“I needed that push.”
Their eyes locked for a moment of silent understanding, and something more. A connection he’d never experienced with someone else. She was the one for him. Although many parts of his life were still in flux, his feelings for her were a certainty.
He swallowed. “You were brave to step in there. I am the one who has been a coward.”
She cocked her head as she gazed at him. “How so?”
“You’ve confided in me, but I’ve been too chicken shit to do the same with you.”
She shifted her stance. “About what?”
He eyed her carefully before responding. This was a conversation he wouldn’t have with most people. Certain things he kept to himself. But this was Vivi—and she’d gone through so much herself. He drew in a long breath before replying.
He glanced at the red velvet loveseat where a gray cat curled up. “Can we sit?”
“Sure.”
She sat beside the gray cat, who then scooted away. “Sorry, Cassidy,” she said to the cat who found another spot on a cat climber.
He took the seat recently vacated by the cat, not caring if he ended up covered in fur. He took a deep breath and exhaled before raising his eyes to meet hers. “I told you that my dad died when I was twelve. I’ve been thinking about him a lot since I’ve been home.”
“That makes sense with being back with your family.” Her voice sounded soothing, encouraging him to continue.
“What I’ve been thinking about how I’ve been following in his footsteps since he died.” His ribs felt tight. “Before I deployed to Okinawa, I had a tour in Kabul. I lost one of my Marines in a firefight. He was shot right in the chest. We—we couldn’t save him.” Jack blew out another breath. “Martin was only twenty-three. He was someone’s son. A husband. And a father of an infant who would never know his father.” Tension twisted his muscles through a meat grinder.
“Oh Jack, I’m sorry.” Her tone was gentle. Genuine.
He counted to seven before continuing. “I’ve always felt responsible. Logically, I know there’s nothing I could have done to change things, since you can’t rewrite the past.” He lowered his gaze to the loveseat and rubbed the velvet beneath his fingers. “I think of all the things that could have gone differently, if only I’d changed one tiny factor that wouldn’t have put him in that spot where the bullet pierced his chest at that particular moment.” Shame and regret twisted him into knots. “Knowing that he left a family behind eats away at me. It’s similar to what happened with my father.” He swallowed a lump in his throat. “My family.”
Vivi gasped. “That must be tough.” She placed her hand on his thigh. “What you went through...”
He glanced at her hand and then raised his eyes to meet hers. Hers were full of warmth and compassion.
“It finally became clear to me why the military wasn’t the right path ahead. I don’t want to make the calls that could jeopardize someone’s life or tear—tear apart a family.” His breath came quicker as he searched her eyes. “An officer like me could make a call that leads to a lifelong consequence—or worse—for someone like you.”
Vivi released an audible exhale. “That’s an incredible amount of pressure and responsibility.” After two more pounding heartbeats, she added, “I’m glad you told me.”
So was he. Finally, he was able to wrestle those fragments and flashes of feelings into something that made sense in his head. She’d encouraged him to face those fears and uncertainties, no matter how painful they were.
She kept her hand on his leg, a silent promise that she was there for him. “I know it’s difficult to put those intense emotions into words.”
Vivi didn’t have to say anything else. Her presence comforted him.
She understood.
“Survivor’s guilt is a bitch-and-a-half, isn’t it?” He forced a grin.
“Sure is.” She raised her brows and nodded.
He put his hand on hers. “Enough of that. I came here with a promise to help out, not sit around on my ass. What do you want me to do first?” He rose to his feet.
She stood beside him. “You really want to help out?”
“Of course. I’m sure Cassidy will appreciate me freeing up her seat.”
“You’re probably right.” Vivi glanced over at Cassidy, still staring at him as if indeed ready to reclaim her seat.
When Vivi turned back to Jack, she beamed. Her smile branded him with her happiness. He’d never forget that look.
“Come on.” She pointed to the back. “There are a few cat carriers out back that someone donated, which need to be cleaned.”
He spent the next hour or so helping Vivi with her routine, which included the poop scooping duties he’d agreed to. It felt good to do something with his hands after the emotional weight he’d unloaded.
After they washed up, she asked, “Are you free after this?”
“Yes, why?”
“I’m wondering if you’d go back to the rock climbing gym with me.”
So many thoughts raced through his head. Did this mean she was ready to give it another shot? “Are you serious?”
“Yes.” Her eyes shined bright with determination. “That’s where I was before I came here.”
He replayed her words in his head, not sure if he’d heard them correctly.
“Once Ryan talked some sense into me, I reconsidered my stance. I remember you telling me about your cousin, and I watched videos of vets and heard their stories. Some had lost a leg and learned how to climb with adaptive equipment. Who am I to shove the idea aside, thinking I can’t? If they were up for the challenge, having more obstacles to overcome, then I can do it. They inspired me to take a chance and push myself.”
“That’s wonderful, Viv.”
An orange tabby wandered over, and Vivi crouched to pet it. “This morning, I went back to that rock climbing gym and talked to a trainer about options. I need to take it slow, start with easy climbs, but I took the first step—always the hardest, right?” She grinned and stood.
