The Unrepentant Cinephile

by Jason Coffman

  Hardbodies is full of the requisite juvenile and slapstick humor you would expect from a 1980s teen sex comedy, but it has an uncomfortable edge to it. It’s actually sort of a commentary on the money-obsessed 80s: every potential pickup is a transaction, a trading of commodities, and even dense Scotty realizes that he’s being turned into a pimp by Hunter. Still, anyone looking for a strong subtext of capitalist criticism is going to be sorely disappointed since anywhere you look you’re much more likely to find a topless, oiled-up young woman. Hardbodies isn’t a great film by any measure, but it is an entertaining artifact of the 1980s.

  The sequel, helpfully titled Hardbodies 2, is bizarre. Taking place an undetermined time after the first film, Scotty and Rags (now played by Brad Zutaut and Sam Temeles, who bear no physical resemblance to the original actors who played the roles at all) are now inexplicably stars of a popular television series who are in Greece shooting a “dumb movie” called Foreign Affairs. The film bops freely between the film-within-the-film and the adventures of Scotty and Rags off the set. The only other returning character from the first film is Carlton Ashby, the only one of the older businessmen from the first film with anything like a conscience. That goes out the window here– actually, pretty much anything from the first film goes out the window. No mention is made of Kristi and Kimberly, the boys’ romantic interests with whom they ended up at the conclusion of Hardbodies. Instead, Scotty has an obnoxious fiancée named Morgan (Brenda Bakke) and Rags is a free agent.

  All the naked boobs in the world can’t help Hardbodies 2 from being a mostly unwatchable slog, and from the sheer numbers of them in the film I’d guess every woman in Europe who was between 18 and 24 at the time appears topless at some point during the movie. The Nude Meter gets turned up to 11, and there is some truly embarrassing slapstick that is sometimes hard to watch. The rest of the film is rounded out with easy jokes made at the expense of the filmmakers– the director is making a dumb sex comedy but thinks it’s art, the producer is having an affair with the script girl, the script girl is so stupid she nearly accidentally kills everyone on the set with a chainsaw, the investors are snapping pictures of all the topless ladies, etc. etc. Despite a few funny lines, it’s rough going.

  As a package, the Hardbodies Collection is worth it for the first film, and you can consider the sequel an interesting special feature. If you were a fan of the films in the 80s, or always wanted to see them but never got a chance, this is the perfect way to catch up. Anyone expecting to unearth a lost classic might be a little disappointed, but as long as you’re just looking for bikinis and goofy fun, you’ll have a blast.

  Hot Legs (1979) and California Gigolo (1979)

  Originally published on Daily Grindhouse 14 April 2015

  Bob Chinn’s work has been well-represented by Vinegar Syndrome, particularly in their Peekarama line of double features. Chinn’s films have filled out three separate Peekarama discs, covering a wide variety of his work from his nostalgic WWII period drama Tropic of Desire to his work with John Holmes in the “Johnny Wadd” series of films with Tapestry of Passion. The latest Chinn double-feature includes two films from 1979 that split the difference: Hot Legs (produced by Gail Palmer) and California Gigolo (starring Holmes).

  Jesie St. James stars in Hot Legs as Annie Spencer, a supermodel in hot demand who has been hired to be the “face” of a new ad campaign for Hot Legs nylon stockings. Mort (Richard Pacheco) is the harried producer trying to get Annie to show up for her shoot with hotshot photographer Dave (Paul Thomas) so they can finish the campaign in time to air an ad during the Super Bowl. The production has bigger problems than Annie’s flakiness, though: with all the sex appeal in front of and behind the camera, nobody can keep their minds from wandering and/or their hands off each other. This plays out mostly as a virtually plotless but pleasant enough slice-of-life look at what goes on behind the scenes during the making of a sexy ad campaign.

