“I’m not sure how much he understands,” Jake said, letting her change the subject.
“He’s pretty smart for his age. But you’re right, I don’t think he realizes we aren’t married.”
She kept walking and he had no choice but to follow her. Dammit, when had he become a coward? He took her elbow and led her up the path to the house. “He took to me being his dad really well.”
“I’m sure the two shopping carts of toys you bought him didn’t hurt.”
“Hey, the kid had never been to Toys “R” Us, Rissa. I think that constitutes neglect,” he said. Jake had never been to one, either. He and Peter had enjoyed their afternoon in the store immensely.
She pulled away from him and stopped. “Peter’s not neglected.”
“Hey, I was kidding. You’ve done a great job with our son. I’m proud to call him my boy.”
“Sorry about that. Must be the single mom in me.”
“Well, you’re not a single parent anymore.”
“No, I’m not. That’s going to take some adjusting for all of us. And for all his easygoing nature, you wouldn’t believe how stubborn he can be about things.”
“Sure I would. He’s your son.”
“I’m not stubborn.”
“What would you call it?”
“Determined,” she said with a faint smile.
They’d reached the house, but she didn’t enter. She stood there with her hands twisted together and waited.
He pulled her close for a quick hug and then opened the door to the house. Even though he’d never had any trouble sweet-talking women, suddenly he couldn’t find the right words to use with Larissa. He was out of his element here and he didn’t like it.
He led her back into the library. His folks were sitting on the floor with Peter, helping him put together a puzzle. Standing with Larissa at his side and watching his parents and son together, Jake felt like everything in his world had finally come together.
Seven
Larissa was glad to leave Crofthaven behind. She’d put Peter in the new car seat in Jake’s big Suburban while he went to have a few last words with his father and Wes. It was odd to see Jake and Wes at Crofthaven, but they fit in there in a way she’d never imagined.
Nicola had recommended a Vegas wedding and would contact a few of the bridal magazines to come and photograph her for their spreads. Jake had taken over when they’d reentered the living room and she’d been happy to take a back seat to him. This whole marriage thing still felt very surreal.
She knew she was never going to sleep tonight. Too much had happened and she needed time to herself to figure it out. She’d never imagined that having a child with a man could make things so complicated. There were some papers she had to sign before they were married. The family lawyer, Jake’s cousin Marcus, had recommended she get her lawyer to read them. Unlike the Danforths, she didn’t have a lawyer. But she had a friend from college who’d become one.
According to Marcus, the papers were straightforward—your run-of-the-mill prenuptial agreement with out too many complications. She understood why Jake had wanted a paternity test after reading it. Jake had more money and assets that she’d ever imagined.
She rubbed the bridge of her nose. She felt she was getting a migraine. She took Mr. Bear from her purse and tucked him into the car seat with Peter.
Though the hour was late, Peter was still awake. Meeting his family hadn’t intimidated him at all. He was practically buzzing with excitement. She sat next to him in the back seat of the car.
“Did you know my daddy has two brothers and two sisters?” he asked her.
She pushed his hair back from his eyes. “Yes, I did.”
“But one of my aunts is missing.”
Victoria. Jake had told her a little bit about it earlier. They’d found a body in the attic at Crofthaven and the family refused to believe the remains might be Vicky’s. But so far no proof had been offered. “I’d heard that as well.”
“My grandmother—she said I could call her Granny—told me all about them.”
“I’m glad. Do you like having all this family?”
“I guess. I’m tired, Mama.”
“I know, sweetie. Why don’t you close your eyes?” she suggested. He leaned against the side of his car seat. She had the idea it was going to take him a long time to settle down.
“Are they always going to be our family?” he asked.
She wondered at that. But she knew Jake well enough to know that he wasn’t going to let Peter out of his life now that he’d found him. “They’ll always be your family, kiddo.”
“What about you?” he asked. He reached for her hand and she gave it to him. He tucked it between his face and the car seat, leaning on her hand.
Though the angle was awkward, she didn’t pull her hand back. She loved these moments when he just needed to be touching her. “What about me?”
“Aren’t they your family?” he asked.
Family. It was the one thing that had always eluded her. She’d created her own little safe unit with Peter, but anything larger scared her. “I guess so. When your daddy and I get married, they will be my family, too.”
“What’s married?” Peter asked as Jake opened the door and climbed behind the wheel.
“I’ll explain more in the morning.”
“Okay, Mama.”
“You want to climb up front with me?” Jake asked.
“Sure,” she said. She leaned over and kissed Peter whose eyes were finally beginning to droop. She got out of the car and moved to the front seat.
As she closed the passenger door, she heard Peter’s sleepy voice. “Thanks, Daddy.”
“What for?”
“For my family.”
Larissa felt a pain deep in her heart. Of all the gifts that Jake had given Peter, he wasn’t impressed with the money he’d spent at the toy store. He’d been impressed by the one thing she’d never been able to give him. And it hurt to realize that she’d been depriving him of it all along because of her own fears.
