To Find Her Place

by Susan Anne Mason

  As much as Jane hated to leave Martin, she couldn’t stay all day and watch over him. “Shall we go downstairs?”

  “Yes, please.”

  They were just finishing the tour of the kitchen and dining area when Mrs. Shaughnessy appeared in the hall. “I hope everything met your approval, Mr. Wilder.”

  He reached for his hat on the coatrack. “From what I’ve seen so far, you seem to have the home well in hand.”

  “That’s a relief to hear, sir. We certainly try our best.”

  “Thank you for your time, Mrs. Shaughnessy.” He smiled as he settled his hat on his head. “I’m sure we’ll see each other again soon.”

  “I certainly hope so, sir.” The older woman actually blushed.

  Jane shook her head in mild amusement. It seemed she wasn’t the only one affected by those dimples.

  5

  Melanie said you wished to see me?” Mrs. Linder stood in the doorway of Garrett’s office the next day, looking crisp and neat in another trim suit. Navy blue this time.

  “Good morning.” Garrett laid his pencil down. “I hoped you might have some time to answer a few more questions.”

  He’d spent the morning going over his preliminary notes about the Children’s Aid office as well as the shelter. It was important to record his initial impressions, even if those impressions changed after he learned more about the operations.

  Mrs. Linder folded her arms in front of her and moved farther into the room. “What sort of questions?” Her gaze darted to the ledger, then skimmed over the other items on his desk.

  Why did she always seem on the defensive with him? Did she have something she didn’t want him to discover?

  “In going over some of the files,” he said, “I’ve seen numerous mentions of the Infants’ Home. It appears the Children’s Aid and the Infants’ Home are intertwined somehow, but I can’t quite figure out exactly how they work.”

  Her shoulders eased away from somewhere around her ears. “Don’t feel bad,” she said. “At times even we aren’t sure how it works.” She gave a light laugh as she moved closer to the desk and glanced down at the framed photo he’d set out. His favorite snapshot of his sister’s kids.

  She picked up the frame. “Are these your niece and nephews?”

  Ah, so she’d remembered what he’d told her yesterday. He smiled. “Yes. Kevin, Dale, and Mandy. They’re the loves of my life.” Warmth spread through his chest just thinking of them and the fact that he’d get to see them at the end of the week.

  “They’re beautiful.” A strange hitch invaded her voice as she ran a finger across the glass.

  For an instant, as her eyes met his, a flash of longing appeared. Then she blinked and set the photo down, her features settling into what he’d come to think of as her business face.

  “Thank you,” he said. “I think they’re pretty great, but then again, I’m biased.”

  She looked at her watch. “It’s almost noon, and I have a meeting at one o’clock. If you don’t mind giving up part of your lunch hour, I could fill you in on our role with the Infants’ Home.”

  “I don’t mind at all. I often work through lunch anyway.” He rose from his seat. “Why don’t we take a walk? I could use some fresh air and a bit of exercise.”

  She nodded. “That sounds good. Let me make one more phone call and we can go.”

  Ten minutes later, Garrett walked down Isabella Street beside Mrs. Linder, enjoying the cool air and open space, a treat after spending all morning in his windowless office. Even though it was only the beginning of September, fall was on its way, a season he enjoyed more than the others. It was always a busy time at his parents’ farm, but one he relished nonetheless.

  “This was a good idea,” Mrs. Linder said suddenly. “I don’t get out of my office enough these days.”

  “I always find a change of scenery helps recharge my energy, even if it’s only for a few minutes.” He looked over at her. “How do you like overseeing the agency?”

  She walked in silence for a few seconds. “It’s challenging, I’ll admit. There’s a lot more to it than I originally realized. But when Mr. Mills took ill, he said he didn’t trust anyone else to handle things in his absence.” She lifted one shoulder. “And as much as I loved my job as a caseworker, I couldn’t let him down.”

  “It sounds like you have a close relationship with Mr. Mills.”

  “I do. He’s a wonderful boss and mentor.”

  “You must have mixed feelings about him retiring, then.” It was a statement more than a question. One she confirmed with a nod.

  “Of course, I’m happy for him,” she added quickly. “But I’m going to miss him terribly. He leaves big shoes to fill. I only hope I can live up to his legacy.”

  Garrett almost stumbled over a crack in the sidewalk. She made it sound as though she intended to stay on in her current role. The board had certainly never mentioned any such thing. But if they were both competing for the same job, it would make his position here even more stressful, for both of them.

  She glanced over at him. “I understand you might be applying for the position yourself.” Her words were more than blunt, almost accusatory.

  “That’s right. I intend to use my time here to see if I would be a good fit for the organization. And it for me.”

  “Don’t you already have a job?” The sharp question sliced through the air between them.

  “Not really. For the past year or so, I’ve been doing freelance audits for various companies. But I’m ready to put down roots and settle into a permanent job, and I’d like it to be a meaningful position. Somewhere I can make a difference in the world. Working with needy children seems to be a perfect way to do that.” Heat built under his collar. He hadn’t meant to reveal so much of himself. Or how important getting this position was to him.

