Geeks and the Holy Grail

by Mari Mancusi

  Spike looked up and burped loudly.

  “Or not.” Sophie giggled.

  “Okay, you guys really need to tell me what’s going on,” Stu demanded.

  So Sophie, with a lot of help from Ashley, launched into the rest of the story. When they had finished, Stu let out a low whistle.

  “So you’re, like, literally on a quest for the Holy Grail,” he realized aloud. “That’s pretty much the most epic quest in Arthurian legend, you know.”

  “Actually, we’re on the quest,” Sophie corrected. “Assuming you’re with me.”

  “And that Spike here won’t burn you alive,” Ashley added helpfully.

  “What?”

  “Let’s just say he’s not a Sophie superfan,” she explained. “In fact, I’m pretty sure he’d rather cuddle Kylo Ren.”

  “You know me and animals,” Sophie said, shrugging. “But I bet he’ll love you.” She gestured to the dragon, who had somehow already inhaled the entire plate of food and was staring longingly at Ashley, evidently ready for his second course. “Go ahead,” Sophie urged. “See if he likes you.”

  Stu nodded, attempting to appear cool, calm, and collected as he took a step in the dragon’s direction. As if this was just an everyday Saturday for him and not the craziest thing in his entire life. Which, seeing as he’d once stood in for a medieval British king, was saying something!

  “Hiya, Spike,” he said. “Nice to meet you, boy!”

  As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized how lame they sounded. This was a magical beast of legends, after all! And here he was, some common human, basically saying, What’s up, dude?

  He tried again, bowing his head to the dragon, trying to show respect. “’Tis an honor and privilege to make your acquaintance, Sir Spike. I do hope you are finding our humble world to ye liking.”

  “And…we’re back in Geeklandia,” Ashley muttered under her breath.

  “If forsooth there is anything you might require—”

  Spike gave another juicy belch. A splotch of drool dribbled from the side of his mouth.

  Stu burst out laughing. Well, okay, then. So much for formalities.

  The dragon seemed to grin back at him, stretching out his little leathery wings and beating them a few times, as if testing them out. Then he leaped off the ground, going airborne. For a moment, he just hovered there, three feet off the earth, like a hummingbird.

  Then he crashed to the ground with a heavy thump.

  “Are you okay?” Stu cried, dashing to the dragon. To his relief, Spike lifted his head. He gave Stu a grumpy look and then shook his body. Glaring down at the grass, as if it had been to blame for his fall. Stu bit back another laugh.

  “He’s still working on the whole flying thing,” Ashley explained. “After all, he’s only been a dragon for a few hours.”

  Stu reached out, daring to stroke the dragon’s scales with gentle fingers. He thought they would feel hard, like gemstones or steel. But instead they were as soft as satin—almost feathery. And when he pulled his hands away, Spike reached out and nudged him with his nose. As if to say, That felt good—don’t stop!

  “He likes you!” Sophie cried. “Thank goodness!” She took a step toward the dragon. Spike turned and growled. She groaned, backing away again.

  “Maybe he doesn’t like your perfume,” Ashley suggested.

  “I’m not wearing any perfume!”

  “Maybe he wishes you were.”

  “Yeah, well, I wish he’d stop passing gas. So I guess we’re even.”

  Stu ignored the girls, his focus on the dragon. “He’s amazing,” he murmured, stroking the creature under his chin. Spike made a throaty noise, almost like a purr. “Are you sure we have to turn him back into a grail? He’d make a pretty awesome pet.”

  Spike chirped in agreement, then snapped at a fly. He missed, so he opened his mouth and blasted it with a large burst of fire. Stu scrambled backward to avoid being flambéed. Whoa.

  “Except he’s not exactly house-trained,” Sophie said drolly as she ran to stamp out the grass fire.

  “Also, I doubt he’d stay baby-sized forever,” Ashley pointed out. “And no way would our neighborhood association be cool with a giant, fire-breathing beast in the backyard. They don’t even allow Rottweilers.”

  Stu sighed. “I suppose you’re right.”