“You’re welcome, buddy,” Jake said, his voice low and husky. He reached into the back seat and ruffled Peter’s hair.
They started the car and drove back toward Savannah in silence. Larissa’s thoughts troubled her. She’d never thought of herself as selfish, never realized that she’d put her needs in front of her son’s. She never acknowledged that the fear she’d always secretly harbored had driven her to isolate herself from others.
“I know this is kind of rushed, but I promise we’ll have a nice wedding.”
She knew Jake was trying to ease her mind. But she was having a hard time acknowledging her past behavior and dealing with the guilt it now caused her. “I’m sure whatever you decided on will be fine.”
He turned to look at her, his features stark in the dashboard lights. “I want it to be better than fine, Larissa.”
She hugged herself, feeling more vulnerable than ever, even more so than when she’d given birth to Peter alone in the hospital. “I’m not sure I deserve that.”
“Why not?” he asked. He’d turned his attention back to the road and she was glad. She didn’t want him to look at her.
“I just suddenly feel very selfish.”
He didn’t say anything, and she waited until they’d driven at least a mile before she spoke again. “I’ve been so afraid of getting hurt that I didn’t think of Peter.”
“You said it earlier—he’s not neglected.”
“Who’s to say what constitutes neglect? I’d never realized how my own fears were shaping him. He really took to your mom.”
“Yes, he did. She took to him, too. She offered to watch him when we go to Vegas,” Jake said.
“I’m sure he’d love that.”
“Good. That’s settled.” He reached across the seat and took her hand, holding it in his for a minute before placing it on his thigh. She felt reassured in ways she shouldn’t because she’d promised herself that she wouldn’t let hers
elf care for Jake.
It was more important than ever that she make this marriage work. If she didn’t, then they’d all end up hurt. And she wasn’t going to be responsible for causing the men she loved any more pain.
It was midnight a week later and Jake was wide-awake. So he got out of his bed and wandered down the hall to the kitchen. He tried to pretend it was family concerns that disturbed him. Wes had been out at Crofthaven all week trying to stop a computer virus that Uncle Abe had downloaded with his e-mail. His father hadn’t called once but Jake knew the old man was disappointed. His mom had dropped by twice and Larissa had disappeared each time.
Too much had happened lately. It wasn’t every day that he found out he had a son. And that was partly the reason for his restlessness. But he knew the true reason was the sweet blonde sleeping in the room next to his.
Larissa was more of a woman than he remembered. It wasn’t as if he’d forgotten her in the almost four years since he’d last seen her. She’d always elicited a blend of bittersweet memories. He’d thought he’d scared her away that long-ago night with his love-making. Larissa had always been so innocent—having a one-night stand would have been enough to scare her.
He opened the fridge and stared at the contents. Larissa had brought groceries on her way home. He reached past the soy milk and grabbed the six-pack of Coors that had been pushed to the back of the fridge. He took the six-pack outside. He stretched out on one of the loungers, feeling the moisture that had developed from the night air saturate his T-shirt. He pulled it off and tossed it on the ground next to the beer.
Tipping his head back, he watched the stars. He remembered one time when Larissa had talked him into going to the observatory. They’d spent the night listening to Dark Side of the Moon and watching constellations.
Damn, that was a long time ago. Sometimes he felt years older than he was.
He heard the scrape of footsteps on the ground and turned to see Larissa silhouetted in the doorway. She wore a nightshirt that buttoned down the front. It wasn’t meant to be sexy even though it did leave her long legs bare, but he found it so. To distract himself he took a long draw on his beer bottle. As a distraction, it was a piss poor one.
Jimmy Buffett had the right idea when he’d written “Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw.” Just mindless sex with Larissa was what he needed tonight. But he knew in the morning it would have consequences.
He ached for her. And having her here in his house made that ache deepen. He’d never had a woman here overnight. With all the traveling he’d done in recent years, there really hadn’t been time for a relationship. Hell, that was an excuse. He could have had a woman the night before and he’d still want Larissa with this gut-twisting need.
He knew he wasn’t going to sleep or have anything resembling comfort until they’d spent a few hours in bed together. But he’d agreed to a platonic marriage. He intended to try to honor it.
“Can I join you?” she asked. Her hair hung in waves around her shoulder, tousled and disheveled from sleep. He knew she was a natural blonde, but there were so many different shades in her hair that he used to suspect she dyed it. But dying her hair wasn’t something that Larissa would do. She was always very genuine.
“Sure. You want a beer?” he asked, gesturing to the six-pack at his feet.
She shook her head and hesitated near his chair. “Are you getting drunk?”
What would she do if he was? “Nah. Just passing time.”
“Are you okay?” she asked. She glanced around for somewhere to sit. The other chairs were damp with moisture. She picked his shirt up from the ground and used it to wipe down the seat of one of the lounge chairs. She dragged it closer to his lounger and put her feet on the bottom of his.
Such small, feminine feet. His looked big and rough next to hers. He wanted to explore all the ways they were different. To strip them both naked and take his time with the exploration.
