know why Celia loved it so much, I don’t think I’ve ever felt such joy before in my life.”

  Tanner nods. “She felt the same. She loved helping people. She made it her life’s mission. If she was still here, I think she would have extended it by now, and would probably be workin’ all the time in those places. She liked to know she could give back somehow.”

  “She was an incredible person,” I say, as he turns the truck on and pulls out.

  “She was,” he murmurs.

  We fall into silence and when I notice he’s not going the way to my apartment, I say, “Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see.”

  We drive until we reach the beach. At night, it’s dark but I can hear the waves crashing against the shore. It’s a sound I’ll never tire of. Living near the ocean really is such a nice experience. I always wanted to live close by. I often come here and walk along the sand. It feels good, great even.

  We get out of the truck and Tanner walks down to the path that leads to the ocean. I follow eagerly, sighing with relief when my toes hit the sand. We reach the long stretch of bliss, and I can only just see Tanner in the light from the moon. He finds a spot on the sand and sits down in the darkness. I sit beside him.

  “Celia and I used to love come to the beach for vacation. It was our favorite thing to do. When we would go, we’d sneak out once Mom and Dad were asleep and go to the sand, sitting on it in the darkness, and we’d talk for hours. She shared all her dreams with me, sitting right here like this.”

  My heart breaks for him. Even now, even after all these years, the hurt in his voice shows me just how much he misses his sister.

  “What were her dreams?” I ask.

  “She wanted to be a vet.” He chuckles, low. “I always told her she was crazy; she couldn’t do it because she was too soft. She’d see an animal die and she’d not be able to cope. She cried for four weeks when our dog died, she just couldn’t recover. She had that kind of soul, that one in a million.”

  “Maybe that would have made her the best kind of vet,” I offer, smiling.

  “Yeah, maybe. She would have a house so big, because she would have to bring all the strays home. Never mind a boyfriend, she’d be too busy adopting animals.”

  I laugh. “I can’t say I blame her; they do bring a lot of joy.”

  “Yeah,” he says, his voice dropping low. “She was so happy, so fuckin’ happy until she met Chase. He ruined everything for her.”

  I exhale, understanding what he’s say
ing but knowing too that Celia was a young girl, and, eventually, she was going to find someone. That someone just happened to be the wrong person. “Chase isn’t a bad person he just made a bad choice. He’s living with that choice.”

  “So he should,” Tanner mutters.

  “Is that why you haven’t been in a hurry to find him? I figured with him being gone, things would be more urgent, but they don’t seem to be.”

  “I want him back, for Tatum’s sake, but am I sorry he’s suffering for this hole he dug? No. I’m not. Celia counted on him to protect her, and he didn’t. He let her down in the one way a man should never fail.”

  I go silent, because what is there to say to that? I understand what he’s saying, I really do. Chase should have protected Celia, and if he couldn’t, he shouldn’t have been with her. Especially if he knew he was in danger.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, genuinely. “For everything, Tanner. I just want you to know that.”

  “Know you are,” he murmurs, his voice thick. “I know you were drownin’ and scared and you thought there was never goin’ to be a time where we could be happy. I know that.”

  “I wanted to be happy with you,” I whisper, my voice too tight to work. “I really truly did.”

  “Yeah,” he says, “Me too.”

  “Are you happy with Madeline?” I ask, my heart racing in anticipation of his answer.

  He doesn’t say anything, and I wonder if he’s thinking about his answer or if he simply doesn’t want to answer. I go to prompt him when he says, in the quietest voice I’ve ever heard him use, “No.”

  I feel like my heart is going to launch out of my stomach, my head spins and my hands shake. No. He said no.

  Oh god.

  He said no.

  I don’t know what to say. I really truly don’t.

  In the darkness, his hand reaches out and finds mine, and then everything just moves so effortlessly. I turn toward him, his hands go around my waist, and then I’m hauled onto his lap, my lips crushing down on his, my fingers tangled in his hair, everything in the whole world stopping for a beautiful second.

  It is a feeling I’ve been craving, more than I realized.

  His hands slide up my shirt, running smoothly against my skin, and our kiss deepens, he grows hard beneath me, and everything just feels ... so incredibly right. I’ve missed him so much, more than he’ll ever know.

  He pulls back, breaking the kiss and rasping, “I can’t. Fuck. I can’t, Callie. I’m not a cheater.”

  His words feel like a slap to the face, a sting that goes deep, burning me right to my core. “Oh,” I say, climbing off his lap.

  Of course he’s not the kind of man to sleep with another woman in a relationship, I wouldn’t want him to be. I respect that he’s a good type, but it doesn’t take the sting out of his words. It doesn’t make me feel any less stupid right about now. I drop my head, even though he can’t see it, and we sit in silence for a moment.

  “She’s a good person,” he says. “She’s good for me. You’re ...”

  “I’m not,” I whisper. “I know.”

  “Fuck, didn’t think you’d make this so damned hard on me, but fuck, you are.”

  “I’m sorry, that wasn’t my intention.”

  “We should go.”

  I hear him stand, and I get up, too. I exhale and follow behind him back up to the truck.

  When is anything going to go right?

  Anything at all?

  19

  JOANNE

  “You’re bringin’ a club into the mix?” Ethan asks, glaring at Alarick.

  We’re all standing in the shop after Alarick ordered me to call them all in because the situation was getting out of control. His words, not mine. So, I told Tatum and he brought everyone in. The only problem is that Ethan and Tanner aren’t overly fond of the idea. They think bringing the club in is going to cause more harm than good.

