Four

by Archer Kay Leah

  Never going to happen, so stop being a halfwit. Waste your optimism on other things.

  Like the idea that Tash fit into their family, and not just because he spun tales and gave Renett a chance to socialize with someone who believed as she did. His reserved manner and gentle humour blended with the hodgepodge of personalities that made their family: Malary's quiet seriousness edged with sarcasm; Estara and Loftin's love for life and mischief; Teneth's good-natured but shy demeanor; Orlee's carefree enthusiasm and the children, who were brazen and curious. Renett was an endearing mixture of them all, dependent on the day and the moment.

  Now she's welcomed him in. I definitely can't tell her about us. I can't let her think there's a chance he'll be here more often. Mayr trailed behind Loftin. They passed through the kitchen to the dining room, sidestepping the bodies moving in and out of the kitchen. Sweet incense and bitter herbs scented the air, wafting as he maneuvered around the two tables pushed together in the middle of the small room. Renett already sat at the head of the longest table, facing the kitchen, mumbling as Malary fussed over her. She slapped her husband's hand and offered a wide grin before kissing his cheek. Malary snapped his mouth shut and took his seat next to her, around the left corner of the table. In his silence, he snaked his hand toward hers and clasped her fingers.

  Mayr averted his gaze from their intimate display. Despite everything, his parents were still in love; perhaps even more than when he was a child, if his memories and interpretation could be trusted. What he would give to have that, or at least feel it again.

  "Priest Tash, come sit." Renett tapped the table at the seat to her right. "Here with me, if you would do me the honour."

  Tash dipped his head and complied, pulling his chair toward the table. "If you wish."

  "Hey, Reny," Teneth called from the kitchen, "all these platters? And the bowls?"

  "If you all expect to eat, then yes," Renett answered.

  Orlee sashayed out of the kitchen, a wooden board with two loaves of bread in her hands. "Teneth, love, if it's edible, it's going on the table." She set the board in the middle of the main table and looked pointedly at the children. "No touching. Not until everything's ready." Once she received a nod from each child, she returned to the kitchen.

  Intending to help, Mayr turned toward the kitchen.

  Estara stopped him with a glare, entering the dining room with a large bowl of leafy violet plants and bright pink fruit. "Don't you even dare. There are enough people moving about." As if to prove her point, Loftin and Teneth stepped out from behind her with platters of cold meat, cheese, and herb tarts. They set the food on the table and disappeared into the kitchen.

  Dayla giggled from her seat next to Malary. "Mama told you, Uncle Mayr."

  "Yeah, I know. I think she got me mixed up with one of you smelly little beasts." Mayr's raised brow drew laughter from her, Alith, and Efae.

  "I heard that," Estara yelled from the kitchen. "And they're my smelly little beasts, thanks. Don't make this perfect beast of a big mama beat you for your muddy talk."

  Orlee reappeared with bread. "She's got a point there." Hands on her hips, she tilted her head. "Did you want me to get the offering to the Goddesses, Reny?"

  Renett nodded, sending Orlee into action. She picked up the silver plate from the gleaming set at the end of the smaller table opposite Renett and filled it with a single helping of each item of food. When the rest of the food was brought in and everyone found their places, Orlee added the last spoonfuls and left the room through the second door behind Renett.

  "Here, let me." Mayr took the polished metal decanter of gaffa nectar from Loftin's hands and looked to their sister. "Tara. Ta-ra. Tara!" Estara's head lifted. "Hand me the goblet, would you?"

  With an annoyed glare, Estara retrieved a glass goblet from the empty place setting dedicated to the Four. "Because clearly you don't have legs."

  "Hey, you banished me from that end. Not my idea." Mayr filled the goblet and placed the decanter on the table. On his way out of the room, he passed Orlee in the doorway and winked at her warm smile.