“Right,” he agreed.
“It was tough to adjust to my body’s limitations.” Her smile vanished. “I thought everyone was staring at me thinking oh, look at that poor girl. It was easy to get frustrated, and I was ready to give up, but I thought of you, with that look on your face, believing in me even when I didn’t believe in myself.” She angled her head and gazed at him with appreciation. “And I gritted my teeth and tried again. After a while, I stopped worrying about what others thought of me and began to enjoy the process. Eventually, I did it.” She shrugged. “Sure, it was the easiest part of the gym in the bouldering area, but I was off the ground.” Her eyes gleamed. “It was exhilarating to push myself again, getting lost in that mental space when you climb. Know what I mean?”
“I do.” He stared at her, and his heartbeat raced. “I admire you.”
Her brows furrowed and she her gaze dropped. “One thing that bothers me is that I can’t keep up with you. I might never be able to do so.”
That’s what she was upset about? It wasn’t even an issue. “Don’t be,” he reassured her. “I’ve spent years competing, facing challenges, and breaking personal records. With you, it’s different. It’s not a competition, it’s an experience. And I’d enjoy any kind of experiences with you—from going to dinner or watching a movie,” he admitted. “It doesn’t have to be some race.”
“What about DC?”
He shook his head and motioned decisively with his hands. “Off the table.”
“Why?” She searched his eyes.
“I like my options here more.” He stepped closer to Vivi and cupped her chin.
Her eyes glistened. “Me, too.”
His voice caught somewhere in his throat, and he swallowed. “You told me you didn’t want people to notice you’re different. But the thing is, to me, you are. Different in a wonderful way.” His breath came quicker now and skin turned hot. He moved his hand up and stroked her cheek. “You’re
not only beautiful, but unique. And I wouldn’t want you any other way. I’ll never forget the moment you entered my classroom years ago, changing my life for the better.”
Her lips quivered, eyes glistened, and then she broke into a smile. “If I hadn’t been hurt, who knows where I’d be stationed right now. One silver lining to my injury is that it gave me a chance to find and be with you.”
In that moment, his senses fired up as all the uncertainties in his life disappeared. He was falling in love with her. He guessed he had been for some time, as no woman had compared to her since they’d met. And now in the face of her adversity, her courage, determination, and tenacity made him admire her even more. “You’re amazing.”
“Oh stop,” she said with a wave as her cheeks turned pink. “So many others take on this challenge without all the doubts I had. I want to go back to try climbing with you. Will you be my partner?”
“In more ways than one, I hope.”
Her gaze met his, and heat simmered between them, shooting bolts of awareness all through his body. She excited him in so many ways. Their connection was underlined with something else—a silent sort of understanding that they were both committed to making it work.
Vivi nodded. “In more ways than one.”
His entire body lightened with vibrancy. Only she could do that to him. “You seem to have been a proper kick in the ass for me, as well. Besides confronting my demons, I’ve been busy trying to take the next step in my life.”
“You have?”
“Yes, with teaching. You reminded me what I love about teaching—when I’m able to reach someone with that passion. That’s what I want to do—inspire people. You challenged me to take a risk.”
She blinked twice. “How did I manage that?” Her brows drew closer in question.
“By encouraging me to dig deeper and figure out what I want. I learned it was time to break away from living my father’s life and to start living my own. I sent resumes and talked to people. My mom always knows someone who knows someone. She thought of a teacher who volunteers here at the shelter on Saturdays. She works in the Boston Public Schools and got me in touch with a director for a new program to reach a difficult student population. Turns out he served in the Marines and that made me stand out among the candidates. When we met, he said my military experience would be an asset, all the structure and discipline is key. I never considered teaching at a high school before, but I’m excited about the opportunity. I’ll need to take more classes, but that’s fine. I like to learn.”
“We’re talking a tough group in an inner city school?” Her brows arched. “Sounds challenging.”
“Says someone who’s been deployed to a war zone.” He grinned.
She shook her head. “I don’t have it in me to deal with a class of high school students. But you do. If anyone can reach them, it’s you. Your patience, your passion, even your bizarre sense of humor with those dreadful puns—you’d be great at it, Jack. I’m thrilled for you.”
He glowed under her compliment. She’d helped bring out the potential in him, and it sounded like he had somewhat of a positive effect on her. His insides softened, practically turned to mush.
Vivi rubbed her hands together. “Enough talking, it’s time to act.”
“How so?”
“That quick visit this morning might have given me the bug again.” She gave him a brilliant smile. “Let’s climb.”
Chapter 13
Vivi
When Vivi entered the rock climbing gym, the upbeat music pumped into her veins. She was eager to take on this new challenge. How different from the last time she’d been there with Jack. The walls with climbers didn’t appear as daunting. The scent of chalk reminded something she’d once enjoyed a great deal—even more so with Jack.
When he’d arrived at the cat shelter earlier with white roses, her heart had pitter-pattered like raindrops on a tin roof. Her outlook had brightened even more so throughout the day. She couldn’t think of a more perfect day spending it doing the things she loved with the man she—well—had probably fallen in love with long ago.
