To Find Her Place

by Susan Anne Mason

  His gaze fell to her lips, his heart thudding loudly in his chest. Temptation knotted his insides and dampened his palms, but before he could do anything, she suddenly moved away from him.

  “I’ve already said good-bye to your family. I think I’d like to go home now, if you don’t mind.”

  “Of course.” Her subtle rejection stung, though it was probably for the best. “Let me get my jacket and keys.”

  “Okay. I’ll go give Martin a hug good-bye.”

  By the time Garrett came back outside, Jane was already seated in his car, her features stoic.

  He walked over to the kids on the lawn. “Hey, boys,” he said to his nephews. “I’m going back to the city now. I know you’ll do your best to make Martin feel at home.”

  “Don’t worry, Uncle Garrett.” Kevin tugged on Jett’s collar. “We’ll show Martin around the barn and the orchard and tell him where the cookies are kept.”

  Garrett laughed. “All the important things, I see.”

  “And we’ll make sure Mandy doesn’t bug him too much.” Dale jumped into Garrett’s arms. “She can be a real pest.”

  Garrett had grown up thinking the same things about his own little sister, but he gave Dale his sternest look. “Mandy just wants to do all the things you do. Remember it’s your job to watch out for her.” He hugged the boy and set him on the grass. Then he patted Kevin’s shoulder and turned to an unusually subdued Martin, who still sat with his arm around Blackie. “Martin, I have to go now, but I’ll see you again on Saturday. I’ll telephone tomorrow to make sure you’re settling in all right.”

  The boy looked up. “Bye, Mr. Wilder. Thank you for bringing me here. And thank you for bringing Blackie too.”

  “You’re welcome.” He patted the boy’s head. “Be good. I’ll see you soon.”

  Garrett was still smiling as he drove down the country roads. The sun had long since set over the trees in the distance, and the moon was beginning to rise.

  “I think my nephews are going to be good for Martin,” he said to a quiet Jane. “Maybe, if we’re lucky, he can spend several weeks with them before his new placement begins.”

  Jane shook her head. “He’ll just start feeling comfortable and then he’ll have to leave for somewhere new.”

  What could he say? She was right, but there wasn’t anything else they could do at the moment.

  They traveled the rest of the way back in silence, broken only by Garrett’s attempts to make her laugh with stories about his family. When he finally turned onto her street, he searched for some way to ease her mind or perhaps lift her spirits.

  “Was my mother’s chicken and dumplings as good as I claimed?” The question sounded silly as soon as it left his lips.

  “Of course. It was fabulous.” Her mouth twitched in the barest of smiles. “I even asked her for the recipe.”

  “Now, that might be tricky. Mom doesn’t share her family recipes with just anyone.”

  Her brows rose. “She said she’d give it to me. I didn’t even have to twist her arm.”

  “That’s because Mom is a great judge of character. And I must say I have to agree with her.”

  Scowling, she shook her head. “Well, you’re both wrong. In fact, lately I can’t seem to do anything right.” She bit her bottom lip, her eyes cast down.

  Suddenly, the confident woman from the agency, the advocate for abandoned children, had vanished. Instead, all he saw was her vulnerability, her self-doubt. The emotions he’d been holding back all day built up inside and threatened to spill over. How could she not know how amazing she was?

  He pulled up to the curb in front of her house. The shadows from the trees overhead gave them privacy, making him bolder. He slid closer toward her. Close enough to inhale her intoxicating scent of lavender soap. “You couldn’t be more wrong, Jane. You’re smart, beautiful, and compassionate. And brave. So very brave. You’re like no other woman I’ve ever met.” He ran a finger down her satiny cheek, feeling the tug of attraction all the way to his toes. “I want to kiss you,” he murmured. “I’ve wanted to for a long time now. But only if you want it too.”

  Her gaze fell to his mouth, and her lips parted. But she didn’t pull away. Not even as he leaned closer.

