To All the Cowboys I've Loved Before

by D. R. Graham

  Della looks as excited as I feel to know we got the thumbs up. I open the car door for Mrs. Koskov and then wrap my arm around Della’s waist to pull her close as we wave goodbye. Once they’ve turned the corner, Della turns to face me and casually drapes her arms over my shoulders. “Nicely done, Mr. Lewis. You were a big hit. You should be very proud of yourself since they’ve never liked any of my sister’s boyfriends, not even the one she married. He still has to sit at the kid’s table every Christmas.”

  I laugh because I can vividly imagine that.

  She leans in to kiss me. “How do you think they figured out that I have a major thing for you? Is it really that obvious?”

  A breeze catches her hair and blows a strand across her cheek that I sweep away and tuck behind her ear. “Your dad knew because of the way I told Chuck to get out on the morning they arrived.”

  “Mmm. That was very chivalrous. But, for the record, I was holding my own.”

  “I know you were.” I slide my hands down to rest them on her hips. “Your dad also said you seem happy. He told me to make sure you stay that way.”

  Della lifts to her tiptoes and kisses me again. “Do you think you can handle that assignment?”

  I nod and touch the tip of my nose to hers. “I’m going to give it all I’ve got.”

  “Yay.” She spins around, which makes her dress flip up in a flirty way. She steps off the curb to head to the truck and looks over her shoulder with a sexy pout. “Do you have too much homework to kiss me goodnight tonight?”

  I rush to catch up to her and smack her ass. “I’m willing to pull an all-nighter.”

  “For which part, the goodnight kiss or the homework?”

  She stops next to the passenger door of the truck and I ease her up against it, leaving a trail of kisses down her throat. “I already finished my homework. My schedule’s wide open for the goodnight kiss.”

  Her teeth dig into her bottom lip seductively as she pulls me by the belt buckle closer to her. She slides one hand up to clutch my neck and whispers, “Good. Because I’m ready.”

  Damn. I have never been so excited to hear someone say that in my entire life. “Are you sure?”

  She nods and then spins around to open the door and hops in the truck.

  I don’t even get this jacked when I ride broncs. Once I sleep with her there’ll be no going back for me. I’ll be all in, and she’ll own me. Which means she will also have the power to destroy me. It’s like bronc riding, though. I can’t go in thinking about the possibility of being killed. The gate’s already wide open. All I can do now is hold on tight.

  Chapter 15

  Della

  Easton lights the candles on his windowsill, which smell deliciously like grapefruit. Then he turns on music. The song has a slow, sexy groove that I like. His bedroom is slightly smaller than mine, but his gorgeous, wood-framed, king-sized bed is spacious and the crisp white duvet is so fluffy and inviting. The goodies he bought at the pharmacy are lined up on top of his dresser, so I pick a bottle of lubricant and a box of ribbed condoms, then place them on the bedside table. My hands are trembling. Not in a bad way. Just in a fear meets excitement way—like right before the rollercoaster drops, or the moment you step out of an airplane to skydive. I really did parachute once to prove to myself that I could overcome smaller doubts and fears. It was a tandem jump with an instructor and I screamed the entire way down, but it was thrilling. And I survived. Obviously.

  I spin to face him. “Have you ever parachuted out of an airplane?”

  His eyebrows angle in amusement from the randomness of the statement. “No. I’m not a huge fan of heights.”

  I nod, wishing I was better at proper conversation instead of just odd blabbering. “You’re always so calm. How do you do it?”

  “I guess when the worst thing possible has already happened to you, everything else is minor in comparison.”

  Makes sense. Breaks my heart. He’s amazing. I want to be with him so badly.

  “I’ll be right back.” He winks, quietly opens the door, and disappears into the hall before he heads downstairs.

