by Eric Vall
“So it had something to do with your history as an angel?” I questioned.
Cupi’s violet eyes were now full of hatred, and she gave me a glare that looked like it was piercing into my very soul.
“It had everything to do with the fact I was an angel,” she hissed. “As crazy as it sounds, Beelzebub was a radical demon. Lucifer and his other generals were at least willing to bargain with the Divine and could tolerate mortal men. But not Beelzebub. No, the Lord of the Flies wants nothing more than to see all of humanity wiped out, and the neck of every single filthy angel broken under his boot.”
“Calm down, Sister,” Libidine weakly tried to comfort the blonde. “Remember we’re with Jacob now. He’ll protect us from Beelzebub, just as he has done with all of the other demons we’ve faced.”
Cupi shook her head. “This is different,” she sighed. “Beelzebub despises me in particular. Once he finds out I’m involved in this, he’s going to come after us hard.”
“Come on,” I tried to lighten the mood. “I’m a mortal going around killing demon lords and stealing their succubi. There’s no way he can hate you more than he hates me.”
“I wouldn’t count on it,” the fit succubus responded. “It got so bad at one point, I was contemplating a coup. It would have been guaranteed suicide, a succubus or two going up against a mighty Demon King, but at least I wouldn’t have to tolerate that fucker’s abuse anymore.”
“So Lucifer eventually moved you over to Azazel’s kingdom?” I continued.
“More or less.” Cupi nodded. “At that point, though, it was just going from an awful situation to a slightly less awful one.”
“So like, thinking you’re going to a crunkcore concert and then finding out you’re really going to a nu-crunk one?” Todd suggested.
“I don’t know what either of those is,” Cupi admitted.
“Good,” the imp shuddered. “Let’s keep it that way.”
“Word was that it was a ‘business decision,’” Libidine added. “Lucifer was supposedly afraid Beelzebub was going to kill Cupi in cold blood thanks to her Angelic heritage.”
“But why would Lucifer care about a lowly succubus?” I inquired. “You guys said you haven’t even met Lilith in person, let alone Lucifer. Why would he give a damn about if a succubus lives or dies?”
“That was one instance in which I was thankful I had Divine origins,” Cupi sighed. “I was a fallen angel. Lucifer wanted me to stick around because I was a symbol of a ‘victory’ over the forces of Heaven. Like, the other fallen angels and I showed the universe it was possible to break away from Divine influence. I was a giant middle finger to the Exalted One, so the Prince of Darkness wanted to keep me around for as long as possible.”
“Wait,” Todd hopped into the conversation. “There were other fallen angels? Like, after the big revolution?”
“It’s not a common occurrence,” the blonde succubus explained. “But it did happen every now and again. If I was the only one to have ever fallen, I’m sure I would have been made more than a lowly succubus.”
“How does that even work?” Todd continued. “Do you just go up to one of the Archangels and be like ‘I’m outsie?’ Is there formal paperwork you have to file? Or is it more like one of those awesome renaissance paintings where you’re knocked out of Heaven and fall through the sky all meteor-like while you are flipping them off? Oh. My. God. That’s totally awesome.”
Cupi shook her head. “The biggest regret of the Divine was making Lucifer a martyr,” she murmured. “All of the angels who’ve been cast out since have been done so unceremoniously, led by a small group of Divine warriors to the gates and then escorted to a neutral spot here on Earth.”
“Damn,” Todd mused. “Cupi’s done the perp walk. That’s so badass.”
Cupi still looked somewhat shaken, but Todd’s words caused a smile to slide up her face.
“Thank you, Todd.” The succubus patted the imp on the head. “I appreciate the kind words.”
“Beelzebub is also a stickler for the survival of the fittest,” Ira interjected. “He’s notorious for trying to sabotage other demons he has deemed ‘weak.’ I guess it should come as no surprise that he’s behind this whole scheme.”
I looked down at the scene below us.
There were cop cars and ambulances all over the place, and from here I could just barely make out the outline of the first responders mulling around the chaos. Somehow, some way, we’d escaped this excursion with no civilian casualties.
