To Find Her Place

by Susan Anne Mason

  Oh. Her stomach dropped as sudden understanding dawned. No wonder the man wasn’t exactly oozing friendliness at their last meeting. Did he suspect her of theft?

  Garrett picked up the book and opened it to a page that had been marked with a ribbon. “If you look closely, you’ll see where several figures have been changed on this page alone.”

  He pointed to the three different numbers in question.

  Jane peered at them, then pulled a magnifying glass out of her drawer to look even closer. Sure enough, the figures had been altered. In one case, a one had been added in front of an amount of 130 dollars, making the entry 1,130 dollars.

  “There are other such alterations done over the past six months. Not all of them as big as this one. Still, they add up.” He had resumed his seat, watching her with an unreadable expression.

  Was he waiting for her to explain the situation away? How could she when she had no idea what was going on?

  “I don’t know what to say. I feel terrible that I didn’t notice this.” She gave a shrug. “Perhaps I didn’t go over every entry as thoroughly as I should have. But then again, that’s why Mr. Warren goes over them as well.”

  Garrett nodded. “It was Mr. Warren who made the discovery of the discrepancies.”

  “And sent in a third-party auditor to find the culprit.”

  “Among other things, yes.”

  “So, what do we do now? Do you want to speak to Mr. Bolton?” Her hands continued to tremble, the tremors spreading all the way down her legs.

  “Eventually. But first I need you to be honest with me.” Garrett leaned toward her. “Are you telling me that you have no knowledge of this whatsoever?”

  She looked him straight in the eye. “Until you brought this to my attention, I had no idea of any discrepancy with the books.”

  He closed his eyes for a moment, then with a sigh, he opened them. “I have to ask you another uncomfortable question. And I need full transparency from you, Jane. No secrets.”

  She dropped her gaze to the desktop, her mind searching for what he could be insinuating.

  “During a recent conversation, Melanie hinted that your husband might not be the most . . . upstanding of men. But she refused to say anything further. Which only reinforced my own suspicion that something was amiss.”

  Panic sputtered to life in her chest. What had Melanie said?

  “Normally, I wouldn’t bring this up; however, in this situation where any hint of impropriety must be explored . . .” He trailed off, looking miserable. “I’m sorry, but I must insist on the truth. When your husband joined the war, did he leave you in financial difficulties?”

  Her heart seemed to stop, then stutter back to life. She longed to be able to get up and walk out. Simply leave all her problems behind and disappear. But even if she dared, the weakness in her legs wouldn’t allow her to move.

  Garrett seemed to be insinuating that Donald had left her in financial trouble and that she might be skimming money from the books to counteract the debt. She should be outraged at such an asinine assumption, but all she could muster up was sheer terror. Terror that she wouldn’t be able to prove her innocence, that the board would agree with Garrett’s conclusions and fire her. Or, worse yet, have her arrested.

  She ran her tongue over her dry lips. “You asked for my discretion at the outset of this conversation,” she said. “Now I am going to ask for the same courtesy from you.”

  Garrett stared at Jane from across the desk. Her face had lost all color, except for the stark red lipstick that stood out against her pale skin. A slight film of perspiration shone on her forehead, and her hands trembled visibly, despite the way she gripped them together in front of her. What was she about to tell him?

  “As long as it isn’t something criminal, then you have my word.” He held his breath, praying he wasn’t making a terrible mistake in uttering that promise.

  “It’s true that my mother and I aren’t in the best financial shape. I have assumed the expense of running her house, plus I have a bank loan that I’m slowly paying off.” She lifted her chin. “But I’m not in dire straits. And I would certainly never steal from anyone. Especially the children.”

  Garrett narrowed his eyes. “I’m hearing a lot of I statements. Where does your husband fit into all of this?”

  Jane’s gaze darted to the wall behind him. “He doesn’t.” Lines pinched around her mouth as she let out a sigh. “I . . . no longer have a husband.”

