Free To Be

by Adam Lynch

  I nod, facing the ground. I do everything I can to hold back my tears. I feel ashamed… and confused. Is Akio right? Did I do the right thing? I wanted to extend a kind gesture because I thought it was the right thing to do, and a kind thing to do. But now… I’m not so sure. But I guess I’m never sure… of myself… or anything... anymore…

  The Scariest Day Of My Life

  W

  e ascend the Indupai Mountains at dawn. We took the trail that began at the foot of the lake which steeply ascended east of the range. The sun beats on my skin as I climb, but the color it brings to the sky is unparalleled. Most of the sky is still overcast, but where the sun is there’s a wide gap, showing off orange, pink, and blue colors.

  Watching the sunrise reminds me of hope for a new day—that today things can change. I feel like I’ve been waiting for change my whole life—a change where I no longer fear everyone around me and I can be and represent my true authentic self. The sun is my hope every day that maybe today is that day… where my healing can begin…

  I huff and puff as I lung up the steep switchbacks. No one talks most of the morning because we’re saving our breath for this strenuous climb. I distract my exhaustion by looking around and admiring the scenic views. The white mountains are mostly rocky, so I see everything below and beyond with no forests and trees covering them. I see Indupai Lake, the meadows, the forest from where we came, and the mountains beyond it.

  As we near the top, when I look at my side, I catch a stunning view of the crown of Indupai Mountains—the very peak of the mountain range. I’m appalled by its majestic beauty. It’s as if we’re nearing the largest castle in the world—a castle built by God. Crown-shaped cones shoot for the heavens, orange mineral colors compliment its tips, and clouds brush through the center of it, giving it a foggy look. I can see all the details and rich minerals of the white and orange rocks. It’s like these mountains are from an entirely different world—it’s nothing I’ve seen anywhere else before, that’s for certain.

  We continue ascending until we arrive at the peak of one of the mountain cliffs along the range. From this cliff, we get a clear view of every direction of the mountain range: the crown peak, the meadows, the forests, the lake—everything south of the mountains. But since we’ve reached the cliff, we can now see everything north of the mountains as well—which appears to be landscape outside of the country of Leferia. I can tell this by how different everything looks. I see dark and dense forests, deserts, an oasis, and tall purple mountains that are located northwest of us, not far off.

  “That is Darkanan, my country,” Talden tells us when we’ve joined him at the peak.

  This is where the Darkane are from? It’s beautiful. Wow. I wonder why they left? Because of the world war? Well of course it’s because of the world war, Taiyo, you idiot. Duh.

  Talden points at the purple mountains. “That is mainly where we need our eyes focused for the next few hours. We’re here to scout for approaching enemy forces. It’s absolutely critical that no enemy forces get the jump on us and surprise us with an overwhelming presence at the fort. If that happens, we’ll lose everything—all of us. You think we treat you bad? If we’re captured by someone else, there’s no telling what will happen. There’s no telling whether we’ll even survive. You Leferians have good eyes. That’s why we bring you to scout with us. Use them to scout for anything you see moving around those mountains, or anywhere else. If you see anything suspicious, let me know immediately.”

  Everyone nods as we catch our breath. He holds his eyes on each of us a few seconds to ensure we understand. Then, he nods.

  “Good. Everyone get in position. I don’t care who’s where. Just ensure the entire area of the cliff is covered. Only scout Darkanan.”

  We do as he says. Talden stands furthest west, closest to the purple mountains. Akio stands furthest east, opposite side of Talden. Yumi stands next to him several feet away, and then I take the position that’s left and unwanted—the one closest to Talden.

  I gulp as I get in position, already feeling self-conscious. I stand with my back slouched. Not knowing what to do with my hands, I rest them in my lap. I know Talden isn’t staring at me, but for some reason, I keep feeling like I’m being watched. I can’t relax and focus on the task that is assigned to me. Ah… and this reminds me of when I was watching the west cliff with Kagami back at the fort… painful, agonizing memories… but then again, my last encounter with Kagami wasn’t so bad I guess… I think. I don’t know. Why am I thinking about this all of a sudden?