The cultists, on the other hand, were splattered all over the interior of the Rise Again Nightclub. My mind filled with sadistic glee as I thought about how the cops and medics were going to be clueless about the circumstances of the cultists’ deaths.
It may have been gruesome, but those cultist assholes deserved exactly what they got.
“We should probably go.” I turned back to the succubi. “Ira, do you know where the Cult of Beelzebub could possibly be hiding out?”
“That was more of Sia’s thing,” Ira explained, “buuuuuttt, I may be of some assistance. Just let me call my data guy.”
The dark-haired succubus pulled a cell phone out of her pocket and began to tap on the screen aggressively. After a moment, she held it up to her ear and put on what looked like the fakest smile I’d ever seen.
“Hello, Edward?” she asked kindly. “This is Maggie Franklin. I’m sorry to bother you so late, but I’ve got an urgent campaign matter that’s come up, and I need your help.”
The succubus got quiet for a moment, and then she nodded at the four of us.
“So, here’s the thing,” she explained to her campaign employee. “I need you to send me over that report we ran a few weeks ago, about all of the registered charitable organizations in the greater Phoenix area.”
Ira paused again, and then she grinned from ear-to-ear. “Uh-huh, that’s the one!” the succubus exclaimed. “If you could be a doll and e-mail that over to me, I’d appreciate it very much. Thank you, Edward, you’re a literal life-saver.”
The succubus hung up the phone and did a little dance of victory.
“I got it!” She grinned. “A list of all the charitable organizations in Phoenix.”
“Uh, not to be a downer,” Todd said with a raised finger, “but how is that going to help us find Tris and Gula? Unless your charity workers are all secretly badass ninja demonslayers with assault rifles. If that’s the case, I’m all for this idea.”
“No,” the succubus chuckled. “When Jacob’s cult was still under Azazel’s rule, it was registered as an official organization. That way there was no suspicion as to why this large group of influential people met on the regular. Each and every demonic cult I know of registered themselves under a name that mocked the Divine in some way, shape, or form. For example, the Cult of Azazel used the alias ‘Heavenly Hands.’”
“So what you’re saying,” I questioned aloud, “is if we have this list of organizations, we can identify which local organizations are actually demon-worshiping cults because they have stupid names?”
“Exactly,” Ira confirmed. “Which would mean--”
“We could scope out their known headquarters and figure out which of them belongs to the Cult of Beelzebub!” Liby smashed her fist into her palm happily.
“And then we find Tris and Gula,” I nodded.
“Heerre it is!” Ira giggled and marveled at her phone screen. “Thank goodness for interns, eh?”
“What’ve you got?” I asked as I rubbed my chin in thought.
“Let’s see--” The succubus’ eyes narrowed as she studied the list. “We’ve got one here called ‘On the Wings of Angels,’ there’s another one that’s just called ‘Our Daily Bread,’ one with the name ‘Knights of the Grail.’ And then there’s one called the ‘Salvation Army.’”
“Ohhhh,” Todd joked. “That one might be the most evil of them all. We should totally hit up their store. I’ve been looking for this old Bob Marley record that’s really
hard to come by--”
“Are there any others?” I asked and cut off the imp.
“There’s ‘The Pearly Gates’ and ‘Servi Domini Nostri,’” she confirmed.
I shook my head and put my hands on my hips. “Good Lord, how many fucking cults are there around here?”
“Far too many for my liking,” Cupi chimed in. “Honestly, I wish we could just wipe them all off the map.”
“Jakey could go all demon terminator and do it,” Todd suggested. “No questions asked.”
“Cool your jets, Toddster,” I warned. “We’re not even sure all of those organizations are even cults. The Salvation Army is definitely not.”
“I dunno.” Todd shrugged. “Have you seen their prices?”
“My point is,” I sighed, “we can’t just go around blasting buildings without rhyme or reason. Ira, how long do you think it’d take us to scope out all of these places?”
The dark-haired succubus shook her head. “According to the maps I’m finding, they’re pretty far apart.” She frowned. “It could take us nearly two or three days to hit them all.”