  Okay. Not sure if he expects me to undress while he’s gone, I just stand in the middle of the room, hugging myself like a dork. I can’t believe how amazing dinner went with my parents. The fact that they immediately liked him is such a relief. Not that their disapproval would have changed how I feel about him. I’m just shocked that everything has been so easy. Easton’s integrity undeniably exudes from him, and my parents would have to be oblivious not to notice, but they gave Yulia such a hard time about Alex. And Alex is a solid guy, too. He’s no Easton, though. Maybe they trust my judgment more than Yulia’s? Nah, that’s not it. Easton won them over with his no ma’ams, yes sirs, and protectiveness. Plain and simple. He’s so awesome.

  Wait. I should probably brush my teeth.

  I swing his door open and leap across the hall to my room. It would probably be a good idea to make it back to his room before he does so he doesn’t think I got cold feet and ran away. At super-human speed I brush my teeth, swish a capful of mouthwash and run the brush through my hair to smooth the fly-a-ways. Gah, on second thought, maybe I should hop in the shower really quick. Just a rinse.

  Shoot. I forgot to bring my towels up from the laundry room this morning. Still wet, I snatch my cute baby-pink sleep dress out of the dresser drawer, clutch it to my chest and literally split leap back across the hall, stark naked. I can’t be positive who, but someone is definitely coming up the stairs. I only caught a flash in my peripheral vision as I streaked by. Hopefully it’s Easton. Oh my goodness, what if it isn’t? Oh well. Too late now. Whoever it was is probably laughing so hard he rolled back down the stairs.

  The door inches open. Easton slips quietly back in with a bowl of strawberries and chocolate squares in one hand and an open bottle of champagne in the other hand. He’s smiling as if he wants to burst out in hysterical laughter but is purposely holding it back to be respectful of my feelings. “I liked the nude ballet show,” he says with a chuckle as he places everything on the bedside table.

  “It was inadvertent, but I’m glad you enjoyed it. I mean really glad it was you and not someone else who happened to see it.”

  He nods and his eyes scan my body. “Private shows are the best kind.”

  “And I didn’t wipeout. Although sprawling on the floor naked could have potentially been strangely erotic.”

  He laughs and removes his shirt, then switches the music track to Tennessee Whiskey and extends his hand. “Would you like to dance with me, funny girl?”

  I nod and step in to lean my head against his bare chest. His arms wrap around my body tenderly as we sway to the music. His heart is beating faster than it normally does, maybe he’s a little bit nervous and excited, too. It might just be from running down to the kitchen and back upstairs, though. He doesn’t seem to get nervous about anything. And he’s done this before, so it’s probably not as exciting after the novelty has worn off. Or maybe it is. What do I know? My heart feels like it’s doing cartwheels, partly because of the warp-speed freshen-up session, but mostly because there is no place I’d rather be than in Easton’s arms.

  Woo. I’m nervous and excited. My fingers have gone numb, so I shake them to get the feeling back.

  “You okay?” he asks.

  “What if I’m bad at it?”

  He laces his fingers with mine. “Remember the first time you saw me ride?”

  I nod and inhale deeply.

  “Sex is like bronc riding. You go in prepared but then turn your brain off. No fears. No analysis. Just feel the rhythm and let your instincts take over.” He kisses the back of my hand. “Hopefully you have the ride of your life, but if for any reason you’re not feeling it, you just jump off and try again another time.”

  “Okay.” Feeling more relaxed, I rest my arms on his shoulders as we dance. “I hope it’s like your ride that night. Let’s try to get in the zone and score in the nineties.”


  He laughs. “First time out, might be tough to score that high, but we’ll give it our best shot.”

  I’m so lucky. I don’t understand why people ever break up. If this is what it feels like to be in love with someone, who would ever throw it away? Maybe they don’t want to. Maybe it just unravels and there is nothing they can do to stop it. The feeling must fade over time. Or maybe the person changes. I hope neither of us ever change so much that I don’t feel this safe and this happy. I don’t want to ever forget how I feel in this moment.

  I press my lips to his chest, then reach down to unbuckle his belt. “Can you believe this? A month ago we didn’t even know each other. We clicked immediately. Meeting your dad went great. My parents basically like you better than they like me. You think my dorkiness is funny. And when you touch me it feels like heaven. It’s all so perfect. I never expected being in a relationship to be so easy.”