  We scout for forty-five minutes silently. It takes me a while to relax, but once I do, I get too relaxed. My eyes feel heavy, and my body feels weak. I keep nodding off. I’m getting sleepy. I wonder how long we have to do this for? And we still have to hike back down eventually as well. Sheesh. At this rate, I don’t know if I’m going to make it.

  Taiyo. Suddenly, I hear a faint whisper in the air.

  Huh? I ask myself, shaking myself out of my daze. Did a voice call out my name, or did I imagine it? I slap my cheeks to wake myself.

  Taiyo. I hear the voice call my name again. My ears perk up, and my eyes expand. Okay, I heard it that time. Where is it coming from? I face Talden—his attention is on the purple mountains. I face Yumi and Akio—their eyes are glued on Darkanan. The voice didn’t come from any of them. I didn’t think so, but I had to make sure. So… where is it coming from? I look at the ground around me and at the flowers. Then I look up at the sky and around the air.

  “Yes? Did someone say my name?” I whisper aloud.

  Yes, Taiyo. It is I.

  I observe my surroundings. It’s not anything from the ground. No animals I can see.

  Above you. Look up.

  I do as the voice says. I look up at the clouds, but the voice isn’t calling me from that far up—plus voices from that high up are more powerfully sounding and more audible to hear.

  I’m a little lower, to your left.

  I squint my eyes and concentrate harder. Doing as he says, I suddenly spot a bird. Wait, a bird? Where did he come from? I thought all the birds were hiding? It’s a tiny black and brown colored bird with fast flapping wings. He’s staring at me. It has to be him who’s speaking to me. “I see you,” I say, feeling excited. “Can you get a little closer? It’s hard to hear you from way over there.”

  The bird chirps audibly, letting me know he understands. He flies closer to me. “But don’t get too close,” I warn, glancing at Talden. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t want the man next to me notice me talking to you. It’s very important he doesn’t find out I can talk to animals, so we can’t talk for long.”

  “Taiyo, listen. I have something urgent to tell you.”

  My attention grasped, I gulp. “Okay.”

  “I heard that you were scouting for people foreign to Leferia. I wanted to help, so I flew over Darkanan and searched from above. Listen, Taiyo, you are in terrible danger!”

  “What? Why? What did you see?”

  “Archers with tranquilizers have spotted the four of you, and are taking aim to fire. You must descend from this peak and take shelter immediately. There’s not much time.”

  My eyes peeled, I look away from the bird and at Akio, Yumi, and Talden to process what I’ve heard, but my mind fogs. My heart races. My hands shake. I gulp again, and again, and again. I’m panicking. No. Pull it together, Taiyo. Pull it together. I’m the only one who can save everyone, and I have to do it now.

  No time to think. Act. Act now!

  I sprint to Talden with a voice loud enough to throw everyone on high alert. “Quickly, we-we have to take shelter immediately. Arc-archers are about to shoot us!”

  Yumi and Akio spin around, looking every which way. Talden faces me with peeled eyes. “What? You saw something? Where?”

  “I don’t know, but I’ve been told they’re about to shoot us right now!”

  “What do you mean you’ve been told? By who?”

  “The-the...” I
hesitate, realizing I’ve already screwed everything up. Oh no. I shouldn’t have said that. What do I say now? I can’t tell them the bird told me. But I have to say something. I already made a scene, and we don’t have any time. Crap. What do I do? What do I do? I can’t think of what to say now. With every passing second, my mind fogs more and more, and fills me with panic.

  You idiot. You ruined everything. I can’t believe you said that. Stupid fool. Now you failed everyone, and it will be your fault everyone dies. It’s all your fault. I always knew no one would be able to count on you. You’ve ruined everything. Of course you did.

  These are the only thoughts I hear. I can’t think of anything else.

  The longer I remain silent, the more terrified I feel. The fear is overwhelming me. I can’t take it. I think I might die right here and now. My eyes frozen on the ground, I hear a voice shouting at me—Talden. That’s it. Now I know he’s going to kill me.

  “Who told you? Hey! I’m talking to you! Tell me what’s going on right now!” He grips my rags and pulls me to him. “Look at me and speak, boy!”