  “What?” His mouth fell open. “Did he . . . was he killed in the war?” Could she have been keeping his death quiet all this time? More importantly, why would she want to?

  “No. As far as I know, Donald is alive and well.” Several seconds went by before she finally met his eyes. “But he no longer plays a role in my life . . .” She swallowed, and her voice became a whisper. “Because we’re divorced.”

  His stomach clenched as though someone had sucker punched him. Divorced? The word ping-ponged around his brain. That had never crossed his mind. “When did this happen?”

  “Two years ago.”

  Garrett pushed up from his seat and paced the room, palming the back of his neck. “Wait. Hasn’t he been away at war for years?” Or maybe that was just a convenient excuse to explain his absence.

  “Yes. He’s been gone since the start.”

  Garrett scratched his head. “You’re telling me that in the middle of combat, Donald took time out to divorce you?”

  She stared down at her hands. “Our marriage was pretty much over before he enlisted. Apparently, he met someone in England. Someone he was in a big hurry to marry.”

  The air seemed to seep from Garrett’s lungs. Suddenly everything he knew about Jane shifted. The pain in her eyes. The outer armor she wore most of the time. It all made sense now.

  Her husband had divorced her to marry someone else. What must that do to a woman’s self-esteem? To her soul?

  A thousand other questions raced through his mind. Questions he had no real right to ask. He fought to stay focused on the issue at hand. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, but I don’t understand the need for such secrecy. Divorce isn’t as uncommon as it used to be.”

  “That may be true. However, it’s still a stigma. One I didn’t want to negatively affect my career.” She folded her arms in front of her like a shield. “I did tell Mr. Mills about it. I had to explain why I needed time off to see lawyers and go to court. But he respected my right to keep it private. Melanie is the only other person in the office who knows, and only because she overheard me on the phone with my lawyer.”

  “And now I know.”

  “Yes.” She stared at him as though trying to read his thoughts. “I hope I can count on your discretion as well.”

  He hesitated, the vulnerability in her eyes tearing at his conscience. What did he do in this situation?

  “You mentioned that we have a degree of trust between us,” she continued, a thread of despair in her tone. “I hope my impression of you as a man of honor isn’t wrong. For all I know, you could use this information against me to help you get the director’s position.”

  He ran a hand over his jaw. “How would your divorce help me?”

  “I already have one big strike against me by being a woman, but a divorcée?” She shook her head. “I doubt the board would consider me at all if they knew that.”

  Garrett studied her face and saw only honesty. He had to admit, she had a point. Most of the board members—Mr. Fenmore in particular—didn’t strike Garrett as being very open-minded. When they’d asked Garrett to investigate her, were they simply looking for any excuse to dismiss her? He repressed a sigh. This was one of those pivotal moments in life where what he did next could decide not only his fate, but hers as well.

  He returned to his seat and met her nervous gaze. “First of all, I believe that you didn’t know anything about the missing money. Second, your personal life and your marital status should have no bearing on your ability to do your
job. If I’m ultimately awarded the position, I want to get it because they feel I’m the best candidate. Not because I did something underhanded to discount my competition.” He nodded. “You have my word the board will not hear about your divorce from me.”

  Jane’s bottom lip trembled, and a sheen of moisture appeared in her eyes, magnifying their greenness. “Thank you. I appreciate that more than you know.” She swallowed hard and lifted her chin. “Now, how are we going to figure out who’s been stealing our money?”

  Garrett shook his head, a reluctant smile forming. She was gutsy, he’d give her that. “Why don’t you start by telling me everything you know about Harold Bolton?”

  13

  Thanks for meeting me, Olivia. I hope I didn’t pull you away at a bad time.” Jane smiled at her friend as she slipped into the booth at Marty’s Diner.