  “It isn’t usually this easy.”

  I stop swaying and tilt my head back to meet his gaze. “Why do you think it’s different this time?”

  “Because it’s meant to be,” he says with absolute, steadfast certainty.

  The seriousness of his tone ignites every nerve in my body and renders me speechless. My heart stops for a fraction of a second and tears build along my lashes, the overwhelmingly happy kind of tears. I’m lost for words, so I pop up on my tip toes, grab his face, and kiss him. Hard.

  Without hesitation, he swoops me off my feet and carries me to the bed. Seeing me laid out and nude on his bed makes him smile in the most irresistibly sexy way. He drops his jeans to the floor and kneels on the mattress to leave a trail of kisses along my inner thigh. They tickle. But not as much as the chilled champagne bubbles he dribbles along my abdomen. His tongue slides across my skin to lick the champagne in an insanely effervescent sensation that makes me squeal. He smiles and then places a square of chocolate in my mouth and rolls a strawberry over my lips. The chocolate melts on my tongue and his eyebrows lift seductively as he slides the strawberry across my collarbone and then touches its flesh to my nipple. It is ridiculously sensual and I’m glad I waited for the right guy to share the experience with. He sips champagne straight from the bottle before he bites into the strawberry, then he feeds the rest to me. My teeth pierce the fruit and the juicy sweetness bursts into my mouth. So delicious.

  Propped on my elbow I sit up and reach over to guide the champagne bottle towards me. He tips it into my mouth and the bubbly liquid slides down my throat in a tingly bliss, which he follows up with a deep kiss. I am so ready. And so is he. His smooth, fully erect penis brushes against my thigh as he reaches down with his hand to touch me between the legs. His fingers dip inside me and he groans.

  I swing my arm up and over my head, searching blindly with my fingers for the box of condoms. It takes me a few attempts to get it open and to separate one packet. He’s going down on me as I do it, so there’s no real rush. Although I am eager to do more. This is good, too. Oh my. Yeah. That feels amazing. Wow. What was I doing? Condom. Right. My eyes clench, partly because my brain doesn’t work great when he does that tongue trick, but also because my body moves on its own in unexpected back arches and toe curls. It’s just so, wow.

  Once I catch my breath and regain a semblance of brain function, I tear the foil wrapper and guide his chin so he’ll slide up and let me roll the condom on him. I’m confident with all the technical parts because I diligently researched proper condom use and even practiced with a banana. I’m still a little worried about what comes next, though. Nobody really has great stories about losing their virginity. I want him to enjoy it, which is why I want to be good at it. Is it weird to be a perfectionist about sex? Yes. Is it also weird to be thinking instead of just being in the moment? Yes. Come on, Della. This is it. Get a grip. It can’t be that difficult. I just need to remember what my sister said. Monkeys do it.

  “You okay?” Easton asks softly after he kisses my neck and applies a decadently cool and slick layer of lubricant between my legs.

  “Yes. Very okay. But please just do it so I’ll stop thinking.”

  He laughs and flips me over onto my hands and knees, then pulls my upper body up so we are both on our knees and my back is pressed to his chest. His right arm reaches around my hip to stimulate me from the front and then he enters me from behind, pausing to whisper in my ear, “Is this okay?”

  It feels stretched and full, and I’ll need him to go slowly, but it’s not painful, so I nod.

  His left hand cups my breast and his right hand taps gentle, rhythmic pressure to my clitoris as he slides deeper inside me. Every fibre in my body trembles from the high. I could easily come just from him being inside me, but I don’t want it to end so quickly, so I inhale and focus on prolonging the moment.

  “You ready to take things up another notch?” he asks in a smooth, sexy voice between leaving a trail of kisses down the side of my neck.

  “Yes,” I breathe out and guide his hands to caress my breasts. His hips buck behind me and he thrusts, getting deeper each time. His breathing deepens as the pace quickens and when it feels as if he’s getting close, I drop forward to brace myself with my arms on all fours. Arching my back, my hips lift so he can push even deeper. I love how it feels to be that close to him. Not just physically but emotionally. Everything about him is inside me now.

