Through the Sandstorm

by Raina Ash

  “I’ll take care of that,” she said. “You still haven’t checked out this oasis. Why not take a nice stroll while I finish up dinner?”

  “Okay, that sounds like a good idea.” Paul left the yurt and Allison heard his footsteps growing fainter as he walked down the trail.

  She forced herself to focus on the steak and nothing else.

  ✽✽✽

  Dinner was better than Allison anticipated. She and Paul found their connection again and spent an hour talking about travel and work stories and laughing together.

  “I have a lot of horror stories from working tech support in college,” Paul said. “More times than I care to say, people would call in to complain that a monitor or computer wasn't working. The first thing I asked was if the device was plugged in. It usually wasn't.”

  “How can people be so dumb?” Allison said. “I can understand someone older doing that, but anyone under 50 should know to plug a computer in to make it work.”

  Paul shook his head. “I don't get it either.”

  “One time, one of my graphic designers came to me and said he couldn't communicate with a client because the client was insane.” She paused to take their plates to the sink. “I went to his desk so he could explain it more. He pulls up some stock picture of a woman in a field and told me the client wanted him to Photoshop the image to make the woman pose differently and turn her head to the side. That's not even possible. It's a 2D picture.”

  Paul laughed. “Sounds like the same kind of people who don't press the ON button and then complain their computer is broken.”

  Allison opened the cabinet under the sink and pulled out two beer bottles. “Guess what I found earlier? Want to partake and go swimming?”

  “Is drinking the best thing to do before trekking into the desert?”

  Allison put her hand on her hip. “Aren’t we staying an extra day? And besides, it's one beer each of some foreign stout that’s maybe 9% alcohol volume. I'm not suggesting we get smashed on vodka. Which I wish we had but don't.”

  Paul shrugged. “Alright. It's been awhile since I had a beer.”

  “Are you a mixed drink kind of guy?”

  “No, I don't drink much.”

  “Seriously, do you have any fun?”

  He smiled. “Yes, on occasion.”

  Allison handed him a beer and opened the door. “What a beautiful sunset color across the sky.“ She looked up at the orange and pink hues. “I'm jumping in. Come join me.” She walked toward the large pond, taking in the waterfall. She took off her shirt and jeans (leaving her underwear on) and set them on a nearby rock. She tested the water with her foot and it was chilly, but doable. “You coming?” she said and turned back to the yurt.

  Paul leaned against the doorway, hair disheveled with a beer in hand, watching her. He lingered on her body a moment before looking up at the sky. “It is a nice evening.”

  Allison smiled to herself, happy she brought lacy black underwear. Best decision ever. She eased into the water, testing its depth. “This pond is perfect,” she said. “Well, it’s cold, but not too deep. It doesn’t go past my shoulder.”

  “Why are you shouting?” Paul said, a few feet behind her. “I'm right here.”

  “Oh, you got in fast.” He wasn’t wearing glasses and his brown eyes distracted her for a moment. She touched his calf with her foot. “You're not skinny dipping, are you?”

  He took a sip of beer. “No,” he said in a deadpan voice.

  She grabbed his shoulders and shook him. “C'mon Paul, let loose a little.”

  He finished his beer and threw the bottle on the dirt behind him. “Loosen up?”

  “Yeah. Have some fun. You're always so rigid.”

  “I see.” He swam away from her a little and then stopped. “Hey, what's that?” He looked down into the water.

  “What?” She swam closer. “What is it?” She peered past the rippling surface.

  Paul whipped around and grabbed her waist, lifting her into the air. She screeched as he threw her as far as he could. She splashed into the water, holding her beer above her head to keep it from going under. She caught her footing right before her entire head went under. She stood up, wiping water from her eyes.

  “You jerk,” she said, laughing. She lunged for him but he dodged and swam backwards.

  He laughed as she tried to grab him again. “You can't swim with that beer,” he said.