  “Yeah,” Tatum says, “because they know what they’re fuckin’ doin’ and clearly we don’t. If we did, we wouldn’t be in this mess to begin with.”

  He makes a valid point.

  If we had done more research, we never would have put ourselves in such a stupid situation. We would have realized that if our plan went wrong, which it absolutely did, then we would end up in more danger than we first started out with.

  Tanner looks to Ethan when Tatum says this, and I can see in his face that he agrees. It’s hard not to. I mean, it’s the truth.

  “We deal with this kind of thing all the time,” Alarick says, crossing his arms. “We will deal with it for you now, because these fuckers are gettin’ too close for comfort and I don’t like this shit happening in my town.”

  Tanner studies him, and then nods. “I just want it to be fuckin’ over. So whatever works.”

  Ethan exhales and shakes his head. “This is a bad fuckin’ idea. We’re goin’ to cause more problems if it goes wrong.”

  “You don’t think we’ve got what it takes, boy?” Alarick says, his eyes steely. “We’ve dealt with far fuckin’ worse, more often than I can count. You let us deal with this, and you’ll walk away clean. You don’t let us deal with this, you might not walk away at all. Your choice.”

  Ethan’s jaw ticks, but he doesn’t argue any further.

  Alarick looks back to Tatum and says, “Give me all the information you’ve gathered, including your brother’s name. I’ll get the club members to start askin’ questions, find out who is new In town and where they are. When we find them, we’ll go from there.”

  “You think my brother is dead?” Tatum asks, and my heart aches for him. Poor Chase has been with these guys for about a week now, and god only knows what they’re doing to him. Death would probably be kinder than if they’re torturing him. I do feel for him, because he seems to keep getting the raw end of the deal.

  Alarick’s face grows stony and he tells the truth, because that seems to be his strongest asset, telling the truth even if it’s brutal. I’ve figured that out the hard way when he’s assessed some of my work. “Chances are, if he’s alive, he’s in a bad fuckin’ way. If they’re cuttin’ fingers off, they’re not messin’ around. They might keep him alive, to lure you in. You’ll probably get another message soon, if I were to guess.”

  Tatum nods, but I can see the pain in his eyes. He knows his brother has done wrong, but it’s still his brother and he doesn’t want to see anything bad happen to him. Of course he doesn’t. It’s family.

  “The good news is, the men he’s using are clearly not his own because they’re fuckin’ sloppy. Tryin’ to snatch the girls in random, open places, and running when someone arrives says he’s just taking what he can get. That could work in our favor. Because he’s not local, he’s not runnin’ his show as tightly as he should be.”

  Tanner nods, and says, “That’s good for us, if we can find out where he’s hiding out.”

  “Yeah,” Alarick says, “should make it easier to get in. Let me get back onto my boys, see what I can come up with. Sit tight, and watch those girls, because he wants them, and he’ll do whatever he can to get hold of them. He wants to make you both suffer.”

  “Why would they suffer if he takes the girls?” Madeline says, narrowing her eyes. “It doesn’t make sense.”

  Nobody says anything, but good old Alarick, being the truth teller that he is, says, “Because they’re in love with those girls, and that man knows it. Later.”

  He turns and walks out, leaving Madeline with wide eyes, Tanner with a tight jaw, and Tatum glancing at me like a huge secret has just been revealed. Is it true? Does he still care about me? I know Tanner still cares for Callie, even if he hasn’t told her yet.

  Just as he leaves, Callie walks in and stares at us all, having missed the entire conversation. “Why do you all look like he just told you that the world is about to end?” she asks, staring at Tanner.

  Madeline looks at Callie, really looks at her, then in a huff, turns and storms down the hall. Tanner, exhaling, t
urns and follows her. Callie watches them go, and a flash of pain spreads across her face. I know something happened between her and Tanner last night, but she’s not talking much about it.

  “What’s going on?” she asks me.

  I walk into the kitchen and grab out a bottle of vodka and a few glasses, filling them and handing her one. “Let’s get drunk and I’ll tell you.”

  She laughs. “Sounds good to me.”

  “Boys?” I ask, holding out a glass to the two men staring at us, Tatum’s face looking like he’s not dealing with the idea of Chase not doing well in there, so I know he could use a drink, or ten.

  “Yep,” he says, stepping forward and taking the bottle out of my hand instead of the glass. He tips his head back and swallows it down, gulp after gulp, his eyes squinting from the burn.

  Only then does he hand it back to me to fill the rest of the glasses. I stare at the bottle, quarter empty now. “I guess we’ll be needing another one of these,” I say.

  Callie grabs her keys. “I’ll go get more alcohol and snacks. Looks like we’re going to need it.”

  “I’ll come with you, you can’t go alone,” Ethan says, following her out.

  Tanner and I are left alone, and I can hear Tanner and Madeline squabbling in the room, even though the door is shut. I take the bottle to Tatum and hand it to him, then I walk out onto the large patio and take a seat. A moment later he joins me.

  “We’ll get Chase out of there,” I say to him after a few moments. “Alarick is the best, I know it.”

  He nods but doesn’t say anything. He’s hurting, he’s confused, and he’s angry.

  “I should have never let him hide all those years ago. Can’t fuckin’ live down that guilt. He was wrong, and I should have made him face it.”

  “Why didn’t you make him face it?” I ask, taking the vodka when he hands it to me and taking a long sip. Loving the way it burns as it goes down.

  “Because he was young, and he was so fuckin’ broken about it. He was scared. He wasn’t a bad person, I knew that, fuck, I grew up with him. I knew what he was and what he wasn’t. He made a mistake. I was tryin’ to help him.”