To All the Cowboys I've Loved Before

by D. R. Graham

  “She wants me to see a specialist. I almost definitely need ACL surgery.”

  Her hands grip the steering wheel and she focuses on the road. “At least it’s not a broken bone.”

  “This is worse. Broken bones heal faster than ligaments.”

  “Oh.” She glances at me again, gauging my foul mood. “I don’t know the right thing to say.”

  “Nothing,” I mumble. I’d rather not be in a shitty mood around her, but I’m pissed. There’s a waitlist to even get an appointment with the specialist. The recovery from the surgery, once I get it, will take months. No rodeos. No money. And with Chuck out of the house and Dad needing to hire someone for the ranch, the timing couldn’t be worse. Not that there would ever be a good time to get injured. It goes with the business, but it’s still frustrating as hell.

  Della gives me space to be grumpy for the rest of the drive home, which I appreciate. She parks on the street in front of the house and leans over to kiss my cheek. “I’m sorry you’re injured and won’t be able to ride or help your dad for a while.”

  “Thanks.”

  “If it makes you feel any better, I had an idea while we were driving. Well, actually, I had about a thousand ideas but only two that you’ll likely be interested in given your current state.” She hops out of the truck and jogs around the back to get the crutches they gave me at the hospital. “I was thinking you could call Stuart and see if he can line up some modeling jobs for you.”

  “I’ve been out of that game for a long time.”

  “But you could get back into it,” she says with enough enthusiasm for both of us.

  “They don’t like to book rodeo cowboys who are likely to show up with a black eye or missing teeth.” Crutches annoy me, so instead of using them I carry them as I limp up to the house.

  “Yeah, but Stuart told me that you had a ton of potential and if you had been willing to focus on the modeling you could have done really well.” She opens the door and swings it to the side to let me in.

  “I don’t love it, Della. I love bronc riding. I only modeled back then because it was fast, easy cash. I didn’t want to focus on it.”

  “Okay, I respect that. But a few photo shoots will make up for the money you’ll be missing at the rodeos. Only while you’re injured and can’t ride anyway.”

  I smile and wrap my arm around her shoulder. “Okay. You convinced me. What was the second idea you thought I’d like?”

  Her eyebrow arches before she laces her fingers with mine to lead me upstairs. It’s obvious by her half-smile and the way her head is spinning to check for BJ and Chuck that she’s about to do something sneaky. She hooks her fingers over my belt buckle and tugs to silently invite me into her room. I don’t know what she’s got planned, but I can tell I’m going to like it. She steps closer and rests her index finger on my chest, applying enough pressure to guide me backwards towards the bathroom.

  “You need a shower.”

  I nod, hoping she’s getting at what I think she’s getting at.

  “Do you mind if I watch?”

  I remove my shirt. “You want to watch me shower?”

  She nods and leans back against the wall. “I have very much enjoyed our nightly make-out sessions. And I can’t even express how much I appreciate the fact that you have been patient with me and taken things slow over the last few weeks. However, we are consenting adults, and I’m ready to take our relationship to the next level. Not all the way, but up one notch. If that’s cool with you.”

  “It’s definitely cool with me.”

  She glances down as I drop my jeans and boxer briefs. Her mischievous expression transitions into a cute combination of intrigue and apprehension as she studies me. All of me. On full display.

  “Your knee is very swollen.”

  I laugh at the fact that’s what she decided to focus on. “I can’t even feel it.”

  She exhales slowly as if she’s attempting to maintain composure, then she spins around and enters the bathroom ahead of me.

  “Do you want to join me?” I ask.

  Her gaze scans down my body before she quickly returns to the safety of eye contact. “Maybe.” She hops up to sit on the counter, ready for the show. “Later.”

  I step into the shower and turn the water on. Shampoo commercials in showers, gay men’s magazine spreads in waterfalls, western wear print ads in rivers—I’ve modeled in a lot of water over the years. It’s going to be a good show. Her eyes widen and her mouth drops open slightly as the water cascades over my body.

