“Two days later, when we’d both missed school, the principal called our grandmother, and she came right over. I remember her and my mom having a huge fight when my mom came back. They were screaming at each other.”
“So your mother…left you there?” Audrey pressed a hand to her chest. “That’s awful.”
“She claims that she told our father—who was even more useless than she was—that he was supposed to come get us. But he claimed they never talked about it.” Ronan sighed. “And really, he was never part of our lives. He never lived with us, and I could easily count on one hand how many times I saw him in a year with several fingers to spare.”
“What happened after that? Did your grandmother move in?”
Ronan shook his head. “Not right away, no. She and my mom didn’t get along too well—they had very different ideas about how things should be done. My Gram is kind of intense. She’s very opinionated and strong, which I love her for, but she can rub people the wrong way. So we stayed in the house with our mother disappearing more and more, until one day she told us she was moving to the cabin full-time.”
Audrey’s eyes widened. “Were you supposed to go with her?”
The laugh that came out of Ronan’s mouth was the most bitter, sharp-edged sound he’d ever heard. For a moment, he wondered if it was wise to share something so deeply personal with another person. He’d never told anyone about this—not even his ex. Partly, it was because the past was the past. Rehashing it wouldn’t change anything.
But more than that…he felt a little ashamed. Ashamed that his mother hadn’t loved him enough to stick around, and ashamed that he’d been so hurt by her actions. As a child, he’d been…what had his dad called him one time? Soft. It had lit a fire in Ronan’s belly, made him want to be the best at everything he did. He might not be the most physical person, and he didn’t have a tough-guy bone in his body. But he would be the smartest. He would be the most successful, and he would do it without help from either of his parents.
“Uh, no. My sister and I were an ‘impediment’ to her creative process, as she liked to tell us on a regular basis.”
“My God.” Audrey shook her head.
“She told us that we could stay in the house—since she was very good at her job, it had been paid off, and she would send us money to cover the bills.”
“How old were you?”
“Fifteen. I couldn’t even drive yet.” He shook his head. “But I was afraid to tell my grandmother, because it felt like admitting that I couldn’t take care of my sister and myself. We lasted three months before she found out and moved in.”
“Oh, Ronan. I’m so sorry.”
He lifted one shoulder into a shrug, suddenly feeling very exposed. “It made me who I am today.”
“For what it’s worth, I think you turned out pretty damn impressive.” Audrey’s eyes lowered, and she cradled her beer, a hint of pink spreading across her cheeks. She opened her mouth to say something else, but she was cut off by the squeal of the microphone as the trivia host stood up at the front of the room.
“Sorry, folks. Hope that woke up those who were napping in the back,” he joked. “Put your thinking caps back on for the last round of the Falls Inn and Pub trivia. We’ve got a couple of smarty-pants sitting in the corner who are beating all my regulars by a country mile.”
The host pointed toward Ronan and Audrey, who laughed and raised their beers in good-natured competition. Audrey’s eyes darted over to him, an expression of unadulterated joy and pride on her face.
Ronan decided that this was Audrey at her most beautiful—when she was brimming with confidence and full of the knowledge that she was holding her own.
“Question number thirty, what does HTTP stand for?”
Ronan didn’t even bother to reach for a pen; he simply sat back and watched Audrey work, eyes glittering as she nailed question after question after question. By the end, their score sheet was neatly filled in, and they sat around waiting for the scores to be tallied up.
“Folks,” the trivia host said from the front of the room. “I think we have a Falls Inn and Pub trivia record. With an unprecedented score of forty out of forty questions correct, we have newcomers Audrey and Ronan!”
Audrey’s eyes lit up. “Oh my gosh, every single one? I wasn’t totally confident about the jellyfish question. It was a guess, really, but—”
Ronan leaned in and whispered into her ear. “I think we have to go up to the front. You can gloat when we get outside.”
“I’m not gloating…okay, maybe a little.”
“Come on, let’s claim your prize.” He stood and held a hand out to Audrey, trying to resist the urge to haul her into his arms. She looked radiant. Sparkling. Like the world was at her feet.
Something stirred inside him. It was wanting, but not the kind of wanting he’d experienced in the past. Usually, wanting was about the physical. Lust. Sexual attraction. Base desires.
But this wanting was different. It was aching and desperate and all-consuming. He wanted every part of Audrey—her beautiful body, one of her rare vulnerable smiles, her truth. He wanted her innermost thoughts and dreams and fears. He wanted her trust.
But that was the thing about creating a perfect moment in a bubble…it would burst the second reality set in. And Kissing Creek was the big shiny pin waiting to shatter them.
Chapter Thirteen
On the drive back to Kissing Creek, Audrey couldn’t help but fill the car with chatter. She’d only had two beers—certainly not enough to get her drunk—and yet she was babbling like someone who’d become intimate with tequila slammers.
She was…happy.
Genuinely happy. For someone who prided herself on being upbeat and a “get it done” kinda gal, it was strange that this feeling of happiness was so foreign to her. It was almost as if someone had replaced the blood in her veins with champagne, because that could be the only explanation for the all-over tingling she felt right now. She was giddy. Fizzy. Effervescent.