  “Exactly why I want the job.” Her gaze was steady on his, not angry or challenging, simply calm and direct.

  His stomach clenched. He’d never imagined this scenario, assuming that because she was a married woman, the high-level job must be a temporary position for her. He winced inwardly, imagining what his mother and sister would think of that idea. Cassie already called him a chauvinist. Perhaps she had a point.

  “I hope this isn’t going to affect our working together,” he said quietly. “I have to believe that in the end the best person for the job will be the one who gets it.”

  Her features relaxed a little. “I agree. Mr. Fenmore told me that given the current high level of unemployment, he expects dozens of applications for the job once they post it. I have to believe that God will allow the right person to take over the helm.” She shrugged. “I see no reason for it to affect our interactions while you work here. You will have my full cooperation.”

  He nodded, a growing admiration for her fairness and sensibility loosening the tightness in his chest. “I appreciate that, Mrs. Linder. You shall have the same from me.”

  “Thank you.” She tilted her head. “Perhaps you should call me Jane. It will be easier that way.”

  He smiled. “Very well. And I’m Garrett.”

  She looked at her watch again. “Let’s head back and I’ll answer your questions about the Infants’ Home on the way.”

  “Thanks. It’s my fault we got off track.”

  “That’s all right. I think it was a productive conversation, don’t you?”

  “I do indeed.”

  By the time they neared the office, Jane had filled Garrett in on the intricate way the Infants’ Home worked. He walked beside her in silence as though trying to digest what she’d told him.

  “It makes sense that the infants are housed in a different building from the older children,” he said. “But why create a separate organization? And why does the Children’s Aid handle the adoptions?”

  “I can’t really explain the reasoning behind it all. It’s just the way things evolved. However, I can tell you that Miss Moberly has done wonders with the Infants’ Home. She
and Mr. Mills have worked closely together over the years to establish foster care for children of all ages. I’m not sure why our department handles the infant adoptions, but it seems to work out well.”

  “I suppose to insiders it makes sense. But for someone new, the whole process seems convoluted.” His brows pulled down in a frown.

  “If you really want to know more, I’d suggest speaking with Miss Moberly. You could give her a call and set up an appointment if you’d like.”

  He nodded. “That might be a good idea. The better the understanding I have of all the pieces in this puzzle, the easier it will be to make the best recommendations possible.”

  Jane repressed the spurt of alarm that continued to wind through her. She’d hoped that once they’d cleared the air and established their respective positions about the director’s job, she’d feel better about the man’s presence in her office. Yet an invasive feeling of unease persisted. The feeling that she was simply playacting the part of directress and didn’t really deserve the role. The feeling that Garrett Wilder was infinitely more qualified for the job than she.

  In reality, he probably was. But she couldn’t allow her own insecurities to destroy her chance to make effective changes to the agency, especially with regard to the way adoptions were handled. Children like Martin deserved the opportunity to find a permanent home. And if she didn’t use her position to effect the types of changes she envisioned, who would?

  Even though Mr. Mills often agreed with her in principle, he’d never been open to expanding the criteria for adopting older children to possibly include single people or even older couples. She had no guarantee that Garrett would either.

  When they reached the office, Jane led the way inside. They’d taken a lot longer than the fifteen minutes she’d intended. If she hurried, she could eat half of the sandwich she’d brought from home and gulp down a cup of tea before her next meeting.

  “Jane. Thank goodness you’re back.” Melanie rushed into the hallway, her expression anxious.

  Jane stopped cold. “What’s wrong?”

  The young woman’s gaze swung to Mr. Wilder and back to Jane again. “There was an urgent phone call from your neighbor. Your mother needs you to come home right away.”

  6

  Garrett watched the color drain from Jane’s face as her hand went to her throat.

  “How bad is it? Did she say?” Her voice came out in a rasp.

  Melanie shook her head. “Only that she’s not well.”

  Jane turned to Garrett. “Excuse me, but I have to leave. Melanie, please cancel my one o’clock meeting and send my sincerest regrets.”

  “I will.”

  Garrett laid a gentle hand on her arm. “Is there anything I can do to help?” He didn’t know Jane well, but as usual, his impulse to rescue people came charging to the forefront.

  “No, thank you.” When she looked at him, raw anguish twisted her features. “I hope to be back, but if I don’t return today, please see Melanie or one of the caseworkers if you need help with anything.”

  She headed down the hall to her office, then came back carrying her handbag.

  He stood by, feeling utterly useless. “I hope everything’s all right with your mother. And please don’t rush back on my account.”

  She looked up from her change purse as she counted out coins. “Thank you. In that case, I will see you tomorrow.”

  When she left, the very energy in the building seemed to shift, leaving the atmosphere considerably more somber.

  Garrett returned to his office, took out a notepad and pen, and attempted to focus on writing down what he’d learned about the Infants’ Home. But his mind kept wandering back to Jane and her mother. He could only imagine how distraught he’d be if he got a call about an emergency with his own mother. He’d be on the road to the farm so fast his tires would burn rubber. Another thought crossed his mind. Jane had been counting her coins as though preparing to take a bus. If the situation was so urgent, why wouldn’t she call her husband and have him pick her up?