  “In any case, he’s got an important job to do,” Sophie added, watching the dragon once again try and fail to scramble up the playscape slide, in search of his next insect prey. He made it halfway up, then lost his traction and slid down. “Remember, Arthur needs the Grail medicine or he’ll die and Morgana will take over the kingdom.” She shuddered. “We already had to face her once. I don’t want to do it again.”

  “I, like, really need to hear this whole story someday,” Ashley muttered, grabbing Spike and pulling him off the slide. “Though…maybe it’s best not to know.” She wagged her finger at the dragon before setting him back on the ground. “We go down the slide, Spike. Not up.”

  Stu nodded in agreement. Morgana was bad news. And they didn’t need her changing history all over again. Last time she made a complete scramble of their regular lives—not to mention a world without pepperoni pizza. What if this time there was no more chocolate ice cream? Or video games? Or it somehow sparked a zombie apocalypse? While a dragon would make a super-cool pet (and who said the homeowner association had to know?), he didn’t want to be responsible for flesh-eating zombies on the loose, chasing down chocolate-ice-cream–deprived citizens who had no video-game skills to fall back on in a crisis.

  “So, what’s the plan?” he asked, trying not to laugh as Spike headed straight for the slide again. Ashley groaned and stalked after him.

  Sophie watched the scene play out for a moment, then turned to Stu. “I’ve got it all worked out. I’m going to grab my mom’s spell book and I’m going to teleport you, me, and Spike to Vegas. We’ll go find Merlin at the Excalibur and he’ll hocus-pocus Spike back into a cup.” She beamed. “Easy peasy.”

  Spike burped a ball of fire, so hot it actually melted part of the plastic on the slide, warping it into a weird shape. The dragon grinned and started climbing up the slide again, this time making much better progress.

  “Aww,” Ashley proclaimed. “He’s learning!”

  “To destroy all my earthly posessions? Awesome.” Sophie sighed. She turned back to Stu. “So what do you say? Are you up for a spring break adventure?”

  “Will I have to put on pants?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “You drive a hard bargain,” Stu teased. “But sure. Let’s do it. Let’s save the world—once more, with feeling.”

  “Sweet! Well, then, Ashley, you’re off the hook,” Sophie informed her almost stepsister, smiling for the first time.

  Ashley didn’t smile back. “Um, great,” she said instead, in a way that sounded anything but great. Stu caught her giving the dragon a weird look. Uh-oh.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  “Yeah,” Sophie added. “I thought you’d be happy! I mean, now you can glitter overpriced produce to your heart’s content!”

  “Sure. It’s just…” Ashley shuffled from foot to foot. “Remember I was going to go to that craft store in Vegas and stuff?”

  “Yeah, but that was when you thought you had to come. Spike likes Stu. We don’t need you anymore.”

  Ashley’s face turned stony. “Wow,” she said. “That’s nice.”

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.” Sophie groaned. “I just…you don’t want to come, do you?”

  “Of course not. It’s just…well, you guys don’t know your way around Vegas. What if you got lost?”

  “Uh, we’ll use Google Maps?”

  “Totally unreliable. And no substitute for a real guide.” Ashley lifted her chin. “Look. I’ll just pop over with you, help get you to Merlin, swing by the craft store for glitter, and then we’ll come back. No big deal.”

  Sophie shot Stu an exaspera
ted look. Clearly the last thing she wanted was her future stepsister along for their Camelot Code ride. But what could she do? Ashley was nothing if not persistent once she decided to do something.

  Sophie tried one more time. “I really don’t think—”

  “You’re taking me,” Ashley said, cutting her off. “Or I’ll tell your dad—”

  “It’s okay!” Stu broke in, jumping between the two girls. “Ashley, you can come. Sophie, I’ll come, too. Two dragon whisperers are better than one, right?”

  Sophie looked as if she wanted to claw someone’s eyes out—namely, Ashley’s. But in the end she gave a small shrug. “Fine,” she said. “Let me go hit the bathroom and then we’ll all recite the Camelot Code together.”

  “And make sure you think of Vegas this time,” Ashley scolded. “I do not need to end up in Tahiti or something. Or back in that stinky cave.”

  “Yes, Mom,” Sophie muttered, running into the house, leaving Ashley and Stu alone.

