Why couldn’t she have that man back?
“Can you explain this?” He came forward, a piece of paper folded up in his hand.
Audrey’s breath caught in the back of her throat. What was that? She reached out, forcing her hand not to shake, and took it from him. Her stomach dropped as she caught sight of the Harrison Beech logo as she opened the paper. It was a letter, addressed to her, informing her that there had been an error with her payment. She’d been overcharged $50. It stated that there should be a check enclosed, but obviously her father had palmed that.
Letters from the college were supposed to go to her aunt’s store. She’d requested that specifically, and previous mail had gone there, but of course the college had her home address for their official records.
“What do I need to explain, exactly?” Audrey tilted her face up and met her father directly in the eye.
She was so done being worried that he would snap. So done with tiptoeing around him.
“You think money grows on trees, Audrey? How the fuck are you paying for this?”
“With money I earn.” She didn’t yell, didn’t shout. Because she wasn’t the emotional firework in this house—she was the calm, steady, level influence. “From my multiple jobs.”
She decided to leave out the fact that her aunt supported her by paying half the tuition, since she knew it would make her father even angrier. Harriet refused to give him any money directly, since she didn’t trust him to spend it wisely. The last time she’d done that, not long after Audrey quit school, he’d taken it all to the greyhound track in an attempt to “earn” more and lost all of it.
“Is that a dig at me? You’re really giving your unemployed father a hard time because he hasn’t been able to find work.”
“It’s difficult to find work when you don’t look for it.” The words came out colder than the depths of their freezer, and Audrey was almost shocked at the little bubble of hate that formed in her gut.
It’s the kiss. It’s…everything about tonight. You got a taste of what you can’t have, and it’s knocked you off-kilter.
“So instead of helping the family, you’d rather be selfish and spend that money on yourself?” Her father barreled on as though she hadn’t called out the fact that he was willfully unemployed. “You’d rather force Deanna to wear shoes that are too small and the twins to have to share clothes so you can go off to college and pretend to be some smart-ass big shot? What are you going to do with that education, huh? Do you think you’re going to leave us?”
Audrey caught sight of a door opening in the hallway and two faces poking out to see what was going on. Her sisters were mirror images of each other—wide-eyed, worried. Audrey swallowed down the desire to tell her father what she really thought—that he was selfish and useless and that he didn’t deserve any of them—and instead she said something that was more for her siblings’ benefit.
“I’m not going anywhere, Dad.”
“The only reason people study is so they can get a decent job, and you think any of those exist in Kissing Creek? Do you really think I believe that you’re spending all this money to go to college so you can keep working at that café?” He shook his head. “You should be ashamed of yourself, taking food out of your brother and sisters’ mouths like that.”
For a moment, Audrey did feel ashamed. Now her dirty little secret was out—she had spent money on herself for no real reason. Her father might be a deadbeat, but he knew his daughter well. Audrey wouldn’t leave her family, and what kind of job would she ever get in Kissing Creek that needed a handful of mismatched college night classes?
That’s not why you’re doing this.
No, it was an even more selfish reason than that—pleasure. Personal enjoyment. Something she couldn’t even claim had future benefit.
“That life is not something that people like us get to have,” he said, his voice low so that only Audrey would be able to hear him. “We Millers don’t have big, shiny degrees and fancy fucking houses and piles of money in the bank. We’re not those people, so you need to stop pushing your stupid dreams on your brother and sisters, because you’re only setting them up for disappointment.”
But he was wrong. Jane was already at college on a scholarship and doing so well. She called every Thursday afternoon when she knew Audrey would be on break to tell her all about her week and how happy she was. That girl could easily have gone down the other path—the drinking and petty crimes and bad crowd path. Education had given her a future, and Audrey would do everything in her power to make sure it did the same for the others.
Even if it meant sacrificing herself.
“I’ll go to the school tomorrow and get the money back,” she said, not letting an ounce of her defeat show. As much as she hated her father’s words, he was right…she had taken money that could have been better spent and used it on herself.
“You need to know your place, Audrey,” he said, his eyes raking over her. “It’s here at home, taking care of your family. It’s what your mother would have wanted.”
Would she have, though? Would her kind, sweet, caring mother have wanted invisible shackles around her daughter’s wrists?
Sucking in a slow breath, Audrey turned away from her father and headed toward her room, her heart as heavy as if it were made of rocks.
Chapter Fourteen
There is a king penguin who holds a Norwegian army rank.
Ronan had been in his head all week, thinking about kissing Audrey on repeat, until he’d been asked by one of his students if he was high during a class. Not a good look. And no, he wasn’t high, thank you very much. Smitten, more like it. Totally, utterly, and devastatingly smitten.
Which, obviously, he knew was not good for his job. Nor his reputation.
And when his Wednesday night class had rolled around, he’d planned to check in on Audrey in the hope that there wouldn’t be any lingering weirdness between them. Only she hadn’t shown. The class had ticked by slowly, his eyes catching on the door every few seconds, but she didn’t appear.