  She stood up, chugged the rest of it, then threw the bottle onto the dirt and leapt forward. She chased him around the small pond, flipping water towards his face. She finally stopped to take a breather as he ducked behind the waterfall.

  “Wow, you give up easily,” he said, swimming back into view.

  She gave him a pouty look. “Whatever.” She smiled to herself. The beer was having an effect and her stomach warm. It wasn’t the strongest drink, but it made her relaxed and giddy.

  He swam closer. “Liking the beer, huh?”

  “Yes, very much.” She spun in a circle with her arms out. “It’s nice to let the stress of the last few days melt away and just think of this moment. Think of this beautiful waterfall and how the solar lights are shining around us and how there’s nothing to do except play and have fun and forget about everything outside this oasis. No desert. No heat. We don’t have to worry about anything, just for today at least. It’s the best feeling in the world.”

  Paul floated closer as she spoke.

  She stopped spinning and smiled. “I like being with you, Paul. I’m always around high drama people at work. Or I’m with my trivia group and all they talk about is how rowdy their kids are. Or my friend, Summer. I love her, but she’s all about feeling things and being zen and getting in touch with the universe or whatever. And I get jealous because she travels so much. But you’re calm and easy going and rational. It’s a nice change to be around someone who counteracts my anxiety and helps me not get so worked up.” He was close enough for her to touch his bare chest. “I like you, Paul. I’m glad I got lost with you and not He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.” She laughed at her own dumb joke.

  Paul looked at her with an unreadable expression. He nodded his head as he put his hand on hers. She spun them both around in the water. After a few spins, he touched her shoulders and the motion stopped. He glanced at her lips and, the next moment, leaned in for a kiss. Without hesitation, she returned the kiss and slipped her arms around his neck.

  They both relaxed into the moment, letting their lips part so the kiss could deepen. He put his hands on her waist and pulled her close to his warm body. She let out a few soft moans. He was an excellent kisser.

  She would’ve been happy with that simple, passionate kiss. And she fully expected him to pull away and end the intimacy, considering how many mixed signals he gave off. But something in him flipped. His mouth pressed greedily against hers, hands resting on her back above her panty line, one finger tucked under the elastic as if waiting for permission.

  Something in her awakened, too - the desire to be held. For someone to want her. Every time she saw a couple on the street, or when Summer described a steamy night with a hot stranger, that area right in the middle of her chest ached. It grew stronger the more she was alone until she crammed it down into a tiny box inside her. She had a job and marketing work to do. Feeling lonely wasn’t productive.

  As Paul’s greedy tongue invaded her mouth, the ache in her chest returned with a vengeance. She wanted to be loved and desired and for someone to be there with her so she didn’t have to cry and hug Mocha for support. And she wanted this person to stay, actually stay with her, despite all of life’s troubles and work responsibilities - to stay and not abandon her. She wanted a home.

  Beneath the lust filling her body, she yearned to connect with Paul on a deeper level, to be one of those envied couples on the street, smiling and holding hands and being so cute it would make others roll their eyes and turn away.

  Despite the voice in the back of her head telling her to stop, that she
would get hurt because she wasn’t the kind of person to have sex with no strings attached, she pressed her aching chest against his and dug her fingers into his back, giving him permission. Paul slid his hands down to grab her ass and lift her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and let out a moan when his hard dick pressed against the fabric of her panties. Breath caught in her throat as he pulled the fabric aside and ran fingers over her clit.

  Neither of them had the patience to wait. It wasn’t the time for a sappy romance scene - they both craved completion, yearning for their bodies to join. Paul’s rational brain took control long enough to ask if she was protected.

  Allison had her fingers twisted in his hair. “Protected? Yeah, IUD.”

  He pushed them through the water until Allison’s back hit the edge of the dirt. The next moment he was inside her. She felt invaded and stretched and exposed, and the cold water against her hot clit made her shiver.

  She released a loud moan. “More.”