  The thick scent of incense and floral extract-infused wax overpowered his senses as he entered the tiny room. Pillows and blankets were arranged in a pile to his left. To his right, the altar glowed under the light of four large candles. Small grey statues stood on a dark wood box in the middle of the altar, each no taller than the length of his boot. Chiseled into the shape of women, two statues wore their hair long while the other two bore it short. Three wore gowns; one wore armour. A short red veil hung over each of their heads, the delicate fabric glimmering in the candlelight. Red and white petals littered the white altar cloth. Placed on the front edge of the altar was the plate Orlee had prepared. The offering would remain there through dinner until someone took it outside to deposit the food at the base of the offering tree, well away from the house.

  Mayr set the goblet beside the plate and stared at the flames. Words escaped him. He never knew what to say to the Four. They confused him, more than anything. How his mother, father, and Tash could offer themselves and believe in the Goddesses despite the terrible things in the world, he would never understand. Still, he would offer the Four anything on his mother's behalf.

  After bowing his head, he rejoined the others and stopped at his place beside Tash. To his right stood Loftin, Alith, and Orlee, and across the table from them were Estara, Efae, and Teneth. Only Renett remained seated.

  "Priest Tash," Renett said, "would you do Mal and me the honour of saying the blessing?"

  "I would never refuse." Tash lifted his wooden goblet toward the chair at the other end of the conjoined tables. Except for a quartet of colourful pillows, the chair remained empty, situated before another silver plate and glass goblet with silver utensils. Everyone at the tables mimicked his gesture. "To the Four Goddesses of life, being, and divine understanding, I ask blessing upon the meal before us and all those here, in physical form and spirit. May Your gentle grace be upon us, Your unconditional love uplift us, and Your bountiful gifts be cherished with a full heart. Blessed be the Four."

  "Blessed be the Four," everyone repeated before they sipped their drinks and sat.

  "Lovely. Thank you." Renett covered Tash's hand with her own. "Perhaps you can teach my children to say it so eloquently." Her gaze shifted to Mayr, a smile playing at her lips. She suspected something, he was certain.

  "Now, Mother," Loftin started, handing Mayr a bowl, "it's not about how pretty we sound; it's the sincerity. We could drunkenly slur it out and still be good. Right, Priest?"

  Tash chuckled and held a platter for Renett as she started to fill her plate. "Depends what day it is. Sometimes Navara prefers everything clear and perfect to the very letter and tone of each word."

  Loftin stopped, gripping a platter. "Wait, you're saying I could have my backside thrashed or otherwise booted by the Goddess of Justice because I slurred?"

  "Perhaps." Tash passed the platter in his hands to Malary. "She's incredibly temperamental."

  Renett laughed as Loftin gawked at Tash in mock horror.

  "Kids, do not do what I do. That means you, Alith," Loftin instructed, returning to piling food onto his plate. "Last thing I need is your mother shredding me to pieces because I taught you to say the blessing wrong. Or anything wrong, actually."

  "Now you get that?" Orlee muttered.

  "He can't be that insulting," Estara said, passing dishes to Teneth. "He's still here to annoy us."

  "Ha, ha. Thanks, twin." Loftin made a face at her, his features nearly identical to hers except for the grey eyes and short hair. "My next turn to make a sacrifice, it's you. All you."

  Estara beamed and hunched her shoulders. "Love you."

  Mayr shook his head at the banter and ate slowly. Whenever he visited, it was always the same. They may have added years to their lives, but their candidness remained. They shared much in common with Aeley, only one of the reasons he got along well with her. Being around her was like being ho
me. Whenever Aeley was in the same room with his family, he could not tell where his family's essence ended and hers began.

  Hearing Aeley's name stole his attention.

  "What?" Mayr asked, clearing his throat.

  "Aeley," Renett repeated. "You need to thank her. Priest Tash and I went through all of the things she sent with you. Such beautiful cloaks. Thick, soft cloaks that'll get us through the next couple winters for sure. They're much nicer than the ones I've made. The extra food she sent will go to good use." Her lips drew into a line. "She's much too good to us, just like her father."

  "Hear, hear," Estara murmured between mouthfuls.

  "Thank her, for me, for sparing you so you could come home." Renett touched Tash's hand. "She could keep him, you know, but she lets him come here at least a couple days a month. Sometimes we're spoiled with more. Just like Korre used to do. They've always sent my boy home."

  Mayr's face warmed. "Mother, it's not like they own me. Never have."