Her eyes darted over to Ronan as he drove them back home.
“Thanks for bringing me out tonight,” she said. “I needed that like you would not believe.”
“I would believe it.” His eyes darted over to hers. “And you’re very welcome. It was a really fun evening.”
“It was, wasn’t it? Even if I did hog all the trivia questions.”
“Well, you got yourself a free dinner at the pub. I’d say it was worth it.”
The prize felt like a carrot dangled out of reach—dinner to the value of two hundred dollars at the Falls Inn and Pub that Ronan insisted Audrey take, since she’d single-handedly earned it. Who would she invite? She could take her siblings out, but she wasn’t sure they’d appreciate it. Perhaps, if she could find another night off soon, she’d treat Nicole to a meal out.
But even thinking about that was like wondering if she might buy herself a pet unicorn.
Another night out would be bliss, and yet she knew getting used to such things was a bad idea. Although not as bad as asking Ronan himself. Wouldn’t that make it even harder to face reality every other day of the week?
Ronan pulled off the highway and followed the road through Kissing Creek toward the college parking lot, where Big Red was waiting for her. The local mechanic had gotten her working again, but every time she turned the engine over, she was worried it would be the last. Audrey glanced at her watch. It was just after eleven thirty—plenty of time to get home before her father even thought about wrapping up his poker game.
Ronan slowed down to turn in to the parking lot and pulled up beside Audrey’s car. There were only a few vehicles scattered across the otherwise empty space, and when he killed the engine, it was deafeningly quiet. For a second, Audrey could have sworn her heartbeat was loud enough that Ronan could hear it. But if he did, he didn’t say anything.
“I’m
sorry I assumed your life was perfect before.” She didn’t even know where the thought had come from, but it popped out of her unbidden. A delay tactic, maybe? Because the second she got into Big Red, that would signal that Cinderella had to hang up her pretty dress and get back to scrubbing floors. “Sometimes things look one way from the outside, but I should know better than to take it at face value.”
Ronan shifted in his seat, turning so that he faced her. Even in the dark night, with streetlamps casting light in yellow pools, his eyes were mesmerizingly bright. “I’m not even sure why I told you all that, to be honest. I don’t usually talk about it.”
For some reason, knowing that he’d chosen her to confide in made Audrey feel warm all over. It made her feel special…and that was not a word she ever associated with herself.
“I guess I felt like…” Ronan dragged his fingers through his hair. “Something told me you’d understand.”
Did he feel that connection with her that she did with him? That little spark of magnetic attraction that told her they were cut from the same cloth? They were fighters. Doers. Survivors. Only he’d managed to climb out of the hole his parents had dug for him and move on to bigger and better things.
Audrey was still trying to find a ladder.
“We’re not broken,” she said softly. “Our parents’ mistakes don’t have to define us.”
It was the thought she clung to on her darkest days, when she looked at her father and wondered why she didn’t recognize him anymore. He was broken, and she was the strong one, even if it didn’t always feel that way. If only she knew how to put him back together so they could be a real family again. So she could live her life.
“How are you so young and so wise?” He shook his head.
“I had to grow up fast.” She shifted so her head was resting on the headrest, facing him. If there was a way to pause time so she could stay in this darkened car, staring into Ronan’s eyes forever, then she would gladly do it. “I didn’t have a choice. Either I grew up or my siblings would have been taken away.”
That threat had loomed until Audrey was of legal age—when her father was repeatedly found washed up in some bar and she was home with the kids. She’d spent sleepless night after sleepless night wondering if Child Protection Services would show up and say her dad wasn’t fit to care for them. The day Audrey turned eighteen, it was like a weight lifted off her…but she felt far older than her tender years, back then. She was an adult too soon.
“Don’t you wonder what life might have been like?” he asked.
“No,” she lied. Of course she wondered, but saying it aloud would be like opening Pandora’s box. Wondering didn’t help anybody.
“You’re a better person than I am.”
“I don’t know about that.” Her breath hitched. Energy crackled in the car, zipping between them like lightning bugs. The way he was looking at her had her under a spell—so intimate. So full of longing. “I think you’re pretty wonderful.”
Her words, though quietly spoken, were like taking a hammer to glass. It shattered the restraint, shattered the reasoning holding them back. Ronan leaned forward, sliding his hand along her jaw and around to cup the back of her head. He was closer now. Their noses brushed, and his lips parted, hers following in automatic, instinctual want.
They hovered there for a moment, ready to drown in anticipation, and Audrey let her eyes flutter shut, blotting out the light. She wanted only to feel.
Ronan’s warm breath skated across her skin, and then the soft yet firm pressure of his lips melted her. Her hands reached out blindly, catching his shirt and curling so she could tug him closer. His tongue darted across the seam of her mouth, encouraging her to open to it. And she did. He tightened his fingers in her hair and tipped her back, sliding closer so he could kiss her more deeply.
His facial hair scratched against her skin, but in the most delicious way possible. The friction was fire in her blood, air in her lungs, electricity in her brain. His thumb brushed over her ear as he delved deeper into her mouth, and Audrey pressed against him even though something dug into her hip and thigh. She didn’t want to stop.