  “Not at all. Ruth doesn’t mind covering for me. And my mother-in-law has the baby, so the timing couldn’t be better.” Olivia set her purse on the seat beside her. “Besides, I could tell by your voice on the phone that something’s bothering you.” Olivia’s brown eyes darkened with concern. She looked as fresh and pretty as always, in a yellow dress and light blue cardigan. These days, an aura of peace surrounded her. Marriage and motherhood certainly agreed with her.

  Jane suppressed a slight pang of envy at the way everything had turned out for her friend, despite the hardships she’d endured. Hardships that Jane had unwittingly played a part in.

  The waitress arrived to take their order. Since it was close to lunchtime, they each ordered a ham sandwich and a cup of tea.

  “You’re right,” Jane said once the waitress had left. “I have a lot weighing on me right now. I need advice from someone who will be honest with me.” She gave Olivia a wry smile. “I can always count on you for that.”

  “True.” Olivia laughed, then quickly sobered. “Does this have anything to do with the auditor you said the board hired?”

  The waitress arrived with their drinks, promising their food would be ready soon.

  “Yes. Things are far worse than I thought.” Jane poured milk into her tea and quickly explained the difficulties facing the agency and the discrepancies with the finances.

  “They don’t suspect you, do they?” Olivia’s eyes widened.

  “Garrett didn’t come right out and say that, but I can read between the lines. The discrepancies started after I took over as directress. Of course it looks suspicious.”

  Olivia set her cup down a little too forcefully. “That’s crazy. You’ve been working there for more than a decade with an exemplary record.”

  Jane sipped her tea. She’d made her share of mistakes over her career, but none of them had anything to do with money.

  “Why would they think that you would suddenly start stealing from them?” Olivia shook her head, the overhead light shining off her dark hair. “It doesn’t make sense.”

  “It doesn’t have to. The fact remains that under my direction, the agency’s situation has gotten worse, not better. Now that Mr. Mills has officially retired, of course the board members are going to examine my performance.”

  Their sandwiches arrived, and Olivia dug right in. However, with the knots in Jane’s stomach, she doubted she could swallow a bite.

  “Did you manage to convince the auditor that you’re not responsible?”

  “I think so,” Jane said slowly, “but I had to end up telling him”—she lowered her voice—“about the divorce.”

  Olivia gasped. “Why would you do that?”

  Her friend knew how diligent Jane had been in guarding her secret, and given Olivia’s own unsavory past, she understood Jane’s desire to keep her private life quiet.

  “He thought Donald might have left me wallowing in debt and that I might be desperate to repay his bills.” She shrugged. “I had to make him understand that Donald no longer had any impact on my life.”

  “Will he tell the board members?”

  “He says he won’t.” Jane fiddled with her spoon, suddenly uncertain if dumping all this on her friend had been wise.

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  Jane stared out the window at the parade of pedestrians. What was the real issue bothering her?

  “I’m not sure,” she said at last. “I guess with Garrett knowing I’m not married, I feel exposed. Vulnerable. He knows too many details about me. He’s been to the house, knows about Mama’s illness, and has seen me at my worst. Now this.” She let out a long breath. How had Garrett become so entwined in her life in such a short amount of time?

  Olivia set her sandwich on the plate and studied Jane, her thin brows rising. “Are you attracted to him?”

  Jane almost choked on her tea. “What? No. Absolutely not.” Yet the rush of heat to her cheeks branded her a liar. “It’s just unnerving to be under such scrutiny. He’s questioning how we do everything, trying to change the way things are run. He even wants to take the kids from the shelter on a trip to his parents’ orchard.”

  Olivia’s lips twitched. “How Machiavellian. What other evil plans does he have up his sleeve?”

  “Very funny.” Jane shook her head. “Seriously, though, he’s making me question myself. What if I’m not cut out to do this job?” She swallowed hard. That was what it all boiled down to, the overwhelming question that continued to plague her.

  Olivia reached across the table to squeeze Jane’s hand. “Of course you are. You’re an intelligent and competent woman.” She tilted her head to one side. “Unless it’s more than the audit that’s bothering you. Is the strain of the job proving too much?”