  Once I’m fully lathered, I gesture with my finger to invite her to come closer.

  After a slight hesitation, she slides off the counter and crosses over to stand up next to the shower glass.

  I open the door. Then, to my surprise, she makes the first move. She reaches in the shower and grabs the back of my neck to pull me in for a kiss—open mouth, the perfect amount of tongue. Her other hand slides up my thigh until she’s touching me. I go hard against her palm, and she flinches back at first, but then as we kiss, she relaxes and squeezes the tip softly.

  “Is it okay if I touch you?” she asks as she looks down at my entire extended length resting in her palm.

  “Definitely.”

  “Am I doing it right?” she asks as I dip forward to kiss her neck.

  I lift her up by the armpits and place her in the shower in front of me to show her how to form an ‘o’ with her finger and thumb around the tip and then guide her other hand further down to the base of the shaft. With my hands over hers I show her how much pressure and twist I like. Then I vary the speed, so she’ll get the hang of changing the stroke up. Her hair and clothes are soaking wet, which turns me on even more. She concentrates so intently on getting it right that a crease forms between her eyebrows. It’s cute.

  I reach for the bottom hem of her blouse and pause to check if she’s okay with me removing it. She nods and then lifts her arms over her head. The clasp of her light pink bra unlatches with a quick flick of my fingers and the satin straps slide down over her pale shoulders. She covers her chest with her arm self-consciously as she drapes the bra over the glass, then she slowly gets more comfortable and lets her arm drop away. I lean in to leave a trail of kisses from her shoulder, along her collarbone, and down the slope of her breast. Then I take her nipple in my mouth, briefly. She closes her eyes and exhales as if my touch is the most incredible thing she has ever experienced, which is another huge turn on.

  Her hand slides back down to fondle me. All my weight is centred over my left leg, and I have to hold onto the shower door for balance, but I don’t care. She kisses my chest and then lowers down to my abs as she continues to work both hands. I drop my head back as she hits exactly the right rhythm. Just the thought of her taking me in her mouth nearly sends me over the edge. Then she does it. Her lips slide around the tip and her tongue dances across the sensitive skin. “Holy shit,” I say under my breath as the sensation travels into my body. She glances at me with apprehension, maybe because she misread my initial shock for dissatisfaction. To reassure her and encourage her to keep going, I wink and caress the side of her face. Everything she’s doing feels awesome, more intense than ever before. Partly because I’ve been waiting for a while, but mostly because it’s her. She moves from a crouch to kneel on the tile and her hand slides around my hip to grab my ass as she lets me slide deeper into her mouth. I’m already there, so I pull out. Every muscle in my body tenses and then I release with a shudder.

  Della reels back, almost startled by how fast I came. Then she pauses, unsure what to do next. So, I ease her back up to stand against the wall tiles and rest my palms above her head.

  “Sorry. I didn’t expect it to go that fast. Did I do it wrong?” she asks.

  “You did good. It went fast because I want you so bad.”

  “Really?” She searches my face with a wide-eyed expression, as if she’s worried that I’m only saying that to make her feel better.

  To prove I’m
serious, I consume her mouth with mine and caress her breast. Her fingers dig into my back as she drags them down from my shoulders to my waist. She draws our hips closer together and I lift her skirt until I’m pressing up against the crotch of her underwear. It makes me hard again. “Are you ready for your turn?”

  “Um. We’re talking about oral sex, right? I’d like to try it. Yes. I’m not sure if I’m ready for real sex, though. Partly because, have you seen how large you are?” She points down between my legs and widens her eyes in a hilarious expression.

  I laugh, which I probably shouldn’t do when she is already insecure about her inexperience. “We’ll only do what you’re ready for. Let’s move to the bed.”

  “Okay.” She removes her wet skirt and underwear.

  I turn the water off and open the shower door to grab two towels. “I’d carry you, but with my knee screwed up and your natural lack of coordination, we might end up back in emergency.”

  “Walking is fine,” she laughs before she scuttles into the bedroom, clutching the towel around her body.