  When she gave a tiny nod, he let out a soft groan and brushed his lips slowly across hers. She tasted darkly mysterious, exotic almost. His heart thumped a wild rhythm as she slid her arms around his neck and kissed him back. He ran his fingers through her hair, knocking loose the pins, letting the chestnut waves fall to her shoulders.

  She was so lovely, her skin a porcelain sheet, her eyes so filled with emotion that they glowed. He kissed her again, filled with the sensation that until this moment he’d been sleepwalking through life, and now, with the taste of her lips on his, every sense had awakened with roaring intensity.

  At last, he pulled his mouth away and rested his forehead against hers. The windows had fogged up, the air inside the car overly warm. He cranked the window down an inch and allowed the cool night air to enter.

  With it, cold reality rushed in as well. What was he thinking?

  This kiss would change everything and likely not in a good way.

  Jane kept her eyes closed, her heart almost beating out of her chest. In the space of a few minutes, Garrett’s kiss had transported her from the depths of despair to the heights of pleasure, his lips coaxing a reaction from her that she’d never experienced, not even with her former husband.

  The intensity of it shocked her. Frightened her. How could she feel something so strong for someone she’d only known for a matter of weeks?

  “Garrett.” She let out a breath. “I . . . I’m not sure this is a good idea.”

  He gave a barely perceptible nod. “I know.” He sighed. “I should have resisted, but tonight I just couldn’t.”

  She looked into his eyes, gratitude and regret warring within her. “You’ll never know how much your words meant to me. I’ve been struggling to do everything on my own for so long. . . .” She swallowed hard. “It’s nice to know someone else is on my side for once.”

  “I’ll always be on your side.” He cupped his palm against her cheek. “But you’re right. This probably wasn’t wise. Not now, anyway, while we have to work together.”

  She gave a soft sigh. “I agree.”

  A slow grin crept across his face. “I did succeed in doing one thing, though. I made you forget about your problems for a bit.”

  She chuckled. “I suppose you did.”

  “Do you want me to come in with you? Make sure your mother’s all right?”

  “That’s sweet of you. But I’ll be fine.” She ran a hand over her head, gasping. Where had all her hairpins gone?

  “Sorry.” He tugged gently on a loose strand. “That was my fault.”

  “Mama can’t see me in this state, or she’ll know I’ve been up to something.” She grabbed a few pins from her lap and shoved them back in place.

  “Like kissing a man in his car?”

  She stopped and stared at him. “Are you teasing me?”

  “Yes, but only because you’re such fun to tease.” He gave her a flirtatious wink.

  A legion of butterflies unfurled in her belly. What was happening to her? She was always so sensible. So practical. She never crossed boundaries with co-workers. She certainly didn’t swoon over handsome men or lose herself in passionate kisses.

  Garrett reached over to tip up her chin. “Relax, Jane. Everything’s fine. And please don’t worry about Martin. It will all work out. You’ll see.”

  “Are you always such an optimist?”

  “Most of the time.” He grew serious. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

  She nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Gathering her wits about her as much as possible, she opened the car door and got out. Her legs wobbled slightly as she climbed the stairs, but she held her spine erect. She couldn’t let him see how he’d turned her senses upside down.

  Once
she unlocked the door, she turned and gave a casual wave, then stepped in and shut the door with a sharp click.

  How in the world was she supposed to forget about that kiss and carry on the next day as though nothing had happened between them?

  21

  The next morning, Jane sat in the passenger side of Garrett’s car on the way to interview the Jefferson family, glad that despite their moment of intimacy the previous evening, they had managed to resume their working relationship.

  Her relief, however, was soon replaced with the discomfort she’d hoped to avoid.

  “How was the rest of your evening yesterday after I left?” A slight twinkle gleamed in his eye.

  “Fine, thank you.” She trained her gaze ahead so he wouldn’t see that it hadn’t been fine at all. That she couldn’t sleep for reliving their kisses and for missing Martin terribly. The boy had only been with her for a few days, yet his presence in her home had felt so right.