Her whole body pulsed with sensation. Tightness gathered between her thighs, and liquid heat pooled lower in her belly. She felt her breathing come harder, like dragging air into her lungs was a second priority to the feel of his mouth on hers. A sigh rose up from deep inside her, and she leaned farther forward while Ronan’s hands began to explore her body. He skimmed over her shoulders and down her arms, tracing the dip at her waist and the flare over her hips. It was so good to be touched. To be learned and understood.
Encouraged, Audrey slipped her hands down, too. Hard chest, flat stomach, the leather of his belt and soft denim over muscular thighs. And…oh. Her fingertips brushed the ridge of his erection lining his inner thigh, and Ronan groaned in response.
The loud squawk of the car horn made them jump apart, and Audrey clapped a hand to her chest. Her heart was thundering, though whether it was from the offensive sound or the kiss she wasn’t sure. Outside, a couple walked hand in hand to their car, paying them no mind.
But anybody could have seen them. What if a college staff member had been walking past? Or a student who recognized them?
“I… We shouldn’t…” Ronan scrubbed a hand over his face as he let out a breath. “Shit.”
“Don’t,” Audrey said breathlessly. “Please don’t ruin it.”
She hadn’t been kissed in forever. And while she knew it was wrong, she wanted to cradle that precious moment in her mind. It would be like a snow globe, a thought she could shake when she felt sad to watch it glitter and shine. And she refused to tar it with reality.
Ronan’s eyes were hot like an open flame, but his jaw remained tense. Tight. “I can’t be doing this with—”
“I know, I know.” She nodded, holding up a hand. “It didn’t happen.”
Only it did happen, and Audrey wouldn’t forget it anytime soon. For a moment she wanted to scream and pound her fist against the dashboard, because any time something good happened to her there seemed to be a catch. Why couldn’t she have a night of fun without worrying about the consequences?
She wanted to say something more, but her throat was clogged with anger and frustration and…desperation. She pushed the door open and got out before he had a chance to respond.
Her hands trembled as she fished the car keys from her bag, her body still running on adrenaline from their kiss. But she had to get herself together. She slid into the driver’s seat, started the engine, and drove out of the parking lot as though she were simply going about her business.
She didn’t dare look to see if Ronan was behind her.
Audrey felt her armor slide back into place, as it always did when she returned home—shoulders straightened, eyes bright, smile painted on. She pumped the radio so loud it made her ears hurt and the bass rattled the shitty speakers in her dash. The second she pulled into the driveway, the night would be safely tucked into the back of her mind for safekeeping.
Audrey kept her mind blank as she navigated the empty streets of her hometown, until she made it home. She pulled Big Red to a stop in the driveway and killed the engine. The living room looked dark, but there was something flickering inside. The TV, probably. Maybe Deanna or the twins were watching a movie.
She got out and headed to the front door, keys jangling as she opened the lock. There was definitely a movie playing inside—something with explosions and gunfire. Audrey frowned. She didn’t like Deanna watching those movies, as she was sensitive and prone to nightmares if something was too gory.
“Dee?” She flicked the lock on the door behind her, but there was no response. That’s when she saw a figure sitting in the beat-up recliner facing the television…a figure that was far too large to be any of her siblings. “Dad?”
“And where have you been?”
; “I thought you were at poker tonight.” Uh oh. He wasn’t supposed to be home yet; he never made it in before midnight. He flicked on the lights and stood, watching her with a dark stare. Her mind raced, trying to come up with a solution.
“Holton’s missus came home early and kicked us all out,” he said with a derisive grunt. “No matter. The cards weren’t playing in my favor anyway. So where were you?”
“I was pulling an extra shift.”
Her father’s eyes flicked over her outfit. “At the café?”
Hmm, now she had a decision to make. It would be more plausible to say she was at her aunt’s shop, given how she was dressed, but what if he’d spoken to her? Harriet sometimes called the house to check in on everyone.
“Yeah, uh… We were doing inventory.”
“At ten o’clock at night?”
“We can’t do it when the café is open.”
Why did she even have to justify herself? The twins were old enough to look after the house for one night—she’d certainly done more at their age. And Deanna never made trouble. Her father expected her to not only hold the family up financially, but she had to do it all without having a life of her own?
Audrey’s blood was almost boiling, and tears pricked the backs of her eyes, but she blinked them away. No way would she break. Not now, not ever.
Her father was looking worse for wear these days, with gray whiskers growing unchecked and his skin papery and dry. He wore a black T-shirt that clung to his broad shoulders and the potbelly that he’d steadily grown with beer and fried food since her mother died. He never ate the healthy stuff she prepared.
It was hard to look at him these days. In fact, some days she didn’t—because she could still see the kind, crinkle-eyed man who’d tossed her in the air as a child and who’d read her bedtime stories, doing all the different voices. He was a good man then, a man who’d adored his family, and even though they’d always been strapped for cash, he’d done everything he could to make her childhood wonderful. They’d had picnics on the floor of the trailer, looked for fairies in the trees, and made up magical worlds together.
Kissing Lessons (Kissing Creek) Page 14