Free To Be

by Adam Lynch

  “Why are you so frightened? Don’t you know you weren’t brought here to be punished?” He pauses, studying me. “You saved my brother. That’s no small feat. I was planning on rewarding you…”

  “He’s always like this,” says Talden.

  “Oh? So it’s just his personality then?”

  “I guess so. I don’t know what’s wrong with him.”

  “Well, scared or not, we need to know what happened.” He pauses to think. “Do you think he has some kind of power we don’t know about? I know he’s not the mind-reader, but unless he has powers, how could he have possibly escaped them? And as one boy?”

  “What powers do you think he has?”

  “I-I-I had… uh… help,” I say desperately.

  They both face me. “You had help?” asks Fraisha. “From whom?”

  “T-tiger-bears…”

  “What? Tiger-bears?!”

  Fraisha and Talden face each other. Then, they face me again. “Tiger-bears helped you and the others escape?”

  “Y-yes.”

  “How? Did they listen to you? Where did you even find them? No animals have been sighted in this country for weeks.”

  “Th-they’re my friends…”

  “He must have tamed them,” Talden says to Fraisha.

  “That’s no easy feat. Tiger-bears are aggressive animals. How many of them helped you?”

  “T-two.”

  “He must know the area well if he was able to find them,” Talden says to Fraisha. “That would explain how he was able to find his way back here as well.”

  Fraisha nods, facing me. “Well, where have your tiger-bear friends gone? They just dropped you off here and left?”

  “Y-yes.”

  “Why did you return here in the first place?”

  “I… I didn’t know where else to go…”

  Talden scoffs. Fraisha studies me. “You could have ran away free… but instead you came back here… to be a slave again… because you didn’t know where else to go?”

  I nod.

  Talden scoffs again. “He’s lying about something.”

  “Alright, Taiyo, I have another question for you,” says Fraisha. “How were you the only one in your party not hit with the Starlight’s arrows? Starlights are known as masterful archers with strong vision. Many believe their arrows magnetize towards their targets after being shot. All this, yet, you were able to avoid them? How? We must know your secret.”

  Sweat runs down my face. My hands and lips won’t stop shaking. I have to look away and aim my eyes to the ground. What do I say? What do I say? “I-I don’t… remember…”

  “What?” asks Fraisha. “You don’t remember? How could you forget?”

  “I-I don’t know. It-it all happened so fast...”

  Fraisha bends his knees and gets eye level with me. He stares intensely with skepticism.

  “He’s hiding something,” says Talden.

  “I know.” He pauses. I avoid eye contact and try my best not to show how terrified I am. “What is it that you don’t want us to know, Taiyo?” He pauses again. “It’s obviously something we can’t know about… hmm…”

  “Well, he’s not the mind-reader,” Talden says to him.

  “No… but perhaps he has something else… something better…”

  I use all my energy to look as composed as I can. But I don’t know how long I’ll last before I explode with panic.

  “If he had some kind of power, wouldn’t the book have mentioned it?” Talden asks him. “The mind-reader is the only one documented in this area.”

  Fraisha ignores him and continues scrutinizing me. I’m holding my breath, sweat running down my face like I’m getting rained on. “Well, I suppose there’s no way to know for sure,” he says, ending his examination of me. “We still haven’t found the mind-reader, so there’s no way for me to know if he made this whole thing up.”

  “No, there’s a way to find out if he’s been lying about the tiger-bears,” says Talden. “Tomorrow, we’ll take him out and have him find his tiger-bear friends for us. We won’t have to hike back to the mountains to find them. They’re afraid of the Starlights, just like we are. They’ll stay around here where it’s safe. If they’re out there, Taiyo will find them for us tomorrow.”

  I gasp and Fraisha smiles, noticing this. “Good idea. And if we find these tiger-bears, we’ll teach them to serve the Darkane.” Talden nods. “Regarding the rest of the story, however… the part that Taiyo ‘doesn’t remember’, will return to him once he’s had time to rest and eat. I said earlier you’d be rewarded for bringing my brother back safely. I meant it. From this night on, you’ll be fed double your normal portion. That should start jogging your memory which… by the way… I’ll be revisiting again soon.”