  Ashley stubbed the ground with her toe. “Thanks,” she said, so quietly it took Stu a moment to realize she was talking to him.

  “Um, sure,” he replied, turning his attention back to Spike, who was now contentedly crunching on all the dead bug-like things he’d found at the top of Sophie’s playscape. Stu didn’t want Ashley to get the idea that he liked her coming on this mission any more than Sophie did. After all, this was their thing—his and Sophie’s. In fact, it might be their last thing before he had to move. And he certainly didn’t need any distractions like Ashley Jones to ruin the potential epicness.

  Which reminded him that he still had to tell Sophie his news. And he would, soon, he promised himself. But not now. She was mad enough about Ashley and he didn’t want to make her even more upset. Not when they had a Camelot Code mission at long last.

  He walked over to the ladder to retrieve the dragon. No. He’d keep silent for now. Not risk messing this up. He’d go to Vegas, find Merlin, turn Spike back into the Grail, and get him to Arthur in time to cure his sickness and stay on the right side of history. Once that was all done, then he could fill her in on the move.

  After all, this might be his last mission. He was determined to make it awesome.

  “Well, that’s that, I suppose,” Emrys declared after he and Nimue had seen the Companions and the dragon off on their mission to find his master. He surveyed the ransacked cave, still a shambles from Morgana’s men, and sighed. “I suppose I should start to clean up. I don’t know when Merlin will return, and he will not be pleased to find such a mess. Not that it was all that clean to begin with, mind you. He’s a terrible housekeeper.” He paused, considering. “Cave keeper? In any case, now it looks positively—”

  “Oh no you don’t.”

  Surprised at the interruption, he turned back to the mouth of the cave. Nimue stood there, her slim figure silhouetted by the rising sun behind her. She crossed her arms over her chest.

  “I beg your pardon?” Emrys stammered. What did she want now?

  “You can clean later. First you are escorting me to King Arthur’s court.”

  “What? And why would I do that?”

  She took a step into the cave. “Because I can’t go alone,” she explained. “Do you know how dangerous it is for a young girl to walk the king’s roads by herself? Morgana’s men are still looking for me. Along with all sorts of bandits and cutthroats who wander the paths, willing to maim and murder for a few copper coins.”

  “All the more reason for me to stay here,” he declared, plopping down on a nearby chair. He didn’t mean to be rude, but this was not his fight. He was Merlin’s apprentice. And as Merlin’s apprentice, he needed to serve Merlin. Which meant staying here, taking care of Merlin’s cave until the magician got back.

  Nimue scowled. “Coward,” she spit out. “You’re the reason we’re in this situation to begin with. And yet you will not help?”

  “Me?” He jerked up in his chair. “I was minding my own business, I’ll have you know.” He pointed in her direction. “You are the one who burst into the cave uninvited, demanding all sorts of magic.”

  “Only because you said you knew magic!”

  “I do know magic!”

  “Your magic turned the Holy Grail into a dragon!”

  “Aye,” he agreed, puffing out his chest. “And if it hadn’t? Your precious cup would be in the hands of Morgana’s men right now. And you would likely be dead. Which, I might add, makes me the hero of this story.” He smiled sweetly at her. “So perhaps a little more gratitude is in order?”

  Nimue sighed, stepping farther into the cave. “Fine,” she said. “Have it your way.” She grabbed a wooden chair off the floor and righted it. Then she sat down and stretched her arms over her head. Emrys watched her warily.

  “What are you doing?” he asked.

  “Making myself comfortable,” she said matter-of-factly. “I don’t suppose you have any tea?”

  “Tea? But I thought you had to get to King Arthur’s court.”

  “I do. Badly. But I can’t very well go alone. So I suppose that leaves me stuck here.” She let out a loud yawn. “Some cake would be lovely as well. It’s been quite the day!”

  Emrys raked a hand through his hair, exasperation rising inside him. “You can’t stay here.”

  “Whyever not? There is plenty of room.”

  “Merlin wouldn’t like it.”

  “Interesting that you would know Merlin’s likes, considering you’ve only known him for three days,” she observed calmly. “Much of which he’s been in Lost Vegas.”