“That’s not going to work,” I observed. “Who knows what Aruna and Beelzebub’s cultists have done to Tris and Gula already? Time is of the essence.”
“What about a tracking spell?” Libidine suggested. “We’ve got cultist blood splattered all over our clothes.”
“Uh, Lib?” Todd motioned for the succubus to lean in, and then he whispered loudly. “How exactly do you plan on tracking people whose brains are splattered all over the nightclub?”
“We wouldn’t be tracking them, Todd,” the curvy woman explained. “We’d be tracking their brethren.”
“Tracking spells only work when you have the DNA of your target themselves,” Cupi protested. “That’s not going to do us much good when all we have is the blood and guts of dead men.”
Libidine smirked knowingly at her sister. “What was yesterday, by chance?” she asked coyly.
“Tuesday?” Cupi shrugged. “I don’t know. What was so special about yesterday?”
“There was a full moon last night,” the dark-haired succubus continued, “which means … ”
“Lunar Orgy!” Ira exclaimed happily.
“Say what now?” Todd’s ears perked up at her words. “And why wasn’t I invited to this classy affair?”
“Every full moon, the Cult of Azazel would have a Lunar Orgy,” Libidine continued. “I remember Oliver saying it was the standard thing to do for anyone who worshipped Lucifer and his minions.”
“But what’s that got to do with a tracking spell?” Todd questioned.
“I think I see where you’re going with this.” I nodded. “You think these guys we killed may have left their, uh, DNA inside some of the surviving members?”
“Exactly,” Libidine confirmed. “I know. I’m much smarter than I look.”
“So how do we cast this spell?” I asked the succubus.
“We need Todd’s book,” Cupi explained. “The one that originally summoned Liby and I to Earth. Do you still have it, Todd?”
The imp pondered for a moment and then grinned. “You of all people should know I treat that shit like a credit card,” the imp snickered. “Never leave home without it. It’s back in Stella’s trunk.”
“Excellent,” the succubus nodded. “Then we need to get back to the vehicle immediately.”
“We can’t just fly back over to where we parked,” I warned and pointed down at the commotion below. “There’s a ton of people down there. Cops, news crews, you name it. We can’t risk blowing our cover that badly.”
“So what are you suggesting?” Todd asked. “You want us to take the elevator?”
“Not exactly,” I said with a coy smile. “Who’s ready for another trippy case of interdimensional travel?”
“You know me, bro,” Todd giggled. “I’m always down for a good trip.”
I closed my eyes and conjured up images of what had just happened back in the nightclub. I thought about how those asshole cultists and their hired gun took away the two beautiful succubi, and I thought about all the disgusting things they were going to do to them once they got back to Beelzebub.
“Burn, baby, burn!” Todd’s voice said jubilantly. “He’s gonna teleport this whole building if he’s not careful.”
I opened my eyes and saw what the imp meant.
The entire rooftop was now covered with emerald fire, and it was beginning to spread down the edge of the buildings.
Thankfully, this sort of magic was invisible to mortal eyes.
I slammed my eyelids shut once more and pictured our destination. We were only a few blocks away, in a shitty little back alley nobody would pay any mind to. We’d disguised the car as best as we could with one of Cupi’s disappearing spells, but the image of Stella and her beautiful red coat of paint was vivid in my mind.
The next thing I knew, my body became weightless and began to fill with a tingling sensation. There was a dull pressure in my head as I zipped across the space-time continuum, and then I felt my feet land back on solid ground.
“You never cease to impress, Jacob,” Ira cooed.
I forced my eyes back open and saw we had arrived in the cramped little alleyway.
“Would you like to do the honors, Cupi?” Libidine asked.
The blonde succubus stepped out in front of us, clasped her hands together, and bowed her head. Then, Cupi began to speak in tongues.
Starting from the bottom, our Maserati slowly began to reappear as if a mystical tarp was slowly being yanked off. Finally, the pristine body of Stella sat before us in all of her glory.