  Hot Legs is based on a story idea by Gail Palmer, who directed one of the other previous highlights in the Peekarama line: The Erotic Adventures of Candy and Candy Goes to Hollywood. Palmer also worked as producer on Chinn’s Tropic of Desire and Prisoner of Paradise, and unsurprisingly, Hot Legs is another one of Chinn’s best films. The cast is full of familiar faces and the dramatic acting is fine all around. Hot Legs is charmingly goofy and never gets too heavy, though. There is one particularly hilarious scene concerning a photo shoot with a couple on roller skates set to some disco music that segues into a sex fantasy that concretely dates the film to the late ’70s or early ’80s in a good way. The characters in Hot Legs are likable, and the breezy tone makes it an entertaining watch.

  California Gigolo is less concerned with drama. John Holmes stars as John, a professional gigolo so popular he has his own houseboy, Gomez (Don Fernando). The film follows John on a typical day, driving from client to client and satisfying their every desire. Although fortunately for Gomez, not even John can be in two places at once, so while he’s off servicing a kinky executive (Veri Knotty, who presumably took her pseudonym from her ability to tie her extremely long labia into a knot—a talent she puts to use in this film) Gomez is tasked with filling in for John with “Mrs. X” (Kitty Shayne), a buxom redhead who likes to dress up like a girl scout. The main stakes in the film concern John getting to an important meeting in time to collect a bunch of money on some sort of oil deal, but unsurprisingly this plot thread is abandoned in favor of getting more sex on the screen.

  Holmes has a chance to show off some of his comedic side in California Gigolo, but for the most part this is a standard showcase for his huge penis. The pre-credits sequence at the beginning of the film, in which Holmes pursues Kandi Barbour, has some nice photography and sets a laid-back tone to the tune of a very specific theme song that calls to mind “Chevy Van” by Sammy Johns. Like Hot Legs, California Gigolo is clearly a product of the late ’70s, and like that film the dated fashions lend it a unique charm. There are a few montages of people just hanging around on the beach that Chinn uses both to pad the film’s running time to feature length and to enhance its particular sunny ’70s California flavor. It’s not high art, but California Gigolo has its merits.

  Both films have been restored in 2k from the original 35mm negatives, so, as per Vinegar Syndrome’s usual standard, they both look great. Hot Legs in particular benefits from the restoration with its vibrant color scheme. The disc includes trailers for both films. Bob Chinn’s films have been some of the best releases in the Peekarama line, and this release is no exception.

  Island of the Living Dead (2007) and Zombies: The Beginning (2007)

  Originally published on Daily Grindhouse 7 April 2015

  Back in the Fall of 2014, Intervision released a pair of late-period Bruno Mattei cannibal films, but little could anyone have known that they had another Mattei assault in the works. Now Intervision has released the filmmaker’s final two features from 2007 on DVD for the first time in the United States, so finally American zombie film completists and Mattei fans can showcase these new editions to their unsuspecting friends. Much like the previous pair of cannibal films, these two zombie movies are a decidedly mixed bag.

  First up is Island of the Living Dead. Yvette Yzon stars as Sharon, a crew member on a ship of treasure hunters searching for lost gold on the high seas. After losing a major score, the ship happens upon an uncharted island, which the crew explores only to find an army of zombies. Bizarrely, nobody seems all that shocked to find that the island is peopled entirely with walking corpses. They just keep poking around until they discover a library of ancient texts that may hold the key to explaining the existence of the zombies and possibly the untold riches they have been searching for. But will they be able to find the treasure and get off the island alive, or will the zombies and/or ghosts and/or vampires that haunt the cursed island eat them first?

  Island of the Living Dead is a big step up in production quality from Mondo Cannibal and In the Land of the Cannibals. The digital video i
s much easier on the eyes, and the gore effects and makeup are much better. Unfortunately, it suffers from a very similar problem to In the Land of the Cannibals in that once the characters are in the place where the main action of the film takes place, they just sort of wander around for a really long time without much going on.

  At 97 minutes, Island of the Living Dead is a rough slog, shamelessly padded out with endless pointless diversions—why not stop defending yourself in the midst of a zombie vampire ghost siege to take a while to drink old wine found in dusty casks, or dance with a ghost woman, etc.? All but the most undemanding zombie movie fan should probably give this one a pass.