  I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. My whole body is trembling out of control. My eyes are blinking rapidly. I can’t think of anything to say. My brain is a fog, and my body is a furnace. My thoughts have fried out of existence.

  “Who told you?!” He slaps me, but I barely feel it. He faces Akio and Yumi. “Was it one of you? Somebody tell me what’s going on right now!”

  He shoves me to the ground and grunts. He hastens to the other side, scanning the entirety of Darkanan. “You’ll die if you’re making this up, boy.”

  Akio and Yumi rush over to me as Talden passes them. Yumi asks me. “Taiyo, what’s going on?”

  “Yeah man, tell us,” says Akio. “What archers? Where?”

  I can’t think of anything to say. My body shudders nonstop. My heart pounds out of my chest. My eyes are peeled. My body is frozen, but feels like a furnace. And my mind shrouds my critical thinking with self-hate and panic. I can think of nothing but the thoughts, It’s over. You killed everyone. Stupid Taiyo. Everyone is going to die now because of you. You ruined everything. But that’s no surprise. You always ruin everything. It’s all you’ve ever been good at.

  Suddenly it happens. An arrow pierces Akio’s shoulder and his blood splats on me. His eyes mirror my shock. He looks at the arrow and feels the wound. He goes to pull it out, but falls unconscious because of gas that spews out, mumbling explicitness on his way down.

  Yumi screams. Talden spins towards us with peeled eyes and a defensive stance. A second arrow hits Talden’s arm. He grunts and looks at it. Gas releases. He curses and falls to the ground unconscious.

  Taiyo!” Yumi screams before being hit by the next arrow, scraping her leg. The gas bomb goes off and in seconds, her eyelids close, and she mumbles something indistinctive.

  I sprint in the opposite direction. My heart pounds harder than ever before. I’m panting and panicking. I can’t think. All I can do is run, run, run. Get to safety! Fight or flight? Flight all the way! I look up and cry to the clouds, “Please! Don’t let the arrows touch me!”

  I glance at the Darkanan wilderness. I spot the arrow inches from my skull until suddenly, a heavy gust of wind blows it off to the side. The arrow flies off the cliff and lands out of sight.

  Whoa! What happened? What did I just do?

  I look around, perplexed. I place my hand on my chest. My heart’s pounding so hard I feel I might die. I face the Darkanan wilderness again. I try and spot the enemy, or more arrows, but I don’t see a thing. Still… I know another one’s coming. They failed to hit me. No doubt they’ll try again. I can’t see them, but I know they can see me.

  But why didn’t it hit? Why did the arrow miss me? I ponder a moment, and then gaze up at the sky. The wind. The clouds. Did they defend me? Did I ask them? And they listened? Really listened?

  Suddenly, I hear the swooshing of two more arrows shooting in my direction. By the time I spot them, the wind shoves them off the mountain like the first. This happens before I have time to blink. Whoa!

  Several more shoot at me, but the wind blows one after another away. Yet, I still flinch and put my guard up, ducking and running to seek shelter… wherever that may be.

  Now that I think about it, all the arrows have shot from the purple mountains. From the peak closest to this cliff. However, looking there, I don’t see a thing. Are they invisible or something?

  Several more arrows shoot at me, and I flinch as the wind shoves them away. “What’s happening?!” I yell at the bird. “Who’s shooting at me? Where are they?”

  “They’re located on the purple mountains, the peak closest to you,” the bird replies, flapping behind me to keep safe. “I don’t know who they are. None of us do. But they’re very dangerous, and many animals die just by being around them. Quickly, you must descend the mountains and get out of sight.”

  “Why can’t I see them?”

  “They are well camouflaged with their surroundings. I barely noticed them myself. Now quickly, Taiyo!”

  “Wait, what about my friends? I can’t leave them.”

  “What do you want to do?”

  “I don’t know. What should I do?”

  “I’m just a bird with a bird brain. Your brain is smarter than mine.”

  That’s right… I am talking to a bird… I guess he’s got a point. But that doesn’t help me. I can’t think of what to do at all.