  I chuckle and then follow behind her.

  “Is it okay if we keep the lights off?” she whispers.

  “Yeah,” I say and reach for her through the dark. She drops the towel and wraps her arms around my neck. “Say stop or slow down whenever you want to, okay?”

  Although I can’t make out much more than her silhouette I see her nod.

  I slide my palm along her waist, then over her hip. “Stand with your feet a little farther apart.” She widens her stance and then gasps slightly as I trail my finger between her legs, dipping inside her just for a second. She raises up on her toes to kiss me and guides my hand back to invite me to do it again.

  “You like that?” I whisper as I slide two fingers in and out of her, slowly.

  “Yes,” she whispers and drops her head back, which lifts her breasts irresistibly. I take one nipple in my mouth while still alternating between sliding fingers inside her and applying gentle pressure to her clitoris. She’s wet and her breath is raspy in her throat, which makes me even more eager to make her come.

  My knee is killing me, though, so I pause long enough to lift her up and place her on the bed. “Bend your legs.” She does and I dip down to kiss along her inner thigh. “Is this okay?” I ask.

  “Um yeah. It feels like you’re doing it right.”

  I chuckle. “I meant are you okay with what I’m doing?”

  “Oh. Like consent. Yes. I consent. What you are doing is consensual. Everything you have done so far has been fine, as in you had consent. And it was literally fine too, as in it feels great. Not that I have anything to compare it to, but I’m sure if I did it would still be the best thing I’ve ever experienced. It hasn’t been a month yet, though. My sister said, ugh, never mind. I’m Sorry. I’m being weird.” She groans and covers her face with her arms. “Can you please just keep going so I’ll stop talking?”

  “I like it when you talk.” I smile and then kiss my way down from her knee, sliding my fingers inside her again. “Say my name.”

  “Oh my goodness.” She arches back from the pleasure of being simultaneously touched on her breast, kissed on her clitoris, and fingered. Her hands clutch at the sheets and her hips buck. “Which name?”

  “Whichever one you want to say.” I lick in a straight line between her legs, then swirl the soft, flat side of my tongue like I’m tasting the icing on a cinnamon bun. That one does it for her.

  “Havie,” she whispers as she quivers against my lips.

  The way she says it sounds so damn hot. I thrust my tongue inside her and tease her clit lightly between my fingers. Her breath catches again almost as if she’s about to cry, so I pause. “Is this okay?”

  “Consent. Consent. Holy shit. Easton. Don’t stop.”

  Amused that I made her curse, I laugh and then get to work. Well, it’s not work. Discovering everything about her body is like wandering through a pristine wilderness that has not only never been touched by anyone else, it has never even been seen. I want to stay in the moment forever, suspended in its perfection. But I also want to take her to the brink.

  Her breathing is rapid and quiet moans roll in her throat, so I figure-eight the tip of my tongue over the surface of her clit. And she’s there. A tiny whimper escapes from her lips as she throws her head back and comes in several waves. It’s so beautiful to watch her completely undone.

  I’ve been with virgins before, but I didn’t really know what I was doing back then. Based on her reaction, I’m going to assume she appreciates my current skill set.

  “Wow. Holy cow. Thank you.” She flops back on the pillow and combs her fingers through her hair as she basks in the lingering euphoria. “I might want that to be my goodnight kiss every night from now on.”

  “Fine with me.” I slide up to lay next to her and lace my fingers with hers.

  She lifts our intertwined hands and kisses mine. “Sex is even better than that?”

  “It’s all that and more.”

  She inhales deeply as if the thought of more is hard to comprehend. Her head turns on the pillow to face me. “Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight?”

  I kiss her forehead. “Yes. If you’re comfortable with it.”

  “I’m a heavy breather, according to my sister.”

  “It won’t bother me. I can sleep through a tornado.” I reach over to arrange the other pillow under my head.

  “My hair gets really messy when I sleep. I don’t wake up looking pretty.”