  To Jane’s horror, the burn of tears threatened. She blinked rapidly. “Maybe. I think Martin being returned to the shelter yet again is bringing back all my guilt over the mistakes I’ve made with him.”

  “Oh, Jane. I’m sorry. I know how much you’d hoped this family would be the right fit for him. But you can’t keep going over the past. It won’t do you or Martin any good.”

  Olivia was the only person who knew the whole story about the mistake Jane had made in Martin’s case, the first case she’d been given as a newly graduated social worker. How she’d broken the rules by contacting Martin’s birth mother after the first adoption fell through to see if she would take him back. Not only had Jane reopened the woman’s wounds, but she’d made her feel even worse, knowing her baby had been rejected by his adoptive parents. And in a misguided effort to make amends, Jane had promised Martin’s mother that she would find the perfect home for her son.

  A promise she had yet to fulfill.

  “Listen to me.” Olivia’s quiet voice brought Jane out of her self-recriminations. “If I can recover from my horrible past and end up with the wonderful life I have now, you can too.” She grabbed Jane’s fingers and squeezed again. “I have faith in you. More importantly, I trust that God has a plan for your life. You just need to be patient.”

  “I-I’m scared, Olivia.” She’d never uttered those words aloud before. “What if the board declares me responsible for the thefts? What if they fire me or try to have me arrested? What will happen to Martin and to Mama then?”

  Jane wished she shared her friend’s steadfast faith. The unwavering belief that everything would work out fine. Jane couldn’t quite believe that, not after all the tragedies she’d experienced: the miscarriages, her inability to have more children, her husband’s abandonment and remarriage, and now her brother’s disappearance. How many more disasters did God have in store for her?

  “The board has no proof of any wrongdoing because you’re innocent,” Olivia said fiercely. “Even if the worst happens and they let you go, you’ll find another job. It won’t be the end of the world.”

  “That could take months, though, and Mama and I are barely scraping by as it is.” Jane pushed back a wave of terror. “We could lose the house.”

  “There is another option. One that selfishly I hope might happen.” Olivia gave a sheepish smile.

  “And that i
s?”

  “You could give up the directress position and go back to your old job. You’re a wonderful caseworker, Jane. We miss you at Bennington Place.”

  Jane’s chest warmed at Olivia’s praise. “I do miss that part of the job.”

  Olivia patted a napkin to her lips, then sat back with a sigh. “The new girl, Miss Dupuis, is doing fine. She just doesn’t have the same way you have with the women. The exact balance of gentle yet firm, direct yet compassionate.”

  “That balance took years to perfect. You of all people know I wasn’t exactly a shining star at first.” Jane would always regret the high-handed way in which she’d taken Olivia’s firstborn child into the custody of the Children’s Aid. Over the years, Olivia had admitted that giving up her son had been the best thing for him at the time, and Jane was always humbled by her friend’s gift of forgiveness.

  “Won’t you at least consider my idea? We could be a good team again.” Olivia’s pleading look cinched another string around Jane’s heart.

  “You know I love working with the mothers and their babies, but my heart bleeds for the forgotten children, the ones no one wants.” Jane swallowed hard to force her emotions back. “As directress, I could authorize adoptions for those children to people who might otherwise be overlooked. An older couple. A spinster with loads of love to give. People who Mr. Mills and the board automatically discounted.”

  “I understand that, and I admire you for it.” Olivia removed a small mirror from her purse and reapplied her lipstick. “I promise I’ll pray about your job, that you’ll be able to discern God’s will for your life. Other than that, I’m afraid I haven’t been much help.”

  “You’re wrong there.” Jane opened her wallet and fished out some bills. “Just talking to someone about everything is a relief.”

  “I’m glad. In the meantime, try to relax. Go and enjoy that trip to the orchard with the children. I think it will be a wonderful outing for them and for you.” She winked. “Especially with a handsome tour guide.”

  Jane swatted her arm. “Who said anything about handsome?”