  After a long pause, more arrows shoot at me. I flinch, but a gust of wind swings them off. My eyes peel at the realization of what’s happening. The clouds… they’re actually defending me, deflecting every arrow that comes my way. That is… that is incredible. I’ve never seen anything like this. I’m witnessing a supernatural phenomenon.

  The wind is protecting me… but wait, will it protect my friends as well? I face each of them, gulping. Then, I look up at the clouds again. “Please… may I ask you to protect my friends from all the arrows as well?”

  “It will be done, Taiyo.” A thunderous voice replies and startles me. But at the same time, it soothes me, knowing that me and my friends are under the protection of all the clouds in the heavens.

  “Thank you,” I reply.

  I run back to check on Yumi and Akio. I check their pulses. They’re breathing fine. But Akio has that arrow through his shoulder… and Yumi has a bloody scrape from the third arrow. I look over at Talden next. He’s got an arrow through his arm, but he looks like he’s okay.

  I look back at Akio’s bloody shoulder. I have to pull that arrow out… but how? I don’t want to hurt him or make his wound worse. Should I leave it in? Will he be okay like that? Ah. I don’t know what to do. What do I do? What do I do? Okay, maybe I should just leave it in.

  My friends are okay. But now what do I do? Where do I go? How do I take them with me? Ah! I can’t take this. I can’t take this. I squat with my hands pressing my ears. I shut my eyes tight and scream over the noise of the arrows being blown away by the winds.

  But then the arrows stop coming. Everything becomes silent.

  Have they given up?

  I open my eyes. I release my hands from my ears. I slowly stand and scan the purple mountains.

  I don’t see anything. Nothing is happening.

  “Taiyo!” shouts the bird. “I spot more of them climbing up from the east and western-most sides of this cliff from Darkanan. You must leave.”

  My eyes expand again. Oh no. We’re all going to die. This is it. I spin from side to side. “What do I do? What do I do?”

  “You have to get out of here.”

  “But where do I go? How do I take my friends with me?”

  “You’ll have to think of something.”

  “I can’t think of anything.”

  “Yes you can. You’re a human. All humans can. Focus.”

  All humans except me… no. I can’t afford to think like that now. My friends are counting on me. I’m not brave, but I have to be right
now… for them. I have to become what I’m not… for them.

  I can do this. I can do this. I have to do this. I have to.

  Okay, what do I do? Is there anything I can do? Is this it? Are we screwed? Have I killed everyone? Is everyone going to die because of me? Because I’m useless?

  No! I can’t think like that. I can’t let myself think like that… not now. Not now.

  I compose myself. I inhale slowly and deeply, and then exhale. Then, I stop and think.

  Okay, okay… how am I going to get everyone back? And where do I go?

  Ah! It’s hard to think when I’m under so much pressure like this. Okay, okay. Taiyo, you can do this. Everyone’s counting on you—but no pressure. You can do this. You have to do this—but again, no pressure.

  But what do I do?

  I look up at the clouds and cry out, “What do I do? Please, tell me what to do.”

  “Tell us how we can help, Taiyo,” they reply.

  “Tell me what to do!”

  “We do not understand. Tell us what we can do for you.”

  It’s then I remember what the bird said. Birds can’t think like humans.

  And clouds think even less than birds. It really is up to me, isn’t it? Are we all done for?

  Stop it. Stop it. Stop giving up. I can’t give up. I can do this…

  Actually no... I can’t do this... but… I snap my fingers. I’ll call for someone who can.

  I look up at the clouds again. “Please, are there any large animals you can summon here to help carry my friends?” It’s then I remember that none of us have seen any animals since hiking out here.

  “Yes, Taiyo. We spot two large animals not far from you.”

  Wait—really? So not all of the animals are gone? They’re just hiding? Hiding from this deadly enemy force?

  “Please, can you bring them here to help carry my friends?”

  “Yes, Taiyo. We’ll bring them to you.”

  “Thank you.” I nod, feeling much better. Okay… help is on the way… but how long will that take? The enemy is climbing up to us as I stand here—the thought revs my panic back up. “H-how long will it take for them to get here?”