  That was it! Emrys rose to his feet, so fast he almost knocked his chair backward. “Can’t you find someone else to take you to Arthur’s court?” he demanded. “Your precious sisters, perhaps? A random stranger? Someone who doesn’t think you’re the most bothersome girl in the world?”

  Nimue’s smile fell. She stared at him for a moment, with a look of dismay, then dropped her gaze, staring down at her hands. A lone tear slid down her cheek. Emrys squeezed his eyes shut in exasperation. He hadn’t meant it to come out like that. So harsh. And he certainly hadn’t meant to make her cry.

  “Look,” he said, softening his voice. “I didn’t mean—”

  “They attacked our caravan,” she interrupted. Her eyes stared down at her lap as if her gaze were holding the very world in place. “They killed my sisters. Morgana’s men, I mean. Slaughtered them in cold blood.” She looked up, staring into the distance, tears leaking from her brown eyes and splashing onto her hands. “There was so much blood,” she added in a slow, dead voice. “So much screaming. My ears still ring with the sounds.”

  Emrys winced. “I’m sorry.”

  Her gaze snapped in his direction. “No. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I don’t have anyone else to help me. That I’m trapped here, all by myself, throwing myself at your mercy. Everyone I have ever loved, whoever cared for me, is likely dead. And if I walk out of this cave now, I shall certainly meet a similar fate.”

  Emrys stared at her, horrified. He tried to imagine what it must have been like. To have your whole family struck down before your eyes. He thought of his own mother and his brothers and even his father. Imagined knowing he could never see them again. That he could never go home—because there was no home left.

  Nimue gave him a hard look. “Long ago the druids of Avalon made a solemn vow,” she said. “To guard the Holy Grail. And now I am the only one left to keep that vow.” She cleared her throat, rising to her feet. Squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. “Arthur must be told the Grail is on its way. That he should hold on as best he can and guard against the approach of Morgana and her men. For if he does not, they will succeed in usurping his kingdom. Undoing all the good he has done.”

  Emrys watched as she stalked back to the entrance of the cave. When she reached it, she turned back to face him. “I apologize for putting you out,” she said stiffly. “I will be leaving now. Do wish me luck that I am able to reach Camelot alive. If not for my own sake,
for the sake of the world.”

  She turned to go, but before he realized what he was doing, Emrys ran after her. “Wait,” he said.

  She held her chin up as she gazed at him. He sighed. “Let me just go grab some supplies,” he told her. “It’s a long journey. We’ll need water. Some of that cake you mentioned, too. And, of course, Merlin’s spell pad—in case we run into any danger.”

  He thought he saw a flash of hope in her eyes. “You are coming with me?”

  “I suppose I am.” He gave her an apologetic shrug.

  A smile broke across her face, so wide and beaming it practically lit up the cave with its brilliance. “Oh, thank you!” she cried, throwing her arms around him in a boisterous hug. “Thank you so much! You don’t know what this means!”

  He grunted, patting her awkwardly on the back before working to untangle himself from her enthusiastic embrace. “Just don’t expect me to turn into some big, brave knight in shining armor to protect you,” he warned. “I’m shorter than you are.”

  “But you have magic.”

  “Oh yes. Because that worked so well the last time.”

  Something flickered at her jaw. “Just don’t turn me into a chicken and it will all be fine.”

  “I promise nothing,” he replied solemnly. Then he smiled. “But for you I will try.”

  Emrys grabbed a few things from the back room and stuffed them into a burlap sack. When he reached Merlin’s private chamber, he grabbed the spell pad off the table. He felt a bit guilty pilfering it like that—after all, he wasn’t even supposed to be looking at it, never mind stealing it. But he knew Merlin would understand, considering the circumstances. They were on a very important quest, after all.

  He glanced back into the main cavern, where Nimue was waiting, a slow excitement beginning to build inside him. An important quest. He, young Emrys, was about to embark on an important quest. He’d never been big enough to be the knight he’d imagined himself becoming as a child. And he hadn’t yet mastered enough magic to call himself an actual wizard. And yet, somehow, here he was. Serving as protector to a beautiful girl. Escorting her safely across a dangerous land. So they could save the king—and the kingdom. Just like in his mother’s stories.