A Shot at the Big Time

by Christina McMullen

  I was still in a good mood when I got home, despite the fact that there was a light on in my apartment and I could hear the sounds of the television blaring. Again, I could have sworn I remembered changing all the locks.

  “It’s about time. Where have… oh… you were there. No matter, I need your assistance.”

  I closed the door behind me and stared at Dee, who was sprawled out on my sofa, eating a sandwich and drinking my beer, with his feet up on my coffee table, flipping through the channels, and giving my costume a knowing look.

  “First of all, get your damned boots off my coffee table,” I said, giving his leg a shove for emphasis. “And second of all, what kind of an opening line is that? At least ask me to dinner.”

  He put his feet down, but gave me a wary look.

  “That wasn’t a line, doll face. I actually need your help. Strictly business. I need to pick your brain and I’m willing to pay cash, though if you wanna trade favors, I’m all for it.”

  “Who’s asking, Wildcard or DeMarco?”

  “I got a guy who jumped bail,” he explained. While I had a strict rule of not helping any ‘Fig in any capacity, no matter how intimate my relationship with them is at the time, I had no issue offering up my expertise on one of Dee’s cases. Especially when the guy he was tracing was a real dirt bag.

  “I just need you to get me into an email account,” he explained. “The guy didn’t leave me a lot of clues as to where he might be headed.”

  “Don’t you have the authority to get this information the other way?” I asked. The other way, of course, was to legally request the mail client hand over all records from the account, which I’m pretty sure they had to comply with.

  “If I had the time to sit around and wait, I would, but I got a bad feeling there’s a little more to this case than the police are letting on.”

  “Yeah, you’re not kidding,” I said as I easily got into the account using an authentication override. “Do these kids actually think they’re being stealthy?” Nearly all the emails in the inbox referenced drugs. Not by name, mind you, but by street terminology that was so ingrained in pop culture that I was pretty sure my grandmother would have known what “EatYourWeedies420” was looking to score.

  “I think that’s part of the subterfuge,” Dee said, reading over my shoulder. “This guy ain’t no kid looking to score a weekend of party favors. He’s part of a larger supply chain and he only got bail because he offered up some names higher up the food chain.”

  “Well, he’s not too bright then,” I said, poking around in a couple of other emails. Namely, his bank and credit card statement notifications.

  “What are you doing?” Dee asked as I opened another window, this one inside a specific sandbox I’d set up for just such activities.

  “You wanted to know where to look, didn’t you?” I asked as I pulled up the guy’s account. “My guess would be he’s headed to Miami to pick up a shipment of something big or expensive.” I pointed out the credit card statements with the bus tickets and the series of ATM withdrawals over the course of a few weeks.

  “Did you just hack his bank account?”

  “Depends. Do you have an issue with that?”

  Dee looked at me with an expression I couldn’t quite read.

  “I can freeze his assets if you’d like,” I offered. “I can also set up an alert that will let you know if he tries to make another withdrawal.”

  “Are you going to get caught?” he asked.

  “I haven’t been yet. I’d like to keep it that way.”

  “Okay, Frosty, don’t take this the wrong way, but this is exactly why you’re not cut out to be a Mal.”

  “Because I help you catch criminals? I guess, but it’s not really the same league…”

  “Um, no, Lisa. It’s because you seriously just hacked into the biggest banking system in town and you’re not living on some volcano island somewhere with your stolen billions.”

  “You seriously think I’m not cut out to be a bad guy just because I haven’t robbed a bank? What’s the fun in that? If I really wanted to do something evil, I’d freeze all of the assets of every Liberty Gang member and hold their accounts…”

  I trailed off, completely dumbfounded.

  “Oh my god… that’s it.”

  I couldn’t believe the answer was staring me in the face the whole time. I’d been so caught up in the rules and procedures for becoming a Coalition member that I practically forgot exactly what it was that got me the gig in the first place. I turned to Dee with wide eyes.

  “Dennis Dominick DeMarco, you’re a freaking genius.”

  “Um… I am?”