  He peered over at her. “I hoped you wouldn’t feel awkward, but so far today you haven’t even looked me in the eye.”

  She shrugged. “As we agreed, I think it’s best we forget all about last night.” Her cheeks grew warm just thinking about it.

  Silence filled the car for a moment until he let out a breath. “Very well. We won’t discuss it again.”

  Thankfully, they were approaching the Jeffersons’ residence. “The house should be up ahead on the right,” Jane said.

  Today they would meet with the Jeffersons and the Blackwoods, and she prayed one of them would be a suitable foster family for Martin.

  Or more than suitable. Perfect, even.

  He deserved a perfect match.

  Garrett pulled into a driveway that wound around to a large brick house, and he shot her a sideways look. “Try not to worry. If these people don’t work out, another family will.”

  Jane frowned. Easy for him to say. He hadn’t been Martin’s caseworker for the past six years.

  “And maybe try smiling.” Garrett’s lips twitched as he parked the car. “We don’t want to scare the nice people off.”

  She held back a sarcastic retort and plastered an exaggerated smile on her face. “Better?”

  He grimaced. “A little scary, actually. Maybe tone it down a bit.”

  She tried to scowl at him but couldn’t help chuckling. “Point taken. Let’s go.”

  The Jeffersons were as nice a couple as she remembered from their initial interview several years ago. Mr. Jefferson had been teaching for over twenty years and Mrs. Jefferson was a housewife who loved caring for foster children. Their home was stylish but cozy, having been handed down from Mr. Jefferson’s parents. With five bedrooms and a large backyard, there was plenty of space for several children.

  “Why have you never adopted any of the foster children you’ve had?” Jane asked after Mrs. Jefferson served them tea.

  Mrs. Jefferson set the pot on a tray. “We did consider adoption earlier on. In fact, one time we came very close, but the mother changed her mind after we’d had the little girl for ten months. I never got over that loss. It took me a few years before I could consider being a foster parent again.” She smiled. “Then my husband and I realized we could help a lot more children if we didn’t adopt.”

  “I see.” Jane put her cup down. “And you’ve never been tempted to adopt an older child? One who was in no danger of being taken away?”

  A slight frown appeared. “Not really, no.”

  Jane bit her lip and made a notation on her pad.

  “I take it you’re looking for a permanent home for this child,” Mr. Jefferson said.

  “Yes. Martin is a special case. In addition to having a medical condition, he suffers from abandonment and rejection issues, which I feel would be helped by a family who could give Martin undivided attention and love.”

  “What is the medical condition?” Mr. Jefferson gave her a curious look.

  “Epileptic seizures. Which can be very frightening for someone witnessing it for the first time.”

  “I’ve had several students with epilepsy. I’m familiar with how to handle a seizure. And I could train my wife what to do.”

  “That’s encouraging to hear.” Garrett, who had been unusually silent for most of the interview, now spoke up. “Who knows? Perhaps Martin will win you over, and you’ll change your mind.”

  “I wouldn’t count on it,” Mr. Jefferson said.

  Mrs. Jefferson put a hand on her husband’s arm. “That’s not to say we wouldn’t be willing to have him here for a long time.”

  “Just no adoption.”

  “That’s right,” the man replied. “We prefer no permanent legal entanglements. It’s better to see the child through school and send them off on their way to adulthood. Then we’re free to start over with another child in need.”

  Jane laid her pen down. “Martin has been shuffled around many times in his eight years. He tends to act out either for attention or as a test to see if the parents will send him back. We would need assurance that you wouldn’t give up on Martin at the first sign of trouble.”

  “I’m used to dealing with all types of children, Mrs. Linder,” Mr. Jefferson said calmly. “I’m certain Martin wouldn’t be a problem.”

  Jane did her best to hide her disappointment. Other than their unwillingness to adopt, the Jeffersons seemed a perfect fit. “Well, then. Thank you both for your time.” Jane rose and extended her hand. “We’ll be in touch as soon as we make our decision.”