  Paul thrust into her again and grunted. She rubbed herself to his rhythm until her body teetered on the edge of climax. Their mouths smashed together as she came. She pulled his hair, yanking his neck back, as her body shook. She grinded against him to prolong the pleasure.

  He dug his finger into her hips and thrust harder. “Allison…” As one hand moved up to massage her breasts, he came, moaning and sucking on the inside of her neck. His movements became slower but deeper, squeezing out every drop he had left.

  Their greed dissipated and fell into the awkward silence of two people who aren’t yet a couple, but had sex, and now don’t know what to say. Paul continued to hug her while catching his breath. He pulled back. He held her gaze for several long moments. She kissed him softly, contemplating what to say. After kissing, he stepped away from her so they could no longer touch.

  She thought of apologizing, but didn’t have a reason to. They both wanted each other. It was fun. She moved forward to touch his arm, but he stepped to the side and pulled himself out of the water.

  “That was a nice swim,” he said. “Thank you for making such a wonderful dinner and for being so enjoyable to be around. I truly appreciate it. I’ve enjoyed spending time with you. I really have, Allison.” He grabbed the towel she had brought out earlier. “We should get to bed early. I know I’m tired.” He waited to see if she’d respond.

  She stared up at him, heart pounding. There was nothing she could say that would make him close to her again. She looked down at the murky water. “Okay. Goodnight.”

  He walked into the yurt and closed the door.

  She sank down until water covered her lips and tickled the bottom of her nose. She adjusted her panties. It wasn’t like she didn’t know how their heated moment would end. Paul was aloof, hot and cold, like most other men in her life. Every time she hooked up with a man who broke her heart, she swore she’d never be so vulnerable again, that she’d never put herself in another situation where she’d get hurt. Then her desires took over and the pattern repeated. She felt stupid for wanting Paul. He was, after all, like any other man who loved to travel: a loner.

  She was really trying. Trying not to have expectations. Trying not to push things. Trying not to control outcomes or act desperate. Why was it so hard not to get attached?

  She let herself cry, listening to the roar of the waterfall. Bugs chirped and buzzed all around her. She had started her trip to Morocco feeling the loneliest she’d ever felt in her life. Well, it can’t get any worse than this, she had thought.

  She was wrong.

  Chapter Twelve

  ALLISON WOKE TO THE SOUND of Paul opening and closing cabinets. She yawned as she sat up, eyes puffy from too much crying in the water. Paul had organized the supplies they would take and was packing them into bags to put on the camel. Cans, water bottles, and food packs lay scattered across the table and kitchen floor.

  “Good morning,” she said with a groggy voice.

  Paul focused on packing. “Oh, morning,” he mumbled, avoiding eye contact. “I was thinking it over and it’d be best to get back as soon as possible in case anyone is looking for us.”

  Allison had lost the will to fight. And considering how awkward the previous night had been, she was ready to go home and put the whole trip behind her. “Sounds good,” she said.

  Her deflated tone and willingness to abandon the extra day she wanted so much made Paul stop what he was doing and look at her with concern. She held his gaze until he looked away.

  “Right,” he said. “Good, then.”

  She dressed and cleaned while he brought bags to the camel. She ate a protein bar by herself and sat on the bed waiting for him to tell her it was time to go.

  They climbed on Alfred and let him carry them away toward the horizon. She snapped a few pictures of the oasis as it grew smaller and smaller in the distance. Dust rose from the dunes around them like mist rising from a heated lake. It was eerie yet beautiful as they rode deeper into the endless sands of the Sahara.

  A couple hours of silence passed. Paul finally spoke up. “How did you sleep?” he said.

  Allison had been staring at the camel’s large shadow, not thinking about anything. “Fine,” she said. “I’m looking forward to getting back.”

  “Do you have any more of those trivia questions?”

  “No. I’m too tired to think about that right now.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  More silence.