  Considerably more interesting is Mattei’s final film, the ironically titled Zombies: The Beginning. Picking up more or less where Island of the Living Dead left off, this sequel is basically a remake of Aliens, but with zombies instead of aliens. Sharon (Yvette Yzon, reprising the role) is discovered floating on a makeshift raft and brought back to civilization.

  A corporation has discovered the island from the first film but has lost contact with the first group it sent to explore the island. Their plan is to send another group to the island to find out what happened, and they want Sharon to go as a consultant since she has dealt with whatever is out there before. If you’ve seen Aliens, you know pretty much exactly where this is going. If you haven’t, you might want to watch that one first, so Zombies: The Beginning doesn’t spoil anything.

  Zombies: The Beginning not only shamelessly lifts character types and set pieces and paraphrases lines of dialogue directly from Aliens. It also features actual footage from the film Crimson Tide, one shot actually featuring Viggo Mortensen. This footage is used to sell the submarine voyage to the island that makes up a good chunk of the film’s first act. The rest of the first act feels like it’s made up of recycled footage from Island of the Living Dead, as Sharon has nightmare flashbacks to her ordeal. While only seven minutes shorter than Island of the Living Dead, Zombies: The Beginning has a much better pace, and spotting the blatant Aliens rips keep things fun leading into the seriously insane finale. It’s not great, but Zombies: The Beginning is a hell of a lot more fun than Island of the Living Dead.

  These two movies were shot digitally in the mid-2000s, so the picture quality is as good as it possibly could be given what Intervision had to work with. Again, they look considerably better than the early-2000s Mattei cannibal movies, which is a relief. Each disc presents its film uncut in their its full aspect ratio, and each features a different interview featurette. Island of the Living Dead ‘s interview is titled “Bungle in the Jungle” and features producer Giovanni Paolucci and screenwriter Antonio Tentori. Zombies: The Beginning features an interview with Tentori entitled “Zombies Genisys.” These are interesting for anyone wondering how the hell Mattei got these movies made in the first place! Island of the Living Dead also features a theatrical trailer and international sales promo for the film. Neither of these films are going to be required viewing for the majority of horror fans, but zombie movie completists and anyone curious about how Mattei ended his long filmmaking career will want to give them a look.

  The Jacques Rivette Collection: Duelle (1976), Noroît (1976), and Merry-Go-Round (1981)

  Originally published on Film Monthly 26 May 2017

  Among the major directors of the French New Wave, Jacques Rivette’s films have largely been difficult to come by on home video in the States. Arguably his best-known film Celine and Julie Go Boating (1974) has still never seen a Stateside DVD release. Fortunately for cinephiles, some of Rivette’s films have seen recent Blu-ray releases including Criterion’s Paris Belongs to Us, Kino Lorber’s Le Pont du Nord, and Carlotta Films’s stunning boxed set of Out 1. Arrow Films has now given three of Rivette’s films a boxed set of their own, previously released in the UK as a set that also included Out 1. The US version of the set includes the two films Rivette directed following Celine and Julie Go Boating, Duelle and Noroît (both 1976), and 1981’s Merry-Go-Round.

  Following Celine and Julie Go Boating Rivette planned a cycle of four films based on a shared mythology, each in a different genre. In Duelle, Lucie (Hermine Karagheuz) and her brother Pierrot (Jean Babilée) become unwittingly involved in a struggle between two supernatural forces. Leni (Juliet Berto) is searching for a man she claims to be her brother and hires Lucie as an amateur detective to track him down. Pierrot is seduced by Viva (Bulle Ogier), who enlists his assistance in tracking down a precious jewel called the Fairy Godmother. Duelle has hints of film noir, but it is shot through with Rivette’s fascination with performance and artifice. The score of the film is performed by musicians who actually appear in the scenes as they play out, which makes sense in the scenes that take place at the dance club Rumba and less so when the same pianist is playing in Viva’s apartment and anywhere else the film calls for him to be at any given moment. It’s fascinating and surreal with flashes of playful absurdist humor. In other words, it feels like a natural follow-up to Celine and Julie.