  "No one will ever own the likes of us," Loftin said loudly, raising his goblet. Teneth and Estara cheered and tapped their goblets to his.

  "That's not what I'm saying," Renett continued. "I appreciate we're recognized, that's all. I appreciate that she respects us and takes care of you. Even with the ridiculous things the Grands get themselves into, she remembers to send you home. It's not the only thing she's done for us, either. She's no different than you, still doing things you don't have to."

  Mayr groaned. He knew what she referred to and with the way she eyed Tash, he knew she was going to explain it.

  "He's always helped us, you know," Renett told Tash, rubbing his hand as she glanced between him and Mayr. "Even now, half of what he earns comes to us, or so we've been told."

  "That's assuming you keep it." Mayr glared at his father. "I know what you did with it a few times, you realize that, right? Ae finally told me. You gave it back to her so she'd pass it along to me. She said she tried to disguise it as extra earnings or some other excuse so I'd take it."

  Cheeks flushed, Renett lowered her fork. "Aeley told you?"

  "She was drunk, Mother. Ae always talks when she's drunk." Aware of Tash's inquisitive expression, Mayr leaned back. He would not apologize for what he did. He would continue to give a portion of his earnings to his parents, just as he had when he was younger. There was no reason to stop doing it—at least not a reason that stuck. Without a family of his own, he had more than he needed. Of what he kept, he spent the majority on his girlfriends and things for himself, mostly weapons or things for Hetlan. Everything else was for his family.

  "That's a noble act," Tash said softly, his shoulder pressed to Mayr's. Under the table, Tash's hand squeezed Mayr's knee.

  "It's not," Mayr muttered, staring at his plate. It was a guilty act: the behaviour of someone who had sold their spirit to regret. Nothing could buy it back, but he could give his parents and siblings what they needed. What he had taken from them.

  The conversation about him ended as Efae asked Tash to tell them another story after dinner, his small voice tripping over the words as he rubbed his ear. The subsequent conversations twisted and turned on themselves, punctured by gibes between Estara and Loftin.

  When the topic of sleeping arrangements for the night arose, the lack of rooms in question, Mayr cleared his throat. "We'll sleep in the barn."

  Malary scowled as though Mayr had cursed. "Pardon?"

  "Tash and I. We'll sleep in the barn or set up a tent under the lean-to like I usually do. It's still perfectly nice outside."

  Horror accompanied Renett's gape. "Absolutely not! I will not have a priest visit my home and sleep outdoors, especially when I have a room to spare. What's wrong with you?" Patting Tash's hand, she smiled apologetically, her expression coloured by a hint of embarrassment. "You'll take the spare room, there was never any doubt."

  "Fine." Mayr breathed out. "I'll sleep on the floor."

  Estara gasped and coughed. Her face reddened as she coughed harder. She reached for her goblet with a shaky hand. "Sure you will," she managed hoarsely, her eyes watering.

  Mayr glared at her. He did not need to be the topic of conversation again, not with his mother's newfound interest in Tash. As if she envisioned Tash and Mayr as a couple. As if her next question would be about their plans for what she hoped was a shared future.

  A future they would never have.

  "How about we sleep outside?" Teneth suggested, his bright tone catching everyone's attention. He motioned to the children and Loftin. "How about the five of us? We'll set up the tents and make it good."

  "Camp out!" Dayla and Alith yelled in unison. They chattered excitedly until shushed by their mothers.

  "Fine, it's settled," Renett said. "Priest Tash and Mayr have the bigger room, Estara and Orlee have the smaller, and the rest of you have outside."

  The children squealed, rocking back and forth as they bombarded their fathers with suggestions for a bonfire and tent placement. Estara and Orlee cleared the table, laughing on their way to the kitchen. Malary caressed Renett's hand and spoke with her quietly.

  Tash excused himself from Renett's grasp and left.

  Confused, Mayr watched him disappear on the other side of the kitchen. Leaving silently was unlike him. Even more unusual was his hurried exit.

  "I'll be back." Mayr patted his mother's hand as he stood. He cut through the kitchen and padded through the spacious sitting room and narrow corridors. No one. "Plants," he mumbled, pushing open the front door.