“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” he asked, to distract himself from her sweetly curved body and the images of her body dancing in his head. One night years ago wasn’t enough.
“Well, it’s after midnight and you’re sitting in the dark drinking. Something about that doesn’t seem like the confident man I’ve come to know.” She ran her toe up his calf, teasing him. Her toenails were painted a deep luscious red that confirmed what he already knew. There was more to the prim librarian than she wanted the world to see.
He glanced up and realized she’d been watching him stare at her legs. “I can’t sleep.”
She ran her toes back down his leg and then tucked her feet under her and tilted her head to the side. “Why not?”
“You don’t want to know,” he said, draining his bottle of beer. He leaned over to replace it in the carton and get a fresh one. He twisted the cap off and offered it to her.
She reached forward and took the bottle. Her shirt gaped open and he had a glimpse of the inner curve of her breast. His body hardened a little more, and he shifted his legs to find a more comfortable position.
She took a long sip of the beer and then handed the bottle back to him with a smile. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know what was keeping you awake.”
“I’m hard with wanting you,” he said baldly.
“Oh.”
“I had a feeling you’d say that. Go back to bed, Larissa, before I forget my good intentions and seduce you.”
She stood up and he felt a twinge of disappointment. “Who seduced whom the last time?”
She walked away before he could respond to her. And he watched the smooth swaying of her hips.
Larissa double-checked her seat belt and waved goodbye to Peter in Miranda Danforth’s arms as they drove away. Ten days had passed since she’d let Jake know he was Peter’s dad. Tears burned the back of her eyes and she stared out the window until she had her emotions under control. Jake drove away from his parents’ home through Savannah and headed to the airport.
Jake’s family home was just as luxurious as Crofthaven, but a little smaller in scale. It was also homier. The walls in the family room had been covered with pictures of Jake and his siblings at various ages. And there was a display that was practically a shrine to the trophies Jake had won playing soccer.
“What happened with Victoria?”
“She disappeared at a concert.”
“When?”
“Years ago. We all feel responsible. She was our baby…”
“You can’t protect everyone.”
“I know. I just—I bought her those tickets, Rissa. Me. The big brother who always spoiled her.”
“It’s not your fault.”
She waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t. He’d been like this since they’d gotten up this morning. Was he having second thoughts? She wouldn’t blame him if he did—she had a few doubts herself that this marriage was the right thing to do.
“Have you changed your mind about our wedding?” she asked.
He fiddled with the radio dial, tuning in a rock station. “No.”
He turned the volume up and Three Doors Down sang about being Superman. She tried to relax against the leather seat, but she couldn’t. She tried to tell herself that this marriage wasn’t their kryptonite, but it felt like it.
She tried to tell herself it was the fact that she was leaving the Southeast, something she’d never done before. She tried to tell herself it was the fact that she’d left Peter with her soon-to-be in-laws. She tried to pretend it had absolutely nothing to do with the man sitting next to her.
“I’ve never been out of Georgia, really. I mean, I’ve been to Hilton Head, but that’s practically Georgia, it’s so close.”
He didn’t turn the volume down or even glance her way. She remembered last night when he’d put her hand on the top of his thigh. “You’re rambling.”
“Yes, I am. I wonder why?” she asked. She wanted to touch him again. Even though they had an early flight, he’d still taken time to go for a run this morning
. His legs were muscled and solid. Her fingers tingled with the remembered feel of his leg under her touch.
“Nervous?” he suggested.
“I wasn’t until you started acting like some darned robot this morning.”
“Robot?” His tone was disinterested. He’d practically ignored her at his parents’ house.
“Listen, Jake, I’m not in the mood to play word games with you. If this is what our married life is going to be like I don’t think we should go through with it.”
He turned the radio off and removed his sunglasses, glancing over at her. There was something unreadable in his eyes that warned her that he was not in a pleasant mood. “It’s too late for that.”
“No, it’s not.”
He didn’t say anything else and Larissa knew she should have remembered the lesson she’d learned a long time ago. That she couldn’t really depend on anyone but herself. Despite what he said, she knew her shoulders were strong enough to carry the burden of single-parenthood. She wanted to take Peter and her grandfather’s Bayliner and take to the sea. They would find a place where the two of them could live together—maybe an island somewhere.
But she knew her son wasn’t going to be happy leaving behind his new family. And Larissa could never live without her son.
“I don’t want to live my mother’s life, Jake,” she said quietly.
“You don’t have any family to disown you,” he said.
Nice of him to point that out. She wrapped her arms around her waist and hugged tightly. “I have Peter.”
“We have Peter,” he said.
“We don’t have anything except a media blitz between us.”
He cursed under his breath. One of his less flattering habits was that tendency of his to curse when she made him mad. She made a mental note to lecture him on that at a later time.
He pulled the car to the side of the road and turned to face her. “I’m not sure what you want from me.”
Sin City Wedding (Dynasties: The Danforths Book 3) Page 7