  Noroît was adapted from the 17th century drama The Revenger’s Tragedy. Morag (Geraldine Chaplin) swears vengeance against the pirate captain Giulia (Bernadette Lafont) for the death of her brother. Her accomplice Erika (Kika Markham) convinces Giulia to hire Morag as a bodyguard, and the two women put into motion their plan to kill all of Giulia’s crew. Noroît takes place entirely on a small island, mostly in an ancient castle where Giulia and her band of pirates have taken up residence. Despite retaining the structure of the play on which it is based, Noroît is not presented as a period piece–the characters wear modern clothes and there are machine guns in the castle. As in Duelle, the score is performed by a band who is present in the scenes where they play the soundtrack as the scenes play out. As one might expect, Noroît is considerably darker in tone than Duelle, but it still displays Rivette’s trademark playfulness. It also climaxes in a lengthy, hallucinatory outdoor masked ball that pushes its dream logic to the fore.

  Shortly after beginning production on the third film in the cycle, Rivette suffered a “nervous collapse” and scrapped plans for the remaining films. When he returned to filmmaking, his next project was considerably different in tone and content. In Merry-Go-Round, Ben (Joe Dallesandro) and Léo (Maria Schneider) are summoned for help by Elisabeth (Danièle Gégauff)–Léo’s sister and Ben’s lover, who has been missing for some time. After following clues left for them Ben and Léo finally track Elisabeth down at her childhood home, but she is almost immediately kidnapped after explaining that her and Léo’s father may still be alive despite his supposed death in a plane crash. Narratively Merry-Go-Round hews much closer to the film noir template than Duelle, and Dallesandro is perfect in the role of the easily manipulated sap. Despite this, its running time of 160 minutes is mostly a chore. The score is once again played by musicians we see on-screen, but this time they’re in a room somewhere completely separated from the rest of the film’s action. Even more disappointing is the fact that the numerous protracted sequences of Dallesandro fleeing unseen pursuers turn out to be opaque reflections of characters’ feelings at best and lengthy non sequiturs at worst. It’s a very frustrating watch, especially since at his best Rivette is a master of making time seem to pass extremely quickly.

  Arrow Films has given all three films new 2K restorations for this release, and they look fantastic. Each film has its original mono soundtrack–uncompressed on the Blu-rays–and optional newly-translated English subtitles. It is relatively light on special features, although what is here is all well worth a look. “Remembering Duelle” is an 11-minute featurette with Bulle Ogier and Hermine Karagheuz looking back on the making of that film, there is a new 22-minute interview with film critic Jonathan Rosenbaum discussing the films (his revelation that nobody seemed to get along with anybody on the set of Merry-Go-Round is as instructive as it is unsurprising), and the set also includes a lengthy archival interview with Rivette about these films. As always Arrow has given the set a beautiful package with reversible
sleeves and newly-commissioned art (this time by Ignatius Fitzpatrick), and the set includes a book with writing on the films by Mary M. Wiles, Brad Stevens and Nick Pinkerton. Also included in the book is a reprint of four on-set reports from Duelle and Noroît. While Merry-Go-Round is something of a disappointment–although with more reflection and repeated viewings, that may change–any new release of Rivette’s work is cause for celebration and The Jacques Rivette Collection is essential viewing for any serious cinephile.

  The Jekyll and Hyde Portfolio (1971) and A Clockwork Blue (1972)

  Originally published on Daily Grindhouse 29 April 2014

  Vinegar Syndrome has made a name for themselves as one of the best independent home video labels since their inception by releasing films that have been difficult to track down or that have previously only existed in subpar formats or bad transfers. They have been wisely selective about which films to release on DVD and which to release on Blu-ray, still a much more expensive format years after its introduction. This Spring, Vinegar Syndrome announced their first limited-edition DVD/Blu-ray combo pack, testing the market waters for a very niche double feature: two films by Eric Jeffrey Haims, 1971’s infamous proto-slasher The Jekyll and Hyde Portfolio and Haims’s 1972 adult comedy A Clockwork Blue. This set, limited to 1000 copies, was sold through their online shop (and DiabolikDVD.com) and will be available at film conventions before a standard DVD version will be released in May. This limited edition version raises an interesting question: Are these films worth the effort and expense of the Blu-ray format?