  I chuckle and make her roll onto her side so I can spoon up against her back. “Me neither.”

  After lying peacefully in my arms for a while, she says, “Easton?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Don’t worry. I’m not going to talk all night. Although quite a bit of adrenaline is still pulsating through my veins and I’m probably too excited to sleep. But I’ll be quiet so you can sleep. I just want to tell you that I like everything about you.”

  I smile and give her a squeeze to pull her tighter to my chest. “I like everything about you, too.”

  She’s quiet for about a minute but then rolls over to face me. “Sorry. One last thing. Are we dating? Or are we just friends who happen to kiss each other in a really sexy way?”

  “What do you want us to be?”

  Her finger touches my lip first and then she leans in to kiss me. “I want to be your girlfriend.”

  I slide my hands up her neck to cradle her perfect face with my palms. “Della, would you do me the honor of agreeing to be my girlfriend?”

  Her eyes widen with excitement but instead of agreeing she says, “I don’t want to cause more problems in the roommate department. Do you think they’ll mind?”

  “BJ will be happy because I’ll owe him five hundred bucks. And as far as I’m concerned, Chuck doesn’t live here anymore.”

  “I told you I want to try to fix that. And if I can, it would be better to spend that money on hiring someone to help your dad. We don’t have to tell them.”

  I nod. “We’ll see. Don’t worry about it right now.”

  She rolls over again to snuggle her back up against my chest. And she’s quiet for less than thirty seconds before she says, “You’re my first boyfriend, by the way.”

  I laugh and whisper, “I figured that. Now, go to sleep so we can do this again in the morning.”

  She nods, fluffs up her pillow, and is quiet for ten seconds before she lunges out of bed. “I have to pee.”

  She runs nude to the bathroom, and I can’t stop smiling. She’s definitely one of a kind. I already can’t imagine my life without her in it.

  This is exactly what my dad tried to warn me about.

  Chapter 13

  Della

  Easton and I explored each other’s bodies again once we woke up. I’m not quite ready for going all the way, but thanks to the extensive research I did on giving head, I think he’s happy with how far things have progressed so far. After we showered, he
made sure Chuck isn’t home and then he left to run some quick errands to pick up an anti-inflammatory prescription at the pharmacy and to transfer money at the bank for his dad. He gave me five one-hundred dollar bills to give to Bailey, who is already downstairs eating breakfast.

  “Morning,” I say as I slide the cash across the counter.

  BJ looks up from his cereal bowl and smiles. “You guys sealed the deal?”

  “Let’s just say that Easton feels he owes you some money.” I pour myself a glass of orange juice, proud of the fact that I took the leap. “That’s all I will be sharing.”

  “Congratulations.”

  “Thank you.” I bite into a muffin and then sit next to him at the bar. “How’s your assignment coming along?”

  “Not great. I’m only half done and it’s worth forty percent of my mark.”

  “You still have the rest of the weekend to work on it.”

  “The timeline isn’t the only problem. I’m on academic probation. If I don’t get at least a B on it, I’m going to get expelled.”

  “Really?” Wow. Flunking out is serious. It would be a huge blow, not just to him personally, but to his mom and sisters back home, too. I’m vicariously anxious for him. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

  He shrugs and swirls his spoon between his soggy Cheerios. “How much do you know about international trade barriers?”

  “Nothing. Easton probably does, though.”

  He stands and walks over to the sink to dump the milk from his bowl. “He’s already helped me get this far, and he has his own assignment due on Monday.”

  “He does?” I shake my head, wondering where he’ll find the time to do everything. I’m a distraction, obviously. Not just to him but to myself, too. Last night and this morning were amazing, but we can’t lose focus on our academics. We need to talk about how to balance everything when he gets back. Maybe I should run things by my sister for a second opinion.

  The front door opens, and I assume it’s Easton. Instead, Chuck walks into the kitchen. “Hey, Della. Sorry I was a dick to you yesterday. No hard feelings?” Without waiting for my response, he opens the fridge door, grabs the milk, and drinks straight out of the carton.