  “Are you still going to meet your friend in Cairo?” Paul said.

  “Probably.” She rubbed at her sore neck. “Hey, I don’t feel like conversation right now, not to be rude. I’m not trying to be a bitch, I’d just rather focus on getting back. And I’m tired.” Tired of relationships.

  “I can understand that.”

  Once again, extended silence filled the air, which Allison was fine with.

  “Before we stop talking,” Paul said, “can I say a few things?”

  “Sure.”

  He didn’t respond for a long time. He turned as much as he could to look at her. “Allison, I’m sorry for how I left things last night. I am attracted to you. At the same time, I have concerns. I know you don’t remember, but our last night in Marrakesh when you were drunk…”

  “You said I went to bed.”

  “Well, that’s not all of it. Yes, you went to bed, but I walked you to your room since you were so inebriated. I worried about you getting to the bed safely. We shared a moment, and I’ll admit that I gave into it.”

  “A moment? Did we-”

  “No, of course not,” he huffed. “You were drunk. It was a kiss, and I got you into the bed so you could sleep.”

  “I guess you’re a gentleman,” she said with too much sarcasm.

  “Regardless, I can’t deny my interest. But you do seem to initiate things under the influence.”

  “That’s ridiculous. I’m initiating? Yeah, booze loosens me up but you make it sound like I’m jumping on any available man around me. Which is very invalidating. I have feelings, too.”

  “I’m not trying to dismiss your feelings. I’m thinking of our situation. We live in different states. I travel a lot, which seems like something you hate and never do. We can both be stubborn. And I’m not-” He considered his words. “I didn’t start out on this trip looking for a relationship. I haven’t been looking for a while because things always get stressful. I’m focused on my work and don’t want to complicate that.”

  “Sorry for this sexism,” Allison said, sarcasm still oozing from her voice. “But men like to hit it and quit it.”

  Paul frowned. “I find that offensive considering you know little about me. I don’t ‘hit it and quit it’ as you put it. I’m only being rational and recognizing it can’t work between us, despite our attraction. We have too many obstacles and other obligations to consider. I also don’t know what your intentions are. You started off lusting after Noah and acting desperate for sex. So suddenly turning your affections to me is concerning.
”

  “I’m not fucking desperate for sex. That’s a harsh thing to say. You hurt my feelings last night coming onto me and then leaving. I initiated nothing last night. You did. If I was using you, which is what it seems you’re suggesting, I wouldn’t feel so hurt right now. I’m sorry I started liking you.”

  He sighed in a big, dramatic way. “This is exactly what I want to avoid. Relationships are stressful.”

  “Is saying that you hurt my feelings too much drama for you? I’m confused about why you had sex with me even though, let’s see, you claim to be an honorable man who doesn’t womanize, yet you’re not looking for a relationship. Sex minus interest with no strings attached is the very definition of hit it and quit it.”

  Paul raised his voice. “I developed feelings for you, Allison, and I gave in to those last night.” He turned back around and gripped the saddle. “But it’s not going to work, so there’s no use pursuing this. Relationships and me don’t mix.”

  Her voice softened. “Why wouldn’t it work?”

  He motioned with his hands, as if trying to take in the entire Sahara. “Because I’m building a business, or rather a charity. Because I travel. And when you travel, people can cheat on you or lose interest or a hundred other things. Relationships haven’t worked out in the past for me or, obviously, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. You don’t like to travel so you’d be waiting around for me all the time. I’ve been with women like that. I’m not saying you would do this, but women who wait around too much tend to cheat. And then I’ll come home to find some asshole in my house. Right now, I can’t settle down and start a home or a family. I need to travel and that can strain a relationship.”

  “You’ve been cheated on?” She touched his back.

  “Yes, more than once. I’ve always remained faithful, but not everyone has my morals.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that happened to you.”

  It’s not that I don’t like to travel. I had no one to do it with, or who wanted me to come along.