  #

  “Taiyo,” whispers a familiar voice in the dark cell five minutes after Talden throws me in. I turn to where I heard the voice. He approaches me until I see him clear enough in the dark.

  “Y-Yuuto?” I ask, surprised.

  He grins and then bows. “It’s wonderful to see you again, Taiyo—my friend.”

  Friend… it feels so weird to hear that… like it wasn’t meant for me.

  But it was meant for me… because we really are friends. We are. I’m not assuming. I’m not imagining. He really did call me his friend. Wow. It feels so weird to even think about it. I mirror his gesture. “It-it’s good to see you, too… Yuuto…”

  We raise our heads, making eye contact. Then we smile. “You’ve gone through so much. I almost couldn’t believe it all.”

  I chuckle nervously, recalling all the horrible memories. “Oh… uh… yeah… ha ha. These past two days have been the scariest of my life.”

  “Without a doubt… I don’t know how you did it. It’s incredible. You’re incredible. I wouldn’t have been able to do anything you did, that’s for sure.”

  I’m surprised to hear him say this. Incredible? Did he say I’m incredible? Me? I’ve never heard anyone say that about me before.

  “Well, it’s true, Taiyo. Most of all, you were courageous—more courageous than anyone I’ve ever seen. Even when your life was threatened, you not only planned out a way to escape, you put others before yourself and rescued them. I don’t know how you did it. Even as terrified as you were, you stepped out and did what people like me would have never been able to do… it’s inspiring...”

  I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I’m so confused. The whole thing was a disaster—all of it… wasn’t it? As the mind-reader, can’t he see that? There were so many things that could have been done better—that would have been done better if they were done by someone else.

  “That’s not true, Taiyo. You stood your ground and came up with a way to save your friends, no matter how hopeless the situation seemed. It’s not about how well you did that matters. It’s that you actually did it! And you did what many others wouldn’t have done.”

  “You-you mean others wouldn’t have tried to save their friends?”

  “I’m afraid not…”

  “Really? Why not?”

  “Because they panic… like you did, ha ha. But unlike everyone else, you didn’t lose your mind and run to save yourself. You thought of your friends and fought to save them. You don’t understand how much courage that takes. Of course, every person alive is going to say that they’d die for their friends, but when the time comes, only the most courageous keep their word. I’m not just calling you courageous to make you feel good, I mean it. I envy it. I admire it.”

  Hearing these words should uplift me and make me feel good about myself… but then I remember something that invalidates everything he just said to me… and he seems to notice it, mirroring my self-pity. “Oh... I see…” He faces the ground as I do. “You can’t accept what I’ve said because you couldn’t bring yourself to save Kagami when she was in danger…”

  Grinding my teeth, I beat my fist on the stone ground. “I did nothing for her!” I shout, but quickly m
ind my volume. Tears rain down my eyes. “I literally stood there and watched them beat her… even with all my power I…”

  “Go on… it’s okay. Be honest with how you feel.”

  “I-I hate myself. I did nothing—absolutely nothing... while she suffered. I’m a coward. There’s nothing courageous about me. I stood by and watched them beat her… like a stupid, helpless little boy. I’m garbage. Scum of the earth. Weak. Pathetic. I’m such an idiot… how could I for one second believe that she should ever be with me? I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve anyone. What kind of man watches the girl he loves get beaten and does nothing to save her? She should be with a man like Katsu, who risked his life to save her. Even Sadao risked his life to save her… while I... did nothing.”

  Yuuto nods, gulping. He lets a few seconds pass. “I get it, Taiyo… I get it.” He pauses. My peripheral vision notices him turning to face me. I look up to meet his eyes. I see tears and deep empathy. “I did nothing to save her either.” Then he shifts his eyes to the ground. “And this isn’t the first time I remained passive… while those important to me suffered…”

  I give him my full attention, waiting for him to continue. He hesitates, so I feel the need to say something to encourage him. “What-what do you mean?”