  Tash sat on the porch steps. Elbows on his knees, he held his head in his hands.

  Mayr closed the door and glimpsed Tash's back and shoulders. He was tense, drawn into himself. Nothing like what Mayr knew him to be.

  Silent, Mayr sat on the step beside him.

  "Sorry," Tash whispered. He turned his face to peek at Mayr, his hands still on his forehead. "I just needed to breathe."

  With a slow hand, Mayr rubbed the back of Tash's neck. "Did you want to talk about it?"

  "No, but thank you. I just needed some air. I just…" Tash closed his eyes and craned his head back, leaning into Mayr's touch. "I've always found it difficult to withstand the graces of family. I left mine behind, and I can't ever change that. They're gone. The only family I have now are the priests and priestesses, but it's not the same. The jokes, the stories, the familial bond. The sheer joy and security of just being a family. I haven't had that in such a long time. It's hard to be reminded of what I lost."

  Explaining the look on his face earlier when we were watching the children, Mayr realized. He pulled Tash into his arms. "This is my fault. I'm sorry."

  "For what?"

  "I shouldn't have brought you. I should've come alone."

  Tash pushed away, leaving a small space between them. "No, don't apologize. I'm happy to be here. Your family is good, blessed. It's nice to see, especially when I know how many suffer. It's refreshing to be here. And your mother needed it, I understand that. She's a bright flame I don't mind being around. There's much of her in you, and that's a blessing in itself."

  "But I shouldn't have brought you, should I?" Mayr let out a frustrated sigh. "I can be insensitive, I know. I knew you said your family was dead, but I didn't think about it when I asked. And now—all day—I can't help but think…" He waved the rest of the words away. "Never mind. I'm being insensitive again."

  "No, you weren't. You were speaking your mind. You know I prefer honesty. 'Can't help but think' what?"

  Mayr grimaced. "That this ruins things for us." He flipped his hand toward the door. "Mother's in there looking like she's imagining us married and with a family like Tara and Loftin. You saw that, right? And no, I'm not overreacting. That's the same look she had when Orlee and Teneth were brought into the house those first few times. It's frightening, actually."

  "I'm not sure I follow."

  "You, me, this thing we're in. Bringing you to see my parents. This is too much like an actual relationship, isn't it? I'm not gettin
g this 'casual' concept, am I?"

  Tash leaned close, his lips near Mayr's. "What is it you're really asking?"

  Yes, Mayr, what are you really asking? Ruin it for sure, why don't you? The voice in the back of his mind muddled his thoughts. He swallowed back the discomfort of the internal battle. "Am I running you off? You had this look earlier, like you were going to lea—"

  The rest of his words were lost to Tash's kiss. Their tongues slid across one another, the kiss deepening as Tash clasped Mayr's head. It was almost a complete answer, even if it did not explain the expression in Tash's eyes earlier.

  When they parted, neither took more than a shallow breath. "You're not running me off." Tash drew his fingers through the loose tail of Mayr's hair. "I swear you're not."

  Mayr could hear the silent 'but' hanging in the air, haunting their conversation with words Tash did not say. Either he would not say them or could not. Still, there was something else. Someone else.

  "We should get back in," Mayr said, standing. He would not get the truth from Tash right then. The explanation would come soon enough on its own. "We should help get the tents ready for the kids."

  Concern and confusion collided in Tash's gaze, but he stood with Mayr. "Just as well. I'm supposed to tell them of Eleia the Triumphant slaying the Winged Brethren of Akovar. The more gruesome, the better, or so Alith's request went."

  "Just not too gruesome or Tara will make a gruesome mess of you." Mayr held the door open for Tash and followed him in. "I don't need to explain how bad that would be."

  Tash raised one of his brows. "Bloodbath?"

  "More blood than bath. I figure she's worse than Ae. Well, if she had the chance."

  "We'll just have to make sure that doesn't happen." Tash pulled Mayr into him, his hand in the small of Mayr's back. "The only one getting a bath should be you," he said, low and seductive. "And that requires you being naked, which I particularly enjoy… just a thought to hold us over until bed."