  “Yes. Yes. Yes!” I’m yelling. I can’t help it. I don’t care. It feels too good to care. His fingertips dig into my flesh as he squeezes my butt and when my orgasm releases, my muscles tense around his entire length, making him groan in pleasure. He’s made me come every time we’ve been together, but this time is different. It’s like three orgasms crashing in from different locations simultaneously. He thrusts one more time with a sexy rumble in his throat and then he clutches my hips towards him as he releases.

  Spectacular. That is the only way to describe it.

  He remains perfectly still for a couple breaths, then kisses between my shoulder blades and slides out. I collapse to the mattress and roll over onto my back. He’s smiling. That’s a good sign. He removes the condom and wraps it in a tissue, then slides down to lay beside me. I kiss him and stare into his eyes, which are sparkling from the flickering flame of the candles.

  “Thank you,” I whisper.

  “Thank. You. That definitely scored in the nineties.”

  “Are you just saying that so I won’t be embarrassed?”

  “No.” He laughs. “Couldn’t you tell it was great?”

  “Well, yeah. For me. It was mind-blowing. Way better than skydiving, which up until now was the most invigorating and life-changing thing I’d ever done. But I don’t know how it was for you. Truthfully.”

  He leans in and presses his lips to my ear. “It was unfuckingbelievable. Sorry for cursing.”

  The smile on my face stretches so wide it makes my cheeks hurt.

  Best.

  Night.

  Ever.

  Chapter 16

  Easton

  At three-thirty in the morning my phone rings. Della is asleep next to me, so I slide out of bed carefully to avoid waking her. It’s Phil, a friend of my dad’s.

  “Hey, kid. Sorry to wake you but I thought you should know your dad’s in the hospital.”

  “What happened?”

  “They don’t know yet. He didn’t come in by dark so a few hands went out to look for him. His horse stood by him, which helped them find him quick. He was confused as if he’d been knocked unconscious. And he was dehydrated. He might have been thrown. Or maybe it was something to do with his condition.”

  Shit. I sit on the end of the bed.

  “He was pissed off they took him to the hospital, so that’s probably a good sign. The doctors are running tests right now.”

  “All right. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Thanks for calling.”

  “Yup.”

  I end the call as Della sits up, clutching the sheets to her chest. “What’s wrong?”

  I stand
and kiss her on the forehead. “My dad’s in the hospital. I’m going to head out there.”

  “Oh, no. I’ll come with you.” She hops out of bed and heads towards the door as if she plans to go to her room and get dressed.

  “Thanks, but I don’t know how long I’ll have to stay. I don’t want you to miss school.”

  “I want to be there. For you.” Her eyebrows angle together and cause her forehead to crease.

  I step into my jeans and pull them up. “It might be nothing. He might have just been thrown from his horse. If it’s something more serious you can come out later.”

  She crosses her arms over her chest as if she’s just remembered she’s nude.

  I pull one of my t-shirts over her head and then bring her in for a hug. “I miss you already,” I whisper into her hair.

  She clutches my jaw. “Phone me as soon as you know how he is.”

  I feel like an asshole to run out on her right after we slept together. But I can’t not go. Maybe I should let her come with me. What if he’s laid up for weeks? I’ll have to stay there. God damn it. The timing couldn’t be worse. Maybe he just had a dizzy spell from heat exhaustion and fell off his horse. Hopefully I’ll be back by Sunday. I don’t want to think about what will happen if his condition is serious. Shit. I’m getting choked up. I gotta go.

  I pack a week’s worth of clothes and then rush out. She follows me down the stairs and kisses me one more time before I head out and get in my truck. I know it will be a mistake to look up at her standing in my t-shirt, face etched with concern. But I can’t help it. I throw the truck into park, leave the engine running and hop back out. She runs across the grass and jumps into my arms.

  “I’m sorry for leaving.”

  “Don’t be,” she says softly. “He needs you. I’ll be here waiting.” She reaches around and slaps my ass. “Go. I’m worried about your dad.”