  He faces me again, appearing scared. He hesitates, gulps, but decides to continue. “I-I was once a resident of a village called Upai Village. It was a small village like yours. We were isolated and independent, minding our own business. Then, foreigners visited; people who were stronger and more numerous than us—people trained to fight. I read their intent, and knew what they were going to do. I could have warned everyone about them… but...” He pauses. Tears run down his cheeks. He wipes his eyes. “I… I…” More tears run down his cheeks. He tries his best to keep up with them, but they fall faster than he can catch them. “I-I was scared. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. I knew no one would have believed me, and I didn’t want to explain how I knew what I knew to everyone—because I’ve never told anyone about my mind-reading power. So I fled… I fled the village and saved myself… and then several minutes later… the village was plundered. Everyone I knew was captured and made their slaves. You know the rest of the story of how I got here…” He pauses. “Ha ha, it’s ironic really. I thought I was escaping fate, but instead I fell right into its true intended purpose for me… and you know what? I deserve every bit of it.”

  “No… you don’t. This isn’t the end for you… this isn’t the end of your story...”

  He faces me with watery eyes and then laughs, looking away again. “What’s funny is that you actually mean those words. You’re not saying that to make me feel better, or because you didn’t know what else to say.” He turns to examine me a moment. “You truly are a tender-hearted person, Taiyo. You genuinely care about people… and you believe in them… I wish I was more like you…”

  I don’t know what to say to that. I feel I need to come up with a compliment to give back to him, or otherwise I’m rude and arrogant.

  He chuckles, nodding. “But as kind as you are to other people, you’re never kind to yourself. I read often about how much you hate yourself. And all the things you believe are wrong with you.” He faces me—I see deep compassion in his eyes. “But the truth is, Taiyo, there is nothing wrong with you. You are good enough the way you are. There is no reason for you to hate yourself…”

  Suddenly, I notice tears in my eyes. Suddenly, I need to sniffle. Suddenly, I feel tightness in my throat.

  He looks away. “I’m the one who should be hating myself. And I do...” He scoffs. Tears escape his eyes—he’s forced to cover them with his hands. His teeth clench. “I… I abandoned them… I abandoned all of them, Taiyo… I…” He sniffles and desperately holds himself from breaking down. “I...”

  I embrace him and wrap my arms around his back. He weeps over my shoulder and I rub his back with my hand. “It’s okay… it’s okay, Yuuto…” He weeps harder. “It’s not too late. You can still save them. They’re not dead. They’re awaiting your rescue. You weren’t running away. You were strategizing. You escaped so that hope could survive.”

  “But what hope is there now? I’m a slave, the same as them. I gave them to the enemy to save myself… and now, I’m terrified the Leferians will give me to the Darkane. But maybe they should, and I almost hope they do… I would deserve it… and everything the Darkane want to do to me.”

  “No, no, no! Don’t talk like that. It’s not over. You can still save them… we just have to get out of here first…”

  “Get out of here?” he pulls away from my hug to see my eyes. “Are you changing your mind about staying passive?”

  “No I… I don’t want to get in the way of what Akio, Yumi, Katsu, and Sadao are planning… and I know they’re planning something. If I get involved, or do my own thing, I’ll ruin everything. So I’ll let them work it out. They know what they’re doing. Don’t worry. They’re great planners. They’ll come through for us….”

  “I hope so… I mean they’re definitely coming up with a great plan and everything, but… I don’t know. I just don’t know what the future holds… I can’t see it.”

  “I believe in them.”

  “But you don’t believe in yourself?”

  “I don’t want to risk ruining everything like I usually do.”

  “But you saved Akio, Yumi, and even Talden. You escaped the Starlights who are supposedly inescapable. You delegated the skies and the animals. And you came up with a brilliant lie to keep our secrets safe. You do not ruin things, Taiyo. You get things done, and rather impressively I might add.”