  He ran a hand over the back of his neck. Perhaps her husband worked out of town or had a job where he couldn’t be disturbed. Perhaps they didn’t own a vehicle. Garrett suddenly wished he knew more about the woman and her background. After auditing various companies over the past year, he usually tried to find out as much as possible about the people he was investigating. Tomorrow he’d make some subtle inquiries about the directress, an idea that didn’t seem out of place since the board had specifically asked Garrett for feedback on her. Anything that might affect her performance was, in his mind, fair game.

  A few hours later, he set down his pen and stood up. There wasn’t much more he could do here today. He might as well take some of the files home to read this evening after dinner at the boardinghouse. Tomorrow he’d tackle the problems with a fresh outlook.

  His thoughts turned to Jane once again, and he resolved to make a phone call to his parents tonight. This war had taught him the hard way that life was too precious and far too fleeting to take for granted.

  It was only by the grace of God that he’d recovered from his injuries and made it home in one piece. Since then, he’d vowed never to let a single day go by without a healthy dose of gratitude.

  The next morning, Jane sat at her desk and did her best to quiet her conscience, telling herself that she had no real reason to fret. Mama’s episode had turned out to be a mild heart fluctuation, one that Dr. Henshaw had handled easily. As a precaution given her mother’s medical history, he’d decided to keep her overnight for observation, and if events followed their usual pattern, she’d be released later that afternoon.

  Jane twirled a pen between her fingers, her nerves refusing to settle. What a disaster the past two days had been. She couldn’t have orchestrated a worse introduction for Mr. Wilder to their organization. First there was Martin’s unceremonious return and the unplanned tour of the shelter, followed by the emergency with her mother requiring Jane to cancel a meeting and leave work hours earlier than normal. He must think her totally incompetent as directress, and she couldn’t blame him. She’d have thought the same thing.

  “Good morning, Jane.” Garrett Wilder stood in her doorway. “How is your mother faring today?”

  Jane straightened her shoulders, realizing she’d been staring blankly at the papers on her desk. “A little better, thank you. The doctor kept her in the hospital overnight, so I’ll pick her up later this afternoon.” Another day that she’d have to leave work early.

  “The hospital?” Frowning, he came into the room. “Was it something serious, then?”

  Concern shone in his eyes, yet Jane couldn’t help but wonder if the emotion was sincere or if he was searching for any weakness he could find. She hated that he’d already seen her at her worst, but there was no point in trying to hide Mama’s condition now.

  “I’m afraid so. My mother suffered rheumatic fever several years ago, and it left her heart in a weakened state.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” His gaze fell to Jane’s left hand and the plain band she still wore. “Does she live with you and your husband?”

  Tension snapped up Jane’s spine, and she drew in a sharp breath. These were natural questions that someone who didn’t know her would ask. Thankfully, she’d perfected a generic answer that kept her curious co-workers at bay. “My husband is away fighting in the war, as is my brother. I moved back to live with my mother since she couldn’t stay on her own.”

  Garrett frowned. “I didn’t realize your husband was overseas. That must be such a worry for you.”

  Jane murmured something nondescript.

  “But it appears that living with your mother has turned out to be a mutually beneficial arrangement.”

  Jane gripped her hands together. “For the most part, it has.” The toll of caring for her mother often seemed overwhelming, yet Jane couldn’t bear the alternative. Dr. Henshaw, Mama’s physician, had gently suggested that the day might come where she would b
e better off in a nursing facility; however, Jane would not allow herself to think of that time yet.

  Garrett took a seat and crossed one leg over his knee. “I’m grateful that my own parents so far enjoy good health. They own a farm about an hour from here.”

  She forced herself to relax. The man was simply making pleasant conversation, as one would with a co-worker. “I take it you don’t live with them. That would make for a long drive to work each day.”

  “That it would. No, I live in a boardinghouse in the city, but I go home almost every weekend to help with the chores and enjoy my mother’s cooking.” He smiled as he continued to study her. “I hope you manage to get some time to relax on your days off. Or does this place keep you too busy for that?”

  Tension screamed back into Jane’s muscles. It seemed like he was probing for more information. Now that he knew she wanted the director’s job, was he trying to find ammunition to use against her? “I spend most Saturdays working here, along with the rest of my employees,” she said briskly. “As you will learn, we are severely understaffed.” She shoved on her reading glasses, ones she only needed for small print, but that gave her a more authoritative air. “Now, how can I help you this morning?”

  Garrett stared at the woman before him, realizing the door had slammed shut on the brief glimpse he’d gained into her personal life. Once again, she’d donned her professional armor, complete with dark-rimmed glasses. Yet, far from rendering her unapproachable, the spectacles only added to her charm.

  Not that he should be noticing anything of the sort. He glanced down at her slim gold wedding band to hammer home that idea, then cleared his throat. “I’d like to discuss the financial records with you today, if you can spare some time. When I was going over them last night, I made note of a few items I’d like to clarify.”

  “Very well. I have some time now before my next appointment.”

  “Perfect. Shall we work in here, then?”