Now he was here, standing outside Kisspresso Café’s bright pink door, trying to muster up the courage to talk to a girl like he was fourteen instead of thirty-four. He caught a glimpse of himself in the reflection of the big windows—Kissing Creek had been kind to him. The persistent sun had taken away the pallor he’d developed from working all hours at Cambridge. His hair was slightly longer and the beard suited him, if he did say so himself.
“Go in there and talk to her,” he muttered. But it took another moment and a few odd glances before Ronan got his feet moving.
Inside, the café was bustling. A line snaked from the counter past a few sets of tables and chairs. Despite his initial impression that this was some kind of Barbie Dreamhouse version of Starbucks, he’d grown to appreciate the quirky styling. In fact, he’d learned that all the “dine in” cups and plates were made by a local ceramist, and the cozy throw blankets strewn along the backs of the booth seating were knitted with yarn milled from local farms.
There was a strong sense of community pride here.
Ronan joined the line and slowly made his way to the front. He spied Audrey behind the espresso machine, working as she always did with a smile on her face and her motions fluid as a ballet dancer. There was a quiet grace about her. Well, as graceful as someone could look in a bright pink polo shirt with a kiss mark embroidered on her chest.
“Professor Walsh, good to see you.” The young woman behind the cash register beamed up at him. “The usual? We’ve got chocolate-raspberry or cardamom-blackberry muffins today.”
“I’ll try the blackberry, and yes, the usual coffee. But I’ll have it here.”
“Day off?” she asked as she rang up his order.
“Kind of.”
Ronan was on a mission—to get his ass into gear with his book. Settling into his home for the next year h
ad taken longer than expected, and Ronan had found himself more distracted than ever, which was affecting his work. Figuring a change of scenery might help, he’d stashed his laptop into his satchel and come here.
Oh yeah, change of scenery. Riiiight.
More like if he didn’t see Audrey, he was worried he might never concentrate again.
She continued making the coffees, calling out the orders and names in her usual cheerful tone. Pink passion mochas, cappuccinos, lattes, and cold brew flew out, and soon Ronan was at the front. When she looked up, ready to greet him like any other customer, her eyes widened.
“Ronan, hi.”
“Hi.” He leaned against the side of the bar. “We missed you yesterday in class.”
“We?” Her movements halted for a moment, and she set the full force of her glorious olive-green eyes on him. “Or just you?”
His lip quirked. “I guess I shouldn’t speak for everyone.”
“Probably wise.” She dumped an espresso shot into a large mug and topped it with hot water. A second later, his muffin appeared on a small pink plate with gold edging. “Here you go. Good call on the blackberry muffin, the cardamom is delicious.”
“I don’t suppose you want to join me for a few minutes?”
Audrey glanced toward the clock on the wall behind her. “I’m not supposed to go on break for another half hour.”
“Take it now.” The woman whom Ronan assumed was Audrey’s boss was pottering around behind her, carrying a small wood crate filled with jugs of milk. “It’s only going to get busier, so you may as well grab a bite to eat while you can. I’ll cover you.”
“Thanks, Jamie.” Audrey untied her apron and motioned for Ronan to grab a seat. “I’ll meet you there in a minute.”
Ronan snagged an empty table that was tucked around the corner of the service counter and placed his food and drink down. Should he be worried about people seeing him and Audrey sit together? He shook off the thought. There was nothing wrong with a professor and a student grabbing coffee and talking. In fact, he was pretty sure he’d spotted one of his colleagues doing just that on the way in. The only reason he felt even mildly guilty about it was because he knew the thoughts he harbored for Audrey were less than professional…but nobody else had to know that.
“I have a question for you today,” Ronan said as Audrey set down a coffee for herself and took the seat across from him. “I’m still determined to find something you don’t know.”
“Tell me.” She took a sip of her coffee.
“There’s an animal that holds a Norwegian army rank. What type of animal is it?”
“Oooh, good one.” She looked stumped. “I know their national animal is the lion, but something tells me that isn’t right.”
Ronan tore a piece off his muffin and popped it into his mouth. “Final answer?”
“I don’t know.” She laughed. “You have actually stumped me.”
“Finally!” Ronan pumped his fist into the air. “It’s a king penguin.”
“I doubt he’s served.”
“Uh, no. Brigadier Sir Nils Olav III currently resides in the Edinburgh Zoo. It’s a fascinating story. You should read up on it.”
“Deanna will love this. You don’t mind if I repurpose this quiz question for my morning fact tomorrow?”
“Be my guest.”
“She’s obsessed with penguins.” Something about the way she said it sounded almost…sad.
It was then Ronan noticed a hint of blue and purple under Audrey’s eyes, as though she hadn’t slept much. In fact, while Audrey didn’t usually wear a lot of makeup, she always had this air of being fresh and put together. Today, she seemed worn out.
“Is everything okay?” he asked.