  “I don’t know… I feel like I got lucky all those times… I mean… what if next time my luck runs out?”

  “I get that, Taiyo… I’m scared of the future, too… but I don’t think you realize how powerful you are. That should give you confidence. My powers are impressive, but your powers give you control of the whole world. You have command over the skies, the lands, and the seas—even the heavens above. You could destroy the world if you wanted, uttering simple commands like telling the sun to move closer to the earth or telling the earth to break in half.”

  My eyes peel. “What?! I could destroy the world?! What do you mean?!”

  “Slow down, slow down. I didn’t mean to say that you’re going to destroy the world. I just said you could… if you wanted to. But you’d have to be intentional about it. It’s not like you’d accidentally destroy the world... so don’t get paranoid about that… okay? Taiyo! Okay?”

  I nod, gulping.

  “Say okay.”

  “Okay.”

  Capitalizing Chaos

  “G

  ood morning, Taiyo,” greets Fraisha as he approaches me in the courtyard with the other officers.

  I gasp when I notice all their eyes on me. I have to look away. But they retain their stares.

  “Are you ready to help me find your tiger-bear friends?”

  Not knowing what else to do, I nod, but don’t look at him.

  “Can I come?” Valida asks, all the officers facing her.

  “Since when do you go on missions?” Talden asks her.

  “Since when does Fraisha? I want a piece of the action.”

  “Only one officer is needed per mission,” says Judan.

  “Right… that’s why Talden’s mission went so well, right?” Talden scoffs.

  “It’s okay. You can come if you want, Valida,” says Fraisha. “It will be great to have you around.” She grins.

  “Wait,” says Judan stepping in front of both of them. “If another officer is joining Fraisha, then I insist I go.”

  “Why? You don’t think I’m competent enough?”

  “It’s not that. I just want you to be safe. The Starlights are nearing our territory. It’s very dangerous out there right now. I’d just feel more comfortable knowing you were here close to the fort, safe.”

  She scoffs. “I’m not any safer here than out the
re. But fine, Judan. You can go if you want. I’ll allow this since you asked so nicely.”

  “Thank you, sister.”

  “Excellent then,” says Fraisha, facing me suddenly. “Are you ready, Taiyo?”

  As they all face my direction, sweat runs down my forehead again. My heart races, and I gulp. I nod.

  “Good. We’re counting on you to help us find them.”

  “No funny business…” warns Judan with a strict tone. “We know you care about your friends, and want them to remain safe.” He pauses. “You understand what I’m saying, Taiyo?”

  “Y-yes.”

  “Alright you guys,” says Valida with a lively tone, clapping her hands. “Be safe out there, and be back soon, okay?”

  Fraisha and Judan nod. “Will do,” says Judan.

  Talden, standing with crossed arms, loosens his body and walks away without a word. Valida is the second to leave.

  Fraisha looks at me again. “For missions, we usually like our party to be four in number. Because you saved my brother yesterday, I’ll let you choose who you want to come on this mission with us.”

  I look at him, surprised with this.

  “Oh? You like that, huh? Well then, who would you like to bring? It can be any one person.”

  I don’t even have to think about it. I know exactly who I want—someone I feel the safest and most secure around. “C-can Yuuto come with us?”

  “Yuuto? Who is that?”

  “He is the new one we brought in not too long ago,” says Judan.

  Fraisha addresses a soldier nearby. “Bring Yuuto over to us.”

  The soldier bows and does so.

  I notice the intensity of color and abstract in Yuuto’s eyes again as he walks with the soldier towards us. I see he’s reading my mind and getting caught up to speed with everything. Seconds later, he nods, and I reciprocate. He looks at Fraisha and Judan who scrutinize him as he approaches. It’s frightening I’m spending the day with these two, because they are the most observant of the officers—and they’re together. But at least Yuuto will be with me.