  “What did you think?” Jane asked Garrett as they made their way to the Blackwoods’ residence.

  “Overall, they’re a lovely couple. I admire their dedication to helping as many children as they can.” He did his best to go over in his head what he’d learned about the Jeffersons so he’d remember it for his more detailed notes later.

  “Yes, but would they be a good fit for Martin? That’s what we need to determine.”

  “I reserve the right to withhold judgment until I’ve met the next couple.”

  “Fair enough.” Her lips pulled up in a slight smile. “That’s the house. Number fifty-three.” She pointed at a semidetached house with a pristine front lawn and a tidy flower bed under the front window.

  “The Blackwoods are going to be very different from the Jeffersons,” she cautioned as he parked the car out in front. “They’re younger, which means they could possibly be more naïve and idealistic.”

  “Understood. Lead the way.”

  During the interview that followed, Garrett observed the skilled manner Jane used to draw information out of the younger couple with her intelligent questions. In their early thirties, Debra and Larry Blackwood had not been blessed with children and had decided that while waiting for that possibility, they would apply to be foster parents to children who needed them. They were open to the idea of adoption; however, they made no secret of the fact that they wanted an infant.

  They were saying all the right things, their eagerness and enthusiasm shining throughout the interview. Other than their desire to adopt a newborn, Garrett felt they might indeed be the best option. This couple at least entertained the idea of adoption, whereas the Jeffersons did not.

  “Clearly the Blackwoods are too big a risk for Martin,” Jane said the moment they were in the car.

  “How so? They seem the better match to me.”

  “Did you see their reaction when I mentioned Martin’s medical condition? They looked very nervous.”

  He frowned. “I didn’t see that. I saw two committed people who were willing to take a chance on a difficult child.”

  “Which is admirable. But they just don’t have the experience necessary to handle Martin. You’ve seen how demanding he can be.”

  “I have. And I still think the Blackwoods are the better option.”

  Jane shook her head. “I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree on this.”

  He glanced over at her frowning profile. “Look, there’s no need to be hasty. Let’s write down our impre
ssions when we get back to the office, along with a list of pros and cons, then give ourselves a little time to digest all we’ve seen and heard.”

  “All right.” Her shoulders slumped forward.

  He hated the defeat in her demeanor, how lately the odds seemed to be stacked against her—her mother’s fragile health, the bad news about Brandon, Martin’s rejection from his foster family and expulsion from the shelter. All that in addition to the other problems at the agency had notably increased the stress she was under.

  Garrett wished he could agree with her choice of the Jeffersons, but it would be unprofessional to concede simply to cheer her up.

  “I could use a bite to eat,” he said moments later. “Why don’t we stop at a diner before we head back? Think of it as a working lunch.”

  “I don’t know.” She looked at her watch. “I have a lot of work to get through this afternoon. I should get back.”

  “You have to eat. We’ll be quick, I promise.”

  “All right,” she said reluctantly. “I am a little hungry, and I forgot to pack a sandwich today.”

  Twenty minutes later, they were seated in a small diner with their food in front of them. The restaurant was almost empty since it was past the usual lunch hour.

  “Martin is certainly enjoying his time with my parents,” Garrett said as he bit into his sandwich. “He loves the farm and the animals.”

  “His first night went well, I hope?”

  “He did have an argument with Dale and Kevin, but Mom made them sit at the kitchen table until they achieved a truce.” He chuckled. “But Mom has lost the battle on not allowing dogs in the bedrooms. Blackie will be bunking in with Martin.”

  Jane sipped her water. “I’m glad, in a way. I think the unconditional love of an animal is good for him. Yet I worry how leaving the dog will affect him.” She blinked rapidly several times. The soup she’d ordered remained untouched. “Do you think . . .” She hesitated, then lifted hopeful eyes to his. “Do you think your parents would ever consider adopting him?”

  His hand stilled on his glass of iced tea. In no way had he expected that question.