  “Okay, I’m the genius, but you have no idea what you just did. I could kiss you right now.”

  “What’s stopping you?”

  “Nothing,” I said, leaning over and taking his lips in one hell of a steamy kiss that held all kinds of foolish promises and bad ideas. The kind of kiss I could easily get lost in, so I pulled away. “But I’ve got to get to work, so that’s all you’re going to get.”

  “Can’t it wait?”

  “Nope,” I said, leaning in one last time before jumping off the sofa and pulling him to his feet.

  “I’m keeping track, you know,” he warned. “One of these days, I’m going to get my revenge.”

  “Oh, I’m looking forward to it,” I said as I dragged him to the front door. “But today is not that day.”

  If I had an elasticity talent, I would have kicked my own ass all over town for not thinking of this sooner. The plan was genius in its simplicity. Not only that, but it was completely against the rules, damaging on a personal level, and so deviously criminal that for the first time since having the title of Coalition of Evil member bestowed upon me, I actually felt like a proper Malevolent.

  The computer made a soft ding, alerting me that my override was complete. I went to work sifting through the accounts until I found the one I was looking for. Overwriting the password and setting the lockout screen with my own message took all of five seconds. I was just about to back out and pour myself a congratulatory drink when I noticed something out of place.

  I knew that Magnificent Man wasn’t anywhere near the top in terms of net worth, either as a ‘Fig or in his day to day secret identity, but the number I was looking at did not compute. Even if the guy had fallen on hard times, toy sales alone should have kept him afloat. No, the balance I was looking at looked more like what I would see if I checked my own bank account. In fact, I might have actually had more money at that point.

  Something was up.

  Of course it was.

  Again, I could have smacked myself for not seeing the obvious. I backed out of Magnificent Man’s account and went back through the master list. Luckily, nearly all of the A-list talent on both sides did their banking locally, so I had a decent sample size to work with.

  It was as I thought. Magnificent Man’s balance was still suspiciously low, but the personal accounts of both Wayne Grey and Mary Sue Winfield also had balances that were several zeroes short of their net worth. Obviously, billionaires didn’t stay billionaires by keeping their money in local, unsecured, and taxable bank accounts. They had to be utilizing offshore investments and likely, Magnificent Man was as well.

  And finding out where exactly wouldn’t even be much of a challenge. After all, I’d already broken into his bank account. I had pretty much every piece of personal information needed to successfully impersonate the guy and retire to a secluded beach in Tahiti. Except, I had vengeance to dole out and if I may be completely honest, I don’t even know where Tahiti is, let alone if I would like it there.

  Thirty minutes was all it took to discover not just one, but a network of banks the weasel was using to keep his millions in his pocket, and yet, what I found kept me glued to my computer long enough that I only came up for air when my alarm went off. I shut off the alarm, sent off an email, and did something that I’d never done in the history of my employment with W
infield Enterprises.

  I called in sick.

  Chapter 17

  There’s something so incredibly decadent about sleeping away an entire day and yet, there’s also this nagging guilt that comes with sleeping away an entire day. I didn’t even have to look at my phone to know that I probably had dozens of text messages and voicemails from people who didn’t understand the concept behind an out of office message. I already knew I’d be putting out fires as soon as I got to work in the morning, but for the time being, I let them burn. I had bigger worries.

  Namely, the reason I took the day off in the first place.

  I dragged my laptop over to where I still lounged in bed and opened the report that had generated while I was asleep, smiling as I saw the good news. Magnificent Man had tried to access his bank account at least once an hour since about nine that morning. There was no way he was going to be able to ignore me now.

  I sent off another email, the last component of my plan, and got out of bed. I still had two hours until I needed to be in position, but I took my time getting ready. I wanted everything to be perfect. Finally, right after nine, I took one last look in the mirror and headed out the door. It was time to go on a manhunt.

  A Magnificent Man hunt.

  I stowed the Ice-cycle behind a dumpster several blocks from my destination. I debated using my own car, but in the end, free parking won out over the risk of embarrassment. Besides, I had bigger worries at the moment, like how I was going to get to the roof of the Ninja without being seen.