“Of course.” She nodded and cradled her coffee cup between both hands. The ceramic was a swirling mix of pale pink and white, giving an almost tie-dyed effect. There was an imperfection in the glaze, a tiny bubble that Audrey rubbed her thumb over as though it soothed her. “Actually, I’m glad you came in today.”
Ronan suddenly felt something heavy in his gut, like he’d swallowed a boulder. His intuition was never wrong. “What’s going on?”
“I, um…well, the reason I missed class…” She licked her lips, stalling. “I won’t be coming anymore.”
The breath rushed out of his lungs. Shit. How could he have been so stupid as to kiss her? He knew it was dangerous. He knew she was off-limits. And she felt so uncomfortable that she didn’t even want to attend his class anymore. God, he could kick himself.
“Audrey, I’m so sorry about—”
“It’s not that.” She cut him off, her eyes darting over his shoulder. “Trust me. I have no regrets. None at all.”
He frowned. “Then why? I thought you were enjoying the class.”
“I am…I mean, I was.” She shook her head. “But I can’t keep doing it.”
“Why?” He felt like a toddler, but it pained him to see Audrey struggling with something. She clearly loved learning, and she was a brilliant student, from all he’d seen of her work thus far.
“I can’t afford it.” She sighed. “My family situation is…tough. I’m supporting my brother and sisters, and my father isn’t working. Spending money on a night class is a frivolous expense.”
Were those her words or someone else’s? Because they sounded hollow. Rehearsed.
“Learning isn’t frivolous.”
She let a soft smile drift across her lips. “Of course the professor would say that.”
“I’m not talking as a professor now. I’m talking as a friend.” That was a stretch, wasn’t it? He’d only known Audrey a few weeks, and one shared trivia victory did not a friendship make. Still, there was something between them. He knew that much.
“I appreciate the concern, but that doesn’t change anything, unfortunately. I’ve withdrawn my enrollment, and I’m no longer a student at Harrison Beech.”
There was a weight to her words—she was no longer a student. No longer his student. The words lodged in his brain, circling like vultures.
“You deserve to be here,” he said stubbornly.
“Yeah, I do.” She nodded. “But realities must be faced, and that means that I have to spend the money I earn more practically.”
“What if I paid for you?”
She shook her head. “One, I don’t even know if that’s allowed. It could be a huge ethics breach. Secondly, I don’t take charity.”
She was right; it was probably an enormous breach. But the words had skated out of him without triggering a single sensible thought in his head—all he wanted was to help her have what she deserved.
She deserves more than taking a night class here and there. She deserves to take her life and her education as far as she wants.
But that wasn’t going to happen. Audrey had dropped out of high school to care for her family, and now she’d dropped out of her college night class. It made his gut twist. How many other sacrifices had she made? How much of herself had she carved up and handed out to her family?
And all while keeping her shoulders square and her head high and a smile on her face…
What had given her so much strength?
It made him think of himself and Keira and their grandmother, how tough they all were and yet how separate. They each had their own lives, and they held survival and achievement in the highest regard—higher, even, than being together as a group.
“I’ll be fine,” Audrey reassured him. “I’m sad, but it’s what’s best for my family.”
“What about your father?”
Something changed in her eyes, like a light being flicked off. “What about him?”
“Doesn’t he want you to better yourself?”
“No,” she said bluntly. “He’d rather I support the family. But I’m not doing it for him. I’m doing
it for Deanna and the twins.”
He stared at her across the table, brows knitted. “At what cost?”
“At any cost.” Her gaze dropped. “I know you probably don’t understand, but when my mom died, it fell to me to keep the family together. Nobody else could do it, and that’s the mantle I’ve taken up. I can’t afford to be selfish.”
“When is it your turn, Audrey? Surely there’s a way for you to study while you take care of your family. I’ve had plenty of parents and caretakers in my classes.”
“Until my siblings are all out on their own, my studies aren’t a priority.”
Her tenacity was admirable, but Ronan wondered what would happen in the future. It was easy to say that she’d do what she wanted once her siblings were all gone, but would she be able to leave her father behind? Or would she let herself be trapped forever?
“What if we make a deal?” Ronan said. “I can take you through the lessons I’m teaching outside the classroom, and in exchange, you can help me with my book.”
“How on earth would I help you, Ronan? What skills could I possibly offer?”
“All books need a second set of eyes to make sure concepts are clear and the flow makes sense. And it’s actually better that you’re not in the field, because I want this book to reach beyond the academic community. You can be my beta reader. I’ll pay you for your time.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want you to be my boss.” There was an air of passionate defiance about her, a swelling of some feeling that had Ronan ensnared.
What did she mean by that? She didn’t want him to be her boss, but for what reason? Was it because she viewed it as charity or something else? A tangle of anticipation knotted itself in his stomach.
“I don’t want to work for you,” she said. “But I’d be happy to work with you.”
Kissing Lessons (Kissing Creek) Page 15