Everyone was fighting some battle, even if it wasn’t visible. Even someone who appeared so confident and put together like Jack. He confided in her and that meant a lot. It meant everything.
Maybe they could deal with their demons together.
She was learning to accept that things had changed, and she had to learn to live with it to move on. Sure, she couldn’t handle the tough climbs she had loved, but she was back in the gym again, with a man once so out of reach. If the impossible could come to fruition in one part of her life, maybe she could break through other limitations as well.
“Where would you like to start?” Jack asked.
His eyes shone with more green today than blue. Beautiful eyes that gazed at her, only her. The lighter streaks in his hair contrasted with the black on his shirt, which clung to his fit upper body with delicious perfection. She was one lucky woman.
“Bouldering.”
One song ended and the next one began—Conquest by the White Stripes. She reached for the first grip, shifting her weight. She couldn’t support her full weight on her injured leg, but if she used the wider grips and shifted much of her weight to other limbs, she could manage.
It was a workout, although it didn’t have the adrenaline-pumping rush of a vertical climb.
“Let’s try one of these walls,” Jack said. He pointed to the easiest challenges marked by lower numbers. “I’ll belay you.”
Instinct almost led her to decline, say she wasn’t ready. Instead, she took a deep breath. After she exhaled, she said, “Okay.”
After she put on the equipment, and he tied her to him, she took the first step off the ground.
The climb was more difficult than she’d remembered, and she stumbled. After a few more stuttering starts, she was ready to call it quits.
“You’ve got this, Viv,” Jack encouraged. “Go as slow as you need. Keep going.”
Taking a few deep breaths to get beyond the frustration, she listened to the surrounding sounds. Imagine Dragons’ Natural pumped through the speakers. Someone had fun with the playlists, which was something she could appreciate.
She reopened her eyes, ignored what the other climbers were doing, and then focused on her path up. It took several more attempts before she moved past the awkwardness with her new physical challenges.
With practice, she made progress and was able to climb part of the route. Such a small accomplishment gave her a tremendous rush.
After Jack lowered her to the ground, she threw her arms around him. “That felt incredible.”
“You did awesome.” He beamed at her with a proud expression.
She pulled back and gazed up at him. “Looks like all I needed was for you to get me off my stubborn, sorry ass.”
He laughed.
“What’s so funny?”
“I would describe it as a perfectly fine, sexy ass that I desperately wanted to touch while watching you climb up the wall.” He slid his hands down her back.
She slipped out of his grip before he reached her butt and raised an index finger. “You better keep your hands on the rope and not my ass while you’re belaying me.” With a sly smile, she added, “But later tonight is a different story.”
His eyes gleamed with excitement. “Can’t wait.”
He reached out and stroked her arm. Something else shimmered in eyes. Admiration?
“I’ve always known you were determined, Vivi, but I’ve never been more impressed than seeing you climb that wall today.”
A pleasant warmth filled her. “I wouldn’t have done it without you.”
He nodded and groaned. “I know, I pushed you. I’m learning to back off.”
“No, you believed in me,” she clarified. “Most people give me a pitying look, reminding me of what I’ve lost. You encouraged me to try something I once loved.”
She stared at the wall. Although she wanted to support Jack a
nd then go for another round herself, her limbs were heavy from the new activity. “Hope you don’t mind, but that tired me out. I need a break.”
“Go for it. I’ll get a couple of climbs in. I’m sure I can find someone to belay me.”
That was a relief. She wasn’t sure she could do it, which would take stability to ground herself on two feet to support him. One step at a time.
She got an iced tea from a vending machine and sat on a worn brown sofa in the seating area. Fall Out Boy’s Centuries played. She adjusted her position to be able to watch him climb.
He chose a route moderate in difficulty. A guy belayed him and Jack ascended up the walls with finesse. His muscles were defined as he pulled himself up and his face burned with determination. She took a large sip. He was captivating, and she couldn’t keep her eyes off him.
Picturing spending the night with him again made her flush. Her skin tingled with a slow rising. She’d never yearned for anyone as she had for Jack. And now that she’d swallowed some of her damn pride, they actually had a chance to start something.
Plus, he got her back in here. Her training in the gym would take practice, like it had taken time with physical therapy.
Her future appeared much brighter with Jack in it. Already she’d danced and climbed, both because of his encouragement. Maybe she’d take on new challenges as well.
Could she do something for him? A light sensation fluttered inside. Perhaps she had already, encouraging him to teach.
A relationship was one of the biggest challenges of all. And she was looking forward to building one with Jack. Apart they lacked something in their lives, but somehow together they worked.
After Vivi finished up with some physical therapy exercises and stretching on a worn blue exercise mat, Jack strode over and joined her. He stretched beside her and she couldn’t resist staring at how his muscles shifted beneath his skin.
After a few minutes, he asked, “Ready to get out of here?”
“Yes.” She stood and walked over to the locker where she’d stashed her belongings.
Jack: A Second Chance Marine Romance Page 12