  Admittedly, I hadn’t put a whole lot of thought into the location of my plan, which was probably a bad idea. I was half out of my mind with the hubris that can only come from sleep deprivation when I decided to demand Magnificent Man meet me on the roof of a bar full of talent. It hadn’t occurred to me that he might be coward enough to recruit help, but as I slipped into the alley, I noticed I wasn’t alone. Beyond Human hunched next to the service entrance, no doubt awaiting my arrival.

  Or not.

  As I got closer, the light buzzing that I thought was a faulty streetlight got louder and I realized what I was hearing was the snores of the old timer who slouched against the wall, eyes closed and mouth open, drooling into his cowl. There was nothing to indicate that he had been sent out here to keep watch or if he snuck out to take a leak, but I held my breath as I crept past and cringed when the rusty metal service door made a high pitched screech of protest as I pried it open.

  Beyond Human gave a snort, but I didn’t stick around to see if he would wake. Instead, I slammed the door behind me and slid the lock in place before bolting up the stairs. At the top, I stopped to catch my breath and waited for my heart to stop trying to burst out of my chest.

  Magnificent Man stood in the center of the roof, cape waving in the light breeze and smiling like an idiot.

  “You’re early,” I said, dramatically checking my wrist, which was a completely useless and kind of idiotic gesture seeing as I’ve never worn a watch.

  “And you’ve stolen my money,” he countered.

  “Actually, I have not,” I informed him with a sneer. “I am not in possession of your funds. I’ve merely made them inaccessible to you. Had you stepped up to the plate weeks ago, I wouldn’t have had to resort to this tactic.”

  “Eh, what?”

  I let out a frustrated huff.

  “Are you not the so-called protector of Maxima City who calls himself Magnificent Man?”

  “Is that not obvious?” he asked, thrusting his chest out as if I failed to notice the oversized emblem.

  “Well you’ve been doing a shitty job,” I snapped. “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve put this city in peril in the last two weeks? Do you not care that your precious citizens have been in danger? Do you not realize that I am the greatest threat, not only to your existence, but to your future as a reputable and respected hero? Are you so blinded by—”

  “Whoa, hey kid, slow your roll.”

  “Beg pardon?”

  “You don’t just get to decide to be my nemesis. That’s not how it works.”

  “I’m well aware of how it works and yes, I’ve got plenty of reason to want to see you destroyed.”

  “Okay, look, sweet cheeks, I’ve given you enough of my time. I’ve got things to do and tomorrow is grocery day, so I’m going to need to have a working debit card.” A flash of brilliantly white teeth nearly blinded me. “Now, are you going to return my money or do I have to get the police involved?”

  “I assure you, you do not want to get the police involved,” I warned. “What you can do is acknowledge that there is a new threat in town. A threat that is entirely your fault.”

  “My fault?”

  “That’s what I said.”

  “And what might this threat be?”

  “Me,” I said, shooting off a torrent of ice pellets. Not enough to do anything more than annoy him, but I was just warming up. By the time I was ready to destroy Magnificent Man, he was going to know exactly who I was and what he did.

  He looked down at his chest, where my ice pellets bounced harmlessly away, and had the audacity to laugh.

  “If that’s all you got, I don’t know why I’m wasting my time—”

  “You’re going to wish that was all I’ve got,” I hissed, upping my game. I stopped playing nice and let loose with a torrent of spikes. These were a bit longer and sharper than I was usually comfortable with, but the guy was tougher than most. While he managed to knock away most of them, I noticed with smug satisfaction that there were some decent sized rips in his costume. At least, I thought they were rips. On closer inspection, they might have been moth holes. I mean, the guy was still wearing the same costume he debuted in some twenty-five years ago. Talk about cheap.

  “Impressive as bee stings,” he said with an exaggerated yawn. “But I’m afraid you haven’t done anything to prove yourself a worthy adversary, girly. Now, let’s get back to the matter of my bank account.”