“I’m just glad it wasn’t garbage day, bro,” Todd pointed to the dumpster next to the vehicle. “That woulda done some real damage to her paint job.”
The imp approached the Maserati, clicked open the trunk, and hopped inside. Almost instantly, the hatch of the trunk fell back closed on top of the imp. There was a banging from the inside, and then I had to rush over to free the tiny prisoner. Todd’s horned head popped up, eyes widened with fear.
“Holy fuck, bro,” he mused. “That reminded me way too much of my college years. Most of which were spent blackout drunk. Anyways, here’s your book.”
The imp stuck out his tiny mitts and brandished the ancient book of Vatican magic in front of him. Cupi walked over, swiped the text out of his hand, and then started to flip through the pages vigorously.
“Counter-curses to blood magic … cover up incantations … these must be in alphabetical order,” the succubus mused and then turned to the back of the book. “Here we go, tracking magic. According to this spell, we need to draw a magic circle around the object we’ll be using.”
“Damn it,” Todd sighed. “I musta left my chalk in my other pants.”
“It’s fine,” I assured the imp and summoned red Hellfire into my hands with a snap. “We’ll just have to improvise. What kind of a magic circle do we need, Cupi?”
“The First Pentacle of Jupiter,” she explained.
“The Pentacles?” Todd scoffed. “That’s a throwback. I don’t think we’ve used those since our very first adventure.”
“We haven’t needed them.” I shrugged and walked over beside Cupi.
On the page sat a visual of the First Pentacle of Jupiter. It was a double circle with four slender lines that all met in the middle of the image like some sort of eight-direction compass. On the tip of each of these lines sat eight unique symbols, one looked like a backward letter “Z,” one looked like two upside-down triangles, and a few more were a series of stacked lines with a tail on each end. Between the inner and outer layer of the drawing’s rings were scribbles of what appeared to be an ancient Hebrew language.
“Isn’t there a less complicated one we could try?” I asked hopefully. “I don’t even know where to start on this thing.”
The blonde succubus shook her head. “I’m sure it doesn’t have to be an exact replica,” Cupi smiled coyly. “Only about nine
ty percent accurate.”
“Wow, Cupi’s got jokes now?” Todd snickered. “I’m so proud.”
“In all seriousness,” the blonde explained, “this is the one we have to use. The First Pentacle of Jupiter is said to teach its conjurer how to gain the same possessions of those whose names appear inside it.”
“So the Hebrew around the edges are the names of the people we’re looking for?” I asked. “That could be a problem.”
“No, no,” Cupi corrected. “The names written on the outside never change. Those are the names of the metaphysical beings you are invoking to cast the spell. It’s what you put in the middle of the circle that matters.”
“You really think this will work?” I asked as I began to burn a rough outline of a circle into the ground.
“It’s our best shot,” Libidine chimed in. “If not, we could be searching for hours.”
I finished up the two circles and then began to work on the inner “X”s. Then, I attempted to match the patterns on the tips. They weren’t very intricate, to begin with, but when I finally finished and admired my work, I kinda wish I’d paid more attention in art class.
“That’s … that’s about as good as you’re gonna get,” I sighed. “How’s it look?”
“I don’t see much of a difference.” Ira shrugged. “Other than the inscriptions.”
“That will suffice,” Cupiditas nodded, walked over, and handed Ira the book. “Now, allow me to do the text.”
“Oh thank God,” I exhaled.
The blonde succubus summoned a small flame of red onto the tip of her finger, and then she began to twirl it around on the inner edge of the Pentacle. Another minute or two passed, and then she stood back and put her hands on her hips gracefully.
“Not too shabby, if I do say so myself,” she mused. “Now all it needs is something with our target’s DNA on it.”
“Let me help, sister!” Libidine offered.
The curvy succubus tugged at the seam of her romper, and there was a small ripping sound. Libidine pulled a piece of the blood-stained fabric off in one fell swoop and exposed her midriff as she did so. Then, she strutted over, bent down, placed the crimson-soaked material down into the middle of the circle, and stood back up.