  “No, jackass!” I hit him again. Ice chunks the size of softballs lobbed directly at his face. “You’re going to pay for what you did.

  “I still don’t know what it is I did.”

  “You made me who I am,” I spat. “Seventeen years ago, when you stood aside and let chaos rule. Don’t you remember? Your appearance at the Toy-Town in Sunnyside caused a stampede. My parents were injured. You had the power to help. You could have saved them, but no. You did nothing.” I yanked the melted and misshapen plastic toy head from my neck and held it aloft. “And for that, I’m going to make you pay.”

  I was done playing games. It was time to show Magnificent Man exactly what I was capable of. I tore off my gloves and reached out, taking a step forward, daring him to taunt me again.

  “Sunnyside? Oh child! Come on now.” I paused, hands still out in front of me as he threw his head back and let out an earth-rumbling bellow. “Surely you’re aware by now that wasn’t me.”

  “Excuse me?”

  He shook his head and gave me a pitying look.

  “Stores all over the greater Maxima Metroplex hold exclusive events all the time. Some on the same days. My talents are many, but multiplicity is not among them. You, my dear, have a beef with one of my many stand-ins.”

  “Stand-ins?”

  I let my arms drop and shook my head. Why this was a shock to me, I don’t know. It fit with everything I already knew about the ‘Figs. But Magnificent Man was wrong about one thing. Whether he had been there or not, he was still responsible for what happened. If anything, knowing he hadn’t been there only validated my feelings. I would still have my vengeance.

  “Chin up, girl. You’ve got pluck! You might make a worthy adversary for someone else someday! Don’t let go of your dreams.”

  Or I could just forget my plan and break my knuckles on his punch-worthy face.

  But no. Violence, in this case, was not the answer. It was time to hit Magnificent Man in the only place where it would hurt: The ego.

  “Th
ank you. I don’t know what I was thinking,” I said feigning relief and clasping my hands behind my back to keep from punching. “You stopped me from making a terrible mistake.”

  “All in a day’s work,” he beamed, flashing his blinding smile at me. “So if you’ll just unlock my account…”

  “I mean, to think, I almost went toe to toe with a washed up has-been,” I went on, ignoring his request. “How embarrassing would that have been?”

  “Um, what?”

  “To think that I spent all these years preparing to fight a feeble old man who can’t be bothered to do right by the very kids who keep him living the life of luxury. I would have been mocked mercilessly for bullying a weakling.”

  “Now you’re just being mean for no reason.”

  “No, you are absolutely right,” I said, adding a pitying chuckle. “There are many other ‘Figs out there that I’ve got a genuine bone to pick with. You? You’re not really worth my time, are you, granddad?”

  “Granddad? Why, I’ll have you know, I am fifty three years old! I am in the peak of my prime! I am a physical specimen! Why, I’m—”

  “You’re a liar, a cheat, and a fraud, but you’re not my problem anymore,” I said, giving a small shake of my head as I turned and began walking back across the roof.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Home,” I said with a half-hearted wave. “I give up. You win. I’m not going to waste any more of my time on you.”

  “So you’re going to unlock my account?”

  “Hmm?” I turned back around and gave him a wicked smile. “No, of course not. Like I said, you’re not my problem anymore. I’ll let you sort that mess with the proper authorities.”

  “I’m sorry, but from over here it almost sounded like you said no.”

  “Oh, you heard me.”

  Until that moment, I didn’t know it was possible to smirk hard enough to get a face cramp, but there I was.

  “You’re really going to make me go to the authorities with this?”

  “You and I both know that would be a bad idea.” I laughed. Apparently, Magnificent Man was terrible at bluffing. “Originally, my plan was just to freeze your account to draw you out,” I admitted. “I mean, I’ve always known you ‘Figs were as crooked as they came, but I couldn’t help but to notice your account had a rather high number of suspicious transactions, so I did a little digging. I know some folks who would be really interested in knowing about those offshore accounts you’ve got in the Cayman Islands.”